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Leiya, 21 y.o.
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Date: October 17, 2022
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you want to abandon and cut ties with your child because he’s in an open marriage or because his wife cheated on him? this post is wildly confusing. I don’t see why his marital problems are cause for disowning him
See a lawyer get child support and alimony until you get on your feet..the county has programs that supply lawyers for free say nothing to him..
If you are orgasming that quickly, it sounds like you aren't doing much to make sure SHE orgasms too. Make her come first, then you. Concentrate on her. If you want to last longer, there are condom-like sleeve things (don't know what they are called) that can lessen the sensation of the penis so you don't come as fast. You can also masturbate ahead of time, or have your first orgasm outside her vagina. But really, start pleasing her. If you are scared of pregnancy (and you should be!) worry more about effective birth control. The 'order' of your orgasms doesn't have anything to do with likelihood. There are many forms of birth control – pick some and use it/them correctly and religiously.
You don't know if he has met up with anyone. He took the first step to cheating. I'm pretty sure he has already gone out to cheat. I'm sorry.
I think talk to your friend first.
But this could blow up in your face because it’s your word against hers. So hopefully your friend has a level head and won’t get mad at you since you really did nothing wrong.
So I suppose truly think carefully what you want to do, and just don’t ever set yourself up to be alone with her. And if you try to do that and she lies and she’s alone, then just walk away right then and there.
If you are not comfortable speaking directly with her you could always say something to your instructor.
Sounds like she wants to be more adventurous than domestic travel. You’re both so young to be so settled in, and especially considering you’ve been together since being teenagers. I wouldn’t chalk this one up to TikTok as much as boredom.
Dump her. Marriages take work to be successful and if she can’t even work to stay faithful before you’re even married then who’s to say she won’t do it again further down the track. And you’ll always have some trust issues in the back of your mind moving forward.
At this point she lost all respect for you buddy, sorry. No matter how naive, there's no way Ben said that and she didn't understood why he doesn't want you to be included.
Probably a “loyalty check” on her end.
This is the type of guy who would find a single grey hair on her, and a week later tell her she's let herself go and he's no longer sexually attracted to her, he fell out of love a long time ago, and leave her for his 22 year old coworker when he's 50.
Read the update before you jump down my throat
She seems really bad for your mental well-being. You’ve sort of given her too much power in the relationship by constantly apologizing for everything even when you shouldn’t. It sounds like you’d be happier without her, to me.
Not directly, sure. He's not coming out and saying “this is your fault”.
But he's saying that his mental state is a direct result of the relationship with you, and that he thinks his mental state will improve when you are no longer part of the picture. That's basically saying you caused his current spiral.
Did he start listening to Andrew Taint
So, my sister was also in an abusive relationship with a man in his 40s when she was 22. That relationship lasted until she was 25. In fact, a lot if relationships with older men and women in their early 20s last until the age of, you guessed it, 25. Around 25 is when the brain finishes growing the frontal lobe, the area of the brain that regulates emotions and reasoning. The reason older men choose women under this age is to guide their values, or, control or groom them. You aren't suddenly going crazy, you've finally became a full adult who outgrew your emotionally immature husband.
I agree. I went through the fire academy at 36 and considered myself very fit at the time. The only people who didn't make it were two middle-aged women who just didn't have the strength. Drawing from this experience, I have made it clear to her that she needs to start running and strength training.
Hi OP. There’s a lot of people saying this might be your only chance to have a child, and that might be true, but it might not be too. My sister has pretty bad PCOS and endometriosis, and has a 15 year old, a 12 year old and a 3 year old! They wanted to start her on fertility treatments when she was diagnosed, but she got pregnant naturally a few months in. If you go ahead and terminate, I just think you need to have a real think about whether you actually do want kids. If the answer’s yes, that’s ok! You have plenty of time, and hopefully your husband will have those difficult conversations with you. Your views are just as valid as his. (My husband and I are child free, so I have no dogs in this race!)
“But…I can change him”
Sorry for a non-native language I guess, but if talking not only about sex but just seeing other females. You personally think that instead of following any desires it’s better to stay strong, lonely and dedicated?
Actually since he hasn’t been chasing, I doubt he’ll start
Let your fiance lead and tell him you'll respect his decision. Pushing him will just create more stress (for you both), you could say you think x is appropriate. I do think legal will be very hot as he had the access, I think trying to get the money back via negotiation then going lc/nc would be reasonable.
