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JoannaDea, 31 y.o.
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Date: October 25, 2022
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Is this a case of the guy marrying the next gf in 2 months?
Sweetheart, if you are really really set on being married, leave this guy. He wont propose. If he really badly wanted to marry u like u want to marry him, it would have happened by now.
She’s been talking to some other guy and she feels guilty. Doesn’t really wanna break up yet because she’s not sure if anything’s gonna work out with the other guy. But kinda knows it’s over
You can't help him. Antisocial Personality is difficult to treat even by experienced mental health professionals.
You're the walking cliche of someone who dates a guy thats wrong for her because she is hoping he will change.
Since I’m 21 I don’t feel like it has to be “today”, but I need to be making some progress toward it really, really soon. I have about 14 months until I’m the dreaded target age and I just feel like there’s nothing out there for me no matter where I look for it or who I look for it from. I don’t want to keep going home to an empty apartment unit every day, I’ve racked up my degrees from school and what good are the accomplishments when you can’t share them with someone you love. It feels like I just went to school to pay bills and work until I die, I don’t even have anyone to use my pay to buy anything for. And yet somehow my friends are having kids left and right, getting their first places together, all this without even starting a BA. I feel lied to.
Would you give her up? If not then it's still your child.
If you used your alt Facebook, how could he delete screenshots? Did you give him access?
Thanks for saying that. How will it change tho? I’m not sure how it’s temporary at this point
Google blue chew. You're welcome.
How much evidence does a man need to present to you that he's not ready for marriage again before you finally understand it?
I fully believe that you two have a strong relationship, as you suggest, and that you're very compatible. But I think the two of you are struggling to really communicate what it is that you're feeling with each other. And that's not a bad thing. You're not bad people because of it. But you need to each find a way to communicate better on what you see for your future.
I suggest couples counseling. Not because you need to “fix what's broken”, but because it's a process that can give each of you the tools you need to speak and listen effectively.
Divorce is nude. Divorce with children is harder. Divorce with children from a cheater might be the worst. There are layers and layers of mistrust and baggage built up for each of you from previous relationships. It's there whether you want it to be or not. Perhaps you want him to commit to you so that you can tell yourself he's not going to be like your ex. Perhaps he wants to stay at this stage because he worries about what will happen if he ends up divorced again.
All of it needs talked about, and it needs talked about in a safe space. Can you do it on your own without outside help? Maybe. I don't know either of your respective communication skills. But based on your post it sounds like neither of you are hearing each other.
I think you can pretty easily get past this as an issue. You just need to find a way to talk it out without judgement from either side.
Stop having him over. Tell him no. if you've paid him back then cool, you're all clear. If you're borrowing money to p
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Sounds like he has been cheating with his ex GF during your postpartum. So he projected his cheating on to you. She was hoping it wasn’t his.
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My partner has a similar complaint about me. They feel like I dont know them or put any effort in. Gift giving does not come naturally to me at all. My gift outlook is more utilitarian, so I end up talking myself out of gifts because they w ok not feel like its special. We also have a long, long history of my gifting things they have said they would love and then the item stays in a closet. I can think of 4 items they said they would reall love that haven't seen the light of day since they were unwrapped several years ago.
Its very frustrating for us both. They feel like I dont know them, I feel like I can never live up to expectations. They dont want to give a wish list for similar reasons you dont, so I dont even ask for one anymore. I find myself dreading every gift giving occasion because I know I am going to be a big disappointment and they will feel let down again but I haven't been able to figure out how to be different.
I guess my advice is to talk about it with kindness and consider that he possibly cant do what you're asking for. Try recognizing his limitations, and look for ways he may be showing you love in his own language.
If you have advice on how to be a better gift giver, I'm all ears.
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File police report and inform your workplace he assaulted you.
Don't know why you have to be gentle about it. Sounds like you're pretty pissed off and resentful, and rightfully so.
Probably want to give him some notice but it's going to be awkward if you're still living together after the fact.
Figure out how much more you can take, tell him, then move back home right away. Give him a couple month's notice at least though. At that point, resign yourself to completing your portion of the lease but stop paying for anything else like utilities or internet.
