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Laura here, 29 y.o.
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Date: October 26, 2022
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No, I said it correctly. A GIRL. That’s not a woman yet. A 23 year old doesn’t know much of anything. Are you attracting them or are you offering to go on dates and pay for everything. I’m surprised she even slept with you at all but like you said she’s an escort. She sees a $ when she sees you. Don’t hurt your own feelings
That. That. I was stuck on that for a bit like “wait so you were 18 and 29…?l
It's only a matter of time till she cheats on you. Based on what I've read on Reddit alone, the only time a woman brings up open/poly in a monogamous relationship is she she's either got her eyes on a person she wants to have sex with or is already cheating and now wants to lessen her guilt.
I came her to say the same thing. Do you miss her because you are isolated and don’t have hobbies or do you 100% miss her. If so: talk to her about it. I assume that the last 29 years together is safe enough to talk about this
He’s triggered by not being heard (it’s common for people with anxiety, depression, trauma and bpd) unfortunately his coping mechanism is frustration and then anger which makes it very stressful for you both to address when he feels unheard. It also makes it unsafe for you as anger that escalates can become emotionally or physically abusive, and withdrawing can become emotionally abusive. So I’d caution you about staying in this relationship, as what you describe is already unhealthy and nude to fix, even with therapy. And is likely to get worse.
But if you want to try, when you discuss things before you move onto talking about how you feel, make sure to validate him, summarize what he says and ask him if you’ve got it right, and only when he says yes that’s when you can share your perspective. Google six levels of validation in relationships shooting for level six, and how to validate when you disagree. That could help. But also if you validate him but he doesn’t validate you, that’s clearly then a uneven power imbalance and then you should leave. Validating someone who doesn’t reciprocate is just giving them more power to abuse and neglect you.
Sounds to me he doesn't want an expensive wedding ceremony, not necessarily not get married itself. Have you asked him? Did you even get into it at all? Because to me, reading your post it doesn't look like it.
okay, so write one short letter, no longer than a paragraph, that ends with “will you marry me?”
this whole debacle is clearly more for OP to have his grand, “cute” moment and story to tell others than to actually propose to his partner.
I don’t know, I guess it’s not, but the issue is that he’s being a doormat who won’t communicate this to his own mother or sister! And they preach the importance of family constantly and love to act like such a loving family, and he complains to me all the time of their hypocrisy and the man is incapable of letting them know anything’s wrong. I am genuinely livid. I can’t see how he doesn’t see the problem. I’m not close to my family but I would voice this issue or be transparent about it – when he tried (after I repeatedly asked him), he asked her how he can help and didn’t even let on that there’s anything wrong. Is this genuineness and a kind heart, or is this just being a doormat
Not worth it dude. The friends you’ve got are worth more than some insecure potentially abusive girl who thinks she can pinch you to shut you up. Plus it’s not healthy to just ignore your partner if there’s problems. There needs to be communication. Ditch the girl keep the bar and friends
That’s your life, if you think your wife/ GF can communicate, hug, kiss and maybe sleep with other men, that’s not me. Everyone has a right to choose how he wants to online his life
I'd tell her straight out your needs a wants are important, too. Do not continue to financially support someone who clearly doesn't consider you a part of the family beyond money.
She either starts really co-parenting with you by sleep training the baby so you two can have couple time or you're out.
He doesn’t believe in counseling?