He needs to realize sex shouldn't mean love. There's other ways to be intimate with someone and connect without having to take off your clothes. I wonder if you guys could have more quality time where sex is off the table for that day/activity?
I can't begin to wrap my head around playing something with no point or goal.
Your post is great I just wanted to reply to point out you actually DO understand the appeal of games like minecraft. You just hit the nail on the head.
I stole everything that wasn't nailed down in Skyrim and ended up having one room of one of my houses filled entirely with stolen forks for no reason other than the fact that I could
I'm guessing most people would say you are a very empathetic/sympathetic person? We're the ones who make excuses for other people's shitty behaviour and think it's on us to be more understanding… Unfortunately empathy sometimes backfires and we get mistreated by the very people we want to help. The thing is, there's plenty of people out there who have had horrific life experiences and come out the other side able to show kindness and understanding towards others instead of letting themselves mistreat others. When you look at it from outside, what was the point of him bringing you here for a better life if he then turns around and makes your life miserable? Who we are is a choice, it doesn't matter what kind of past we have.
It is absolutely not “playing the victim” to simply be honest about the way a person treats you or behaves in general. I would suggest looking up some info about Narcissistic Personality Disorder and see if it fits. I'm not into armchair diagnosis but this is something I've had a lot of exposure to. It is especially common in the “Boomer generation” for various reasons. If NPD does fit, I will say, it can be very strange but also liberating to see just how much of his personality is all set out in writing by people who haven't even met him…. It is also very freeing to realise that this is absolutely not about you, it's him, and there is nothing you can do to create different outcomes. Your therapist is right, the best course forward for your own well being is to avoid confrontation with him and reduce contact as much as you can. There is no point arguing with him because in his mind he will always be right no matter what you say. I know it sucks to not get the kind of support you deserve from a parent, but it's time to look to other sources for the support you need.
How big is the spot ? Is it a two bedroom?
You’re boring and sad
Don’t confront her until you have everything in place OP. You know and she doesn’t know that you know. Knowledge is power. Use it wisely. The very moment that you confront everything will spiral out of control.
DNA test for the baby is an obvious. Informing the boss’s wife ? Definitely on the cards. Informing HR. Gotta be in there. But most of all. How do you physically extract yourself and ALL of your shit out of this situation. Take your time. Plan and prepare carefully. Your day is coming. And the best thing about all of the waiting is that every single time that she barefaced lies to you. You will know it and like her less and less. Good luck.
Making out. No shagging.
Why the hell were you 25 and friends with a 15 year old?? That’s wack as fuck. That’s not okay. Even if it’s not romantic. You got yourself into a really weird and messy situation
u seriously lucked out
Tell your friend. I believe or have a feeling there is some emotional trauma holes the sister is trying to fill more than anything else. The forward propositioning is very immature and reminds me of what children think seduction and sexual freedom looks like.
Why isn’t your husband handling this? Do not give her a gift. She will just throw it out because she doesn’t like you. Time for them all to be cut off.
Nope.
Same here!
You’re right. I’m going to talk to him about either fast forwarding through the scenes, or picking another show. I’m just worried about it turning into a whole situation, based on past experiences. Like I don’t want him to get his feelings hurt, or even worse, get annoyed with me because he finished my favorite show.
they are into illegal activities and they aren’t friends at all, just business partners
That was where my thoughts lay on this. Drug dealing maybe?
That is from OPs perspective. I agree there is something missing from the story.
Don't be with someone who tries to hinder your health and well-being.
“Outgoing wife” LOL.
its not his business what you do or who you have sex with when you werent together. he needs to accept it or you need t rethink this.
women (and i'm sure men also) do it to make you jealous and keep you in line. it's also shit testing. comply, put up with it or you're in the doghouse.
this is why i'm done with relationships after my ex broke up with me in november. just not the worth the shit and the drama
Huh. I think keeping your own place is a better idea. This just seems like it would hurt the relationship more than help it.
Would you watch them while they were shitting and showering or would you go in after to check? Sounds like he was watching her?
You got in to her dad's face because someone told you something that might not be true? Ever thought that that dude was messing with you or has a thing for your ex?
Knowing balkans you are lucky you didn't get your ass kicked.
That's an unstable reaction. And I don't think it's about breakfast.
