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?, BiRTHDAY COUNTDOWN: 2 DAYZ!? NEW MEDiA! 99TK
Date: September 26, 2022
AmateurPub
AmateurPub
?, BiRTHDAY COUNTDOWN: 2 DAYZ!? NEW MEDiA! 99TK
Wait until you're in a good state of mind and ask her why.
Everyone deals with death and funerals differently. I've been traumatized by funerals since I was a kid. I refuse to go.
You are not leaving?
Don't go to places this person frequents and don't talk to them? Fairly straightforward
If you're going to try to stick around and save your relationship than I'd suggest getting him into therapy or maybe I've couples therapy for the both of you
This^ plus your other comment about it being equivalent to a man having the “death grip.” That actually puts A LOT into perspective for me because oral doesn't do much for me stimulation wise… I'm a switch but definitely more top, and I always avoid getting oral if I can help it. Idk what it is, just doesn't do much for me. To OP, if its a stimulation issue, get the Hitachi wand and get ready to drown in cum. Your welcome
It sounds like you crack the poos at him a lot.
Ask yourself whether you'd speak to a stranger the same way, and then ask yourself why you think it's ok to treat a loved one worse than you'd treat a stranger.
Have you called the police? His parents/siblings? Friends? His boss/place of work?
Have none of these people seen or heard from him? Did he show up at work? Did he call/text any friends/family? If no one has heard from him and he wasn't at work or called in sick I'd call the police and file a missing person’s report.
She is not over him, when you two are having sex, in her mind it is him not you. She knows what she is doing. Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.
Cool
You didn't handled this best with your wife. She got triggered. She overreacted, but many would, there was legitimate irritant. You concentrated on you been humiliated rather than she been triggered. I'm sure if you've been supportive, let her calm down and suggested to jointly apologies after, she would have taken it better. You moving to couch, okay, you have to get up early, but you still left wife hanging. She is sleepless, abandoned by husband for whom she is making so much effort, are you surprised she snapped?
Also, like others said, you seem to have anxiety issue. Think about effort it takes your wife to deal with it and make sure you appreciate her.
Reset with both, with wife and neighbors, in that order.
Sounds like she wants more attention from you and while it wasn’t necessarily good to look through her phone you did discover something and you’re well within your rights to be concerned. You did admit that you had looked and now she knows but whether or not she explained about the nature of the messaging I’m not sure especially if he’s someone she had a fling with. It’s not just anyone then. So you feeling uncomfortable is understandable. That’s probably more what this is about, who it is. Focus on the fact of her comment to you and try to work on that but on her side she should also do her bit to understand where you’re coming from
Shes gonna do what shes gonna do. I had just gotten to my duty station(which i picked to be closer to her) and she cheated on me a month later. Focus on your career, women will follow.
Does he spend his free time in social media messaging females?
You still have to deal with your own hurt from losing your wife, that’s how I read it. Until then you cannot find a path to true happiness. Seek help brother.
I’m totally assuming by her reaction but she very well could’ve just over reacted
Yeah horny people have low standards sometimes
There really isn’t that much you can do
thank you — I appreciate that
They are pretty spiffy.
i know its said a lot, but i would honestly bet well over a thousand dollars that if the genders were reversed, literally all you’d be talking about would be the age and therefore power difference. Your lack of compassion is because the victim is a man.
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I tried asking her about therapy and stuff. She never got therapy for this because she said that grief counseling (for something else) had not worked. I wish I could do something…It’s heartbreaking.
It just feels weird that she’s keeping the photos with the abuser. I want to at least talk to her to understand her thought process better, but I don’t want to upset her.
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When you say you don’t know how to feel, I think what you mean is that you do know how you feel – you don’t like what she did (so maybe feeling some combination from the following menu: upset, betrayed, angry, disappointed, jealous) – but you aren’t letting yourself feel it. There could be a few reasons for downplaying your feelings: it’s awful having to face strong feelings such as betrayal, maybe you’re used to downplaying your feelings to avoid conflict and keep the peace, maybe you feel confused because your girlfriend is saying it’s not a big deal and you feel compelled to agree.
You don’t need redditors to tell you how to feel, you already know mate.
For what it’s worth, I’d feel angry and betrayed if my SO did that, and I think you do too.
Not in those exact words, no. But that’s clearly what you meant (whether intentional or not).
As a wife who was cheated on but is still married… This is going to take a LONG time to fix. You can't just make it better. You have to understand that your wife will be mad for a while and you gotta let her. She will also probably always keep asking those questions, even though she herself knows deep down that there is no real good answer.
Basically you need to keep continuing to find out what she needs from you and you need to do it without complaint. And give her unregulated access to your phone. Let her read any conversations at any time. let her search through histories photos, anything. She may not want to, but the fact that you give her permission to see ANYTHING she wants at ANY time will help her start to build trust. Also, you're probably going to have to back off of any female friendships for a while. Whether or not you have anything to be guilty of in those friendships, it is just one more reason for her to wonder and mistrust. Do not hang out with any females alone.
These are steps my husband took, and the fact that he was willing to go to such extremes and without any argument or complaint (that part is actually VERY important) showed me that he was 100% invested in making this better.
We have been married 7 years now, that happened in the first few months. And it actually didn't completely stop for a couple years, that's a longer story. BUT, point is, I trust him completely now. He talks to other women it doesn't bother me, I very, very rarely look through his phone, if I ever do it's not because I expect to find anything.