Neither of you did anything particularly wrong and you're completely within your rights to block and end communication, for any reason.
I'd have done the same thing in this position.
I kinda hope he might change his mind and just accept the offer I made to pay for everything I took from him
Yeah cus drug dealers can have a change of heart when it comes to love lmao. Dude you robbed him! He’s probably plotting and scheming ways to get his revenge.
I just don’t want to get into…
Dude you’re in it already. Your best way of dealing with it is being honest and tell her about your past and explain to her that you turned your life around. She has to make the choice of staying with you or not.
My advice don’t stick around it’s not worth it. the brother is gonna find ways to ruin the relationship or worse.
Thou art an asshole…… who is incapable of recognizing that he is an asshole.
Honestly? Just tell him. If it's going to be, then he'll accept you. Otherwise? It'll just be more painful if you wait longer.
Not my thing and I'd never get a suit made but if it's you and your thing? Then lean into it and he'll follow you.
Doesn't sound like you are into any of the darker parts of it so just offer to answer any questions, dispel any myths and be positive about it.
Thank you.
No body “makes” you feel anything. He made comments and you feel.
He is evil, drop this ass.
If he does anything other than listen intently, apologize, and work to find a solution that makes you both happy (and safe and cared for) then he is not the one for you.
Repeated for truth.
I cannot imagine anyone deserving the trust a sub needs to have in a dom doing anything else. I am inclined to suspect that this is BF's first time fooling with this nonsense.
I am concerned about how OP's injuries are being sustained though. Even if we're just assuming inexperience and lack of communication as what's up here, there's a world of difference between a flagrant disregard for lubrication and botched impact or breath play.
So… Sex is off the table or?
Ignore his text?
You really need to leave it alone. He doesn't want to talk about it and you need to respect that. Whatever it is, it's not about you.
Update me!
You know I didn’t want to put her name on the home without her apart of any of the financing but she continuously argued with me until I agreed to do so.
That is a massive red flag, she argued to be on the title when you bought it and she pays nothing towards it. You also paying for everything is stupid, you should be splitting payments. She seems to be using you for an easy free life where she pays nothing and you are left with nothing.
You need to have a serious talk with her about bills, if and it is a big if she marries you will you still pay for everything?
She won't co sign because she knows she will be stuck with you and will not be able to leave when she wants. Does she actually pay for anything at all?
So the talk did not go well. I'll be posting an update once 48 hours have passed, and seeking more advice because I'm really not sure what to do now.
Rehoming her cat is 1,000% not an option, in her own words. She refuses to consider it. Not a surprise, since I understand she loves this cat and facing the reality that he's dangerous and destructive is both difficult and painful. And since she moves out in May, she refuses to look for a new place for either herself or her cat.
I agree that this cat needs some love. She claimed during our talk that she “plays with that [mf-er] all the time” but I know that's not true. He has a million toys, but I don't think plush mice and balls are enough. She also refuses to train it because “cats aren't trainable” (lol!!). They also made me the bad guy, so if I escalate further, I'll be in for an awful rest of my residency here, even worse than the current problems.
Then there’s definitely a lot of details you aren’t sharing.
You MEANT to say is “When will he be mature enough for a woman..” He is a groomer no woman his own age will put up with him. As. REAL man ..I tell tou this . Get out GET OUT NOW
Kinda sounds like she will cheat on you one day, even if she didn’t cheat on you that night
He said he wants a relationship just that he wasn’t ready for that because of where we were at that time. I told him I will come but we’re not hooking up and he agreed
Damn good for her! You acted like a fucking child and she saw that and decided (rightly so) that she already has a pussy and doesn’t need another one.
I don't understand why you were a virgin and didn't care to have a virgin wife.. You bkth could've learned together what you like.
The thing is he says he is committed just doesn’t think about the future. When I say I’m worried he says don’t be but that’s as far as he will let the convo go…
You are doing fine, kid. It sounds like both of you are learning. Let her guide you. She knows her body, you don’t. As long as your listening and learning, you only get better.
