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Katty, 23 y.o.
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Date: November 13, 2022
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Some don’t really hear you until you take some action.
For example, if you are telling him that he needs to shape up or you are shipping out… he is thinking, “yeah yeah if it were really that much of a problem she would do something about it”. He doesn’t take you seriously.
Then when you are fed up and you drop him like a naked potato, he starts thinking that maybe you were serious and he should pay attention. He convinces himself that if you said xyz is the problem, then all he has to do is perform xyz and problem solved – you will be happy and get back together with him!
Meanwhile you are furious that not only did he not do xyz but he also did not listen to you etc. Also you are so mad about xyz that every single fuken annoying thing that he ever did becomes SO MUCH more annoying because you are already mad about xyz.
So now you are mad about more than xyz. You can’t stand him. You are at the point of no return. You can’t stand him! But actually you still love him and he is doing xyz now. So maybe you should give him a second chance. But he is SUCH and AH because of all of those other things that are pissing you off.
Meanwhile he is still hoping to sleep with you. And he is running around town telling all of his friends that he has no idea why you two broke up. How he never saw it coming. How you should have said something if you were so unhappy.
Or maybe that’s just me and my relationships. Maybe I am projecting.
Thank you. I never really thought of it like that before.
OP posted this story in the AITA sub but has since been deleted and not once in that sub did she mention that the sister was pregnant to her bf. She has only now mentioned this when posting on this sub and i don’t believe it one bit. Even in the AITA comments she never mentioned this pregnancy part. Even when everyone said she was the asshole she didn’t mention it to change our minds so is she telling the truth?
You wouldn't understand unless you had a guy do this to you.
Hockey locker rooms don't have gender assignments, but team assignments. Sonetimes there is a small separate women's room but that is only just becoming common and many rinks still don't have a women's room.
But the point is that it shouldn't be for the sister to decide unilaterally that she's trustworthy now. Her bf has the right to know important information about her past that would be likely to make him leave so that he can decide for himself if he wants to stay. I'm not saying you have to tell every single person everything about yourself on your first date, but two years is a looooong time to hide something this significant. If sister were a recovering alcoholic and hid that from her partner for two years, wouldn't you think it was a sign she hadn't truly got a handle on her issues? She didn't just cheat once, she's never had a relationship she didn't cheat in. If she's still habitually lying to her current partner, I wouldn't be surprised if she had already cheated on him too.
Break up with her because she is a liar. Honesty is always the way to go. If she lied about this what else is she lying about?
I know you love her, but this is very toxic controlling behaviour and it will only get worse. It is up to her to fix her jealousy issues, nothing you can do will help.
Take some time to really think about what you want in a partnership. I doubt it’s someone who doesn’t trust you and searches through your phone all the time.
The first step is calming down and the second is confronting her. If you truly want to make this relationship work please know it take a LOT of open communication and work from both people. She'll have to put up with you regaining your trust with her and you'll eventually need to trust her again to make this relationship happy and healthy again in the future but the in between is gonna be brutal. And therapy. It's going to take a lot of individual and couple therapy. If she's not winning to give her all to work on it or it's too much for you to forgive then you need to end the relationship.
Forgiveness is easy. Forgiveness while trying to repair the foundation of your relationship isn't.
Hope things go well for you regardless!
You are the other woman and you're trying to prevent him from having dinner with his children, and the mother of his children. I don't care how pregnant you are, you are the problem here and the fact that you can see it is disconcerting.
Can one of your family members translate for her, via the phone if you are unreachable?
It's just cheating by a different name. If you knew when you met that you'd be sharing your wife with other women would you be married now?
She was not reading library books on those dating apps you know.
Poetic.
Even if you have a magical crystal ball that can somehow provably demonstrate that they'll never do it again… you should still dump them for doing it in the first place.
I don't think she'll be able to communicate her views, desires and plans anymore, you showed her that you can't deal with heavy topics. Let me tell you that it feels fucking lonely go be in a relationship where you can't freely express your thoughts.
Maybe you two could have come up with a compromise, maybe it would have been the end of a relationship anyway, but after this reaction from you, you will never know. If she's smart, she'll leave. You're incompatible and incapable of talking shit out. If she's sentimental, she'll stay and gets colder and colder towards you. Unless somehow you can make her believe that she can trust you with her thoughts.
You two really need to get on the same page about kids, but don't expect her to be completely honest with you, she might not want to upset you again to the point of an extreme reaction.