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hi, my name is Emily, today is my 3nd day. Subscribe to me, thank you for your support đ, 18 y.o.
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Live Live Sex Chat rooms hi, my name is Emily, today is my 3nd day. Subscribe to me, thank you for your support đ
Date: February 24, 2023
I can't fathom having a partner and not kissing them for that long, or just not showing affection.
It sounds like you guys are roommates more than anything else. I think this is as much her fault as you believe it is yours, possibly more. She could very well be using you for comfort, finances, and stability. That's awful.
She's already admitted she would be with a woman if you broke up and that raises a red flag immediately. I have nothing against LGBTQ+ or people figuring out their orientation, but it makes me wonder why she's with you when she shows absolutely zero desire. It also sounds like there's no real communication.
There is no coming back from this. Make a break, move out, how she lives or figures out her own life is up to her. Not you. You owe her nothing.
I think you also need to see a therapist and work on being able to stand up for your needs and wants and communicate these. It might also help to work on your self-esteem and self-worth too.
Just quit. Smoking is disgusting and no matter what you do people can smell it. Suck it up, you have kids, quit and donât die of lung cancer.
Obviously you know yourself and your gf better than an internet stranger does. If you honestly think you can get past the lies, deception and projection (not just the multiple men, but playing you like a complete fool, accusing you of doing what she was actually doing, etc) and can trust her again then it is worth a try. I wonder if her generosity in the relationship stems from the guilt she feels about deceiving you.
I hope that the fear of the unknown is not making your decisions. Donât focus on what might potentially happen if you break up, like split custody. Focus on how you actually feel, and if you can spend the rest of your life in this situation. It will take a while, Iâm sure, to work through your emotions.
As a parent I know your urge is to do anything for your kid, putting yourself second. Itâs okay to consider your own needs and happiness in this situation. An unhappy, untrusting father in an intact family unit is not beneficial. A father that models positive self worth and healthy relationships is much more important to a child. Your relationship with your sonâs mother is the example from which he will learn how to be in his own relationships. If you think you can give yourself fully to the relationship, full of love, no resentment then you have a chance. If not, then you are doing yourself and your son a great disservice. You only have one life, decide how you want to spend it.
This is abuse
Heâs not going to change
Time for both of you to get the hell out. Donât put yourselves through this. Life is too short.
Yeah I want to i just get really anxious and awkward when it comes to being direct about feelings and stuff any ideas on how i could go about that??
You mention hair, which no one else has commented on.
There is nothing wrong with public hair, it's just a body after all, but if it's a big Bush, maybe give it a quick trim. Doesn't have to be bald or brazillian or something, maybe just a quick cut
Omg you absolute monster. How could you do such a horrible thing?!!!!!! /S Honestly,it's a meme. Grow up this is beyond silly.
I feel like when it comes to him, I lose the ability to think clearly and keep doubting myself.
Yep
I work with adolescents and I can assure you Iâve seen countless 12 year olds that Iâve had to do a double take to check their age. For girls, especially thatâs a weird age where some mature very early and can easily be mistaken for 16 or older. I canât even say that behaviors are a clue to age because some of these 12 year old girls are quite Street smart, manipulative, and fairly promiscuous. The reasons for that, though, are where the problems lie and why they end up in my care.
If you have a restraining order, start reporting him for violating it
Smooth, trimmed, forest, it's all a personal preference. What's surprising for me is the 10 years. Either she has been holding this in, or it's a completely new thing.
New things are seen in other places. Certainly not your “place”. If she has always kept herself smooth or trimmed, then maybe she has just been afraid to say anything about your area.
You don't give much info about the circumstances. So I don't assume anything.
You know he is sexually attracted to you. You know he respects you, and has some self-control.
He also said he won't touch me or try anything ever unless I want to.
So do you want to?
It doesnât matter if you understand her reasoning or not. Sheâs checked out of the marriage and the divorce is just paperwork at this point. Cut your loses and move on.
