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KimTeika Public Chat Channel
Date: October 23, 2022
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KimTeika Public Chat Channel
also like i cant really say i want to join them because rhe sushi place is expensive and i dont have the money to pay for myself at all. and i dont really want to ask my bf to pay for me. also i dont personally know that girl or her bf.
“me AND him were already drinking.” What if both of you were drunk? Is he supposed to make a rational decision when he's also drunk, just not blackout?
Plus you already mentioned having tons of drunk sex before so I doubt that if he were drunk as well, he would be able to realize the differences, assuming his story is correct and you seemed to be in the mood back then.
Drinking less in the future would be best.
If she really is a narcissist one word. Run.
As someone who's seen many people in your position – it's very easy to forget it could be medical. So many families, no matter how much you did them the Eegs or Mris or MOCAs, they see their partner or father or mother walking, talking, communicating about complex topics and they think it's still them. You're never the same after TBI.
Get a 2nd opinion (do your own research, find a specialist in that area) and calmly but firmly advocate for repeat testing. Perhaps Neuropsychology as well, they're good for support recommendations (IANAD).
She's not getting it. This is why nepotism is so bad. How do you fire your wife? Do you pay her for tasks performed? It goes back into your household so no loss there.
I like your outlook and boundaries x
If she says that to you imagine what she's saying that you don't hear.
Not totally false in many cases. It sadly shouldn’t be the case, though. My dad became a husband first after marrying my stepmom years ago. It’s because she was the one in his ear every day and I was on the other side of the state. We finally have a relationship again now that they’re divorced. I wouldn’t say that I don’t recommend remarrying again after divorce with kids, though. If he had seen the red flags and picked someone better it would be a totally different story
My fiancé is that same as your partner. I think we really need to come to a compromise with training
Can't. So stop it. I'm not a monster Just looking for advice in this sticky fing situation.
Could you be whiter?
Well at least she is honest about it! I say, go for it.
Yes. He agreed. I stated in the post.
Girl you are a grown ass woman who claims to have her own business but yet you wanna depend on a man to take care of you ? We are in a recession pay for your own shit
I get that the father wishes to be there on Christmas morning to open the presents etc but this is quite disrespectful towards you and tactless on his behalf. Has he no understanding as to how it’s going to be a conflict for you? Your head will be literally… what are they doing, where’s he sleeping etc etc No you need to insist that he arrange with the mother to see his children early on Christmas morning say about 9-10am and be with them then once he arrives. Or less ideal ask for the kids to be filmed opening their presents etc I wish you well Let us know what you decide to do and stay strong ? to your values buddy Have an awesome weekend:)
He’s probably talking to her if she popped up. You can check the symbol by her name to see if messages were exchanged. Regardless, it is clear he is not respecting your boundaries. I think you really need to have a serious talk with him and make it clear that you won’t tolerate this behavior.
Your now ex-bf was very foolish to press the issue. He should've just let it be and keep enjoying your relationship. In something like half a decade, you and him would've gotten married anyway provided your relationship was still in a good place.
I suspect he wanted to tie the knot because he was afraid of losing you at some point. That fear itself made him push you hard enough to make you leave him.
I think you did the right thing. You can't force relationships. You're 20 and he's 27. You two are at different life stages. It is natural for you to want to put off marriage and kids until late 20s/early 30s. Had he not pushed it at all you might have arrived at the same place at the same time. You can't be with a person who tries to force such huge decisions upon their partner while disregarding their input and good advice from everyone. It is more likely than not that you dodged a bullet. It's better to cut your losses sooner than later.
This is so confusing. So Thursday you went somewhere with your mom, and gf stayed home.
Friday nothing happened.
Saturday there was a work event. I’m guessing you work for the same place and attended together? It’s hard to tell from your post. Then she went to a hotel (her hotel room? Her friends hotel room?) to take a nap??
And then you spent the next eight hours repeatedly texting her and calling her.
And on Sunday you were angry that she didn’t rely and she was angry that you kept calling her when she was out with her friend.
You fought, and she made a rule that you have to ask permission to hug and kiss her. Why?
There are so many random bits of info here
Right… because he doesn’t care how you feel. If he did, he would’ve visited you, taken care of you, and been concerned about you. This isn’t something you should have to explain to him.
