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Date: December 12, 2022

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  1. I don’t get sloppy drunk. Lol. I think you’re projecting and honestly it sounds like you’ve had a lot of issues.

    If you think drinking is bad, I understand that. It is for a lot of people. I personally don’t have an issue with it and feel comfortable drinking in moderation and occasionally getting drunk. A lot of responsible adults do that, but everyone has to find their own boundaries with it. I feel Comfortable with mine.

    But it doesn’t sound like drinking is the problem here. If it was, it wouldn’t matter what gender I was with when I partook in the activity.

    I trust my guy friends in every situation. My husband has a lot of female friends and I trust him in the same way, whether alcohol is involved or not.

    I trust my guy friends, I trust my husband, and I trust myself. Even if I’ve been burned in the past, I refuse to project my own baggage upon good people in my present. Living a life without trust isn’t worth it to me.

  2. Honestly OP, end it.

    Dude I'm sorry you met someone who made you happy and then turned out to be imcompatible. But that's exactly the problem; she sounds incompatible to you. Its not normal for either partner to be easily triggered into a fight and to threaten ending the relationship and to go into multiple relationship breaks.

    My honest opinion is to break up with her and move onto a healthier relationship with a more suitable partner after you've recovered from this one.

  3. Yes. This is my first corporate job, and I don’t want to do anything that can be deemed unprofessional and put me in a position to lose my job, so thank you. I will see if HR has any procedures

  4. It is going to be awkward. It could also be an amazing experience or not. Just kinda try it out and be aware of her cues. Also go with your gut.

  5. She sucks. You don't. Happy birthday, it sucks its such a low point but it's just that. A low point. It will get better my dude! Have some cake if you didn't already

  6. Lol glad this generally worked out for you, but you’re a messy dude. Your ex wife likely does have a possessive streak, but I get the feeling you did alot to bring it out in her. Also kinda sounds like you like the power dynamic of being alot older than your baby momma and are gonna impose on her alot. She doesn’t sound like she has much of a backbone given that your ex wife could so easily bully her away from telling the father of her child she was pregnant. I feel sorry for her and suspect your next update will be that you forced your way into her life In nyc

  7. Take the Italy job offer!

    Even if you were not long distance, and had been living together, things like religion, children, and politics are extremely important in a long-term relationship. They are things that would likely come up again and again and be unsolvable. There is no reason to bend over backwards to make this relationship work, only to spend many years fighting over core values.

  8. i’ve actually had this happen to me before. he’s wrong for not providing aftercare, and he was ABSOLUTELY wrong for not checking with you before doing this. have a serious conversation with him about how this crossed a boundary for you, and if you receive any pushback or guilt tripping at all, it’s time to leave.

  9. Honestly I think that your expectations around the ring are a problem here. If you love someone and want to commit to them why would you put roadblocks in the way of that happening? Also you state in the comments about wanting a ring that you see as having sentimental value, sentimental value needs no price tag, people have seriously married with cheap homemade jewellery, old heirloom pieces, bent silver mustard spoons and gummy or plastic rings because they show genuine care for each other and that is what gives their rings value, not the £2k + price tag and a huge rock. My own engagement ring was around £80 from Etsy, I don’t like gold or overblown jewellery or diamonds, I do love opals as they have a significant family meaning to me and I suit silver rings not gold. Husband and I had wedding bands initially that were around £40 each.. we have both had to find replacements for them as I developed and allergy to silver and my Husband during an epileptic seizure lost his, he gets extreme sensory issues post seizure and strips off any clothes or jewellery and also pulls out his IV lines and removes oxygen masks as he can’t bear anything touching him at all.. he is on his 3rd £30 ring after 4 years of marriage and 3 serious seizures where he was hospitalised for over a week each time.. I am on a second wedding ring that looks almost exactly like the vintage engagement ring I chose that I can no longer wear. We still have my wedding and engagement rings but sadly not my Husbands as they were lost as explained. He wants to replace the engagement ring I got him as it was so meaningful to him, I am probably getting it for him next year as missed the date for engraving and shipping before Christmas. (Finances are tough at the moment). My wedding ring that I wear now that replaced my old one and engagement ring was only £110.. I will wear it my whole life and it means the world to me, I will also keep the others even though I can no longer wear them as I am allergic.. I have worn them occasionally since too, but after a day or so they make me react really badly and have to be removed. I can’t imagine how you personally put a financial tag above special meaning for your ring. The most meaningful rings I have known couples to exchange (with more budget than we had) are bespoke pieces which still came far below your budget.. they didn’t have the diamond you seem so set on but a couple I know have a stone they found on a beach together when they first got together (beautiful green semi precious stone all polished and absolutely gorgeous), and a design that they worked on together and incorporated the love of their dogs and lives together.. I am not creative enough for that approach to be fair.. they have been together for 20 years now, and so many couples we know that put a price tag on their rings lasted way less time together. I honestly think if you go into marriage and the priority is about the cost of the ring and the wedding then it’s less likely that things will work out for you guys.