My ex felt this way too. In the end she was the one who cheated. I now see that this is a sign that you are not compatible with him. There is no evidence of wrong doing yet you still blame him.
You did the right thing for you.
Based on your story, she's actually the one who needs to make it up with you.
She needs to be coming at you with flowers and asking you out and showing you how she can be a better girlfriend.
Well not quite girlfriend.
At this stage, she would need to make moves on you and date you again before you two become boyfriend and girlfriend in the future, if you do.
she needs to woo you and convince you that she would be somebody you want to be dating again in a romantic relationship.
But if you don't want to wait around see if she's changed , it that's okay too . you can go on about your business and meet and date other people
For me, I wouldnât have such a strong ultimatum but I would be worried that my wife has a friend who is either so compassionate or such a doormat to the point of self immolation. Itâs nice that sheâs taking her vows seriously, but at some point if the other person in the relationship is disrespecting you to the point of serially cheating, drunk driving, then continuing to cheat while you throw your entire life into providing for them, you should leave for your own dignity. And if the wife isnât giving that advice to her friends I would be a bit concerned
So sorry to hear about your loss. Your ex is a POS. Right now he is expecting to pay child support when the baby is born. If you tell him you lost the baby he is going to be elated. He is going to laugh at you when you are experiencing this grief. Let him suffer. If he finds out eventually then so be it.
Yes, you're just being silly
You're thinking of ending a relationship that makes you happy for a fantasy
I have to chuckle. Just reading the title, I assumed he was American ? He's an arsehole, dump and block him on everything and before he goes, tell him you speak proper English and he can do one.
It does this to me as well, and destroys my sex drive
Why do you want to go so badly?? Thatâs the real question.
Well it sure happens to teenagers in Mexico lol
if I start visiting family more frequently that is also a dealbreaker in the relationship
Leave him. This is toxic and extremely isolating and it's clear you are not happy there and him and his family should not be your sole source of comfort and happiness – it's weird. Explain to him that his controlling ultimatum has essentially pushed you away and you want to be back home with your family. I'm sure he seems lovely but anyone who tells you you cannot see your family more than 2x a year has concerning behaviors and doesn't want the best for you.
I'm from PA and my gf is from WI, as long as we/she can afford it, I've expressed to her that we will find all the time in the world for us to visit her family back there. THIS is the mentality he should have. Anything else is weird, controlling, and unhealthy. It ain't the love you think it is.
Sometimes I like to poke the crazy!
Itâs also fair to give the relationship another 6 months if you can stand to see what happens. Itâs fair for him to be unsure. Iâm honesty of the opinion if you break up once, you will again, so I donât doubt the breakup and rocky past is heavily making him question if this is just a honeymoon before the other shoe drops or if itâs for real.
That being said, youâre 28. You may not want to wait around another 6 months just to find out he is still unsure. Just remember you have agency over your own life and you donât need to wait for him to come to a decision. You can, but you can also decide that no decision IS a decision.
He should break up with you. He can certainly do better.
Does he demand you to prove it?
I can see both sides. She might genuinely be an empathetic person who recognizes that shitty people usually act shitty because they dislike their own lives, which is an admirable thing to do. That said, it would also annoy me if my partnerâs only response to someone acting rude to me or bullying me was to feel bad for the other person. Like, why not give that same empathy to your significant other? I would just have a genuine talk with her – not the âthis bothers meâ talk but the âI need you to stop doing this or else our relationship will be affectedâ talk.
It may be an unpopular opinion, but Iâve always been at the conviction that if thereâs something your partner does that really truly bothers you and feels like it is affecting your relationship make it a boundary. Your partner then decides whether to cross it or not and then you will have to decide what to do from there.
When ur not there anymore, he can fuck his money instead.
Dont do it then!!!! Its not his money. Im so happy for you that hes leaving
Could she have an underlying medical condition sheâs too shy to talk about? (Like vaginitis, urinary infections, âŚ). Or even depression?
If not, then even if she wonât admit it, she probably grew apart from you.