As many comments say, it sounds like you should call a lawyer, if for no other reason, than to try to have someone intervene for your child’s mental health.
And now I am going to say something many other people aren’t going to like. Children (even adult children) do not understand parents “falling out of love” and the thing they learn from that, is that love is NOT permanent. You don’t love mom anymore, so kids may assume you don’t love them anymore or may one day stop loving them. You have taught him “family” isn’t forever.
You broke up your son’s family and sense of security. Your selfish actions, that kids never understand, cost him his security and happiness. Your son doesn’t care that your love language didn’t match or that you “couldn’t get your ex wife to move her weight around.” Kids are not concerned that your relationship was less fulfilling than you wanted. They want their mom and dad with them. Together. Adults do a lot of justifying of adult emotions and think “kids will understand”….. and then are heartbroken when they don’t. Even into adulthood.
And now more people will comment that kids can sense the tension and it’s better for everybody if the parents separate. The research doesn’t show that. The research is clear that only in cases of physical abuse are there better long term outcomes (education, economic, successful relationships, long term happiness) for children whose parents divorced. Having divorced parents is the single largest factor in predicting whether or not a child will get divorced themselves. This is the legacy you have left your son by pursuing more romantic fulfillment.
So yes, your ex wife is guilty of parental alienation and you should call a lawyer, but the bigger question is how will you help heal the damage that has been done to your sign by both your wife and you.
I’m straight too and genuinely answered a question you asked. Don’t ask shit if you don’t want a response dummy ? peace out.
Or is just for performative purposes, but really don't like to take the brunt of raising full time their child, but want all the perks of fatherhood without the sacrifices.
You betrayed him. Don't do it again. This incident made him reevaluate what he tell you in the future, since he now knows he can't trust you to not go tell other people.
No not a gambler. Just have a lot of expenses rn that outweigh my income. Currently working on a second job.
She’s a student out of state but I pay rent for an apt.
She doesn’t pay rent.
No children. Doesn’t work, is a student.
RUN! FOREST RUN!
Being kept in the dark as such as she did, would lend itself to a question now of actually trusting her. She intentionally didn't tell you, not until you pushed for more info.
Lies of omission are still lies, and still raise the specter of trusting your partner.
Not sure if you get what Im saying, but she clearly wasnt forthright with the info about her fuck buddy being there, that should raise questions, regardless of whether you think something would or would not happen, the fact that she kept his presence from you, could be seen as reason to think something could happen.
This sounds like an issue with how she is not you….she attaches herself to people gets really close then moves on and starts the cycle again….I would just work on moving on.
She'll possibly do the same thing to this new best friend.
I have expectations for her to cook and clean.
Good god, you have 7 kids together….be glad if she manages to cook…. but also clean? Even if she managed, once you get back from work it most likely looks exactly the same.
How much do you help with chores? How much parenting do you do? How much time off does your wife have?
Do the kids have chores too? Have you considered having a cleaner coming in for a deep clean every other week?
It’s not the depression, you’re just a fuckwit.
i thought about it too, she still claims that she didnt think it would hurt me that much and promised to change, i dont know if i over reacted or not
He doesnt support drugs, what is so controlling about that? If thats a deal breaker for you, you know what to do.
Just curious, have you asked your spouse if he has considered that if the man is willing to have an affair with an employee, which is bad for his personal life and for business and soundly unethical, what he might be willing to do that would screw him over?
Personally, I’d be going through the books, etc.
I dunno if you guys like books, but my SO and I have been long distance for 3.5 years and I love to read aloud and he doesn't like to read but likes to listen, so I read to him while he games or paints or just cuddles up in bed. So maybe find a book that both of you want to try and read it together that way!
If you're afraid of the truth, you probably already know it. Good luck!
Sounds like he wants it all on his terms. He's no loss. Enjoy your life and future travels! Life's too short to waste on jerks like that.
He lied, he crossed a boundary, and he knew he did because he felt the need to lie about it
He got a lap dance from a hard woman that wasn't you, and he put his hands on that hard woman.
He lied because he knew you would get mad about it which means he knew it was a boundary, and if it's a boundary, then that means he cheated on you.
