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Date: October 16, 2022
Okay and how long were you together before you got pregnant?
Lots of good points being made in these comments. I do believe alcohol removes judgement in certain folks to a ridiculous degree, I can drink quite a bit, regulate my drinks and not behave unlike myself (it did take a bit of trial and error but not much). My sister, with the first drink, loses herself and her self control….with one drink. She’s married and has severe PTSD related to SA as a child but when she drinks she’s all over the nearest random man. You know your gf, none of us do, I’d say take everything you know about her, weigh these comments, and listen to your gut. Probationary though, she has to stop drinking.
It really got me mad, though I didn’t attack him. I simply asked why he was asking that and was he trying to connect weird dots. I could tell by his tone he wasn’t ok. Not sure what I’m supposed to say nicely to that? I couldn’t believe that me innocently showering meant something negative
The short story is, it’s going to be complex. And there might be reasons they don’t talk about it. I am actually interest to hear your feelings on my reply too since one day I might be on the other side of this conversation.
Our 18 month old daughter technically started a twin and we didn’t know until the first round of tests that showed every genetic disorder under the sun and presence of a second sac attached to our daughter.
It was extremely hot on us because to find out if She was actually healthy, or if her twins undeveloped DNA was causing the genetic alarms we had to wait until around 25 weeks into the pregnancy for an amniocentesis test (massive needle taking sample from baby’s sac). Then once we got the results have our answer if we were going to have to abort or not etc. which we had already agreed upon if she was destined to not survive or be extremely mentally disabled etc…
25 weeks came and went, giant needle test came and went, and she came back healthy and the rest is history.
Her twin never developed into a fetus and never had shape beyond an empty sac during ultrasounds (which was still emotionally hard for us even with our daughter in there because that emptiness still existed).
We have no intention of telling her she started out a twin. My wife still gets sad thinking about it because she always wanted twins I believe she still cannot fully think it might have been her fault the empty sac never developed and feels guilty or sad (there is nothing she could have done differently.)
I’ve played a couple scenarios in my head that all go poorly in sharing the information. But I stand firm with my wife to not share that she started a twin.
That's an excellent analogy, thank you. I see what you're saying. My judgement might also be clouded by a sense of dutiful love that I have for her.
But your analogy is spot on and an excellent way to frame it.
You're definitely just normalizing men being possessive over inconsequential shit.
Let's maybe not say that most men are that way? Because it excuses this kind of behavior from jealous bfs (or partners in general) and instead encourage people to build trust in their relationships.
My bf has had multiple situations living with a young woman. I could not care less. He prefers it because he's very clean and women tend to be tidier. I recognize his ability to be friends with women without trying to fuck them. It is gasp shockingly possible to have friends of the opposite gender and not be opening to door to hanky panky
As a 22 yo, idk why she isnt cooking or cleaning. Why is she not?
That's just being unfaithful. That online/offline thing is bullshit. When i was single, i was really into seeking attention live, different apps, random girls blah blah blah. But i deleted all that shit once my relationship got serious. I even put her fingerprint in my phone. She knows she's welcome to go through it. Which was scary at first, but it's really relieving when you know your partner isn't looking for trouble because some are. But anyway, my point is he needs to bend a little. You seem like you're okay with him having female friends and being active on social media and all that. He should at least be hearing your concerns and drawing lines because you sound much nicer than most. If he can't do that you should consider where he really puts you in his list of values.
Our financials are pretty transparent, in general. This account was earmarked within accounts I could see so it wasn’t hidden money so much as the intention for it that was hidden. We have various long investments and other accounts that are set up for saving for big purchases so that’s why I didn’t notice. I don’t watch our investment accounts closely because it’s maddening and pointless, and because for the past several years I’ve kept pretty busy being pregnant, breastfeeding, working a demanding full-time job, being the primary parent at home, and pitching in with our business.
Time for you to move on too.
Remember, you’re not the bad guy in any way. I think you know deep down that she has already done this. The fact that she sees how much this tears you up and still pushes you for a decision is a dealbreaker. She’s pushing you because this has already happened and she wants retroactive absolution for what she’s done.
She’s had an emotional affair at the very least but my gut feeling is 90% that she’s already had a physical affair too at some level. I speak of someone whose wife slept with my best friend and then gaslight me about it for over a year.
Trust your gut, it’s not wrong. If her AP hadn’t forced her to tell you, you would never have heard about this. So much of what I read really brought back my situation. Personally, I would be talking to divorce attorneys because she thinks she’s done nothing wrong, so this is going to happen again eventually. She’s only telling you what you what to hear. I wish you luck. I know how horrible it is. Trust me when I say rip the Bandaid off and get it over with.
Tell husband, next weekend, that you want to get a tour of the new beauty salon at the mall, it will only take 0.5 hours plus 0.5 hours transport there and back. Leave at 8:00 a.m. and return home at 5:00 p.m. Be sure you take cash or credit card along.
I'm sorry, but this is not normal. It is also not likely that him considering “maybe going on a date with someone else” is just 2 weeks in the making. This homeboy has designs.
You should begin the planning process to leave this guy and immediately map a solid path to do it. At the “best”, it sounds like he wants to create a pass for himself to go fuck around and if he doesn't find the grass greener with someone else, he'll come back and “settle” for you. At the “worst”, you're getting left with your ass in the breeze.
Some people are not close with their family, but this dude lives with them! So there's no excuse. If he were not close and didn't get along, then he would have moved out a long time ago.
He also has no friends? Having no friends is a red flag, particularly when you are in your 20s and still live in the town/city you grew up. So either he has no friends or is not introducing you to his friends; either way, bad.
He thinks people's opinions matter.
Wanna bet he doesn’t think the opinions of every commenter here doesn’t matter?
Maybe I'll try that.
It’s not a waste. Sometimes getting super freaked out by someone else’s behaviour is what it takes to learn a valuable lesson.
Thank you I appreciate your help ☺️
My single thought is that you know what's happening and aren't sure what to do. Do you “love” this person? If so, you need a counsellor immediately. This is abuse pure and simple. Please, please please leave immediately
Imagine this post from the perspective of GF, they’d tell her the boyfriend who’s trying to guilt her into cutting off such an important person in her life, who got her through difficult times (also who happened to have his dick sucked by her numerous times) is a huge red flag and it’s controlling behaviour.
He may have meant it as a joke but it was an insensitive one. I’d have a convo about it and explain that you were looking for support, not a joke. I am also a big chested girl and in my experience, many people do not understand the actual challenges of having larger breasts and instead focus on how “lucky” or “unlucky” they think we are. It is also incredibly exhausting to have people sexualize a part of your body constantly. Hugs to you OP.
Exactly. If he had told his gf that her tits were too small no woman in a 100 mile radius would be suggesting she have a conversation with him about it. Just end it, OP. Rip the band side off and go put your wiener in someone who likes it