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Room for on-line sex video chat HopeHeavenOfficial
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Date: October 16, 2022
It breaks my heart thinking of her. 🙁
Good point hahaha
Regardless its the extent she went. Id say having an interest and actually paying for something are two very different ends of things. If she is willing to pay then what else will she do to get off? Its a slippery slope especially for someone who sees nothing wrong with it.
People are humans in many shades of gray…as to being good or bad. Self reflection on self esteem is not useless endeavor. Nor is revisiting warning signs that you may ignore. Seek to learn, not languish. You fu. So what now? We all do. Walk forward.
Cut ties with all those cult toxic people! You are legally married who cares if you eloped or cult wedding it. If they loved and respect you then they would have been fine without the wedding in the cult.
Emotional affair
Just sit her down and tell her exactly how you feel. She may not like it or it may make her feel uncomfortable but you need to stop feeling uncomfortable around her. Celebrate your victories. You had to do it for health reasons and you look and feel better. She’s an adult and she needs to start acting like one. You are not responsible for how she feels or for her happiness. Don’t let her control you. Congrats on your success!
Congrats, youre together with a 13 year old
You fucked around and found out.
That is uncomfortable to say the least. You have to hang out with them? Id consider moving on. And before the breakup Id ask these friends how they feel about it, in his presence
Wasn’t that way with my husband. He had to watch every sports event possible. So, felt neglected. Has to plan and even postpone celebrating birthdays, anniversaries, etc. due to something running into overtime.
I feel like you’re being kind of condescending. It is ”normal” (more like common) to feel this way. It’s just not healthy, and I also believe OP is overstepping boundaries with their partner (asking about it so much etc). But telling them they’re idiotic isn’t helpful.
What does LDR mean? And I can go & talk to her parents in person but they don't want to talk with me or anyone that's the issue
I don’t think you’re in the wrong for assuming. No one is perfect. I think posting an image of a random girl was a very egotistical thing of the guy to do. Could’ve been trying to get you obsessed with him.
Boundaries are important. Better to sever a harmful connection than to stay.
I think the problem here isn't the gender identity, is that she feels betrayed because she thinks you want to be a woman and no longer want her. Besides, this is a big shock and surprise to pull when you're about to have sex.
But this is me speculating. For example, I am bi and if my partner came out like that I would be surprised but I would stop sex too, I would question if he feels attracted to me and if he ever did and if this was the end, all this knowing it has nothing to do with me and are all my insecurities. It just may have opened a box in her mind.
she said if I chose to do it further that it would affect us.
Some things are deal breakers to some people, you just found hers was a fetish of yours. Can you compromise on doing it only alone? Maybe 2/3 times a year is necessary? Can she accept that?
do you happen to know how to find that one ?
You're just not compatible sexually dude, there's no way to dance around it
You either accept it and take the monkpill or you break up
I'm assuming all the downvotes are from women and did it because I mentioned bodycount.
I just celebrated my 13th wedding anniversary. Together for 16 years. If my husband shit-talked me to his friends, I'd move out. That's the lowest of low blows, and it would destroy any trust I had in him. OP's husband is a fucking trashbag.
Ohh I am not supporting, you are lower then pond sc*m
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My argument is that the “rent” she pays helps him pay his mortgage, so she would be contributing to the house, even if it's less than his.
Tell her you feel weird but tell her you want her to do what she wants. I was in your gf's shoes back when I was your age and my ex was a really great friend that I did invite to many events throughout the years, no ambiguity. It's actually quite great to stay friends with your ex because you know the person inside out and know why they are your friend and not anything else.
When you dare 22 year olds, you cannot be surprised when they act like 22 year olds.
Go date women your own age. Frankly…it’s pretty weird that you’d date someone that young anyways. I’m your age and the thought of dating a 22 year old makes me feel gross.
Legality is irrelevant when it comes to child support, though. He’ll still be landed with that until the child’s 18.
All of this. I think that it's a stupid law and needs to be changed. Why should a man who is obviously not the father have to pay child support for a child he didn't create?
If you don't like how he's treating you then you should end the relationship and leave. I don't know if you're waiting around for him to make it exclusive or what, but you're wasting your time.
?
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Try reading about dating psychopaths/narcissists.
The love bombing at the start, the withdrawal of affection completely then making you beg for every little bit you do get, so when you get it you feel grateful.
Could be wrong, but combined with the lying and putting on a mask to be who you wanted them to be to start it sounds similar. If it is that, he'll never change and you'll always be in a semi-emotionally starved relationship.
However, even if I am wrong, ask yourself is this how you want to spend your life? Are your needs being met? Because a relationship should bring something positive to both your lives and meet a majority (not all) of your needs. That's what makes a good partnership. If you don't have that, then is it really a partnership or are you just feeding his needs?
I don't know who told you you're too old to find someone new, but fuck them. That is one of the most ridiculous things I've heard. I married the love of my life this year (second marriage), and I'm in my late 30s and she's early 40s. You can always, always, always find someone that can be your perfect match. You just have to be willing to go for it.
You both sound like decent people, but with terribly different interests. It's one of those relationships that you can make work, but in my opinion life is too short to settle for “good enough”.
Each of you deserve someone that will love, cherish, and respect the other person and their hobbies. You don't have to perfectly align on the things you like to do, but man, at least have a few things in common!
Once you start harboring resentment, the relationship is likely about over. It's nude to come back from something like that, and it leads to being disrespectful towards your partner. Even not wanting to engage with them physically (my first marriage).
Trust your gut and find a way to move on. It sucks to be alone, but it's far worse to be stuck in a relationship on life support. The love of your dreams truly is out there. Find it.
aww its okay if you just wanna give up. 🙂 dw no one refuted my stuff though in a way that makes sense.
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3) I call my guy the next day and tell him. I say it matter of factly as i myself have yet not processed whatever has happened, if it was something i should just let pass, if letting it come into my head more is a good decision. (He interpreted this as me being okay with the whole thing, he expressed that later) He is not okay with it, obviously, i know whatever happened is messed up and thats why i told him in the first place. Says he needs a couple of days, after that things seem to go back to normal, and me processing my trauma is kind of buried. (Note this was all 2.5 months ago). I’ve distanced myself from the girl. Then, 0.5 months after that, a huge confrontation takes place between me and her. I break down and tell her how bad it was for me, and the pressure when i was in a vulnerable state. Then she shows a side I’ve not seen before, responding in a very very defensive, gaslighty, vile language. Says it was her ex who wanted to try out a 3some and she complied because she is “in love” with him, that I could’ve done something, denies everything, says she would never put a girl in such a position. Taunts me while im breaking, saying “your guy can’t satisfy you thats why you came to us” (i didnt), I asked you so many times (she didn’t), any moment you let me know you were uncomfortable slightly she would’ve stopped (she. did. not.). When i ask her about trying to coax her ex into penetrating me, she pauses for a min and says “wow you really believe i was being serious”. So 2 months ago, after this confrontation, I finally get started with processing my trauma, and he supports me through it, which im grateful for (he said while doing so, he pushed the way he felt down to be there for me). But. One month ago, he says he cant do it anymore. And wont ever be able to be with me romantically even though he wants to. And that he is not going to try even a little bit because he “knows for sure how it is going to be”. Reason given : He believes that i had an idea of what i was getting myself into. Which is clearly kind of problematic. Even when he has seen how I’ve been struggling with it. He didn’t try to talk to me about this, just directly took a concrete decision and says its not a hasty decision because he had a whole month to think about it, but he made the decision under his version of the story, so it doesn’t make sense. (Couple days back he backed down on the his version of the story a little, but still no dent in his decision, he doesn’t give a reason) A month back he says he took the decision because of the latter part of the night, but now says it’s because of the game part.