You have to decide if you can ever trust him again, and forgive this.
He can use the excuse he didn't want to look bad in front of his friends so he went along with it all, that will be an excuse, because if your in a relationship and monogamous you don't do something to jeopardize that.
I don't mind husband going to stop clubs, but I set a boundary, no touching, no spending money on them, and no lap dances, he can watch but that is it.
He never goes to one without me, even though I said he could. He just don't want to.
Good luck I hope all ends well
1) this is extremely common (it's actually listed as a common side effect on the med insert)
2) the side effects may lessen after a period of adjustment. if it does NOT, then she should, if she wishes, speak to her doctor about a different medication, or a lower dose, etc. because balance is what is really needed.. not making her a robotic zombie
Rules and boundaries should have been set along with a long conversation on what's allowed and what is not. It's not her fault.
Lose 180 pounds quickly by getting rid of this man.
She’s literally leaving you and asking you not to tell anyone so you have no support. Dude, you shouldn’t be talking to us. You should be talking to ALL of your friends and family, and a good divorce lawyer.
I would wait until after Christmas if your partner is the holiday kind. On the other hand it’s gonna eat you up inside and it’s always better to be honest. It’s also really important to let your partner have the opportunity to support you.
You shouldn’t have to go through the holidays like that alone. I’m sure your partner would want nothing more than to support you through this. The two of you can make the most of the time you have left.
I’m sorry that you’re going through this. I’ve spent holidays and birthdays in jail and it can be difficult. It’s important to remember that it’s temporary. They can’t keep you forever. I might suggest you tell your partner and make the most of your time together. Once your locked up you will wish you told your partner and held them a little closer. Good luck. You can get through this.
This is abuse and you need to leave
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Of course; your pleasure in sex is every bit as important as his pleasure. It is not a service you provide for him; service work without pay gets old really fast. You got this.
Not that 46 is old by any means but I’m having a hard time believing a 46 year old wrote this post..
When you say, “he gets crazy literally” what do you mean? Is he intending to harm you or destroy things or harm himself?
When you say, “he gets crazy literally” what do you mean? Is he intending to harm you or destroy things or harm himself?
When you say, “he gets crazy literally” what do you mean? Is he intending to harm you or destroy things or harm himself?
Why would you point out something she can’t change right away… there’s no way to say something like that without being hurtful. It’s not her problem it’s yours clearly
Typical redditors always telling people to go to therapy lol
Or blaming OP for things out of his control
If his female girlfriend has changed her style and looks more like a boy why should OP go to therapy? For what exactly?
He is dating a women because he likes feminity, there's nothing wrong with wanting her to be how she's been all along.
She's suddenly changed not him
You people need to grow up
Here's the conversation dude, “I love you very much, but recently I've noticed you have changed your appearance and I'm not attracted to it”
And just go from there
Does he apologize? Do you have rational conversations later? Or does he use his “anger issues” to get his way, never apologize, and then do it over and over again?
If I called my gf a bitch for not unpacking the bathroom on her first day off in a month, I can guarantee I'd be busy spending the next few days unpacking, cleaning, and upgrading that bathroom. And also making dinner for a while, committing to seeing a therapist, and apologizing for my words.
Its not only about what we do in the moment. We all do stupid shit and say stupid shit. You can recover from some pretty bad stuff as long as you really do work on your issues, commit to not doing it again, genuinely apologize, and take actions to make it right. But it does not sound like your husband is doing those things.
If he isn't seeing a therapist, if he isn't taking actual steps to get better, and if he isn't apologizing, then he's telling you that he doesn't see his behavior as an issue.
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Appropriate tests in a relationship include things that show you if your partner might be dangerous. And they stop when you've decided that they are trustworthy enough to get closer (like 2-3 dates).
None of these “tests” from your boyfriend are appropriate.
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I actually came to say the same thing. You cant force any healing, it will happen at your own pace. You mentioned your husband is in therapy and you do couples, but individual for you would probably be beneficial as well. It may help you decide if this is what you truly want and can get back to a place of trust. Because he broke yours, not the other way around.
