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Jesika, 21 y.o.
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Date: November 2, 2022
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As is the case with a lot of people, COVID forced some work/life changes. Long story short: I work from home now. During the lockdown we decided it would be best for our family if my wife quit her job to be a full time stay at home mom to our two children aged 6 and 2.
Before she quit she was usually the one doing daycare drop-off and pickup since her office was closer to our house. However, housework and cooking were split evenly. I usually did the yard work on weekends, but I like working outside so it's never been a big deal to me that I handled most of it.
I have a home office with a door and my wife is really good about respecting that boundary. It just seems like every time I leave the office to grab some water from the kitchen, go to the bathroom, etc. she's just sitting on the couch doing who knows what on her phone while the 2 year old either naps or plays with toys / watches tv. The 6 year old is in school most of the day so she's really only watching one kid during that time. I know being a SAHM is nude work (or at least that's what I've been told) but it really doesn't look like she does much of anything. Yes, she does school pick-up and drop-off and takes care of things like Dr. Appointments and grocery shopping, but Dr. Appointments only happen once every couple months and grocery shopping is so easy these days with apps and pickup where they literally grab everything for you and even load it into your car.
When it comes to housework I feel like nothing has changed and I still do the same amount of cooking and cleaning as I did before she went SAHM. Shouldn't it be more like a 25/75 split now that she's home all day taking care of one kid? I can't help but get a little upset every time I walk out of the office and see her doing what appears to be nothing but scrolling instagram. I know I shouldn't have, but once or twice I've given her a “must be nice” kind of look which does nothing but piss her off. I love my wife and I know she is incredibly smart, talented, and hard working (or at least used to be). How do I tell her I feel like I'm doing most of the work now and shouldn't have to do inside chores AND all the yard work? And before I get comments about me enjoying the yard work, who cares? It still needs to get done. If she wants to mow the lawn and trim bushes instead of vacuum then that's fine with me. I just don't want to do both anymore.
Edit: I mostly posted this to vent before talking with my wife and saying something incredibly stupid and insensitive to her. There is a lot of great advice in here. Also a lot of obviously unhappy housewives who are so busy and exhausted from working all day they can't help but scroll through reddit to project their unhappy relationships onto strangers. Ya'll are some judgmental, assuming people. I'm sorry your husbands never give you time to yourselves.
See what I did there? I assumed you were all unhappy and I judged your entire lives from a few comments. To everyone wondering why I gave her a look instead of talking – I've been married long enough to know that if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.
Taking into account the actual useful advice in here – Yes, I need to talk with her about how she feels after being out of the workforce. She was the one who initially brought up the idea about staying home and I was hesitant about handling all the bills myself, but told her (and myself) that I would support her and we'd do this as a team. After some self-reflection I realize I've been carrying extra stress trying to get some major projects done before the end of the year and shouldn't take it out on her. We have some shit to work through and talk about. Thank you all for the insight. All the bitter women in here have made me appreciate my wife even more.
I'm wondering as well since OP felt guilty about LISTENING to pornographic audio while visualizing SO. Did this really cross a boundary with authenticity? Or is OP manifesting a reaction to something SO would actually find flattering?
Did you even read the post?
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god, this made me physically ill to read. i’m so sorry to both you and OP and hope you have found/OP will find peace and healing in some way. what vile and disgusting human beings.
Yeah, I did this and then she broke up with me. Not saying that will happen, but you are leaving yourself open to it.
Don’t sell your house for someone you have only known for a year. Stick to your plan. I wish I would have.
Yeah, I did this and then she broke up with me. Not saying that will happen, but you are leaving yourself open to it.
Don’t sell your house for someone you have only known for a year. Stick to your plan. I wish I would have.
What’s with all these age gap posts????
When we don't like how out partners behave we communicate it, if thinks do not change we leave, we do not act like we own them and they are our dolls or property to “grab” and take away from a place they went to voluntarialy.
She might not respect your feelings and boundaries but you have no right to act in such a controlling way. You don't like how she acts, you leave her.
Have a serious talk.
Firmly set boundaries.
It's not yet bad enough to break up but what you are feeling is valid.
Set up better protection on your phone.
Are you breaking up with someone that called you a POS?
That's the point he doesn't want to listen to her
Why shouldn't his cat find a new home? He has 3, you have 1. I'd leave a relationship over this. Not just because of the cat, but because your bf has a callous disregard for your feelings and for your bond with your cat. His only desire is for you drop everything in order to fit into his life. He has no shits to give over adjusting himself even the smallest amount to fit into yours.
Making threats, frightening you making you drug your cat? Screw that. Be done. When you decide to be done, move your cat somewhere safe BEFORE you tell him you're leaving. Once he is rejected, if he has the opportunity, 100% he will try to harm your cat.
You could prove you’re not in it for the money by breaking things off!
You could prove you’re not in it for the money by breaking things off!