It's a tough situation, and I'm sorry for you. Can you get away even for a few days for your sanity? I think if you went to a friends' place just for some time away, it might help you clear your mind and find a plan to get away. How long does your lease last. Do you have a job? Can you find alternative housing for yourself in your area? Can you talk to you landlord about getting out of the lease if you have signed? There are too many unknowns that we can't know what is the best course of action for you. But I can tell you that if you start planning now, it will help you deal with everything because you will have a long term goal to work for.
I thought so too⌠like Iâm glad theyâre out of a bad relationship and all, but why with the sexist comments?
He's abusing you.
Show him this post or tell him the things you say in it. But you have to realize that this could be a relationship ending discussion. And you should let him know that you understand that could happen.
Could it be that your type is not amenable to ultimatums, rather than women in general, which implies most or all women?
I've never experienced giving or receiving an ultimatum and the few ultimatums that have been shared with me were women and on the topic if either moving in together or getting engaged.
Just get a divorce. Are you even happy in your marriage?
Thatâs why I kind if question the validity of the letter because there were no details. However, my name was spelled correctly(& my name is often misspelled) & the person wrote out the first & last name of my fiancĂŠ.
Cut your friend out of your life and mind your own business
ive gotten a few replies to this that dont show up for some reason, so i cant reply to them. however i have read them from my notifications panel. thank you guys for your advice i really appreciate it. obviously theres a lot more than me just being his personal chauffer. regardless of the request, my no is usually met with “but” and “please” until a compromise is made (rare, hes usually unhappy regardless) or i give in. its just a lot of emotional weight i cannot carry right now. again thank u all so much for your advice
Yeah I guess…..
I know I am missing out a lot but I just thought she has been worth it, always.
Hello, how are you is a good start. Talk about common interests. Movies, music, tv shows, books, video games.
Hello, how are you is a good start. Talk about common interests. Movies, music, tv shows, books, video games.
Yet another man who dates younger women because no one his age would even think about putting up with his bullshit. Run.
What an awful attitude. Truly. “If you have difficulties interacting with people you should just stay home and isolate yourself even more. You certainly should not take baby steps toward branching out. Engaging bit by bit with the community until you feel comfortable and accepted. Heavens no! You should be banished to being alone forever. Church isn't about understanding our fellow man and having empathy for their struggles. And church is not about welcoming everyone from all walks of life so they, too, can feel the love. What would Jesus do? Why, he would tell you if you aren't capable of standing up and greeting your fellow parishioners you can just get the hell out! Go home and stay there! How dare you attempt to be part of a community when you have social anxiety!
Totes christian of you.
Had you guys agreed on being monogamous?
If you have feelings for him, you need to separate yourself from him
Hey! Hope you don't min me writing here instead of a comment.
I'm poly and have been for many, many years. It is quite possible to have an open relationship that is good and works out.
It does require open and honest communication.
I do think you should talk to your girlfriend about this, but be careful with what you say and how you go about it.
Good luck!
Donât introduce people to your child this quickly
This should be the biggest takeaway.
Im glad you're over, no one should waste their time on an insecure prick like you lmao
Not just crazy, he's evil and immoral. Crazy is someone like a flat earther, ridiculous by harmless. Your ex is evil.
May I ask, if you do prove it or donât prove it, what are the expected outcomes for you?
are you serious?
Do you know the bare minimum about how brains and emotions work?
Considering OP said he âOKAYedâ and that he said âif it makes you happy then fineâ
Itâs very very obvious he wasnât okay with it
An âokayâ isnât a yes And enthusiastic yes is a yes.
You are most definitely doing something wrong. This woman has shown you 11-teen different ways that she is unstable and is looking for ANY guy to get rich and marry her so she can prove something to herself and her ex. RUN!
You went with your brothers girlfriend. At 18 you know whatâs right and wrong. BS excuse
Do not do this without a lawyer. She's trying to fuck you over because you decided it was over.
No, they dont know anything about each other.
