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https://twitter.com/calltheangel, 29 y.o.
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Date: November 20, 2022
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If he refuses to go to therapy, then that just goes to show he is not willing to work with you as a team anymore. You cannot help someone who does not want or recognise that they need help. If he doesn't want to start individual sessions, have you tried to suggest a compromise of couples therapy? Honestly to me, it also sounds like something has changed in him. It could even be that he just doesn't feel the same anymore. Just remember that you can love someone but also not be in love with them.
If he doesn't want help or to restore your marriage as a team, then I'd say lawyer up. Both of you cannot live in misery for the rest of your lives it's too short. As for marriage, your first love is unlikely to be your forever statistically speaking. We definitely have more than just one soul mate in the world.
Bottom line: it's honestly therapy or the end of the road.
I'm a single father of three boys teenage boys with full physical custody.
Outside of when they were very young both I and my ex wife could always get some time away from the kids, including the occasional weekend. In fact, taking time away from the kids is integral to maintaining a relationship if you don't want to be alone forever.
More importantly, it's healthy and important for the kids too. It allows them some independence, some outside influences, time to be outside of the constant supervision of their parents. It teaches them empathy by showing them their parents are individuals with needs of their own, who exist for more themselves, not just to provide anything a child might want at any given moment.
You, and the OP's ex are modelling unhealthy behavior and obsession to your children. Healthy parents can and do take time for themselves, often.