Also, don’t stay just because of your child. I understand you don’t want them to grow up and struggle like you did with the lack of love from your step dad, but it’s also not good for them to grow up in a home without love between the parents and full of resentment. Not to mention, your experience is the always the case. Some parents love their step kids just as their own. So, base your decision on what you want and truly think is most healthy, not on a notion based only on your experience.
Best of luck in such a difficult situation, and with the pending arrival of your sweet baby.
U don’t , that’s girlspeak for I’m not interested
Makes no sense. If you have problems with LDR, you don't push your partner away, you pull them.
Maybe start smaller than an overnight? See if everyone can get along for a shorter period of time.
Ultimately your parents should be able to see your child. But sure, your sister is a risk factor, but if she for a decently long period of time has shown she is stable (enough), that should make it possible to visit, I would think. I say “I think” because I don't know the situation and thus the risks as well as you.
Is it Adam Levine?
Seriously is he really a celebrity? He's married.
If assigning blame helps you sort of hurt feelings and frustration, great! Keep that up for your romantic relationship. I always like to ask myself, “do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?” Then I go from there. Assigning blame is very important when you want to be right, but it does little to make people happy.
Your part that evening was supporting your partner emotionally, not financially. You aren't just a bank
Tell them, you have exhausted your savings helping them and you can no longer do that for them. You are happy they are safe and you wish them the best. Tell them bless their hearts and good luck! ✌️
Mismatched libidos are a very common reason for relationships to end.
If she has no interest in having sex with you, you should end the relationship. If you don't want to, I suggest taking a look at the Dead Bedrooms subreddit so see what your life will be like if you continue to stay with her.
Moving out is a bad decision if divorce is imminent. Consult lawyer as soon as possible- today would be a good start.
Break up already poor guy why are you stringing him along
You sound so ignorant.
What you’re describing sounds like a literal slave. We are not seeking slave treatment. I never said I didn’t want to help provide but that I wanted him to hold a more stable role as a husband. I never said I wanted to stop working. I still work and take care of him every way possible.
He never expressed his desire for me to be a traditional wife so I do all of it and more.
Do it! He seems into you
This is relevant how?
Coercion doesn't have to be every time. I guarantee you that at some point in their relationship, OP pouted because he needs it to sleep. I would even be willing to bet money on it. I can promise that this post from the OP's wife's perspective would be very different.
I haven’t asked him that directly but maybe I ought to. Your last paragraph really speaks to me so I’m thinking I may just let it be. Thanks for the response
It's not that I want to control her sex life, but how our family is seen! Why are we fucking ex-con drug addicts?
Bro you’re a clown. Go call the bank, pull out an 80% Loan to value loan on the house. Take the $, buy another property and let it cash flow.
And then shit the fuck up about $1,000.
My girlfriend is nearly 60 and has a list of all the women she's ever slept with
I think it's funny
I suggest you relax about it
What a stupid thing for him to say. He hates himself? I’m Calling bs!
My answer back would have been why would I want forever with you? Sounds like you wouldn’t be faithful the way I want given the chance you would be hoeing around for your pleasure. You are not ready for a serious relationship,
if your name isn’t on the lease, I would give him 30 days notice and move, block his butt.
What would’ve been easy was not asking your girlfriend to get railed by another dude. This is a lose/lose situation. I feel bad for both of them, but I feel worse for the girlfriend since she literally was asked to do this.
Well, I don’t think he will. And I want to avoid conflict at all cost. So i’m wondering what I can do better instead
Not if it happened to him before. Takes a while to trust people again after such a betrayal.
I don't subscribe to the fact that every word that comes out of a guys mouth need to be super non needy and detached and from a place of extreme independence. Imo it's perfectly normal to say to a girl, hey, I have this day free for you, let's do this if you're interested. What's wrong with that?
He's not really disabled, he just gets the rent.
Sweetie. Internet mom here. When someone reveals who they are on a very deep level, believe them. This demonstrates an enormous lack of empathy and a huge amount of self absorption. I think you already know this and just need it confirmed. I’m confirming it. You’re probably at the age where you are starting to think about a serious relationship. Don’t go there with this guy. He’s not capable of providing what you need and should expect in the long term. Listen to your gut. It’s telling you the same thing. This is not a person who you build a life with. I’m really lucky in that I have a very close family and it sounds as if you are too. This guy isn’t a good fit. He’s severely lacking on a couple of vital levels. It’s time to move on. I really hope that your brother gets through this as painlessly as possible and gets to the other side. My brother had cancer and luckily survived but it was a rough road. He’s lucky to have you and your family.
