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Date: October 25, 2022
AmateurPub
It means just that. They may have other things going on, or they may just prefer to have the freedom to take a later train home.
Especially if they’re not being tested regularly. He mentioned they were tested at the start of the relationship (or they each claimed they were clean – which she may have thought she was if it was dormant and she didn’t actually take a test). It’s quite possible she had it the whole time and he never knew and if both were asymptomatic they would assume they’re still clean until she gets the surprise result from the OB
Her trying to get back with her Ex might be her plan but if think's don't work out she can still have OP as a Plan B.
She showed you she didn't respect you it's best not to waste any more time on her.
From the fact you said many years ago to me sounds like she cheated first so she had this coming to her.
But this whole situation sounds toxic and the relationship needs to end, claim to love her all you want but reading this doesn't sound like love. Do you both the favour and end it. You need to learn self control
Having been dumped all my life I never expect men to stay or actually like me and always assume the worst.
I never say it but maybe it’s just an aura or vibe I give off haha? Is that even possible?
Bruh, yes. Men can sense that shit. I recommend therapy or at least looking into self empowerment podcasts. You need resources that will elevate you and build your confidence before you can even start worrying about dating imo.
I'm ok with paying more than 50% in a relationship but no way I would pay for someone specifically to look a certain way. I dont think it's unreasonable to find a successful woman who looks after herself that also wants the same in return.
Also I'm not looking for someone 110lbs. Even when wife was 130lb, I was ok with it. It was when she let herself go after that and didnt seem interested in my wants or needs even with everything else she is getting from me.
As someone who has struggled with self harming for over a decade, it’s not your responsibility if she does SH and you cannot control it. I understand your worries, but if she self harms because she can’t cope, there’s nothing you can do to help her. She needs professional help. And if she does self harm because of an issue related to your relationship that’s not on you. That’s just what he coping mechanism is, doesn’t mean it’s in any way your fault.
Therapy is the only thing that’s helped me.
Well that's absolute crap. You can't change the past, or your mom. I would write her a letter and unload, and then I would distance myself. I know it's nude in a Hispanic family and you might not want to burn all the bridges but you don't need to do favors for your mom.
BTW, in the letter I would throw as many biblical quotes about hypocrisy and judgment as possible.
You don’t know what to do? You leave and block him. What other option do you think you have that is good for YOU?
Double betrayal is always worse
Your step daughter already loved them
It's only been via email, no other contact. When the first email came about her suicide attempt I asked repeatedly for a phone number but wasn't given one…
I didn't register the age gap because of how old they are now but this comment made me do the math for how old they were when they got together.
Ugh.
Given that she wants you to wear a chastity device, isn't manipulation part of what turns her on? It can be difficult to separate that she would be turned on by having you wear it full time from that she would be turned on by making you wear it full time If you see the difference. If she likes the manipulation aspect it might a bit harder to talk about, but it's important to put it into words so you can discuss it openly.
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So basically, you have to force yourself to do things you hate to do, because you feel humiliated and demeaned, for him to get sexually satisfied? Isn’t that sexual coercion?
“We aren’t abusive” this is abusive. What he said was abusive.
I know, I’m going to encourage them to seek therapy. I just don’t want them to be sad anymore and I don’t know what to do
He really is pressuring you! A month is too soon for I love yous. It sounds like you want to be best friends with him and he wants more. I think you should end this now, it's affecting you terribly and it's just going to get worse.
oh, he cries at any emotional mushiness, so i am well prepared 😛 i wrote him a relatively sweet hannukah card this year and he teared up, so i’m thinking a card/letter is the way to go
he is actually extremely gay LOL so no i don’t think he’s intending on that!
Honestly with all the fentanyl around I'm not snorting anything anymore. Definitely not worth it.
Especially for a pregnancy at 41, there’s health risks for both the mother and baby
Check where she says mom stays to help with kids and housework, because husband doesn't, and wife is the main breadwinner!
Lol. Que the mentally I’ll brigade saying your a terrible person for living in reality.
Also, your sister is bi and her “girlfriend” is a dude.
Well I had a threesome and it went great, should I post about it? ?
But seriously,
OP could've just handled the situation by going “this is making me uncomfortable, we need to stop”.
This is the thing so many people seem to forget or don't realize. Consent is ongoing and you can revoke it at any time. If you're no longer enjoying yourself you owe it to yourself and your partner(s) to speak up! OP's girlfriend likely felt horrible to learn how upset he was through that whole thing. I know I would. It's not fun to find out your partner was miserable and just sucking it up while you were enjoying yourself, when something could have been done about it if they just spoke up.
I mean sure, but why ? Do she want you to cheat on her or something like that ?
Kid has learned how to manipulate her mother. Shut that shit down ASAP. I’d be peacing out, but I have always had a “rule” never to date anyone who has children.
That honestly isn’t crazy low. All you can do is talk to her and see if there’s anything you can do to help her want it more often. Try talking to her about her desire type. Do some research into responsive desire and go from there.
Seriously, basically any woman of any level of attractiveness can go out and get laid almost instantly if she wants to. Doesn't matter if she's 300+lb, it's very, very easy.