……you could stay and take care of all this for him and I’ll see you over on divorce tik tok
Wow. So. She goes on the hunt in bars specifically for male friends? That’s nuts. She cheats on you. She then cheats with you. But, hey, she’s such a lovely human so let’s give it a try. But wait, I am not allowed to speak to a friend that I’ve never been appropriate with because you don’t trust me. Okay sweetie. Seriously? Are you listening to yourself? You sound like a nice man. Find a nice woman.
“I really don't think he's cheating or anything…”
Well, there's your first mistake
Stop lying?
Maybe he’s just decided he rather have you call him by his name because he’s not your baby but didn’t quite know how to say it without upsetting you.
Personally I’ve never called any man I’ve dated anything but their name and find it ick hearing women call men “babe”.
Love you ?
Love you ?
Love you ?
She's asking how to stop him from being inappropriate in front of their child in a professional daycare environment. Sounds like she's already using evidence of infidelity to end their marriage as per the PS.
Filming the flirty desk girl is to get her off the desk/out of the daycare environment. They won't employ somebody that is actively involving themselves in inappropriate activities or behaviors, with a married client, in a professional environment involving small children.
she supposedly wants something serious with these men and does not like being used only for sex
Honestly you are the one being naive here. She obviously either loves this, or is addicted to the drama. If she was being rational she would realize that you were right about the last two guys, you're probably right about the next one. Meaning she knows full well these guys will use her, but she actually WANTS that, even if she tells you she doesn't. She likes the crazy high and lows of emotions, crying her eyes out, getting attention and pity from you and other people. She feels comfortable being in this dynamic, and you are feeding into it by supporting her. What she needs is people to actually stop putting up with her shit, and therapy.
It’s time, really 7 years invested, what else could matter above and beyond all else.
Telling him these things make you “uncomfortable” is only “controlling” if you somehow expect him to stop doing it. You're allowed to be uncomfortable, it's okay to not love every aspect of a romantic partner. While a lot of people find Anime culture pretty immature, he apparently likes it (and that's not likely to change any time soon). Ultimately all you can really do is decide if this is a dealbreaker for you.
Your relationship with your family was strained before this happened wether you know it or not. They're abusive and didn't treat you like a daughter. I see alot of people on here cut contact with their family over that, and I'm sure your husband would do the same if the roles were reversed.
If they only see your husband in public it would be quite safe if they don't feel comfortable seeing you in the privacy of a home.
They come, stay in a hotel, you go to tourist places, eat out, and spend time together.
Listen mate, I was in the same situation you were in back in my 20s.
My Ex wanted me to start making more money because she was used to a certain lifestyle and didn't want to settle. I ended up making more money than her parents were in m mid 20s. She still ended up leaving.
What I'm saying is, once she has it in her mind that you're less than her, you're not gonna recover. Even if you actually do end up matching her economically, you're always gonna be “settling”. You goose was cooked when she started seeing you as an inferior.
Listen mate, I was in the same situation you were in back in my 20s.
My Ex wanted me to start making more money because she was used to a certain lifestyle and didn't want to settle. I ended up making more money than her parents were in m mid 20s. She still ended up leaving.
What I'm saying is, once she has it in her mind that you're less than her, you're not gonna recover. Even if you actually do end up matching her economically, you're always gonna be “settling”. You goose was cooked when she started seeing you as an inferior.
He either wanted to end things and used this as an excuse, or he didn’t find anything on your phone, snd thought he could force you to ‘confess’ to something because you thought he had discovered what you were doing.
Take it from us ladies who've been there, being with a controlling man never gets better. Most of the time it escalates into physical abuse but even that will be your fault because he just loves you soooo much he can't control his emotions. Do yourself a favor and start dating guys closer to your age. Not saying they won't be ah too but the power dynamics should be closer to equal than with an older man.
Your friend is right. I hope you realize it before you get hurt too badly.
What an amazing friend. Honestly. Do everything in your power to keep him in your life.
The real question here is would you date someone that isn’t even born yet? The bf was 21+ the day OP was BORN. There’s plenty of things adults CAN do but shouldn’t. One of those things is dating men old enough to be your father imo. The friend is giving him completely reasonable and sound advice.
What in the world is a wedding year? One thing is not getting married within a couple months of another close relative (unless you want to share a single wedding), but another is to be so entitled that you think you own a year.