I also doubt he'd be better off without you. Sounds like you have two kids with a third on the way? Between alimony and child support… ya… don't know why he would possibly make a veiled reference to divorce.
I totally learned to use my hair in sex from a romance novel. To just let it drag down and then up his chest as I went in for…the BJ.
It is a crowdpleaser, that move.
He’s 15 yrs older than you. He’s using you bc you’re easy to manipulate. Listen to your parents. This guy is a creep.
I can understand her gut reaction honestly. Objectively it’s a shitty situation and you were thinking about possible solutions but it’s not a surprise that she’s hurt that divorce was brought up, even under these circumstances.
You crossed a line when you told her she was projecting, you basically told her her feelings aren’t valid and that was a dick move.
We don't know what the SIL perspective is in this. Beyond civility when you are around each other, no one owes OP a relationship.
Maybe the reason SIP ended it was kinda shitty, but people are allowed to end relationships for any reason, even when they hurt others feelings. What are you going to do? Force her to be your friend?
Can you? With a mindset that thinks it's 'weird' to be a fan, while being a fan themselves – a fan of a game kids play? It's your attitude toward it that seems weird to me. “This thing is ok to like, but that other thing is not”.
Depends how much it bugs you.
If it bugs you a little now, it's going to bug you a whole lot after 10, 20, 50 years of it.
If you have the capacity to let it slide and everything else is good, have at it.
Yeah she’s a very upfront and honest person. If they wanted me out, they’d tell me to leave.
Yeah thanks. About tht…I'm not the one who wants to end it. He does. He wants to sacrifice whole relationship for any small thing tht ever happens. U clearly don't understand my perspective. Imagine pouring your heart to somebody and get Ai made poem. U lack whole of the context cause we both believe in art. This is not something we expect from each other. The problem here is not being authentic n taking the credit of writing the poem by himself. Like I said I wouldn't be hurt if he told he got it from chatgt. I wouldn't. He hide tht from me. Imagine crying(out of happiness) and just to know it's fake.
The article said they owned the dogs for 8 years without incident. I'm not a superfan of dogs but it's cruel to call these parents “moronic” that's the case. The mom was literally mauled trying to save her children.
You’re both being terrible. He’s sending mixed signals cuz he’s a douche who wants a girlfriend and a side chick. Are you happy being the other woman? And a homewrecker? What are you even thinking? He has a pregnant girlfriend and he’s a cheater. Stop sleeping with him and move out. This whole thing is a disaster waiting to happen.
Totally something I’d do. Don’t even worry about it lol, nothing personal.
thank you do incredibly much for this response! i really needed to hear this.
i wouldnt tell him about my worries and anxiety and whatnot because that would be incredibly selfish of me to do! he needs space and i understand and get that- i want to give him what he needs. i just wish he would’ve communicated this in a clear way- that’s mainly where my frustration stems from
I think you might have misread them (I know I did) to quote her: “I’ve decided to not meet up with him anyway”
Exactly. I 100% understand the pressure of that (currently on a working holiday visa Yr 2 in Australia and working on staying here permanently) but she’s not only putting an unfair amount of pressure on him, she is opening up herself to matching with a guy who may or may not be abusive and controlling (not saying OP is but she’s not giving enough time to see if there is any red flags).
Went through something similar with my wife recently. I considered it a vacation week and booked myself an extended stay hotel room. Got to enjoy the hard tub, the pool, gaming, watching my stuff on TV that she wasn’t a fan of, etc. We still talked every day but it was some nice apart time where I didn’t have to deal with in-laws and she didn’t feel like things were invading my privacy.
Be his huckleberry and give him what he wants. Beat his fucking ass and all that is his will be yours.
He’s insecure, people get weird when others take steps to better their lives. Talk to him, if you can.
Ngl, when she said he started naming his drinks i thought ooh they sound perfect for each other. “Honey, don't drink Clive, Gerald, or Owen.” BF pulled a Neo by ghosting. Dodged hella bullets.
I think that's exactly what she did because she immediately stopped most sex after getting married. He shouldn't be fufilling her if all she does is take, take, take. She doesn't care about his wants and needs, only hers.
You could have set boundaries a long time ago instead of being nice to a girlfriend that doesn't have your back on this. Set your foot down and refuse to visit her dad. If your girlfriend can't accept that, well, you were already thinking of leaving. Personally I suspect she will accept it because sounds like she's been conditioned to forgive bad behavior. Not that your behavior would be bad, you're just shielding yourself from a verbally abusive narcissist. Sometimes people can still love each other without getting on with the in-laws.