He’s also probably lying about that as a manipulation tactic.
I don’t know about other people, I just know he thinks “is wrong to kill unborn babies”. I figure that connects to killing innocent animals too
There being consequences doesn't mean that people can't forgive. Many have forgiven their partners.
Drunk sex is baaaaaad ideas. Someone pukes on someone else and .. well.. that's that.
Sounds like she’s inviting your husband to sleep with her and judging by the response you described, he’s happily receptive to the idea.
Have a chat with him about this and make your feelings firm. Then go have a chat with her and make your feelings firm. Cut her off completely. None of that ‘but she’s my friend’ crap. Friends don’t make eye contact and suck off lollipops in sexual ways to their others friends husbands.
But let me just say that if your husband is receptive to an affair, there’s very little you can do about it. If someone wants to cheat they will. The only thing you can control is your response and what behaviour you’re willing to accept from a spouse.
You need to break up with her because you don't respect her as a person or individual. You see her as your property and see your property as violated by another man.
She deserves–as everyone does–to be with someone who values her for who she is and what she offers in a relationship. Someone with the maturity to recognize that if they are no longer with someone, their fully autonomous ex can sleep with anyone she wants to.
Additionally, since all you've heard is rumors, until you verify it with her, you won't know if it's true or not. Now, if you went looking to see if she screwed this guy, you should really take the rumor with a grain of salt. If a dude asked me if his ex screwed someone while they was on a break and he was acting jealous and possessive? In my experience, guys like you often get your worst fears confirmed. Not because it's true, but because people get sick of being hounded about it.
Your girlfriend is sexualizing the basic hygiene care of a disabled adult. That’s really, really gross.
LEAVE HIM HE DOES NOT CARE ABOUT OR RESPECT YOU PLEASE OH MY GOD
Pro choice isn’t the same thing as ‘I will get an abortion for sure’ and you do a disservice to everyone when you conflate the two. ‘Pro choice’ means you believe women get to choose what happens to their bodies. That’s it. You can’t be ‘pro choice but for other women’ and deciding to carry a pregnancy to teen dies t make you less pro choice. Does OP’s gf think that all women should be forced to give birth if they don’t want to? No? Then she’s pro choice.
So yes divorce him, but since you’re asking for other advice, you probably won’t like this and I’ll probably be downvoted but here goes. Youve allowed him to become the worst version of himself by letting it go this long. Partners help yes, but they do so as partners, they don’t take over and just do it all. They give help and request help in return. And how to do that when things aren’t working is by agreeing on what change is needed, not via force or frustration, but via requests, negotiation, encouragement, support. Google magic relationship ratio as I’m betting that’s not too great right now in your relationship. Change doesn’t happen by someone just agreeing, it takes time and baby steps to build knowledge, interest, and confidence, two steps forward one step back.
The problem is you’re so resentful (understandably) that you’re giving ultimatums, and fear is rarely a good motivator, it disempowers and makes people feel less likely to do something unless it’s severe enough, and It’s not clear if even divorce will motivate him at this point. It’s great you offered to pay for therapy, and he does need to go, but if you want to save your marriage, you both should go together. Try to work on the magic relationship ratio, try holding him accountable, but for baby steps, that are doable, then encourage him to problem solve when he gets stuck, and celebrate and appreciate his successes. He needs to build good habits and the best way to do that is start small and encourage him and help him figure out his own solutions. Are you babying and parenting him if you do this? Yes and you’ll still be doing everything along with this effort to help him. And I wouldn’t recommend this you’re, but you wanted a non divorce option, and this can work, that is if you don’t die of frustration, resentment and being overworked in the process.
And if this is too much, it is, you’ll be more of a mentor than a partner to him, but you’ve been that way already, but just doing things for him, rather than encouraging him to grow.
So yes divorce him, but since you’re asking for other advice, you probably won’t like this and I’ll probably be downvoted but here goes. Youve allowed him to become the worst version of himself by letting it go this long. Partners help yes, but they do so as partners, they don’t take over and just do it all. They give help and request help in return. And how to do that when things aren’t working is by agreeing on what change is needed, not via force or frustration, but via requests, negotiation, encouragement, support. Google magic relationship ratio as I’m betting that’s not too great right now in your relationship. Change doesn’t happen by someone just agreeing, it takes time and baby steps to build knowledge, interest, and confidence, two steps forward one step back.
The problem is you’re so resentful (understandably) that you’re giving ultimatums, and fear is rarely a good motivator, it disempowers and makes people feel less likely to do something unless it’s severe enough, and It’s not clear if even divorce will motivate him at this point. It’s great you offered to pay for therapy, and he does need to go, but if you want to save your marriage, you both should go together. Try to work on the magic relationship ratio, try holding him accountable, but for baby steps, that are doable, then encourage him to problem solve when he gets stuck, and celebrate and appreciate his successes. He needs to build good habits and the best way to do that is start small and encourage him and help him figure out his own solutions. Are you babying and parenting him if you do this? Yes and you’ll still be doing everything along with this effort to help him. And I wouldn’t recommend this you’re, but you wanted a non divorce option, and this can work, that is if you don’t die of frustration, resentment and being overworked in the process.