Yous had discussed this previously though? And both agreed to it in this discussion? I’m not saying it was smart or right what you did but I do understand that in the moment, we can do things we assume the other might find “hot” and do it without thinking. Has your partner ever expressed worry over sex related stuff? As in all honesty, when I have sex with a partner, I like it when they try new things that they think will please me. If it’s something I don’t like, I immediately say. The same respect is returned. Seems like a genuine misunderstanding, you deleted it and rectified it. Did you ask why they changed their mind on it?
That’s just fucking gross and weird and not ok in the slightest!
You have to be loyal to your girlfriend. Your ex has already caused problems and tried to break you up. I’m not saying she wasn’t assaulted, but you aren’t the person who should comfort her. She can call RAINN and get help. You are trying to be a good guy but you can make it worse for everybody. Exes can be friends depending on why they broke up, but it doesn’t sound like you and she should stay in touch.
You got a gift and you’re mad? I ge throw it isn’t the one you wanted but that was prob the most affordable thing for his budget. You also should’ve told him I would like this and that for Christmas. And last but not least he is old to be your dad why don’t you find someone your age?
I doubt your parents will change. Can you accept that?
Can you make sure that in your relationship you stick up for yourself and take care of yourself emotionally, because you will end up low contact with your parents which means your support network will be less if your relationship fails down the road.
I would choose the boyfriend.
Prepare to be gaslit, this is the way unfortunately, stick to your guns and go NC as soon as possible.
Good luck and i am really sorry this happened to you.
Thank you for your advice, I think I need to address it in a similar way to how you suggested.
I have asked what’s up before but I think I’ve maybe chosen the wrong days and the wrong way of saying it if that makes sense. Gonna give it a go this week and hopefully the answer isn’t too damning for our relationship.
Depends? They could melt it down and remold it..
Would going together be a good idea? Should we go separately and then go together sometimes? I am really new into this, but I want to be supportive, I want to try my best at least.
It's because is a business.
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Can you start a new question with what your question and what your situation is? It's really important that we respond to where you are at, not some random person on the internet.
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The bathing part I addressed in an update to the post.
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Pls… the “advice” I’m being told is that I’m controlling which is further from the truth. This is just one fucking thing that I said makes me feel uncomfortable.
Right? Like, that's no. The sayings “Zero fucks to give” and “Many fuck gifts” is just too funny not to appreciate.
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I am jealous of your fiancé. Imagine having so few problems in your life that you have to INVENT shit to be mad about. You must be a keeper if you support him so well that even after having a baby this thought even crosses his mind for a moment.
Would it be different if she were going on a blind date and she wasn't impressed with him being less than 6'?
Love when he wears those little tiny glasses.
She broke it off to sleep with her when things didn't work out with him she came to you as her back up option. And when she got caught she started gaslighting that it wasn't technically cheating as you guys were already broken up. Dump her rn.
I say try not to blame yourself completely. He was the one who had the thought of his mind. He might have taken advantage of the situation as well. Just alcohol and drugs or close to it make people have had decisions sometimes. I would just respect the boyfriend who was cheated on wishes and just accept it happened and try not to think about it. Do things you enjoy to take your mind off of it.
What you do is you go to the school and get it documented how long he was left there when your wife was supposed to pick him up.
You talk to her over text about the situation so you have evidence from her own fucking hands that getting dick was more important to her than picking up her son.
and then you divorce and try to get primary or full custody since she clearly can't be trusted.
Look up DARVO. I’m not saying he is abusive bc only you know enough to know that. But the twisting around he did has a name. I think he sounds controlling. Controlling men can choose the most arbitrary hills to die on. It’s not worth it.
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I'm not legally married, we just live! together
OP, this is incredibly odd & I would be concerned as well. Distance yourself until she is willing to be honest.
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Okay.
Maybe instead of focusing on finding a new man, really focus on yourself. Being alone, and being happy alone are good goals to work on. Dig into new hobbies, making friends, social experiences, travel, read books, and take this pressure of finding a new man off your shoulders. The right person will come in their own time. Your divorce isn’t even finalized yet, you owe yourself time to heal and grow. You defined yourself by this relationship, and you should work on building your own identity. You said you went to therapy, but it sounds like if you’re still struggling with these things, you should consider continuing to go to therapy.
The concern here is that she has shown a pattern of ultimatums which is not healthy for a relationship. It's actually a red flag as it is controlling.
Forcing you to get rid of your dog is just going to breed resentment between you two.
Keeping him could possibly do the same.
You can keep your dog and just break up with her and still be a father to the baby.
If you go this route I'd suggest you consult a lawyer immediately and say nothing until after you have found a new place to live! (unless you own the place).
If you do the doggy daycare route you need to have a good amount of money.
1yr is like $3120. That isn't including gas if you have to pay someone to take him to doggy day care.
That also isn't accounting for any vet bills you may incur if he is attacked or he attacks or if a dog gets sick and your dog also gets sick.
He ran into my knife. He ran into my knife ten times!
The dog needs more exercise and why keep him in a crate? Also, your fiancé doing all that would be a dealbreaker for me.
I wonder if OP delegates driving to a chauffeur as well. I mean, there's no reason he'd need to learn how to drive after all. He's rich enough for that.
Thanks for the added context. I must say though that I doubt he'll change if he's so far gone he refuses to fix the heater for months. That's veering into mental illness territory and would require professional intervention with extensive therapy.
I can have similar behaviours because of growing up poor. I also have hoarding tendencies and social anxiety issues that makes shopping a pain in the ass. But I know this about myself and actively fight it. It seems he's not been challenged on his view of things at all. Unfortunately doing that will likely take a huge toll on the relationship with him.
I wish you the best of luck. If you choose to engage in communicating about this with him please make sure that you are both grounded and relaxed and he knows it's coming from a place of genuine care and love. It seems he labelled his other loved ones as nagging when they try to raise the question
My fiancé did actually want me to start doing physical activity with him and I hated it. But it’s not actually about the physical activity. Me going on walks with him shows him that I am willing to put effort into spending time with him for something he enjoys even though I may not enjoy it as much. We catch up, we talk, and it’s how he feels connected to me. Just like he is willing to put on slacks and a button-down for date night, even though he’s a homebody and doesn’t enjoy going out like I do. But it’s how I feel connected to him. Doing these things for a partner isn’t changing each other, it’s a compromise on how to make each other feel loved and supported.
But if you’ve never felt that then I don’t know what else to say. Except for probably good luck in your dating endeavors.
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Good that you have finally.open your eyes. Just block him on everything after you have left so that he cant influence you anymore. Dont worry too much about him , after you left he will start again with other 18yo. That is his modus operandi.
How would you feel if you overheard your wife talking on the phone to a friend about some hunky guys they saw the other day? What if you heard her comparing them to you, and the only place you were larger was in the belly?
She has literally caught you unashamedly checking out other women right after her body was changed carrying your baby!
Don't IG yourself into destroying your marriage. Also, don't 'be more careful', dump the models. Your wife should be able to have her chin on your shoulder when you scroll IG. Actually, maybe you should drop IG and look up your hobbies on Reddit.
Hey at least op didn’t say how perfect and amazing he is before going into the dodgy sus af context.
OP get some rest from relationships, you are your own whole person and don’t need a luggage without the handle. Go cook some herbs, cook your vagege on a gwen paltroy stand, clean your vibes.
