I'm a Forgive Once person, but DV is off, even for me, and I think you're an idiot. But I see this is going the way of most DV cases – the abused returning to their abuser. For your sake, here's what I think “a chance” will require of both of you. Hopefully neither of you will agree to it, but here you go.
First, she confesses in full to the law, and if she gets parole, and/or community service, she accepts it without complaint. She also lets mutual friends and family know the whole story.
Speaking of community service – she volunteers at your area's women's shelter, at least a half-day a week, for at least a year.
Next, she's off intoxicants. No exceptions.
Next, anger management. Full commitment, start to finish.
Next, an act of penance. Something you'd appreciate. Something that will take effort. Not mere money. Not sex. Effort. Personal sacrifice.
Now this also requires a little from you. First, YOU must understand that a Forgive Once person gives only one mulligan. Otherwise you will teach her that she can go right on with drinking and DV, and you will ultimately cave. Or your head will.
It's also necessary for you to show positivity if she straightens up and flies right. Show appreciation for her act of penance, and other self-improvements. You'll have to take your doubt and pain to a confidant, clergy or counselor, and welcome to your 'reformed' GF back with a show of gladness. A fake-it-til-you-make-it deal.
Now a very serious warning. You are NOT OK to reconcile with someone like her unless you're willing to walk away from potential conflict at the slightest sign of her anger. Since she's violent, you walk backwards. I'm not joking.
And don't even think of simply imposing your will on her actions, physically or otherwise. If she wants to sleep nude on a park bench, you can present your arguments to the contrary, but you won't spend half an hour, or even half a minute, trying to wrestle her clothes back on. You OK with this? God, I hope not. Take her back, and I don't think either of you has seen the last of the police.
You aren’t doing her any favors by coddling her. She is an adult. She needs to take steps to take care of herself. She’s not so fragile that you setting boundaries will crush her
The ring maker might give you some money for the ring (a portfolio piece) or offer to sell it on a consignment basis. They might even just pop the stones off and melt it into a new ring. Point is: it’s better as scrap than for that woman.
Agree 100% with this. It’s not 1950, you don’t have to get married before the baby. There’s no reason to rush or force a wedding when you can wait and have the one you really want.
My wife had our first born when she was 27. We're actually only 5+ months apart, but my hairline gave away my age, though she and I looked maybe 20 when I had a hat on. We got some looks, and some woman said something to her once about being a teenage mother (cue my wife “I'M 28!”).
She still doesn't look 48, but the looks and talks did stop long ago.
You need to have some serious introspection as to why you say hurtful things on purpose when you’re angry. That behavior is destructive and makes others around you feel uneasy and doubtful as to what you really think. Your fiancée is right to be upset with you. Own your words, offer time, more calm discussion, or whatever she needs. And accept that you may have hurt her deeply enough she doesn’t want to talk to you right now.
They weren’t flirty or sexual at all. Thank you, I appreciate the perspective, I genuinely don’t know what’s appropriate. I don’t talk to my male friends that often.
So sorry you experienced such a disgusting experience in your life.
The fact that this man who did not go through with it is making it about himself. You having to relive it when he brings it up. So slimy.
Just because he isn’t completely shit in every other aspect, which is the bare minimum on his part doesn’t make this ok.
That house is your home first and foremost, you are a grown adult and need no one’s permission to do anything. He can’t deal with it, he can take up therapy, because he clearly needs it. Tbh, I’d had broken up with this dude a long time ago.
Nope, he has to just be aware of how deep he's going, and I have to keep track of how I'm positioned.
I have noticed that doggy style with just the right angle is least painful.
I'm a Forgive Once person, but DV is off, even for me, and I think you're an idiot. But I see this is going the way of most DV cases – the abused returning to their abuser. For your sake, here's what I think “a chance” will require of both of you. Hopefully neither of you will agree to it, but here you go.
First, she confesses in full to the law, and if she gets parole, and/or community service, she accepts it without complaint. She also lets mutual friends and family know the whole story.
Speaking of community service – she volunteers at your area's women's shelter, at least a half-day a week, for at least a year.
Next, she's off intoxicants. No exceptions.
Next, anger management. Full commitment, start to finish.
Next, an act of penance. Something you'd appreciate. Something that will take effort. Not mere money. Not sex. Effort. Personal sacrifice.
Now this also requires a little from you. First, YOU must understand that a Forgive Once person gives only one mulligan. Otherwise you will teach her that she can go right on with drinking and DV, and you will ultimately cave. Or your head will.
It's also necessary for you to show positivity if she straightens up and flies right. Show appreciation for her act of penance, and other self-improvements. You'll have to take your doubt and pain to a confidant, clergy or counselor, and welcome to your 'reformed' GF back with a show of gladness. A fake-it-til-you-make-it deal.
Now a very serious warning. You are NOT OK to reconcile with someone like her unless you're willing to walk away from potential conflict at the slightest sign of her anger. Since she's violent, you walk backwards. I'm not joking.
And don't even think of simply imposing your will on her actions, physically or otherwise. If she wants to sleep nude on a park bench, you can present your arguments to the contrary, but you won't spend half an hour, or even half a minute, trying to wrestle her clothes back on. You OK with this? God, I hope not. Take her back, and I don't think either of you has seen the last of the police.
You aren’t doing her any favors by coddling her. She is an adult. She needs to take steps to take care of herself. She’s not so fragile that you setting boundaries will crush her
The ring maker might give you some money for the ring (a portfolio piece) or offer to sell it on a consignment basis. They might even just pop the stones off and melt it into a new ring. Point is: it’s better as scrap than for that woman.
Agree 100% with this. It’s not 1950, you don’t have to get married before the baby. There’s no reason to rush or force a wedding when you can wait and have the one you really want.
The bot is still learning but it's still better than anything that I ever wrote.
The father was used to having the physical power position all his life with no consequences. He will never slap his daughter again.
My wife had our first born when she was 27. We're actually only 5+ months apart, but my hairline gave away my age, though she and I looked maybe 20 when I had a hat on. We got some looks, and some woman said something to her once about being a teenage mother (cue my wife “I'M 28!”).
She still doesn't look 48, but the looks and talks did stop long ago.
This is why you don't marry 22 year old men. They don't have the maturity for a relationship.
You need to have some serious introspection as to why you say hurtful things on purpose when you’re angry. That behavior is destructive and makes others around you feel uneasy and doubtful as to what you really think. Your fiancée is right to be upset with you. Own your words, offer time, more calm discussion, or whatever she needs. And accept that you may have hurt her deeply enough she doesn’t want to talk to you right now.
Yeah than this is flat out 100% r’pe
They weren’t flirty or sexual at all. Thank you, I appreciate the perspective, I genuinely don’t know what’s appropriate. I don’t talk to my male friends that often.
Eww I’m sorry but throw that whole man away.
So sorry you experienced such a disgusting experience in your life.
The fact that this man who did not go through with it is making it about himself. You having to relive it when he brings it up. So slimy.
Just because he isn’t completely shit in every other aspect, which is the bare minimum on his part doesn’t make this ok.
That house is your home first and foremost, you are a grown adult and need no one’s permission to do anything. He can’t deal with it, he can take up therapy, because he clearly needs it. Tbh, I’d had broken up with this dude a long time ago.
That sounds so awful! I’m so glad you were able to leave!
Outside perspective – leave!
You both sound awful. Can only recommend therapy so you get your head out of your arse. Hopefully she does the same.
I’m a 100 certified over thinker. I know he needs to be there for his dog first at the moment but it’s just naked him being “gone”.
cut it off