Honestly he sounds incredibly immature and he’s acting like an asshole. He seems to be put off by the fact you are on your period probably because he is ignorant about female anatomy and maybe he hasn’t grown up around women that are open about that kind of thing. At the end of the day he needs to understand that this is something you will go through every month for the majority of your life so you could try having a conversation with him to educate him about periods and also tell him how he made you feel. Hopefully then he might be a little more understanding, however if it were me I know that would be a bit of a dealbreaker for me, I wouldn’t want someone that makes me feel shit about myself when I’m feeling my worst every month.
Exactly it’s just an issue between us. Well me, my wife and her. I have no issue with her wanting to make her own friends lol. That’s not the problem, the problem is her having some kind of issue with us. Hence the reason I have no interest in wanting to be around her. I used to care but I just don’t anymore so that’s why I’m ready to put it on the line and make it obvious to her too that she’s not welcome around us anymore
I do put water for them when I see they don't have. My point is he but this burden on me that he did not discuss with me and I'm tired of having the stress of taking care of them when he fails to do so.
So… You're his work week?
In the end it's the rapist's child. The victim can probably push for no contact due to trauma tho
But he isn’t even a student, if he were he’d mention it. And just because they are didn’t mean they’d vibe with 21 year olds who are in the childless, carefree parting stage in their lives.
I recommended it because I have issues with noise in my house and white noise machines aren't loud enough to do anything. An air purifier is…
I recommended it because I have issues with noise in my house and white noise machines aren't loud enough to do anything. An air purifier is…
i totally agree! i can tell he isn’t feeling well, he on the other hand just doesn’t like taking much about his feelings so i’m trying to find ways to help.
Why does he not have a job and want to support you? What stops him from leaving the room all day?
You said you'd been together since you were teenagers. You go through a lot of growth in your teens to your 30s. It's normal for people to be different and have different goals compared to when they were much younger.
It sounds like you've grown apart and it's nothing personal. You're just different people to who you were. Sometimes relationships end because you're no longer on the same path or you've outgrown eachother.
It sounds like that's what happened.
Yes, I think your correct. The big thing is my hours are weird, I work for 8-10 and then 5pm to 11pm, so she will be working while I am off, but with that being said maybe I’m closing myself off to trying new possibilities on making it work.
He's hoping to eventually wear you down and agree to non-monogamy.
If that's not what you want, then tell him that you are a monogamous person and you will no longer entertain that discussion and no longer want to hear those suggestions, joking or not.
If he continues to push over that boundary, then you probably need to leave him.
Has this ever happened to u?
Maybe you said enough. You shouldn’t think that reaching out is a mistake just because it’s awkward.
TBH there isn't really a short answer to this. I've talked about it with one of my friends for hours on end and even now I can't really say for certainty what it is.
I don't think its love. I think the closest emotion I can tag it with is fear. Fear of being alone, Fear of losing what I know, Fear of having to start over. I have a grand total of 3 friends, one of which is him. My 2nd friend and I don't get chances to talk often because she and I both have super busy schedules that rarely align. My 3rd friend will go out of his way to talk to me or hang out with me, but he's going to boot camp for the military in 3 days and so I won't be able to talk to him very much soon. So, if I go through with breaking up, I will essentially have no one.
Additionally, the entirety of this relationship has been a bit of a rollercoaster, so there are quite a few days where my heart is just riding a spark of hope for whenever the next “high” will be.
A+ Response
People in “committed relationships” use social media all the time, often even to communicate with opposite gender friends. It's often difficult (and potentially dangerous) to deny a guy your SM deets when you're a woman being confronted in public. It's usually easier, and safer, to just give over the information then block them later. There's no need to tell your boyfriend about this unless this guy tracks you down at the gym and has a go at you. That's when you report it to the gym management and mention it to your boyfriend (because at that point he'd need to take measures to enhance his own personal safety). Unfortunately you can never know who's just shooting his shot and who might become a volatile stalker.
Maybe, but you are not in a relationship with them. It's not what they say or do that matter, it's the fact that your boyfriend is at best not defending you/listening or at worst give them the information that lead them to say or do those things.