2 years? Time to realize you’re just a part time bf at best.
Well, I felt feel like your first mistake. I was messaging him instead of sitting down for a conversation.
Something else that you might be able to try is clocking your hours. I assume he works 40 hours a week. Treat homemaking like your job. You probably already do that but what I mean by that is clock your hours as well. In the hours that you spend maintaining a home, record it. If you can record what you’re doing as well, then that’s even better. He probably understands work and time management and having to answer to a boss and justify hours spent on projects. If you speak his language, then you’re more likely to get a more productive conversation out of him. I’m not saying you’re wrong and he’s right or vice versa because I really don’t know what the state of your house is on a daily basis, but this might be a valuable negotiation tool, so that both of you can objectively look at the work that is being done.
Also, from your story, it doesn’t sound like he’s lording his income over you. It feels like he was pointing out the difference in your roles and has the idea that he is fulfilling his obligation, and feels that you aren’t. I’m not saying that he is right or wrong in his impression. I am simply pointing out that I think you may have read into that in a way that he did not intend. I think that goes back to communicating in person instead of text.
It certainly sounds like it was very sweet. Knowing that you both discussed and agreed on the future of your relationship really only leads me to one other possible explanation being that whatever emergency she and her roommate have/had is absorbing most of her time, feelings, and thoughts right now. It seriously sucks that you don’t have an answer to the sudden change in her attitude toward the relationship.
Don't think you're doing her a favor. You will have the weight off your shoulders, but you have now put that all on your ex ( ×100000000) just to ease your conscience. Leave her alone. She doesn't need you to take away the progress she has made after you broke her heart.
It certainly sounds like it was very sweet. Knowing that you both discussed and agreed on the future of your relationship really only leads me to one other possible explanation being that whatever emergency she and her roommate have/had is absorbing most of her time, feelings, and thoughts right now. It seriously sucks that you don’t have an answer to the sudden change in her attitude toward the relationship.
r/flr empowered women everywhere are realizing that they want to take charge of their own desires
r/flr empowered women everywhere are realizing that they want to take charge of their own desires
r/flr empowered women everywhere are realizing that they want to take charge of their own desires
Yeah I though he was toxic after he ghosted me the first time but he convinced me a few months ago that he changed. I started to believe him but he’s still the same selfish douche?
You trust people until they give you a reason to NOT TRUST THEM. Her reaction is a reason to not trust her.
I guess that's true. I would of course respect her wishes. If she told me she would never want to get back together with my dad, I would never even consider it. But she's never said that.
I’m concerned that your fiancée is placing her needs for looking like a perfect family above anybody in the family unit..
being a military wife sounds like it SUCKS. go read some posts about how isolated they feel. do you really want that for yourself?????
If you trust her, ditch the ex. That's a relationship problem waiting to be a marriage problem. If she doesn't do exes, neither do you. Welcome to married life.
I genuinely hope that some random person will start kissing OP and walk off with him. Poor dude needs a rescue.
Dude said something truly terrible or it would have been in the post.
Thank you for commenting. I’m glad he told me to build our trust but yea ignorance is bliss and kinda wish I didn’t know at the same time. He knew I’d react this way I guess ? anyways I appreciate the advice it’s a very good stance.
As someone who is admittedly just like the gf…. Almost thought this was about my for a second before the examples…. It’s not fair of us to belittle our significant others, even if they are not stepping up to the plate to handle problems. She (and I) need to work on our language around these feelings of having to be the competent one and when it is necessary and when it is us feeling like we need to be the one who solves all the problems instead of letting others take life at their own pace.
But for you, it is so incredibly frustrating to feel “held back” by somebody. Ran out of gas? My job to fix it. Afraid of the hill? My job to make you comfortable at my own expense. Trouble teaching someone to swim? My job too. It’s exhausting and it makes us bitter.
You both need work. My therapist says I should consider couples therapy to held deal with this dynamic. If the relationship is worth it to you I guess I suggest the same.
Maybe start looking for another job. Because if she’s the vindictive type (we already know she’s not the loyal type) she might get you in trouble.