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jacob, 21 y.o.
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Date: November 1, 2022
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Why are you thinking of staying? What are you exactly getting out of staying married to him? He doesn't seem to take care of the kids, or the house, or anything else?
I can assure you it wasn't easy for her, it isn't easy for anyone struggling. We all have will to live, even if it's buried deep inside under all this negativity. Can you please look at the sites I linked? See if anything is available and if it's not we will look for more. It will probably take few moments for them to reply, but they will and then we can think further what to do. I can be rude or unfair, but that doesn't mean I will leave you without help, even if it's severely limited like in this case.
If you date someone with a child, you have to deal with all the extra shit that comes along with that, and that includes the kids other parent.
You are not this kids father, and you've only been dating for 10 months. If your girlfriend wants her kids birthday to be the kids family only, you either need to respect that, or decide this relationship is not for you.
Also, “put your foot down?” Are you a 1980's misogynist TV dad? You don't get to tell someone else what they can or cannot do.
You can love someone and not be with them.
Sometimes these behaviours just cannot be worked out within a relationship and a person needs to be on their own to learn and grow.
It really is a chance for you to work on any insecurities, see what fuels the jealousy and heal it so you can better deal with these situations in the future.
What if he gets fat again?
“We” didn’t break shit. YOU made a string of poor choices and some of them more than once. You’ve hurt her deeply many times.
If you really care about her, disappear and leave her alone. Work on yourself and try to be a better human before you consider dating anyone else. But leave this poor woman alone. Forever. Let her grieve the loss of the future she thought she had with you and let her move on and be happy with someone who treats her well.