Financial infidelity is abuse. You literally CANNOT afford to to live! like this.
I mean I’m mostly just jealous I can’t go and do that fun stuff too lol
Just makes me sad I’m a bad boyfriend for wanting to and not being like HELL YA because I get worried now that she’s my girlfriend and I love her. And she gets sad she feels like a bad girlfriend for wanting to do things by herself.
The weekend it happend she was suppost to come to my place, but said she got sick and wanted to go home, and then went home with him.
She is a big liar and has no problem inventing excuses to deceive you.
If you haven't been in therapy yet, you need to start going to therapy. You probably won't find the right therapist straight away. I saw 2 different therapists before clicking with my 3rd therapist. And as for your girlfriend, if she is still treating you as badly as she is now after a week, break up with her (I'm being generous here, I'd have already kicked her to the curb, but you and I are not the same and she is probably trying to process the information dump). You deserve better, you deserve someone who is actually going to be there for you, no matter how bad things get. And if you find someone new who treats you better than the current girl, who actually listens to you when you say that you don't want to talk about your past, use the therapist as a mediator who can help you speak about your past and help keep you anchored in the present and level-headed for the conversation. But you definitely need therapy. It'll help so much in the long run for you.
they didn't want a 'couple' involved in the split. because that would align 2 ppl and give the impression of a power advantage. this completely invalidates your contribution to the company in your own right and is based on the assumption that you're beholden and will stay with your husband.
charitably, the boss may assume that you would benefit just as much if your husband was offered this opportunity.
i get that everyone is saying take some time, yada yada yada.. i would be fucking pissed. you're being punished for being a wife. something that was your due is being withheld because they chose your husband – if only one part of a couple could take up the offer, why not you? why isn't he the little husband behind the woman? it's sexist.
im with you, i would never want to go back. to either of them. if you were really meant to benefit from your husbands opportunity, he would have told you. he made his decision, he expects you to fall in line. i can't tell you whether giving it all up is going to be worth it.. ppl are probably right – throwing it all away because you're mad isn't to be done lightly. but you are not wrong.
He was sexualizing a child. If he doesn't understand the problem with that, he IS A PROBLEM. I'm not sure how you make him see the light though. Some men never do.
What do you compromise for her happiness?
Bulgaria’s lovely; this plan is idiotic.
Then you're a bad friend, and I hope your friend cuts you out
Have you seen most job postings worldwide? They are requiring a minimum of a bachelors for entry level work.
This is such a fraught situation, and it's also very emotional and there's a lot of pain intertwined with everything. Personally, I don't find cheating to be excusable under any circumstances. If your friend forgives her and they try to stay together, can they rebuild trust, which takes a long time and a lot of effort, especially on her part?
Without rebuilding trust, he'll never feel safe in the relationship and she may cheat again.
It also occurs to me that maybe she cheated as a way to end the relationship. It could be wrapped up in self-loathing (blaming herself) or her lashing out (blaming him), or many other things.
Here's what you should do.
Based on prior experience, expect nothing from him as a grandfather or in his will. If you get more that that, consider it a bonus. Distance somewhat from him because his current situation is rather gross, I agree. Don't predict whether this specialty fertility procedure will result in a baby, or what it's life will be like if it does succeed. Don't predict if a baby does result, that he will only be in that child's life a short time. He's 58, he could live! another 40 years.
What I have recommended requires you to be a little zen, but if you can achieve it, your upset feelings will be minimized. Good luck with your own family and baby plans. That is where you should focus your attention.
I slept with a guy, his parents walked in, found out who I was said “she’s your 3rd cousin!” I had to call around because I didn’t grow up with anyone on my dads side. I didn’t know we were cousins and I still feel gross about it. But I really think it’s only because of what was said to me when I did find out. If you don’t care, it’s not a big deal. If it’s gross to you, leave.