This is a moral thing, and that's entirely dependent on your values. You're an adult and can make whatever choice you want to, but at the end of the day you'll just have to live! with whatever the outcome is.
Just remember this though: If he is able to maintain a multi-year secret relationship with you while he's married with children, don't for a second think he wouldn't do the same to you if guys end up getting together.
Also, another point to ponder is that it's not just about you two and “being happy together”. The partner he's currently married to also invested a lot, and they have kids. It's one thing to FAFO when there's only another adult in the situation, but it's entirely different when you add kids. If you decide to continue to pursue this and be with him long-term, then you have to think about them. Because if you do get together officially, you will be a part of their lives and you will have to be okay being a step mom, potentially labeled as a home-wrecker, and deal with that entire co-parenting/divorce dynamic.
If someone forgave me cheating and then wanted a dna test to prove I had changed my ways I would just do it. How long have you been together and how long since you last cheated? If you cheated 7-8 years ago he’s overreacting but if in the past few years it’s sort of understandable that he doesn’t trust you.
Y’all realise 1) financial situations aren’t set in stone for life. Op says they were financially secure but circumstances changed, and they will likely change again in the future, struggling with money right now is not a prediction of the next 18 years which brings me too 2) the cost everything has gone through the roof this year, especially gas there are hundreds of thousands of people who would have had no issue paying for gas 12 months ago now who are having to majorly cut back on their old driving habits.
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…it really is the most realistic answer….
Maybe you could stop focusing so much on Instagram and instead and him more about how he’s feeling…would suck if this became a source of conflict for you two, while he’s getting positive feedback from some other woman online…better to get to the root of the issue and let you be the one bringing positive energy into his life…
absolutely. glad you made it back home!
You deserve better and see it like that, you don't have to break up with him when the right person comes into your life.
Hoah, if you ain't cav…
It's like I'm dating Helen of Troy but she's also a satanist.
Farts are funny……
And also gross…..
Does he hold himself to the same standard? If he does ok just him, if not d bag
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Who says you’re not his type. The whole idea of a “type” I think is bs. I think only women are like that. Men like everything. I’m dating a thick Latina now. Before her was a skinny soccer chick and before that was a tall girl. Abs a short girl before that. “Type” is archaic
FYI: This is not your son. This is his son. He can walk and you will never see this baby again. You are a young woman who sounds like you are being heavily controlled. Basically he is making you into a bang maid and a bang babysitter. Get a job. Make your own money. Keep a bank account separate from his. Yours is already a recipe for disaster.
I'm currently in therapy for my anxiety. I have talked to my boyfriend multiple times about how it affects me. I have compromised with him many times and always have this issue.
I just don't like parties. I spent Christmas with his family, I spent hours gaming with him and his friends. He's not even friends with Q, he just wants me to be friends with her because she's marrying his friend. The guy doesn't spend enough time with the woman to see how toxic she is.
It's more of an issue of him not respecting the boundaries I'm putting into place. I don't mind interacting with Q, but I refuse to be friends with someone I don't trust.
That makes sense. It’s not fair to make wild assumptions about financial setup because there’s no way to make a deduction with the info given, however let’s fill in the blanks about the age with whatever we pluck out of air!
He sounds super controlling. It's YOUR body. If you don't like taking plan B's then don't. If he gets mad at you for it, that's his problem.
He either trusts you or he doesn't. Honestly sounds like this is the tip of the iceberg. Once they try controlling one aspect of your life it's all downhill from there…
I'd reevaluate the relationship and if it was me I'd talk to him about how his behavior is unacceptable and if he has an issue with it, I'd dump him.
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I cannot help hut find your boyfriends behaviour extremely weird and off-putting. Some casual porn use in a relationship can be fine and if that works for you guys, great, but it seems he's the focus of all the sexual energy in the relationship and that he's using porn as a supplement to you. This doesn't sound like the actions of someone who loves someone else. This doesn't sounds like the deep emotional intimacy and relationship brings.
He didn't say anything because he knows I know he's full of shit.
He’s a good dad to our other kid
Hes not. If he is a shit dad to 1 kid, he is NOT a good dad in any sense.
he is traumatizing tf out of her. in every way.
he wont stop.
this is enough to leave him over, IF u want contact with ur child in the future. Subjecting her to this racist, sexist abuse makes u complicit.
I'm going to say it: HIS BEHAVIOUR IS ABUSIVE TO THIS GIRL.
Stop putting up with it. This is going to be so damaging to her mental health and self-worth. She could grow up trying to find approval in every man she meets.
Cut the shit and tell him to pull his head out of his ass. Go to therapy with him if you have to. Find a mediator. Get a DNA test. Then let him realise how awful he is and how much grovelling he has to do to make it up to this little girl.
If he doesn't do anything to better himself, divorce. That's the best thing you can do for your daughter. It doesn't matter if he's a good father to his other kids. He's not a father if he's picking and choosing. It doesn't work like that.
How do you think it effects your other children? Are they going to grow up thinking this behaviour is okay? Fear being treated like their sister so they turn to putting her down to gain his approval?
I have no doubts he thinks she isn't his and that you stepped out and got yourself pregnant. At the moment you're the only one who's there to protect your child. Do your job.
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This is literally a huge part of the reason I ended my most recent relationship after 3 years.
These things all caused huge tantrums, a lot of the time in the middle of the night when I was asleep: breaking a fake nail, losing the back of a piercing, being to nude, being too cold, needing to pee, losing some item in the house, clothes not fitting right, store being out of something, bad day at work, dog whining, dog having too much energy, dog not listening, asking her to do her dishes, asking her to clean her small pet poop up, asking her to throw her trash away, asking her to organize her belongings cluttering up my house, Toilet clogging, Neighbors making noise, Streaming services acting up, Internet acting up, Limitation on AC use because of grid problems during heat wave, Traffic, Being asked by her family to attend gatherings, Being asked to find a therapist, And many many more.
It got to the point where if she was in a mood, I wouldn't even be in the same room. It felt like living with a spoiled child. Now she's alone and she can scream at a wall for all I care. FYI this tantrum gaslight behavior you're doing is basically abuse. If you actually give a shit about this guy, you need to stop treating him like a punching bag. He will leave.
no. Thats why im not talking to her unless she shows proof.
You could have died and your boyfriend doesn’t care. Get rid of him before you end up dying at his hands. You almost just did.
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You're 22, already in couple therapy and can't communicate. Just don't get married. I mean… why do you have to be engaged to someone who doesn't like you that much and who you don't fully like either? At 22?
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Are you asking for advice about something?
This will eat you up. I have felt this way also but realized you can't change any single person but yourself you expressed your feelings and he expressed his and still it continues. That quote “when someone shows you who they are, believe them” is good advice. Are you comfortable accepting this? If it were me and I wasn't comfortable and don't feel my feelings are considered, I would reassess. You only have one shot at life, no need to live! it feeling disrespected and unheard. believe when I say marriage won't make anything better. I would definitely try to fix things prior to the wedding.
What aren't you understanding about the sad part? She literally doesn't have a life. She is.in fact alive but she certainly isn't living.
He’s agreed to couple’s therapy so hopefully that goes well.
Jesus Christ. Just because he isn’t hitting you doesn’t mean he isn’t abusive. LEAVE HIM.
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Well I'm French and the idea that someone I pursue with being romantically involved in sight is fucking someone else is beyond my dealbreaking level.
If we are clear we are casual until maybe something else then OK we both can hookup. But if I'm clear I'm more invested than just see where it goes and she bangs someone else then I'm done.
