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Birth Date: 2004-04-03
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Date: October 9, 2022
Nah I'm gonna do it. If I open up about my issues, it's just gonna scare everyone away so I have to hide them. I have no intention on using them as my therapist.
Sorry just one more question, should i like when they look at me should i look and smile or just ignore them?
And they kinda both expect me to go talk to them
What's convincing you to stay? Forget the HIV, your update about the car is enough to break up with someone!
Why do you believe this is as good as it gets for you? Why do you believe this is what you deserve?
You deserve a soft life full of love and a partner who contributes meaningfully to that, does he?
He might be comfortable, but he's not husband material. Value yourself enough to demand better. A good therapist, solo for you, can help you determine if this relationship truly serves your needs or not.
You don't need him to admit he treated you poorly for you to accept it. He lied to you, multiple times. That's enough.
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I am going to do an edit to show that her friends and ex are all friends but she says that they are just friends but I do not want to seem controlling when I say either don’t talk to your ex or me.
She should be off limits if you're really a friend
Don't get back with her, she has to learn her actions have consequences and plus I would bet 100 bucks she still talks to dude consistently. You move on with support from friends and family and putting yourself out there again. Good luck
Op, if you do go through with marrying this guy. Be sure you and him have talked future. Like does he have any medical issues. Can he afford a care giver if something happens to him and it not only fall on you. This can be hard to deal with when you are young and healthy. It’s even harder when you are older. (I had a life threatening issue at 42 and I’m dealing with elder care with my parents who are in their 80’s now).
If you have all those what if’s worked out. Get married. Go elope to Vegas. It’s a blast. I think if your family was soo concerned about the age gap they should have taken you aside 5 years ago and had a 1:1 talk with you instead of blasting you now. 6 years later.
I would go very lc with my family. It’s your life. Online as you will.
BUT
If you haven’t had that Talk with your guy, family members have tried to talk to you before and you ignored them. Maybe you need to take a step back from getting married and go see a couples counselor and see if your relationship IS healthy.
As a PS. My uncle married my aunt when he was 20ish and she was late 30’s. This was in the 70’s. But they are still going strong. 6 kids (2 adopted) 10 grandkids. A couple of serious health issues. They are still happy and together. Big age gaps can work out.
Good luck.
Let it go – everyone has a past.
If all is good between you both then enjoy it.
Thanks for this. She is currently with a psychotherapist, but doesn’t really want to find psychologist/psychiatrist as she is very reluctant to try drugs and have a diagnose (she doesn’t want a label).
Honestly im not sure does it count at this point. She is getting better for sure, but im not sure how much a therapist can help compare to the other two
No that's not what he admitted to her, he said he used to find the fact that she was confident and outspoken very hot, now he finds it “too masculine” and he needs her to become subservient. This is clearly a case of a man watching all these shit head sexistes that are blowing up right now. Sadly for her, he seems to be on the train.
This is cringe as fuck dude
Fuuuuuuccckkk him. Let him hate himself. He is a fucking liar and piece of shit.
My ex cheated, fortunately didn't give me cancer, and did all the stuff that appeared he'd changed too. He didn't. He just hid it better.
This guy cheated, lied about cheating, lied about protection, lie of omission about her HPV status. Did he really change? Or have his lies changed?
I think that very few cheaters ever change. Real, lasting change is very hot, and they like the easy road.
A person twice your age in a position of authority.
Absolutely predatory.
She's already cheating and thinks if you agree to an open relationship, that it won't be cheating anymore
asked if he’s watching me and waiting for my mistakes.
That's exactly what he is doing. And now he is punishing you (silent treatment) because you caught on and questioned him.
Y'all need counseling, individual counseling. His actions are abusive and you should never do couples counseling with an abuser.
I bet, if you really thought back on your relationship, you'd find other instances of him being over critical, questioning why/how you do things.
Does he even help you with your child? Help around the house? Doesn't sound like it. You are sick and should be resting and healing, doing what needs to be done for baby, that's it. He should be helping around the house and cooking on occasion.
Sir this is a Wendy's
Yes, it's too late. You have responsibilities. So does she. Your family is not helping with their interfering.
The kids are of course the priority. You both sound like neither of you have a clue how to communicate with each other. This is a huge fucking mess.
You need to sleep. Enough of the staying up all night. They have a mother, too. You are working full time trying to provide for them, she HAS to understand you need sleep or you'll lose your job and income.
Look into resources for struggling families. Counselling, help with daycare, whatever you can qualify for. These resources will need to be in place so you can safely separate. Or – learn some skills and get your collective shit together.
You can't do it alone. If she won't help, find other resources. Family court if necessary. You do what you have to for your babies.
I should add that I basically picked the current place, but it was more because he refused to spend time looking up apartments and their availabilities when we were on a short time budget. He'd find some he liked and point them out to me, but wouldn't attempt to find out when we could move in or any other details.
And that first part is something I think I was trying to articulate earlier when we were arguing, so thanks for doing so for me.