And if this is too much, it is, you’ll be more of a mentor than a partner to him, but you’ve been that way already, but just doing things for him, rather than encouraging him to grow.
Just let her go. Do you really want to spend your life with someone this crazy?
It’s pretty clear she wishes you treated her like her friend’s boyfriend treats her friend.
Sad that she thinks the only way to validate her life is by posting on social media. Its self centered and shallow. See if you can have an adult conversation about values and come to some compromise. If not, then you'll know you need someone more mature.
Weird, glad it's not just a me problem
I am not saying this is true for OP and their situation, and I truly hope he takes his time and finds a much better future for himself..
but off topic, it made me think…
Is this what abusive partner’s stories look like? We often hear from people on here who are being abused in some way or another. What would the other side of the story look like – I’m so great to her. Everything I do is for her and our future. Her coworkers turned her against me. Her mom and dad were so angry and crying when we talked – maybe that’s because they were so happy she was finally breaking up with you and dad wanted to murder you but couldn’t.
Sorry, I don’t know what’s wrong with me.
I am not saying this is true for OP and their situation, and I truly hope he takes his time and finds a much better future for himself..
but off topic, it made me think…
Is this what abusive partner’s stories look like? We often hear from people on here who are being abused in some way or another. What would the other side of the story look like – I’m so great to her. Everything I do is for her and our future. Her coworkers turned her against me. Her mom and dad were so angry and crying when we talked – maybe that’s because they were so happy she was finally breaking up with you and dad wanted to murder you but couldn’t.
Sorry, I don’t know what’s wrong with me.
We’ll step one is to find out the truth.
Good luck with everything OP. Just know finding the truth doesn’t make the consequences of the truth your fault.
Hopefully it is just something like a grandparent or even more so a great grandparent
L
Bingo. I wouldn’t even give the clown room to make a scene. Inform them that they’re only invited if they are wearing appropriate clothing, and that they’ll be turned away at the door if they don’t. Then tell them “it’s our wedding, you don’t have to agree and you don’t have to attend.” Then hire security. Make it clear to anyone who asks “we don’t want our wedding day to be about that clown. It’s about us. You habitually don’t enforce our boundaries with Bro when we have needed help there, so we hired help. It’s not a big deal. The whole thing can be avoided if Bro wears what he’s supposed to.”
This whole situation is ridiculous. Get a backbone.
I understand that and don't expect him to do that. I just can't really understand the whole “I'm never leaving but I'm not going to engage emotionally thing”.
Divorce him and then I’m sorry you’ll need therapy to help you get though the hell he just put you through
My Dude: it should be over. I'm already over the fact that you responded with this long of a rebuttal. She got you twisted.
It's healthy not to be on each other's socials after a breakup. This way each can post what they like without having to think how it might affect the ex. Conversely, it stops each party from analysing the other's feed and taking everything personally.
Focus on yourself and your own life and circle of friends.
Taking pride in mediocrity
you're entitled to your opinion when it comes to porn.
But she's also entitled to hers
If it's a deal breaker for you simply break up with her instead of trying to make her ashamed and guilt her into changing.
My thoughts exactly. Mediocre people who act like assholes and dunk on others and make everyone else the butt of their jokes to be popular.
bro don’t respond at all she will lead you onto a heartbreak, cut it off now before it gets worse dude. If she couldn’t meet you on Sunday cause of work, then ended up not going to work at all. Then tells you to make plans on Monday for her just to say it’s actually her father’s birthday to avoid you. Don’t waste YOUR time wanting to hangout with someone who doesn’t want to spend their time with you.
It is insulting, it’s an ick, and it’s so frustrating. Like I had tried to get him to come to be with my family so much, yet I’d go to every single one of his family events. It was a struggle to even get him to go to that ONE event. It wasn’t like he didn’t go once, and I broke up with him without talking to him about it either. And OPs bf didn’t either. OPs indifference about sex when it’s obvious he finds it important, honestly is frustrating. I get that to OP, it’s just not as important to them and have a low libido, but OPs dismissive saying “i don’t understand its sex” or the quotations around sex is “important” like it may not be for you, but it was for him.
I would keep my eyes open to the possibility. His excuse makes zero sense..because it's just that. An excuse. If he's talking to another woman, he's going to find a reason to leave. No matter how stupid it sounds.
I have said I don’t like my picture taken
How often?
I think you need to talk about this in person, the next time you hang out with her. Explain to her that you don't want to pressure her about how she chose her bridesmaids, but you had thought you'd be one for a long time. And your insecurities are driving you wild right now, and the worst voice is telling you that she didn't include you because of your size. Don't try texting again, there's way too much to read into over texts.
I don’t think he’d be lying about that part.
Are you in love with her boyfriend?
Stop cooking. Get yourself takeout on the way home. Explain to him that when he is willing to spend 20-30 minutes a day helping you with chores, you will be willing to take up cooking agian. Until that time, he can take care of his own dinner.
It doesn't make it better or worse, uncles are uncles.