Her daughters never asked if she'd help and is treading her wonderful mother as a tool rather than a person. After all the manipulative garbage she has tried, those “compromises” would be stretched out. The daughter wouldn't can home on time or keep promises when she only sees her mother as a tool.
So…a bruise? You’re being paranoid, there are plenty of explanations that don’t involve cheating.
That’s totally fair, thank you.
Two incidents that very well could have been roofies and she’s an alcoholic? Dude.
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“The scariest part to me is that god only knows what he was doing with theses videos, I assume jerking off but it’s just unsettling.”
This is the kind of thing that is usually found on a person's phone after they're arrested for dumping some girl in the woods.
Sounds like your husband married you so he would have a live! in babysitter he wouldn't have to pay since you came with your own money that he could exploit in favour of his kid.
He doesn't think saying no will help because he has already said no to you, not his child. His decision was made without your input because you're a convenient ATM who can produce a toy every time his child has a tantrum.
They are going to drain and discard you once the money runs out. He would rather see it wasted on useless crap for his kid than have you invest it for your own future.
Sometimes love isn't a good enough reason to stay
Thanks for the advice!
She already did a lot therapy sessions with 3 different psychologists (if I'm remember correctly) for some urelated problems before we met for the first time, but she wasn't diagnosed with BPD or anything along the lines of that.
I hope she will understand what I'm goung trough, but if that's not the case I don't know what to do.
RUN! Do you really want to invest your time, energy and love into someone who lied to your face! I know people say this here a lot but when someone shows you who they are believe them the first time!!
This means the two of you are not compatible.
Yeah break up with the creep before he ruins your life
Nope. Never alter your body for anyone. He doesn't love you or he wouldn't want to change one thing about you. If he wants Barbie, he can go find her. There are sadly many women who have altered themselves to look like Barbie or just look like the “perfect” woman.
I think it depends on how he reacts. People make mistakes and I doubt it was on purpose. I once forgot a present I had gotten from my aunt at her place as well when my family visited for Christmas and my aunt was super-hurt. I felt horrible, I hadn't meant to forget it, but between the hectic holidays, having to carry a lot of things and the general mess when everyone was getting ready to leave, I simply forgot one item on the table.
So honestly, if your boyfriend is apologetic, if he is trying to find the gift by asking around, if he is clearly feeling bad both about losing the gift and making you sad… then I would let it go.
But if he doesn't really care, shrugs it off, tells you that you are overreacting or anything along those lines, then this is a pretty big, red flag about not appreciating your time and effort and not caring about your feelings.
Keep your personal and professional life separate from each other, this post alone tells me you don't have the communication skills needed to get them mixed up together.
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Thank you man
What do you want out of this relationship? For me personally with marriage and kids on my mind I couldn’t continue waiting for those things in my 40s to a man I don’t even live! with who clearly has a drinking problem? You guys aren’t 20, and it’s just not attractive to be at such an age and still be behaving like a confused teenager, it gets to a point where you need to take control of your life. His drinking has been mentioned many many times and it’s been 7 years? There is no movement or change. I’m just unsure what you see in this guy, too many red flags.
That's what I tried to address, though. The issue is that the guy in this post is making a lot of mis-steps that I think a kind and caring person wouldn't ever make, and no one wants to (or should have to) teach him to care if the other person is having fun.
But if you're in a relationship with someone who cares about you, and you're a kind and caring person who cares if they're having a good time (including outside of sex), then you're much less likely to run into this.
Now if you're going for hookup culture and your opening line is “hi I'm a virgin,” you might have some problems. But if you look for a relationship and maybe don't include that as your opening line (but obviously still mention what you think is relevant once it becomes relevant) – you'll probably do fine.
How is a grown man who can't control his urges “sweet”? He did not get much sex or maybe any ever before and now he probably needs to relieve his “lost” sexlife or what? Just break up…
What exactly do you consider a “crush”?
It is human and normal to develop crushes on someone while in a relationship. What is inappropriate is acting on those feelings as it is disrespectful to your partner and your relationship. It sounds like you had an emotional affair and consequently emotionally cheated on your current partner if you’re questioning if S is the one.
Your partner deserves someone who is loyal and honest. I think she deserves to know what you’ve done behind her back. If you’re truly in love with S, save your current partner the heartbreak and just break up with her without telling her about your emotional affair – I’ve been cheated on, and I wish I didn’t know. It tortured me to think I wasn’t good enough for my partner who cheated and I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.
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OP, I think there's a chance to have a rational conversation with him before making any tough decisions. Talk about your concerns and see why he structured things this way. Ask why he is foregoing some of the classic elements of a prenup, and if he realizes that by doing so this becomes a pretty one sided agreement. Ask if he'd be willing to sign such an agreement in your position.
Ultimately he needs to view you as partners, and while prenups can protect assets from before the marriage this is suggesting he has pretty inflexible views on how you will have access to money within the marriage itself.
As a last resort say you will provide him with a prenup structure from your attorney to use as a starting point because his document is not fair to you or your career.
It ain't ticking at 38, a klaxon is going off and the silo doors are open
Are you turning her on or is she tired of saying no . Saying yes to make you happy
Well you can say you’re ok with it all you want but you made a kinda long post about it so it does bother you. I’m sure you see this a lot on this sub but you gotta lay some boundaries down. She can respect them or break them. But you don’t have to stick around. Talk to her about it as well on how uncomfortable you feel. On a side note her dropping everything for him would making me feel like shit too.
A dog is more likely to respond to commands when it expects a reward, than when it fears a punishment.
Just save yourself the heartache. Call it quits. He just doesn’t want to be the bad guy. But he’s got goals that involve other girls.
The person who needs to speak to the family about this and set nude boundaries is your boyfriend. The fact that he has not done this may give you some insight as to where his priorities lie. At least have a conversation where he knows how upset you are about this and then see what he does once he knows.
Dude. I flat out asked if your wife insisted you work so much and stay home. You didn’t say she did when I asked and then waited and waited to make that claim. You’re literally not saying it’s not fake. When asked point blank. You sound absolutely and totally full of shit. Come on.
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Does this guy have a life insurance policy on you or something? Dump him.
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Well considering your moral standards who knows what is your understanding of faithful and loving marriage.
You should’ve ended the relationship when she said “I would date the married man”
She doesn’t like you, she just being nice. She probably Fucking a few other people when you go back to your city.
Do you hear yourself? Your bf just put you in a time out like you're a fucking toddler because you dared to challenge him in an argument that he started and immediately blamed on you.
If you don't want this to be your life, leave now. He is not interested in seeing your side, so convincing him isn't going to happen.
The thing about parking a car is a Tate line.
How can I find the words? The courage? I have found it only once before & even then, I couldn’t do it until I was pushed against the wall. I loved your post. It is something I definitely definitely needed to hear. As for my family, I’ve been trying this. I believe it will be better in the long run, but I barely have a relationship with anyone except my mom. I am the “free-thinker” and I have always been shamed for it & felt different because of the differences in our belief systems. Again, I really appreciate your post, it was something I will read again and again.