  10. I’m screaming. The bar is literally in hell. This man is walking around with a shitty asscrack smearing poop on your stuff and you’re worried about hurting his feelings? Girl, he’s not even worried about giving you hepatitis!

  11. As someone who was in a stable and happy relationship but then r*ped by someone else on their 21st birthday I would cut your gf some slack.

    You cannot give consent while drunk. Sure, maybe she should have watched how many drinks she had, but that’s not the point. A person who is drunk cannot consent and even though she remembers the make out does not mean she was not taken advantage of.

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  13. We are good together tho… He is literally the boy version of me and he is my first healthy relationship. This issue isn't compatiblity. My question is more, would this be an issue for us? Because i have black, queer and christian friends and family to reach out to, it's not like i'm going to be disconnected from it

  14. More specifically, those are fursuiters.

    Many, if not most, furries don't suit (those suits can be $2-5k+ easily)

    A 'furry' is just someone who is a member of the 'furry fandom', a fandom centred around anthropomorphic (humanized) animals, think like Zootopia, Disney's Robin Hood, that kind of thing.

  15. I’d like to stop beating myself up about it, but can’t seem to stop thinking about it. Thanks for your advice though!

  16. You love a Nazi? If you are ok with it stay. I personally wouldn't stay, I am white and I hate people like this.

  17. So I’m with a lot of the other commenters here—you can break up with your girlfriend for any reason, even if it’s selfish, and it is not your responsibility to manage all of her free time and spend all of your free time with her. I was exhausted reading what you are experiencing, and I would’ve peaced out long ago. But this in another comment of yours stuck out to me:

    “And recently this female friend came into my life…we get along REALLY well. I have told her personal deep stuff I can’t tell my best friend.”

    Now, I don’t know when you met this new friend, but if your girlfriend knows about her, is it possible your girlfriend is jealous or worried, and clinging harder as a result? Also, I’m going to do the typical thing here and read between the lines without evidence, but you might want to be careful that the bonding with this new friend doesn’t veer into an emotional affair, which would be terrible for your goal of living alone for a while and finding yourself, and terrible for the friend in the abusive relationship who will also need to recover before starting something new. I just wanted to throw that out there as a potential hazard. Good luck, OP.

  18. Agreed it is terrifying. Often times little things like that one show of your temper or then being insistent of “I'm not leaving now that your asking me to” is that quick see of if you'll handle it when they get worse. Women or man

  19. I mention they were in their pjs because that instantly proved to me they were settled into the room and had been there for a while. If my brother had just arrived then he wouldn’t have been wearing his pjs. If my brother had just arrived then that would’ve meant they didn’t lie to me. But they took my idea to spend the weekend together and did it without me. And they didn’t think I’d find out but I did because I literally caught them in the middle of lying. I am extremely surprised about the incest take because I don’t know that’s not a normal thing? I don’t know if people that are commenting about incest have siblings of their own. It’s just so disgusting to even think of it.

  20. You know that meme of future the rapper saying “she belongs to the streets” theres your answer she dosent respect you she dosent respect your relationship she as you have said wanting attention and validation from the world she is apart of the it's my body I can show it to who I want march Ok be single then because exclusivity in a relationship means EXCLUSIVITY

  21. They got their cake now they’re dealing with the consequences. You can’t openly cheat and then expect nothing to happen.