Why are you back? If this is real, its becoming pathetic.
Don’t be someone’s second choice. She is only crawling back to you because the loser she was with left her and she can see how well you’re doing. To put it in sophisticated terms: She belongs to the streets. Good day sir.
thanks for the advice!
Why not speak to him? You’re putting too much weight into a card he would have spent maybe two minutes picking out
The internet is chalk full of horror stories of families who neighbors hardly knew talking about how shocked they were because the family seemed so happy, etc.
Help your mom. Where is your psycho, compulsive liar wife going to go? Just make sure she doesn't take out her crazy on your mom. Or find your mom an apartment nearby that is easily wheelchair accessible for her needs. Also consult an attorney. You're probably going to need one.
For what it's worth, she is already guaranteed to be able to stay in the country while working on the Masters Degree, by way of an Educational Visa.
She'll need to get a job who will sponsor her, get lucky in the H1-B lottery, or marry a citizen pretty quickly after that though.
“NOT 'Just Friends' ” by Shirley Glass. It covers exactly how these things can and do go wrong.
Talk to whoever can remove him from your group and let them know he hasn't done anything wrong, just there is a personal issue that prevents you from working well with him. If they won't move him from your team, ask to be moved yourself. If that won't work, look for another job and quit ASAP. Then (whichever way you separate from him), tell your husband you had a close call and tell him the details. Let him know you came to your senses and took it upon yourself to remove the problem. Then ask if you can go to marriage counseling with him. You getting in front of this is the only way it works long term. Just ignoring the work flirt will lead to your husband finding out.
Leave her be.
You want to reach out to her to make yourself feel better because you have some guilt about the relationship. Dredging that up might help you, but it won't help her.
He's disgusting and he's negging you
Because he seems to be a master in specialized female bs, a man would buy.
Plus: he is so mucho macho about “protecting” her, that he likeliy wouldn't dare to speak up on men.
He is a coward, the way he behaves with her.
Revenge is sweet but sometimes can get messy.
I hope that in a few years you will look back to this time in your life and see how it made you stronger and more resilient. I know you are hurting, it fucking sucks and she's a real bitch for what she did to you.
A stranger's opinion, it's not worth your energy. Let yourself grieve, heal and then live! your best life. That's always the best revenge.
What is wrong with you? Setting that line that he can eat with the kids only and not their mom is asking for issues and the kids to distrust you. They have kids together, they will always be connected in that way. They can share a meal, if he’s over there at their house, what he’s gonna kick mom out if he town house? Or tell his kids no? Be real.
Before marriage after years of saying and hoping?
You must be prepare for the possibility that you won’t get your family back—at least not in the way you want. And, be at peace with that. Continue to do the work to be a better person—for your own sake. It may not give you back the life you lost but it will help you build a better life in the future.
Both of you act very immature for your ages and I don't understand why try keep up a relationship when there is no end to this behavior?
These are 2 cases of terrible pet owners. Five years in the laundry room? That is animal abuse. Your bf's dog shitting all over the house and ruining things? Absolutely unacceptable. Refusing to pay for damages caused by his dog? He isn't blind to what the dog did. He just doesn't want to pay for the damages his dog caused. People like this should not have pets ever. Your former landlord will hopefully take you to small claims court. Seems like that may be the only way someone would learn a lesson.
!remindme 3 days
Nothing in your post suggests she is doing anything wrong. I think you can ask her why she isn’t wearing it in a non accusatory way. Don’t create a problem if one doesn’t exist.
For what it’s worth, I’m a guy in my mid 30s, married to a woman in her mid 30s, with a toddler and we’re trying for more. In saying that, I surely understand the “time clock” aspect of things. I just absolutely will always advise someone in OP’s situation to run regardless. Maybe she doesn’t end up with a kid. But that’d be better than having kids with an absolute scumbag.
To respond to you specifically, I’m not really sure how that’s a “manic episode.” You didn’t want to continue dating people who weren’t on the same page as you. That’s a good thing.
I then think your timeline is a bit much, but I can certainly confirm that a pregnancy after 35 is considered “geriatric” but that doesn’t have to mean anything. As I continued and finished the post, I honestly largely hate your chart, but I agree with your conclusion. She should dump him.