I would get opinions from other Black people. There are going to be a bunch of white people here that feel qualified to answer this question but aren’t
I see- thanks, as a follow up, is it only when they do it for profit or personal gain that it is a problem? Or is it just the idea that someone wants to identify with a race they aren't? If a cosplayer actually monetised their cosplay, but they aren't japanese and the character is, could that be problematic too? Was it okay when Elvis and Eminem did it for their music careers? Or was that also a problem, but before people felt comfortable speaking up about it, and shutting it down?
yeah i think this confirms that you should get some therapy or help to become more confident and less insecure before trying to date again
So my brain went to he had sex in the car with someone and she put her underwear in the glove box because she couldn’t get it back on and forgot to take it out after
You’re just typing in hypothetical statements I never said or implied. No shit Asians come in many colors this girl however is light skinned. Your husband looking like a different race when out on the sun is the exact reason this girl is maintaining a darker skin tone. Your husband getting darker by being the sun is not the same as OP’s girlfriend “maintaining” a darker skin tone. And I didn’t know I was advocating for locking Asians indoors?! As I said you’re grasping, this girl is not naturally just getting darker going about her day per OP she is specifically upkeeping this darker skin tone because she thinks of it as “signature look”. It’s no different than someone who wears a pound of bronzer year round when they’re actually Lilly white. Darkening your skin for a look.. how about you do some research on the topic
How often do I have to repeat myself? The issue here is not him sleeping with someone but sleeping with his dead wife’s sister. That’s the issue here. Stop missing the point on purpose. Also I never said he cheated. I said he betrayed and disrespected his wife.
Judging by your Reddit history, this entire post is complete bullshit. You have made lots of comments in the past about wanting to sexually assault and beat women. I think you made this post in hopes that the police will search your phone, or her friends that believe her might see this, and this will validate your side of the story. Either that or you’re trying to do some sort of fucked up social experiment. If she did hit you, you definitely at least hit her back. Based on what sounds like a lot of blood on her, and your past comments about “equal rights equal fights.”
Like it’s not awkward to be years into a relationship and your family not know their name and just make noises?
I guess Im scared she might tell other people I like her or something, but I guess that doesnt really matter. What would be a good date (as in movies/cafe) though with someone you barely know? I have no idea to be honest
My impression is you are dating a fucking crackhead and should cut your loses.
I understand where you’re coming from. You asked the question early on to figure out where you stood and you thought you knew the truth. Then you found out you didn’t. Even if you know deep down that your partner had no mal intentions, it still feels unnerving.
I had a somewhat similar thing with my current partner. He has an extensive friendship group that he’s known since high school (and earlier for some) and early in the relationship I had asked if he had done anything with any of the girls in the group. At the time he said no. I later found out from somebody else that he had made out with a couple of the girls at parties a number of years back. At the time that discovery felt pretty disturbing because from where I stood it seemed like he had lied to me. Furthermore, I had to find out from someone else, which made me feel embarrassed and reinforced this pre-existing sense I had of being on the outside of the group. As it turns out, he interpreted my question as meaning had he dated or had sex with anyone in the group, which he hadn’t, whereas I interpreted my question more broadly. I think what helped me to move through this experience was firstly that my partner was incredibly understanding when I brought it up from him. Whilst he explained why he hadn’t said anything, he also completely acknowledged why it would seem suss from my perspective and why it would hurt to find out the way I did. It also helped that I had seen enough of his interactions with these women to know there was no residual sexual tension. But it still really sucked and if I’m honest, thinking about it now still sucks a little bit. Whilst we can generally accept it, most people don’t like to think too much about our partner’s romantic / sexual history, and it’s a lot harder to avoid those thoughts when some of that past is still hanging around. You’re not a bad person for struggling with that.
You need to learn how to make space for the emotions without buying into the story that your partner was deliberately deceiving you or that he’s going to cheat on you with her. It’s totally fine to feel upset, sad, even angry that you found out this way, but you don’t have to keep fuelling the emotions with rumination. For example: “It’s okay to feel hurt by this AND it doesn’t mean that my fiancé is untrustworthy”. Telling yourself to just get over it or that it shouldn’t bother you won’t be helpful, because you can’t choose how to feel about it, and criticising the feelings is more likely to make you dig your heels in and reinforce them than it is to change them. I also wouldn’t recommend cutting Elle off over this. Take the fact that he offered to do that as a sign of trustworthiness and good will, but do not take him up on it. It’s likely to lead to resentment down the road and whilst it may feel awkward right now, if you give it some time it will get better. Happy to chat further if you want x
Cheating you can “LIVE WITH” ? You’re making yourself sick by not having any standards boo. It’s better to be alone and content, than to be sick and in bad company. Cut him off and be single; don’t let this man rob you of more years.
Hire a private detective then. Get a definitive answer so you can move on with your life
You are well and truly fucked.
Listen, this guy is not going to settle for any one exchange of any money. He'll always hold this over you.
The best thing to do is be honest with your girlfriend and let the chips fall where they may. Which will probably be her dumping you. I mean, you robbed her brother for drugs, so.
Sorry.
Amy is partnered and has no interest in me.
Why do you think those two things are mutually exclusive?
There are people who want to have a spare, so to speak. Someone on the side to have their options open. That friend of yours is not a mind reader, she might not be aware that you are not interested whatsoever. Well, given you always chose her. You are not a mind reader as well. You do not know what is brewing inside her head and what her motives are.
None of us cared.
Maybe, because you always chose Amy? And now, the moment you dared to imply that, maybe, your girlfriend should, in fact, be included, her mask started to slip.
Honestly, if I were Beth, I'd ditch you. The disrespect is bizarre. I can't imagine having a friend saying no to my partner being included. Excuse me?
What were Amy's efforts to get to know your girlfriend? You can't put all the labor on your girlfriend only. If Amy is not okay with your partner being present and gives you no reason whatsoever…trust me, it's not your girlfriend who's the problem.
You are. You and that friend of yours.
I am still waiting on answers from him, but your response (if it was true for my husband) wouldn’t 100% shock me. This recent issue has us seeking individual and couples counseling. He also admitted feeling like he wasn’t (in his words) “wired to do certain basic things like most people”. The main difference between your story and his, is that he hasn’t been able to say “oh, well the checks are all here in my sock drawer” (or any other location). It’s one thing to put them places and forget or delay, but he hasn’t offered any suggestion on where they may be physically. I am definitely still considering all potential options, and thank you for your reply of an alternative POV.
Interacting with you sounds exhausting. My advice is to chill.
Lol a birthday sex gift of no condom after this woman tells you she wants kids and you don’t?
Dude, that is one of the worst blunders I’ve ever heard of.
You got baby trapped. You can’t trust what she’s telling you. Kid might be yours, might not. She may not want anything now, but that may change. There may not even be a kid.
Take it slow and think things through when discussing this with her. Trust but verify.
Lol. Fair enough.
I didn't see any mention of the friend being drunk and he pretty much made himself her DD by offering her a ride. So if he was drinking then even if it is a case of neither of them being fit to properly consent he still put her in danger by drinking and driving. The friend is a jerk one way or another. Either he SA'd the girl or he put her, himself, and countless other people in danger by driving while under the influence.
But you may be better. It’s a shit situation but by the sounds of it, it can’t continue the way it’s going.
This is in London btw, so she's technically a young Brit with that ancestry
Lol people really are dunking on you here. Don't listen to them. Remember that most of the users here don't have any experience with plastic surgery, but they will project their own insecurities on you.
I totally understand you not telling him about fillers. He probably has no idea about the science of cosmetic surgery and probably has some hang ups. Only people knowledgeable with the topic are able to see the nuance. So you're kinda doomed – you're forced to explain yourself to someone who by definition won't understand this, and not only because the lack of knowledge, but because he's not you and can't experience what you feel.
I'd go with the rhinoplasty if it makes you happy. Hope you chose a great doctor and did your research 🙂 btw I couldn't be with a person who will stop loving you because you chose to alter your own body. That's effed up.
Because I care. I care. I have my reasons
Can you help or not?
