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Kelly, y.o.
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Date: November 8, 2022
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Even if she‘s undetectable, status is something you NEED to disclose to sexual partners. That transparency is so important and it is so wrong of her to not let her partner make that choice.
If she IS detectable, this is gross negligence on her part. Her partners can take PrEP to help prevent the spread and still feel comfortable, but if she didn’t tell him, she didn’t give him that option.
Personally I couldn’t think of anything worse than being stuck at home alone, day in day out, with four kids under ten years of age. Not surprised she had an escape when given the chance. Yes, cheating is bad when you’re married but I’d be asking myself if she was happy in the marriage. Where you doing everything you could to be a good husband or is she just a sex maid who raises your children? There are always three sides to a story. I’m not saying she didn’t do something wrong, perhaps she is unhappy with your relationship but jumping straight to divorce without some counseling isn’t the best solution for anyone.
And yep, I’m going to get a lot of hate from the Christian conservatives here.
OP seems so blind to the real reason her husband is divorcing her. I can guarantee it’s not because of her reaction to his family staying for 2.5 months. Sounds more like he’s fed up with OP choosing to do nothing about her mental health.
Dude. How can you stand straight up without a spine?
She isn't your concern. Do whatever you want whenever you want. Go completely no contact with her. Delete her number, block her on everything and go live your life.
good. I mean, I am sorry because of your feelings towards this girl but, fuck that. my dad yelled, screamed bitched about everything that went wrong. my parents divorced when I was a freshman in high school, so thankfully I never had to worry about boyfriends and my dad, until my fiance. I don't talk to my dad, haven't in years because of his issues and the thing that did it the most was when I, stupidly, thought he'd want to meet his future son in law. he go so offended. like how dare I bring my fiance to meet my dad. he was rude, said he was intruding on his time with his daughters (actually said that to my fiance's face, I should have left right then and there) made him drive separately in a town he didn't know and I was the one getting scolded for being mad.
sorry about the rant, long story short: if she isn't phased by his behavior and doesn't see a problem with it, you did the right thing in the long run. you don't want to walk on eggshells around your inlaws or even have that kind of attitude in your life. if your girlfriend cared, she would have stood up for you. she's enabling his behavior, yes, he's her dad but, it's also not gonna kill him to be a decent person for his daughter.
tl;dr: don't be so quick to judge your husband but talk to him to ensure that he understands how hurt you were and that he shouldn't do it again.
Part of being a good partner in a monogamous relationship is not only being faithful but also using good judgement to avoid the putting yourself in compromising situations that can erode your partner's trust in you. The using “good judgement” thing is tough. There's a lot of gray area there. We aren't perfect. We all interpret facts differently. Things that may have seemed very controversial to you may have appeared very differently to your husband. Our life experiences shape our perceptions and resulting choices.
You say, “I would never do this to my husband” and you are judging him based on that but its not necessarily a fair judgement. You are looking at it from a point-of-view of having experienced it first hand and being able to review what happened years later. Those are life experiences that now shape your perception and judgement. Your judgement of your husband would only be a fair judgement if he also had the similar life experiences; if he had a partner that pursued (a bit too enthusiastically) what his partner claimed was a platonic friendship with someone they had recent sex with resulting in your husband becoming very uncomfortable and doubting his partner's faithfulness.
If your husband lived though that experience happening to him, it should have shaped his own judgement, he should have seen what his actions were doing and you would be fair to judge him badly for it. Without that life experience though… the should he or shouldn't he… it's tough to argue that he should have known what he was doing. Frankly, without your own life experience of having this happen to you its also tough for you to truly argue, “I would never do this”.
“We all make mistakes” can only be OK if we acknowledge the mistake, take responsibility and do our best to not repeat the mistakes. You should seriously consider talking to your husband about that time again. The goal being that you both better understand each other. Both of your views are valid and should be understood by the other. But also understanding that there is a line or boundary: pursuing any kind of relationship, even a friendship, with as much enthusiasm as your husband did is not OK for him or you to do. It's going to set off warning bells and having the good judgement to not setting off warning bells is important as well.