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Date: October 17, 2022
AmateurPub
Tell him but understand that it is probably the end of your relationship.
He has agreed to the terms of this relationship. It seems unfortunate if you're describing it accurately, but it is his choice.
Because at 20 you're still a child.
Working things out only works out when there's a plan for working things out. Would you be willing to devote 3 weekends (including all of Saturday and all of Sunday) to your relationship?
Maybe one for him – devoted to all of the rehashing that he wants to do, with you going along with however he wants the two of you to process things.
And one for you, where any complaints about the past are off-limits, and you get to decide (with his input) what a good future weekend might include.
And then one for a couple's retreat – where you check out what's available together, and then go and follow the process that the organizes have developed to help bring couples together.
You are making the right decision. After divorce you can find a woman who wants a romantic relationship only with you. Good for you being firm with your stbxw.
She's abusive and doesn't contribute anything to the relationship. She's a user and you're an enabler. She chose not to grow up and to be lazy as an adult while someone else takes care of her. You chose to enable and baby her so that she doesn't have to face the real world.
You should divorce. Figuring out her living situation is on her. Deciding to be an adult and getting a job is on her. As long as you act as a safety net, she will never do anything. She's going to have to go live with her parents or brother or someone. It doesn't matter where she goes as it isn't your problem.
Also remember that there are plenty of people who become depressed or have anxiety or ADHD or any other variety of mental health conditions who are still able to get a job and have a normal life. In fact, not having a job and being able to just sit at home 24/7 is probably a huge part of the problem.