Maybe if HE is the one baby-trapping her. He knew she wasn't on birth control and convinced her to let him have sex without a condom as a birthday present! That's a pretty strange present to ask for if he didn't want her to get pregnant.
You can’t be this dumb, right? You actually asking if you should try to make it work?
I get the goal, but why take an opportunity from someone else if she's not going to use her education? That seems pretty selfish.
Oh shit I put 26 xD I meant 27 sorry I just finished a 8 hours shift and am exhausted posting this I’ll repost it
Think about it. You're 18 now. What do you think of 15 year old boys? Would you date one?
So now, try and imagine when you will be 22. How do you think you will look at 15 year old boys then?
From your perspective right now, dating a 24yr old as 18 isn't weird.
But from his perspective before, even just hanging out with a 15 yr old as 22 was weird af.
304
What a fkn monster. Your response is to knowingly lie to the police about something as serious as child porn? WTF is wrong with you?
It may pay to see if you can find another organisation to support you. Is she further ahead in her degree?
So that means everyone is always lying because we all omit or not mention everything.
I doubt Op has mentioned every dating experience he’s ever had. Every sexual partner he’s ever had.
My gf knows I’ve had X (which is a lot higher than her) amount of partners because she asked. If she didn’t I Would not mention it. I would be a liar by your definition.
My ex never told me how many guys she’s been with. I never asked. I don’t care to know. All I know is she told me I’ve slept with more people than she has, and she’s ok with that.
Her not telling me how many partners she’s has, or who’s she’s slept with, or what kind of sexual partners or interactions she’s had, in my opinion is not lying by omission.
If You don’t ask, don’t expect the other person to bring something up.
The day before your WEDDING?!
I'm curious on why you are so hesitant to pay rent? As far as if it is fair or not, that depends on a few things. Are both of your incomes comparable? Would all the bills be comparable to the total rent (which I could guess is around $1,000)?
To me it sounds like she is trying to make sure things are equal in what you are both contributing, which doesn't have to mean it's a roommate but can also mean she sees you as an equal partner.
Wow, I had no idea that this was actually done by others in pandemic times! I don't think a chat with the driver is possible for me (too high up), but it is so good to know that delivery services are willing to go along with it! But yeah, given how I live! in a house with lots of people with mental illnesses, I think using a bucket from a window instead from the balcony would be safer for the food. 🙂 I just need to buy a really long rope first.
And thank you so much for the link! I actually knew that link – of course. And it is also true that the hospital I go to is not on that list; I'm in NRW and at least here, we are “forced” to go to the hospital nearest to our living place. However, I do wonder if a transfer is possible these days – back during my last inpatient treatment, which was now almost 10 years ago (that's how long I'm locked in already), it wasn't because the specialized clinics have only very limited capacities. Which is why the doctors in my hospital then sent me to Cologne to talk to the specialists for brain surgery there and when I noped out of that, the doctors and me came up with the lock-in-plan.
Thank you so, so much for your kind words and motivation! It's so horribly tough to basically spend my adult years locked in, doing all those compulsions which take as much time as a real job, except I don't even get paid for that crap.
One of the appointments I have tomorrow (and which I would be billed for if I don't attend) is with my therapist. She's not great – she was the only one available during pandemic times probably because she's not great – but I'll bring it up with her again. She's not a therapist for OCD, as I'm seeing her to get over the loss of my mother, and she said before she won't touch my OCD because that's way too bad for non-inpatient-therapy, but I'll bring it up to her again that this now, once more, showed that something needs to change and maybe she has some ideas or contacts. If I'm already going to such a Covid-risk tomorrow, might as well make the most out of it.
Again, thank you so much for your kind words. I see that you seem to be living in Germany as well and my experience with German people and OCD so far wasn't… the greatest, so even if it's just live!, this means a lot.
She sucked another mans dick and now wants you back to kiss you. nice thought isn't it? You should respect yourself. Sorry but I feel like you are still thinking about getting her back because you don't vvalue yourself as a human being enough
Sounds like your ex will be missing out on a lot of fun.
What changed with her other lover, I wonder… ?
Oh helllll no. Password/face protect your phone and accounts- he gets access when you do, period. But really a good, mature relationship doesn’t involve phone checks- that must feel like you’re a naughty child or completely untrustworthy when he does check your phone, and I’m sorry you’re experiencing that. Good luck OP!!
She needs serious intervention and you need to move on to a person who's s mentally stable enough for a relationship.
You can do better I promise you
Thank you very much for your personal story and advice, appreciate it. Will definitely keep this in mind when her and I talk
Its an engagement ring so its not even the 'wear for the rest if your life' ring. It just feels like if we sit dowm in a shop and sort it thats me going “so sound we're getting married ye? Cool..”.
No big jesture of love, is all
I don’t think it’s that easy to change people’s minds. You have one set of beliefs and he has another. Probably he is as dedicated to his beliefs as you are to yours so why would you expect him to change.
Actually ain the story I’m more concerned about the fact that you’re 23 have no car, no money and seem to be completely dependent on your boyfriend. I think you should be developing yourself, develop in your career and develop in your life rather than dependent be on a man.
It’s definitely possible to have a successful marriage with somebody who has different political views I think of that may Mary Matalin and James Carville for example. I guess you just don’t talk about those issues where you don’t have agreement.
I
How do I know she is changing if stupid lies keep happening?
That's a pretty clear sign that things aren't changing.
Everything about this is dumb. Let me get this straight, you are going to giver her a trial run with this dude, to see if he is good enough for her to leave you for him? WTF man.
It sounds like she started to mess up and then caught herself, and was taking the right steps. The it sounds like you you couldn't deal with the fact that that happened and can't let it go. That's a you problem. If you want to burn down your whole marriage over it, go on with what you are talking about. Just be ready to live! with it
If she hates texting, suggest to call or video?
Why wait? You want to let another guy come down and swoop her? Build your chances and presence and go for it my man
It's not about the flowers. You're not breaking up with him over flowers, you're breaking up with him because he doesn't care about your wants or needs. Something as simple as getting you the gift you want, which wasn't a difficult request. Anyone who says its about the flowers is trying to belittle your feelings.
I had an ex a lot like this. We were together for many years. At around year four he proposed to me. Now I had always asked for two things, don't propose to me on Christmas and ask for my father's blessing. He proposed to me on Christmas and revealed later that he didn't ask my dad. I never gave him an answer and talked to him about how it felt and he promised to do it over, which he never did and I waited another 3 years until I eventually left him.
Date someone who is willing to make time for you, and to pay attention to you wants and needs.
Well she left for 2 weeks to another part of our state and she was saying how she Hope's shes less busy in January we'll touch base when she gets back. Well I tried to do that last week and got no response so idk. Guess I'll keep her info and move on.
Married your backup plan, your husband who you describe as almost perfect and a great guy. The guy you actually wanted a long time ago got wasted and professed his love for you, now you've realized you don't wanna be with your husband.
I feel bad for the husband. Doesn't even matter if he's been a great partner for years, it just takes an old crush to come back around and now you want this other guy. It's a pretty voluntary action to keep in touch with this guy and cozy up with his family. Maybe just divorce and crush your husband's spirit now instead of later down the road since that's where things will end up if you don't give yourself better boundaries
Married your backup plan, your husband who you describe as almost perfect and a great guy. The guy you actually wanted a long time ago got wasted and professed his love for you, now you've realized you don't wanna be with your husband.