As for your chart, here are my issues; a year going back and forth? Just don’t do that. Heal how you heal and if it takes a year, so be it. But people need to be disciplined about reality. To be fair, I promise you that I absolutely went back to exes over the years. I’m not here sitting on a soap box like I’m perfect. I’m just luckily in a position to be able to provide advice which I’m sure many won’t listen to just like I didn’t.
I largely agree with after that for the most part until 33. Not suggesting rushing a marriage, but advising living together another year is unnecessary.
Enjoying being just with each other after that? Fair enough. Everyone’s different. But logically I’d expect this discussion to have happened before getting married and I certainly would assume they’d wait three years in that situation. Like I said, I’m happily married. But marriage doesn’t change relationships. It makes it legal. No one should need any amount of time of marriage. You already know your partner.
Again, all else you said is spot on.
What makes you think that you can change this personality flaw in him? Even if your words get through, you'll have a difficult time believing that he isn't simply paying lip service. Every time he fails to validate your feelings he digs that hole deeper and deeper.
A 21 year old guy who was dumb enough to go on a dating app while being engaged is not going to change quickly enough to overcome your building resentment.
Dont marry this man. I wont tell you to break up with him, but marriage should be out of the question right now.
You know that SHE suffered for 9 months too, AND gave birth, right?
She suffered a heckin lot more than he did, and they both survived the experience.
You help him by leaving him alone to let him get through this on his own.
You are very manipulative and selfish.
Lying for transparency is like fucking for chastity.
Go if you are going more for your education. Of course being with your bf is a plus but shouldn't be the main reason. Also definitely consider being independent of him. Like living on your own, having your own friends, financially separated etc.
Dump him. This is not the behavior of someone who cares about you or respects you. Life is too short to waste time on this worm when you could be out there finding a sweet man who doesn’t neg you constantly to bring you down, and instead builds you up. Remember: being alone for a bit is much better than being with someone who makes you feel like this.
I don’t know how he could react
You got her snap? I’ll get her straightened out
You either believe her or you don't; that's the crossroad you are at. And it's pretty clear from her actions which you should choose. God speed ?
I agree they shouldn’t be getting married. There’s also nothing inherently negative about wanting the same, I’d agree it’s fair. But wording it in a negative way absolutely invites more negativity.
But again, if this is how they handle things together they should be looking for other people that share their ideals and not getting married.
Lol if you read his post history their is more issue than just that
Translation, she liked fucking him, but at some point, she liked fucking you more.
She didn't yell you because she didn't want to lose you, so she kept it hidden all this time. She didn't give you the option to choose for yourself, she gave it now.
So, choose for yourself, a relationship built on a lie? Or freedom, accompanied with some sadness for some time until you move on?
Translation, she liked fucking him, but at some point, she liked fucking you more.
She didn't yell you because she didn't want to lose you, so she kept it hidden all this time. She didn't give you the option to choose for yourself, she gave it now.
So, choose for yourself, a relationship built on a lie? Or freedom, accompanied with some sadness for some time until you move on?
I have talked to her about all of this before as I said above. And when I say open relationship I am fully open to her possibly reaching out and having sex with others as well. I'm not meaning for just me. For all I know it's me that's making her not want to have sex. As long as we both use protection it shouldn't change how we feel about each other at this point. All I'm saying is we have tried to talk, she has tried to change, and it's not working. We hardly touch each other at all and as a person physical touch is what I like.
So, if your future wife wants to be taken seriously she has 2 ways to handle this.
1 is to set the boundary and the consequence. She needs to inform her brother that if he arrives in anything other than a tux, then he will be turned away at the door. Inform the rest of her family that you both are hiring security and that this occasion is not a joke to you, it will not be funny to you, and they are not going to change your mind. He will not be at his sister's wedding if he chooses to be an ass. And follow through, no matter what they say or do. If he wants to do a round of FAFO with y'all, then he's going to find out. 2 is to not play the game. Let him in and give him zero reaction. The part that's “funny” is the emotional reaction from the victims, so don't react. Let him look like an idiot ass to everyone that's not his immediate family. It's no reflection on you, it's him and the ones who support him who look bad. Speak of him like he's a charity case and he's only around because you feel sorry for him. It's not fun being mean to someone who doesn't care.
i appreciate you and this comment
Even if we were “talking” and “exclusive” or whatever as long as we weren’t officially dating boyfriend and girlfriend yet? Just making sure.