And then you have the much more clearer issue of his hometown. It's not his friend that forced him to lie to you so you would go out with him even if he had never any intention to living in your city. It's not his friends that make you feel guilty and breaking your boundary to go live in his hometown.
Are you certain that she wants a relationship with you? What about the next time you disagree with her – are you going to throw another nuke to punish her for hurting your feelings?
I hope she leaves you
Telling her it bothers you is very different than making it a boundary she mustn’t cross (you’re testing her!) and imagining problems that don’t exist.
Telling her it bothers you is very different than making it a boundary she mustn’t cross (you’re testing her!) and imagining problems that don’t exist.
Telling her it bothers you is very different than making it a boundary she mustn’t cross (you’re testing her!) and imagining problems that don’t exist.
I literally just asked if I should tell them. I’ve been dating other guys. I’m not ugly I do not want to be with a cheater. It’s not obsessive. They asked me to tell them and I decided to and now I’m back to my on-line dating. Doesn’t take much energy.
Maybe I’ll fuck him again out of spite if I’m so obsessed
That just means they both fucked up, but it doesn't make his situation any more his fault. Not every bad situation has to have a villain.
Just completely remove yourself from his space/ life suddenly and say that you're with someone else now when he texts you. Trust me, it'll pack the most punch rather than fighting/ planning something. You want it to look like you don't give a fuck about him, it's gotta be effortless. I hope you take some time to heal, sounds like you've been in an emotionally abusive relationship, take some time to realize how to not let this happen again. Break up with someone who treats you poorly in the future
This is where I am stuck. Because I understand that being hurt or in a bad situation can lead to a lack of morals, but I feel like it’s being over reached and used almost as an excuse. I’ve talked to her about it and she says that she has the same morals as me now and that she’s grown but some of this stuff happened very recently and it just dosnt seem like she values it as much as i do
Beans?
There's really only one response to this post…
Congratulations on the new relationship. Enjoy!
He's still on it, but he really got started. He completely stands by me now and I can really talk to him now and he can comfort me instead of shutting down whenever I get sad.
Why don’t you understand his current decision?
He should be able to explain clearly. Whether you agree is entirely different.
He tried to rape you not trick you
Yeah, he didn’t do anything like that. Sorry, I’m not the commenter you were responding to I just thought you misread it mb
He seriously needs to get that looked at.
Not only for your sake but his health.
Yikes bro, stay the fuck away from this person, they sound like a potential serial killer.
Right.
I appreciate you raising this. I think I responded the way I did because of the way OP wrote the post. He led with they’d been having issues, he didn’t say anything about the kisses being unwelcome or uncomfortable, and he didn’t “have time” to communicate with his girlfriend.
But I think this being a freeze response is totally worth considering, and I’m sorry to OP if that’s the situation here.
Ahe edited the post now, so the missing details are now there.
She said she just wants to figure things out. I was patient, but if she still doesn't know where she wants us to be, then I have no choice than to move on. We don't fight about random things, the only thing we've seriously fought about is where our relationship stands.
Why do you feel like you need to say anything?
You voiced how you were feeling, he voiced how he was feeling. You've clearly got some insecurity issues arising, that sound like they're processable by yourself. He's given you 0 reason to doubt his commitment.
What needs to be said – why do you feel like you need to make this situation less awkward? It doesn't sound like it got awkward?
I hope your right
…Are we sure this wasn’t a baby wipe or something??? Don’t let people rub clorox on your crotch, man
Sure, but some people don't mind eating from the same spot. Hell, I've taken a sip from my brother's drink, same with my husband and his sister. It's okay to not be comfortable with that but acting like it's some kind of incestual thing is just weird.
You know what its like to be manipulated by suicide threats. Abusees often continue the cycle. Put yourself in your gf's shoes.
After feeling suicidal, and thankfully getting over that, your first thought should NOT be “why didnt my gf come?” it should be “i need help”
Did you even tell your gf you wanted her to come over to support you? or were u just assuming telling her youre suicidal would have her come running? if so, thats manipulation
You know what its like to be manipulated by suicide threats. Abusees often continue the cycle. Put yourself in your gf's shoes.
After feeling suicidal, and thankfully getting over that, your first thought should NOT be “why didnt my gf come?” it should be “i need help”
Did you even tell your gf you wanted her to come over to support you? or were u just assuming telling her youre suicidal would have her come running? if so, thats manipulation