I feel bad for the husband. Doesn't even matter if he's been a great partner for years, it just takes an old crush to come back around and now you want this other guy. It's a pretty voluntary action to keep in touch with this guy and cozy up with his family. Maybe just divorce and crush your husband's spirit now instead of later down the road since that's where things will end up if you don't give yourself better boundaries
OP, “recently” and “moved on” shouldn't be in the same sentence. It takes time to unravel a breakup even when your ex didn't try to kill you. Point being, this new woman's not wrong. You dragged a lot of baggage from your past (including your ex herself) into this new relationship and didn't tell her about it. Your best shot here is probably to tell this new woman that you're sorry and that you're going to spend the next few months trying to finally conclude this breakup. Leave her alone while you let things die down. Also, stop putting your personal business on social media. Even people without homicidal exes don't do that if they want their adult relationships to work. You tried to move on too quickly and you were way too public about it. Abuse victims shouldn't have to spend their whole lives hiding. But they do owe it to the people they interact with to at least divulge that it could be dangerous. You deprived your new girlfriend of the opportunity to make an informed decision about you. That's not fair.
You're most likely projecting because it's stuff you did and, honestly, will probably do again. And she probably did it because you've done worse things by your own admission.
Regardless, there isn't a reason to message someone that they liked an old photo. You don't think they knew that with how far down they scrolled? She did it to open communication with him of course. As if to say, “I noticed you were checking me out.”
Girl… you need to reevaluate your life if you want to marry a man that will never put you first
You can't make positive changes with someone determined to bring you down. Do you want your kids to see a sad depressed marriage instead of mentally healthy single parents??
This isn't a mistake though this is just flat out wrong wrther you agree with me or not I mean the point is she knew her parents where not okay with her sisters sexuality and where effy about her girlfriend knowing this your in no position to have the entitlement to 1 think you can just out the person who who by the way was taken that opportunity to come out on their own away from them that initself is super hurtful and 2 she this OP is super entitled I'm sorry but demanding that your sister shares something that isn't her business to begin with and then throws a fit when the sister respects her girlfriend and keeps her mouth shut shows the person who posted this lacks emotional maturity and respect for other people's privacy
Your wife is going to give your child an eating disorder. She needs some serious therapy.
OP, this is literally textbook manipulation. Frankly, whatever he decides to do, even if it’s suicide, is 1000% his decision and not your fault. He is a cheater and a horrible human being. I am so disgusted by people who try to weaponize their life to get their way with people. You should be angry. Block every single contact outright, don’t answer anymore unknown numbers. Threaten to get the police involved if anything and hell, call them to do a welfare check if they really do want to say he’s trying to kill himself. But under no circumstances should you extend any more grace to that AH. This is a hole he dug for himself. Let him lay in it. Don’t support him. He needs professional help.
What? That nurse needs to go back to med school. It can absolutely lie dormant with no symptoms for years in some people.
Personally I don’t think dating your friends ex’s is ever a good idea unless they specifically say they’re okay with that and are on good terms. It’s messy, people tend to carry nude feelings.
I think he is still writing it snd there were never any other friends working with him in this “project”
Because you’re allowing him to do that? You’re entertaining him when he’s not ignoring you. “ what exactly do you have interest in if he’s rubbish at conversation, not putting in effort and lives in misery?
There’s an entire Simpsons episode on this.
How do you steal photos without sending them
This really doesn’t sound like a relationship at all. And how is she spending 10 hrs a day on gaming? How does she have time to work; support herself; study…etc? You need to raise the bar for what you look for in a relationship.
Do you know how many mistresses have been told that? They are always in a miserable marriage and are only staying for the kids. It's the classic cheating married man's line. It so classic that it was in the movie Waiting to Exhale.
YaBoiToe has a point here.
It’s not unhealthy to enjoy release or pain as a form of stimulation, physically or psychologically (or both), as long as it’s communicated and experimented with in a way responsible to the needs and safety of all parties involved. Similarly, it’s not unhealthy to enjoy bringing somebody that pleasure or stimulation. Some people like aggressively tossing each other onto the bed, some people like restraint, some people like smoking weed before sex and blindfolds and tickling.
What is unhealthy is to enjoy causing someone distress and pain they don’t want and enjoy— whether it’s in BDSM or in another context.
Unfortunately, that’s the clear concern here. OP doesn’t like or want this and BF is either ignoring those signals or doesn’t care and doesn’t want to do the work required to engage responsibly in BDSM.
Things have gotten far out of hand.
Even if OP is trying to pretend to enjoy things they’re scared and uncomfortable with (which, OP, is not something you should do— people shouldn’t have sex they don’t enjoy to “keep” someone— that’s not what healthy intimacy are about), OP’s partner is looking like a shitbag because it’s also unhealthy to be so poorly attuned to your partner that you are ignoring or (somehow, magically) unaware that your partner is experiencing fear and distress around the prospect of having sex with you.
OP, your partner as a person interested kink has been harmful and irresponsible toward you by diving in without carefully establishing what the things both of you enjoy actually are, and opening healthy communication and preferences and limits along the way. Not to mention prioritizing your preferences period, which you make clear are not for kinky sex.
Whether it’s a result of behaving in a way that’s abusive, or dangerously ignorant, or some mix, it is not okay to rope people into BDSM dynamics without reliable and actual communication throughout any exploring, and clear enthusiasm.
OP, the best case scenario is likely that this person is toxically immature and using motivated reasoning to get what they want. I’d get away from this situation quickly. It may not be the best case scenario.
Again, best case guy is still failing to respect or take care of you.
Even if you’ve truly tried to bottle up all your negative reactions and are ignoring all your own needs and boundaries in an effort to be a people-pleaser, you deserve a partner who will make sure you feel safe and have space to express your real needs, preferences, and boundaries.
This is not what healthy kink or healthy dating is like. A good partner doesn’t drop their likes 5 months in and then decide make your sex life revolve around their needs exclusively. Take care of yourself first.
Are you two sober at 3-6am when making these plans? Are you certain he even remembers making them?
Do you realize you have no proof she stole from you? You're going by what you remember was in your wallet on two different occasions. Without any other consideration (has she stolen in the past) I think you're off base here.
Im confused, was it actually for her birthday? If so why didn’t you ask her to take her birthday off work and just go on that day? Why a week later? And if it was for her birthday but a week late, did you do or get her anything on her actual birthday a week ago? Im wondering if that’s why she’s upset and saying “but why today?!”. Also if she was unprepared she may not have shaved or had her period or really needed to focus on work and felt the timing was wrong and could’ve happened in an evening/weekend with a little advance notice.
I also wonder if after 3 years and the age you are, she’s upset that it wasn’t a proposal. Or maybe she thought it was a proposal coming and she was upset that she wasn’t prepared or in the right frame of mind and she was stressed and in work mode etc.
Point is, you needed to empathise that while you thought it was a cool idea, for many possible reasons, she did not and that’s actually okay. Try talking to her because a wall of silence between you won’t fix it.
You need to put cameras all over your house.
Your husband is cheating and she was in your bedroom.
You need to start doing surprise visits at home.
I'm pretty familiar with saving money for trips, as a fellow poor, and still manage to hit therapy once a week. It's like magic or something.
It's more like she's putting herself first for a little bit, which is kind of necessary when something throws your mental health for a loop. So yeah, in that way, OP is her second choice. I doubt very much she wants to be back in a relationship with her ex.
Huh? So because you want to be with him you pretend you're sleeping while he puts his hand on his junk? Yikes.
I dressed like your gf when I was 18. I didn’t do it for anyone else except me. I seriously wish people would just dress how they want and not care about what everyone else is wearing or judge.
Yes, we have talked about it multiple times and she just says she hopes I change my mind.
