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Jasmin, 99 y.o.
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Date: October 10, 2022
Your bf was incredibly rude. This isn't about sexual orientation. Your dad might be concerned that you are with someone who is not a healthy respectful partner. Which very well may be the case. I see you saying he is just an idiot, but frankly that non-explanation would only satisfy a teenager.
Generally someone wants to make a good impression on their partner's parents. How seriously they take that is often an indicator of how much they respect their partner, and actually care about a future with their partner. So now your dad might be worried you are being taken advantage of by a jerk who doesn't care about embarrassing you in front of your family. If he would behave this way in front of them, how does he behave normally? I'm sure these are some of the things going through his head, and he has no idea how to express them without coming across like he doesn't support you as a person.
As a parent, meeting your child's partner puts things on a whole new visceral level. You know the trope about dads giving their daughters boyfriends a very hot time? It is exactly that. There may be an extra layer of awkwardness because your partner is another guy, who knows? But I doubt that is the core of it. Dads in general get very touchy about an intimate partner disrespecting their son or daughter. Now imagine a girl brings a bf to meet her parents and he jokes about fucking her in the ass in front of the whole family. In some families he would get punched in the face. It is not only disrespectful to her, it is super disrespectful to everyone in the room. I would say your parents handled that with admirable restraint.
I would love this for myself so of course I would be happy for partner.
You'd feel absolutely no jealousy if kids were not in the picture and your partner made the same salary as you while being able to just hang out for half the week?
I have a tough time believing you can't understand that viewpoint at all. It's not a high mountain of logic to climb.
I'm sorry but… What? OP mentioned in the comments they talked about marriage at some point at the beginning of their relationship and then basically never again.
Going from not even mentioning a potential time line to giving him an ultimatum is quite extreme