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Date: October 30, 2022
He may truly believe that, yet it doesnt make it a good idea, like at all. You'd then be living with someone who wants-yet-does-want you. He needs to do his own emotional labor and then see about a relationship bc as of rn, he's just stringing you along, and you're settling for less.
It’s very hot to be specifically because there’s lot of little things that add up. Like I’ll say I’m listening when I’m not, i make assumptions on how to make her life better and I’m wrong, I’ll cross boundaries and do things she tells me not to do, and I don’t communicate very well about anything
First, what was his reasoning for winging it? Did he get a huge burst of emotion in the moment and just decided right then and there he couldn’t wait? Or was he perhaps feeling so much pressure to make it special that he ended up being a deer in the headlights and didn’t plan anything at all? I think getting him to open up to find out the root cause could be helpful.
I understand he already did it, but if it would help you feel better, you can always ask him for a small ‘re-do.’ Perhaps give him 3 options to pick from. For example:
A special dinner at a restaurant A mini weekend drive to a gorgeous scenic spot A fun but short-ish scavenger hunt in the city
Like you yourself come up with 3 ways you’d like him to make it up to you, and then let him decide which and so he’ll actually have to plan it.
If he’s not the type to be super creative and easily plan things, you might just have to help him out from time to time. All guys are different and it’s ok if you need to help in certain situations to ensure they do something to their fullest potential.
Congrats and good luck!
She should be concerned.
You validated that by this post
Save this poor girl from you wasting any more of her time.
Yeh that’s true, it also gives some type of calmness to go forward in the relationship
Your wife is cheating on you, you need legal council bud.
First your husband is fearful of your friends influence that may lead you astray. But your friend needs to stop caring and paying for her husband. She is being manipulated by an AH and should relieve herself of his burdens. But your husband and you as a couple should help your friend to not fall prey to a problematic lifestyle. You as a couple could aid her to transition to being single and help guide her in any new relationships. But don’t cast her aside. Explain how your husband feels and be there as she needs you. Your husband needs to understand and be helpful.
She could have brought her concerns to you. Instead she did this without warning or consent. This would be a deal breaker for me.
This is what you do in your spare time? :/ You’re right I don’t have a family. But if I did, I’d have better hobbies for down time (since downtime would be very precious)
And what do you mean “doing nothing with my life” – What are you doing with your life? Working a job you really don’t want to be at? I like to cook, crochet, read books, chat on the phone with my family, go for walks, etc. Is that not enough? Do I really need to be selling my time to be “doing something” with my life? I feel happier now than I did when I was slaving away at a job.
I hope when I’m 34 that I can help young girls my age, not swear on them and fight with them because they triggered me. That’s not loving or wise.
You’re so angry at me for what??? For having goals for my future that don’t align with your current reality ???
Like … I’m not lazy or a leach. It took a lot of time and effort to complete my education while also working full time at multiple. I didn’t have time to have fun like most people on weekends, or focus on the things that meant the most to me.
You’re telling me to “grow up little girl” when you don’t even know me. You think my boyfriends gonna break up with me, but he is more understanding of me than you because he actually knows me. And if he does break up wit me, that’s okay too. He’s his own person, but that’s not gonna change my mind about something that’s important to me and has been since I was a kid.
Now, get lost.
Based on what you have said, you have been extremely understanding of what happened after he pretty much went nuclear on you and the family you built together. It’s hot recovering that level of trust after someone you care about and love tells you they don’t love you anymore. Couples do recover and move forward after worse things have happened but it takes a lot of time and HARD work from both parties. If that’s the path you want to take for the sake of your relationship and family I completely understand. Life is never black and white. Just be prepared for the tough road a head.
He will need to come clean about everything. I am betting there’s a lot more to this you don’t know about and you only know the tip of the iceberg. It’s completely understandable for you to be insecure about his relationship with other women and being insecure in your relationship with him. He gave you reasons to be insecure. My advice would be a trained professional to help you both as a couple and one just for you to discuss how you really feel and what you want. Life is far too short to be miserable and feel like a second choice.
He needs to earn your love and your trust. He needs to put in the work to fix this because he made this bed. He needs to make you feel loved and appreciated again. He needs to cut that woman out of his life forever and go no contact. These are just the bare minimum.
Remember to take care of yourself through all of this and listen to your gut. There’s a reason you feel the way you do and none of us on the internet know enough about the dynamics of your relationship. We only know what you’ve told us.
In the end ask yourself what it will take for you to feel like he never said that to you and be able to trust him again. Write it down and ask him what he would do if you told him you didn’t love him anymore, what would he expect you to do to earn his love and trust again if you did the same thing. How he answers that will be insightful on how to proceed.
No you don’t want what he is providing you to go away there is a difference . You liked his stability… BS . You liked his money and resources. Now that you got that for who knows how long you don’t want to part from it .
That's concerning. Look at it this way- how many embarrassing situations like this do you want to endure throughout the rest of your life with this guy? In my experience behavior like this only gets worse as a person ages unless they take active steps to stop bad habits.
I think he took you for granted. First he spend days texting you and writing a huge apology, and then he decided to disappear for three days. Address everything you want and need, but don’t get your hopes up in my opinion. He sounds like a guy who says things just to end an argument, but won’t stick with it as soon as the tensions have settled.