On the most simple level, this might be a good one to give a little. Try wearing a shirt, show you hear her concern. Whether the daughter feels weird or not, mom has an issue with her kid seeing your shirtless. Sometimes the best way to express love and respect is being willing to change small things you think are illogical or even have valid justification to continue.
Not really for everyone shitting on this girls values. Vast majority of you saying he’s right and she’s wrong… her values are her values and if she doesn’t believe in living together before marriage then that’s that and its not wrong and he isn’t either.
And everyone saying live! together before getting married as if it doesn’t decrease the likelihood of him proposing. I’ve heard time and time again of women wanting marriage but they already live! with the guy and have kids with him, and the guy (understandably) says no ‘it’s like we’re already married what’s the point’ and he’s right. It is like you’re married so why should he marry you? It’s too risky if you’re a woman who absolutely wants marriage and kids (after marriage) to move in. But if you do move in with him then make it very clear that you will not stay in a relationship without marriage (on the timeline you want) and make sure he really wants marriage too. Just travel together for like 3-6 months OP and you’ll get a good idea of what it’s like to on-line with this person. You don’t have to move in imo. OP and her bf will just have to come to an agreement on this or break up.
Did you discuss having a baby? Stopping contraception? If so, remind your husband of those conversations and the outcomes. And tell his horrible relatives too. If he still doubles down, give him his freedom (minus child support and alimony payments of course…).
From the post and all your responses, I gotta be honest it doesn't sound like anything other than some poorly thought out jokes. You say they or it was a joke(s) from several years ago but that there has been nothing since to make you think he has a thing for kids. You also mention that you ALWAYS think the worst of things, and you've let this fester for two years. It sounds like you may have an anxiety disorder that you should seek help for as well as therapy if you aren't in it already. I personally also have a pretty dark sense of humor that would disturb a lot of folks (think dead baby jokes lol), but that doesn't mean I'm going to go out and start murdering babies.
Communication is key, and you've already brought forward your needs. He took some initiative but then fell off track. You need to just sit him down and have a thorough talk with him. Let him know that your needs must be met. Ask him how he would feel that once he got close to climax, that you'll just push away from him and go shower. Would he feel neglected or even cruelly teased? They make wonderful little “helpers” to use during intimacy to have a higher chance of getting you to climax. There is also the possibility that he could do other things to you FIRST/foreplay that can get you to climax before penetrative intercourse. You are going to have to take off the padded gloves and be straightforward with him. Tell him that his is YOUR MAN, and you want what you know he is capable of giving you with the right physical AND emotional investment. Have you thought to maybe ask him what other intimate acts he may be interested in? He really needs to understand that this unbalanced intimacy can start forcing a wedge between you both and start fueling resentment that he isn't acknowledging your needs or putting enough effort to meet them. Maybe start out this conflict with two small cups of ice cream. Have a cup of vanilla setting out and a cup of something like moolienium crunch or nude fudge caramel brownie ice cream and ask which one does he think tastes better. You and I know he will not choose the vanilla, but after he doesn't pick it you slowly push it to him with a smile and pull the multi-flavor ice cream to you. You can then tell him this is the way he treats you in bed.
I'm just your typical average guy in his 40s with a dad-bod married to a beautiful woman 7 years younger. Almost 18 years together(17 married), I can still instantly get her riled up with a specific way I gently kiss on her neck all these years later. Knowing her body and what pleases her was one of my intimate priorities. Communication was our key, and not being embarrassed or ashamed to talk about anything and not being intimidated if we mixed in some “marital aid” toys in the mix. She also made it one of her priorities to know my needs. There are many times after we've had intimacy that she is just twitching in bed saying, “Louisiana plate four, seven, two, A, F, umm…can't remember the last letter of the license plate of the truck that just PLOWED me over”…and starts giggling. Okay, she doesn't always do the license plate thing…some times she just says “beep beep” and starts giggling. To me, it isn't a question of IF she is going to climax…it is how many times she will to my one. There are many times she has to push me away because she climaxed so many times she has sensory overload and cannot be touched. Because of this “disparity”, she makes even extra efforts to be one-sided affectionate when her “wonderland” is down for a few days of the month. I have insecurity and self esteem issues, and a lot of it stems from being cheated on by just about every woman I dated(including my first wife) until I got with my second/current wife 18 years ago. My awesome wife, my lover, my best friend, does everything she can to lift me up. She has been downright snarky as to making a statement, ” why the HELL did any of your ex's cheat on you?” I used to think it was because I wasn't enough in the bedroom. But my wife was quick to say, “well, they always wanted to come back though and they ain't getting an opportunity ever again as long as I am alive…” I also made it a point to lose weight and get healthier for her. I'm still her fuzzy teddy bear, but I have more muscle than pudge than when we got together.
Resorting to unbridled violence when your life isn't at stake is the real “pussy” move. You know what's courageous? Impulse control and sound judgement under pressure. Or at least coginzance that what you did was wrong after the fact.
Thugs, sociopaths, and the clinically insecure are the only ones who think it's admirable or even neutral to believe extreme violence is the appropriate response to re-aquiring or protecting inanimate objects.
You sound like a moron, or one of the above. Probably more than one. Based only on what we know, I'd rather have the kid who stole the car in my neighborhood than you. The kid could have been helped. Not so sure about you.
How lucky of you that you never had to fear for your safety and physical integrity. But breaking up with a violent person, of the type you luckily never encountered, is the most dangerous moment. She should break up by phone.
Start with finding out why. Start individual counseling. So stupid but you already know that.
and there are tons of studies showing it hinders the ability to properly experience actual physical intimacy in relationships!
Physical contact like this is perfectly healthy in a friendship. Modern society loves to tell us that physical contact is inappropriate between friends, but it’s not. Humans as a species thrive on physical contact of any kind, even between friends.
Why don't you invite your sister to show you on the same type of stuff you used how to use it and pretend you broke yours on some other stuff/improper use seeing how much it van withold yada yada so she sees for herself where her product needs improvement and find out by herself so to speak? A stress test of a sort
Also – if you're actually being accused of rape and police are involved, don't post about it on Reddit with an account that identifies you, you fool.
– signed, someone with half a fucking clue about the law.
Maybe that is who she is inside…dont care about her body and give in to temptation and then blame it on depression.
Does he have anything of yours at his place? If so, bring a print-out of the screenshot or just send the texts after you have your stuff back.
He’s not a ‘pro,’ and I certainly wouldn’t do it if my hubby’s friend just happened to pick up photography recently. however, if hubby’s friend was a longtime, actual professional photographer who’s work I liked, I see no issue with it.
The people commenting here just feel like every woman’s hot body is there to be sexualized, which simply isnt true.. Female bodies don’t just exist for male pleasure. People can be hard, doesn’t mean they wanna fuck. Just mean’s theyre comfortable and secure in their body.
If anything, I would say the husband is a weirdo for being so concerned about this. It’s straight up weird that OP is this torn up about something that thousands of women do for their significant others.
back then we both agreed we should stop talking to them, no one was really pushing for it
If you can play the long game, create an account using a distant friend’s pics, as long as you have their permission. Make him fall for you and crush him!
giving up on what?? you literally can’t stand him. not much to build on from there.
Just take some time to think of it from his perspective. He’s getting anxious, not sure about how to express himself. Men seem to struggle a lot more with emotions understandably so, just remind yourself that he needs time.
But, come to a compromise. I personally can’t handle being ignored (not that that is what’s happening here), so tell him. “It’s okay to need time, we do need to talk about it but if you need time to collect your thoughts that’s ok. But I need transparency, let me know “I’m feeling overwhelmed and need some time to calm down and think about this””