You can fix this, but it takes a lot of work and a lot of understanding that this is going to affect your wife and her confidence in the relationship for a very long time.
Your girlfriend unceremoniosly dumped a sick woman from her own bed. I think you should have walked out and never looked back.
Why did this come about after a year then? Maybe she thought you’d at least introduce her to your folks before unprompted, but you didn’t so she’s rethinking the relationship. Hence why she tried breaking up several times.
Also, what does “ensure both of our safety” mean?
You said you aren't ready to say it yet. Do you think he has picked up on that? He may be unsure if you're ready or not for “love”. He might just be waiting for you.
I’m mad about the way she’s talking to me. Instead of asking : how do you mean with you think the eyes of the guy are looking nice?
Then I would explain to her that this is just an objective view. That , even a guy would think they are looking nice. Of course I told my boyfriend afterwards and he isn’t mad because it’s just an – I think I have to emphasize it again – objective opinion. No flirty comment.
I understand you hated your job, but doing this without consulting her, much less while she's got a newborn… YOUR newborn was terrible. She's rightfully furious with you.
You did the right thing. Never let those other friends use anything of yours. They're not right.
Yes just end it. Don’t torcher her any longer nor your self with stress over it. She wants kids and you don’t. That is life. But be honest with her and let her know that. I was honest with my husband about wanting kids. I told him hey look. I’m not going to wast my time if you don’t plan on giving me kids. That’s what I wanted. A family. He definitely wanted that to so thank goodness for that.
No she hasn’t cheated on me. I’m gonna go talk to her now.
I understand that in a career setting but this is just a job to earn money through school
It seems like she's not getting something here. If someone has deep hurt or trauma about something, it is a bad idea to bring it up in relationship to something like sex. It's just out of the question. It doesn't matter if you don't think she would cheat, don't think she would cheat on you, etc. It's just not kind to bring up in that context.
Of course, even if it HAS damaged your trust that she may think that it's ok to cheat, maybe she needs it explained this other way. Perhaps it would even help her understand why it made you lose some trust.
It can be naked to hear that you hurt someone's feelings when you didn't intend to. I get that, I can even bed guilty of it, but the defensiveness is definitely something she needs to work on. Like seriously trust, this is one of my biggest struggles and it is DIFFICULT, but it's toxic behavior and she needs to be aware that she's doing it. You already know her judgment was not impaired, it sounds like you are not condemning her.
I am a little concerned about the comparisons to the ex. I do wonder if you have spoken about this ex potentially more than most people do in relationships? That's not to blame you, especially if you are processing something, but it may be weighing on her that your past relationship is still weighing this much on you. Especially if you're married. There may be deeper conversations here.
Well, a TL;DR is required to post, so your post is going to be removed unless you include one.
As a nursing student, I find the fact this was the first thing that crossed her mind really strange. I'm happy I get to help people and sometimes that means cleaning their genitals as well. Nothing sexual ever crosses my mind while washing someone and I believe other staff feels the same.
There were plenty of people who told him that his mom was in the wrong for asking him to choose between his parents. There are even people in this thread saying it.
So no, I wouldn’t say he disregarded all the advice he asked for.
I think the best way to phrase it would be to tell him exactly what's on your mind. Maybe ask if he knew about a break, if they messed around before the break even and she just used it as an excuse. You could say something along the lines of “Hey this -your name- -her name- boyfriend. I just wanted to reach out to you and ask you about a specific night at the drive in, during our break..-her name- told me you guys only made out and went no further but my gut is telling me that something more might've happened. So before I make the decision to move on any further with her in my life I need to know if that's the truth and there was nothing more. I would really appreciate it you could tell me what went on that night so I can have a peace of mind and know I'm making the right decision” And if this guy is a man he will tell you the truth instead of lie to you. But if he confirms what your girlfriend said then trust might be a little broken regardless which would be something you would have to work on together. Otherwise your only other option looks like breaking up with her and moving on, the truth will come up eventually.
It is hurtful and I don’t understand it either? It’s this new way of treating one another when a simply excuse wld sufficed. Try getting out and making some friends. Nobody deserves to feel lonely
this whole scene never happened. “so wierd”
Even that is I’ll advised because you attract predators looking for access to kids
If you were here immediately after seeing the pictures, I’d just say let it go and move on. People have pasts. Doesn’t have to mean anything that there’s still pictures.
The problem here is that you’re here after going out of your way to self-sabotage and lying about why. To be honest, if I were him, I’d be reconsidering things, and he might very well be.
In saying that, I’d honestly be completely honest about the situation and lay it all out. See how he responds. It’s certainly better than just being an asshole. If you won’t say anything but you’ll always be wondering, then it’s time to go. As such, you have nothing to lose by talking about it. Good luck.
You boyfriend is dangerous, he doesn't respect consent. Please get out of this relationship NOW, before it gets worse
Jumping on the bus to Updateville!
That's a cop out, you're responsible for your own growth and managing your mental resilience and you're casting yourself as just like him or you go together because you're both nutty which is ridiculous. You don't just settle for bullshit in your life because you haven't yet found a way to deal with dysfunction. Go work on your problems, we've all got them and stay away from things that drag you down
Do I think her lines in the sand are exactly healthy for an adult in a romantic relationship…no not really. Hopefully she is working on that possibly with therapy. But you also crossed those boundaries after she told you she wasn't okay with it and you agreed. So yeah definitely not a good call at all on your part. She's being like this because you disrespected her wishes and broke your agreement.