My mom passed when I was 14. I was always closer with her than my dad, so I took it very naked and still miss her every day. My dad moved on extremely quickly. I'm talking about 1.5 months later, and he was openly dating his current wife (I suspect he was cheating on my mom). She moved in 4 months after my mom's death. Then, 9 months after her death, they announced their engagement on my birthday as one of my "gifts."
I obviously didn't take it well. Made a seen dumped the cake they got me and walked out. I disappeared for a few days until they were about to put out a missing persons/runaway report. I was forced to go back.
They tried to get rid of all evidence of my mom (pictures, personal effects, memories, and others). I kept what I could and hid some others. They wouldn't let me celebrate her birthday or anything to do with my mom.
They tried to force me to call her(dad's wife) mom. I never did. They would ignore me when I called her by her name. She would introduce herself as my mom. I would correct her every time. It got to the point that I stopped talking to her unless absolutely nessasary or if I was correcting her. These talks were usually one word answers.
My dad got angry every time I didn't call her mom, use her first name, or introduce her as (dad's name)'s wife. I once spent 2 weeks not talking to either of them when I was 16 because I was ruining their family dynamic. "Until I can be a part of the family, there was nothing to say or do as one." They caved at about the 15th day of no communication/interaction.
I turned 18 and left for uni and went extremely low contact and didn't go back.
When I was 21, I got engaged to my fiancé. She knows about my relationship with my dad and his wife. She respects it and is on my side. When they found out my dad and his wife had a fit. They didn't know I was seeing anyone. My dad's wife posted on social media saying she was excited that her son (me) was getting married with a bunch of other things, saying she can't wait until she becomes a grandma. I made a short post saying I am not and never was her son, and she won't be a grandma to any future kids. My dad got mad saying I was disrespecting my mother and embarrassed her. I asked who we were talking about because my only mother was (real/only/bio/gave me life mom), and at this point, I I lost both of my parents on that day when I was 14.
That was 3 years ago, and we went back to low/no contact. But my wife is about 8 months pregnant. They showed up to my house (I never gave them my address). They wanted to talk and meet my wife. I didn't let them in and said to turn around and go back to where they came from. But apparently, they decided they wanted to move to my city/ state to be closer and repair the relationship between us. She said she missed her son and wanted to be a better mom and grand ma. I called them delusional and told them to leave and slammed the door. They bought a house about a 5 min away from us.
This has all been way too much for me, and my therapist wants me to let them in, but I would rather cut all contact. It wouldn't be so bad if they just would stop trying to replace my mom and act like she never existed. I honestly don't know much about my dad's wife. I don't even know if I know who my dad is anymore. My wife is struggling to support me (emotionally) and doesn't know how to help. Please, internet strangers, how do I convince them(dad and dad's wife) she is not and will never be my mom.
submitted by /u/throwRA_22916
[link] [comments]