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Date: October 10, 2022
AmateurPub
Based on your post history, you're in an abusive relationship. He manipulates you. He yells at you. He's cheating on you, at least emotionally. He coerced you into moving which resulted in isolating you. You need to leave him, which I think you already knew. Its hot and maybe scary; do it anyways. Things will not get better unless you decide to make a change.
Again, that's a conversation you need to have when you're not hot in bed together. You're crossing a line that was placed prior to all your hormones getting in the way. If you want to have sex, discuss that when you're not already in bed together.
That said, she's not handling this well. She absolutely has an argument for lack of consent, but she made some poor choices and I believe she's lying about being asleep.
Your girlfriend has some issues she needs to work through that have nothing to do with you protecting your home and selves. As someone whos been in an abusive relationship in the past, my husband protecting us from an intruder would be the last thing to trigger those feelings. And I sure as fuck hope he would protect us in that situation. Unless he exhibited any aggressive behavior towards me, there’s no reason why it should trigger and feelings if I’ve dealt with it, which comes to my next point…
She’s not wrong for having a reaction here of course after dealing with such a trauma as abuse. I worry more that this is an indication of the unresolved issues she needs to get help for because this reaction could indicate PTSD. Your girlfriend needs help and this is in no way your fault in any way. I don’t even think she should have gotten into a relationship until those issues were dealt with in the first place but that’s irrelevant now. Unless she’s wiling to go get help for this to deal with the underlying issue, you’re kinda shit out of luck regardless of you having anything to do with that.
I’m a woman. I’ve been there. Many of us have. When your in love you wear rose coloured glasses. Often the realisations only set it when your articulating the situation to your friends (or reddit!). You might reflect and think you haven’t really been truthful to your friends/family about the situation. I’ve been married for over a decade. Let me tell you: the first year is supposed to be roses, not repetitive arguments and def not repetitive arguments over the same thing. It’s the honeymoon. If there are substantive issues in that time period it only ever gets worse. Also: after a year you don’t know someone well enough to move in.
He is insulting you – YOU’RE emotional because your a girl. He is a logical and intellectual man who is so graciously going to try to learn how to “deal” with you, a mere emotional girl. If he doesn’t have basic empathy and communication/relationship skills at his age it’s unlikely to get better in the next year.
He treats you well but describes you as emotional – bc your a girl. He is touchy/feels on you because he gets sex babe. Men are often handsy even if they don’t really like the girl. I’m not saying he doesn’t like/love you. But this is what it’s like to be loved by him. Is this good enough for you? Is that how you want to live ? Once you live! together there is no break, no few days to cool off. Your constantly together. It’s only for when you have a super solid relationship. You don’t have to break up (but I 100% think you should because that much work 1 year in is ridiculous) but you cannot move in with this man. The relationship is not ready and honestly his assholery is likley to escalate and you will be trapped in a lease.
Tell him you are not his mother and if he want's to continue this relationship you need to be treated like a partner.
Suburb close to the city or like a smallish town?
I would let it go. What more closure do you need?
As someone who was once in an abusive relationship, getting revenge isn't going to make you feel as good as you think it is. It'll just make himself feel like the victim. The best way to break up with him is to do it in the most respectful way possible. Be the bigger person, he may not deserve it, but in the end you'll be glad you did.