    I’m sorry for everything you’re going through.

  22. Because he’s the one with a job and I can’t function properly in order to get a job at the moment, I have a lot of mental issues and I’m just getting by daily, if we were to break up not only would I suffer greatly from the loss of the amazing man that supports me emotionally, mentally, and as for the time being financially, I would also have to move back in with my family and I don’t think I’d survive that, I don’t want to leave him over something like sex, I know things like sex fade over time anyway and not everyone is compatible in every way, we love each other and have and will go through many obstacles together, I was just hoping for a solution to this obstacle

  23. He’s completely entitled to have his own feelings on the situation, and he’s choosing to respect and support your decision regardless of those feelings. He sounds like a great guy.

    If anything I think the only actual problem here is you eavesdropping on him while he was in therapy. That’s a massive violation of both his privacy and his trust.

  24. You got some ideas from me and others on what to discuss. Discussions and finding compromises that make both people happy is one of the most important things in any relationship.

    Your input. Her input. You both decide.

  25. This sums it up pretty well. I would also add (sorta goes with social status maybe) that employers often regard spouses differently than non married partners – like we get 3 days paid grievance if a spouse’s immediate family member dies, but that doesn’t apply to unmarried partners. I’d have to use regular time if necessary.

    Similar vein, I’ve never had an insurance plan that allowed me to add an unmarried partner but I could add a spouse. Big if only one partner works full time or or if one partner’s health insurance plan is better/cheaper (I WISH my boyfriend could add me to his plan – his is fully paid by his employer. Nice perk there lol).

  26. Honestly it sounds like the SIL problem has resolved itself then. Stop fretting about it and enjoy yourself. This is a problem for your STBH's family to resolve internally, not you.

    Pro-tip: In a marriage, it's generally better if each spouse manages the relationship with their own side of the extended family, with the other one only stepping in if things get out of hand. It sounds like he and his mom have this relatively under control.

  27. No offense, but this is weird as hell. The second life story sounds like it's happening in 2008. She also is involved with her friend's BDSM relationship online. Unless you don't count live! avatar games with real people voicing and controlling the characters (including being part of phone sex calls between an actual boyfriend and girlfriend) then this isn't going to work.

  28. I would send him the screenshots and say, “Good luck on tinder and I hope you get just what you deserve”. Then block.

  29. Wouldn't make a difference if the person looking found my SO attractive or not. Still crosses a line for me

  30. So, someone in their little group is definitely jealous of the fact you and your gf are in a relationship. My money is on the friend of your sister wanting to humiliate your gf. Hopefully we get an update about who concocted this idiotic plot.

  31. I am sorry OP, it's not right to feel devalued by your life partner. You are not a wimp, you are living a boring lonely life with a selfish partner. It's obvious that talks lead to nowhere, so I would not waste time and money on counselling. I wonder if you've ever tried dropping the ball and doing things for yourself. For instance, going to the gym and not cooking for that night. However, from what you say he accepts not having sex for ages with no problem (and i totally get why you don't feel like), so I also doubt that actions can have an effect. Unless you separate and see if he finally gets it

  32. Only she knows that. I have friends I talk about a lot of deeper things with, we hug and do things that I guess could be questioned if I was to write it out, but I don't see them romantically, they are just friends. Until she expresses otherwise, I'd think she's only a friend.

    If you want, you could bring it up to see if she feels anything more.

  33. Perhaps he's the low-libido partner and it's gone down because of stress. Stress does effect sex drive and medication does as well, perhaps that might be the leading cause.

    From my own experience (as the low-libido partner in my relationship) I do notice my sex drive tanks when my boyfriend keeps asking? Idk if that's the case but I'll mention it just in case.

    there's a sub reddit specifically for dead bedrooms as well, I don't remember the name sorry but it's probably something with dead bedroom in the name. Perhaps you could look there if people have any ideas?

  34. Thank you so much for your advice and well wishes. If nothing else, it helps to be able to talk about what is happening in my life and hear other perspectives. Again, thank you for your time.

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