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Layla, 22 y.o.
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Date: October 21, 2022
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I once met a guy after a year of being single. Everything happened so fast.
ILY were exchanged in the first month, every night was spent together, we became financially dependent on each other within months.
The relationship didn’t last. I think we put everything into turbo mode and didn’t bother to take things slow. When we broke up there was a big explosion between the two of us.
Do I regret this relationship? No. I learned a lot about myself and my dating expectations. I think we both grew as people separately from each other.
I think what I’m trying to get at is you need to make sure you’re being true to yourself. It’s great you have a wonderful relationship. However, you’re still healing from trauma and you need to remember to keep yourself in mind. When anyone starts a new relationship I think they want to spend every waking moment together but that doesn’t last forever.
You’re young, about the same age as I was in the first relationship. Everything might feel like it has to happen now but you’ve got time. I’m 30 now with a great partner. We take things slow and we don’t compromise our individuality. He said something once (I think we were talking about shift work) about having our whole lives to spend with each other so it’s not a big deal if we miss a day here or there because we can make it up a different day.
She has some deep religious shame issues, and if she's gonna be a crazy person like this you should probably steer clear.
I gagged upon reading this. GOOD HYGIENE IS NON-NEGOTIABLE!! If any grown man has to be “bribed” into doing basic tasks like washing themselves, wiping their ass, etc. then that is not a grown man at all — that’s a child. You tell your husband you did not marry a child and you refuse to mother him about taking care of himself. Not being clean before sex will lead to UTIs, yeast infections, and a bunch of other unsavory health issues for your body. How dare he try to compromise that due to laziness. This should be a standard that you do not budge on and if he refuses to comply then girl, you need to think long and hot if you want to stay with someone who thinks it’s acceptable to wallow in their own filth after a long work day for the rest of your life. Ew.
Ofc there’s way more to this relationship and the things he’s done for me, but I just don’t know how to cater this problem. I feel like going to a club on my own now just to show him that there are no double standards with me.
I do think it was an unfortunate coincidence and all of them had the type of thought as: she won’t mind if I don’t show up. And yes we have had a big holiday a few days earlier. I live in Brazil, and my birthday is very close to Carnival, which is one of Brazil’s biggest holidays. That’s why I even warned them like a month ago and have reminded them about 2 or 3 types last week. I even asked for the confirmations last Wednesday (which is the last day of these holiday) so I really don’t know whether this can have affected it or not.
you need to let her go 100%. She made a decision and she told it to you.
you guys wanted different things in life, you had boundaries that she couldn’t compromise with. So she ended the relationship.
Break ups are usually not one single thing. They are a combination of lots of small things.
Take your time to grieve the relationship, and get back out there
OP’s wife is using transphobia as an excuse to get her way. She knows op will feel bad and won’t want to be accused or being transphobic.
It’s time to put the baby first
I was okay with all the difficulties I was foreseeing and didn’t matter to me if I had to work two jobs if I had to. I stood up for us in front of everyone and held my point until the very end. I absolutely agree that both people should contribute to the well being of the family. It’s just very hot to accept that someone you love might be able to give you that kind of an ultimatum when you have trusted them with all your being and all you wanted to hear was that yes, there might be hardships but love beats them all.
I mean, I'm obviously going to talk with her all about it again if I bring up an open relationship so maybe just me bringing that up makes her realize how I feel the situation is.
I'd just like to say that I got one of those Jimmy John's caprese pesto sandwiches probably from seeing the ad on this site and that sandwich was the worst fucking sandwich I have ever put in my mouth.
You just have to sit down and discuss it.
It’s healthy to have your own friends, hobbies, and interests and to spend some time doing your own thing. And you shouldn’t have to feel guilty about it. If she doesn’t have her own stuff too and you’re her “only thing”, that’s codependent not healthy.
I’d plan a date night—doesn’t even have to be going out—but something you plan that isn’t just the usual weekday dinner and TV. Like we play cribbage and listen to music and have some drinks on Friday nights.
I’m busy with my hobby a lot (horses) and my partner leaves town at least once a month on the weekend to do his hobby. But Friday’s are usually ours.
I think some people have a twisted sense of normal when it comes to being partnered and living together. If you stop seeing friends and doing your thing, you’ll lose yourself and be resentful.
Make some actual plans with her though. Then she’ll feel like you’re putting in some effort.
Have you read OP's answers? She is the reason this relationship didn't work because she is self centered.