Thank you for responding! 🙂
Issuing ultimatums is not a part of “Putting in effort to be a better partner.”
I think he may be acting the part, rather than actually turning over a new leaf.
I’m so sorry. It really sounds like he doesn’t want help. If that’s the case, I don’t know if there’s anything you can do. I hope you have your own support system to turn to
Ugh, this guy doesn't seem to be husband material let alone daddy material, drugs, getting drunk, screwing his SIL, no thanks, to the curb he goes.
I don’t know when you’ve voiced these concerns in the past but try not to have these conversations while one of the two of your are initiating sex, it’s the worst time to do it and is bound to lead to hurt feelings because there’s a bit of vulnerability already involved.
Try to sit down and have a conversation with her when sex isn’t relevant at all. Let her know that when she’s gone a few days without showering she’s less fresh and that makes it hard for you to enjoy it as much. It’s not too much to ask that your partner be as clean as possible right before sex but it’s also important to consider her hygiene needs which you’ve clearly done. You can suggest instead of a full shower at least trying a quick rinse off or wipe down with a rag to fresh things up so that she doesn’t have to do the full shower routine just to have sex but you still get your needs in this met as well. You aren’t asking her to completely wax off all of her hair and bleach her asshole and apply scented fragrances to parts of her body or douche, you’re just asking her to take a few moments to clean off any sweat/dampness/dirt that’s built up from the day which isn’t a huge ask by someone who is putting their mouth and genitals on/in your body.
I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels it's too early. I mentioned it another comment, but I live! in Utah – and although she and I are not Mormon, there is still a lot of societal pressure here to get married fast.
The only person I can think of would be her ex. She left him about 6 months ago but they haven’t been in contact at all. I don’t know how he’d know where I lived, what car I drove or when she was going away. Also, he never seemed too bitter about how things ended. Maybe?
My ex is very similar in this regard. Without going to therapy and addressing this, there’s really nothing you can do. Even if you try to talk to him about it, try to convince him, he is still going to pick his mother every single time. All it will do is make you seem like you hate his mother, and like you were trying to create a wedge between them.
You are better off walking away and finding a man who is still not attached to his mothers, umbilical cord.
I am not disagreeing that part. I am only commenting on how he handled it.
Does it really matter if it’s a joke group or not? (Of course he’s going to make light of it, you really expected an honest answer?) You feel disgusted and disrespected, and he was disrespecting you by not shooting down the hot requests or letting them call you ugly. Besides that, you said he caused trust issues elsewhere in the relationship.
No, I absolutely love him. I found out about the pregnancy 2 weeks ago, and we were already together by then.
Your husband is at the very least having an emotional affair possibly physical with the amount of time the they stay together. There is a book recommended on many forums about affairs. Not “Just friends” by Shirley Glass.
He is prioritizing her over you and that should not fly in a functioning relationship. Your spouse should be your number one priority.
No, I absolutely love him. I found out about the pregnancy 2 weeks ago, and we were already together by then.
My house doesn't show up on my google. She had to google my ex. What gives her the right to do that?
Just get the damn license, what’s wrong with you?
If your parents think it's ok to try and control your life with money, it's ok for you to lie to their faces.
Naturally, if you think you're going to marry a dude you know almost exclusively through the internet, I've got some news for you.
While ur parents are racist and awful.
If u are getting money, why would u still be getting financial support??
Racist or not, I think if u are old enough and mature enough to get married, u should not be dependent on them financially anymore. That makes sense….
Your husband was right in one aspect; it is different when it's your own family. That's when the true colours come out. Society demands that you be tolerant of others outside of the home. Some even have strict laws enforcing it.
The truth comes out once you enter the home. Your inlaws attacked your SiL. Your husband refused to stand up for her. He is non-committal on what happens if your kids are gay. I'm surprised it took you this long to realise what they are. Now you know. It's up to you to decide the future.
Good luck