Right even if we believe it was fraud (and OP seems to be an unreliable narrator) getting an 11 year sentence indicates that this was BIG or that it followed a long string of convictions.
I agree with everyone saying not to address it but the next time she does something small but invasive to your boyfriend, have him firmly but politely tell her not to. Like, please donât touch me like that. Or have him redirect her behavior so that she is aware that he is uncomfortable.
Right now youâre young enough to leave and start over with someone else. Start packing your shit right in front of him and see how that silent treatment turns into a massive conniption.
At this point, you are overthinking this. All of that happened before you were there.
She sat down at the table with you and ate a meal. The past guy was there. leave him in the past as you expect her to as well.
I would suggest maybe dealing with some of your feeling with some therapy. This may help you instead of punishing yourself and your current relationship for harm done to you in the past. Even couples therapy, she may be able to help you recover if she knew more of how its effected you. work together and communicate to move forwards
She says that my friends dont like her and makes fake scenarios in her head that everyone wants to separate usâŚ
Don't blame him at all.
There are attractive side skills you can develop aside from money:
1) Be in shape. Discipline and having a nice butt is attractive for both sexes. If you have a hobby that keeps you in shape that's pretty attractive.
2) Be a good cook. Having a killer dish > restaurant hopping with a wealthy partner.
3) Develop bonding activities/routines that she would miss a lot. This can be merged with 1) for example. Or maybe she visits grandma on sundays, go to that. Go for walks with the doggy, etc.
4) Match her sexual libido. This is why 1) is so crucial too. You can be a successful person but if you're tired all the time…
Anything you end up doing, be true to who you are. It's good to push yourself but in a long term sustainable way.
Happy for you bro, sounds like you guys have a solid ground to work with. Best of luck.
Pfft. Dude taught an abuser a very important lesson. I don't think he handled it poorly at all.
Pfft. Dude taught an abuser a very important lesson. I don't think he handled it poorly at all.
Yeah it would
You have not been raised the way I have and have no idea how it feels in my culture to talk back to your parents. Or let me put it this way since I am older and wiser now then I was 4 years ago. Husband slaps wife, wife says this will not be tolerated. Husband reflects and stops never does it again. Sounds realistic to you right
The effort might lead to a resolution. Whatever the resolution, it will eventually be better than what you have. Here's hoping that the resolution is what you want it to be.
He didn't even tell her anything, he literally just nodded and raised his eyebrows and she projected her insecurities onto him and made up a whole convo.
I donât know what you really wanted him to say honestly, sounds like he didnât even say anything he just nodded and looked at you, obviously it would have been nice for him to say âno baby youâre beautifulâ but he was probably taken a bit aback by your comment
Iâve been working on this for a long time, this is my first time asking for help live.
Iâve tried showing her through actions and words, always being there for her, holding her in my arms when she cries and buying her milkshakes when she wants them.
I feel free her and she didnât deserve her bad hand she was dealt. I want to work through it with her and prove itâs possible and not stupid.
She says I donât need to do this, even sometimes telling me she doesnât want me to, but I stick with it. Thanks, friend.
That's how I learned it but I'm sure it's a regional difference
Suppose your bf decided to go to a club on a whim. Yes, itâs out of character, but he goes anyway. Suppose it operated like my hypothetical above (tons of women rizzing up guys and plying them with alcohol, all of them willing to make out at a table or take him home – and he disappeared until 6am. Yes/No? Be honest.
She can be a sweetheart and still be a bad partner. I wouldn't stay with someone who insulted my body or insinuated it wasn't good enough, personally.
Most likely made up
.
Are you on the spectrum?
Subsequently His wife had found our emails and he told me to go no-contact until he can sort things out. A few days later I received an email from her asking basically what am I doing with her husband, she was polite, seemed wounded, not rude just asking what our relationship really means and he told me to not reply. Everything he said made sense to me at first and of course I accepted everything. Five years pass and his child gets married last October 22.
This timeline is a bit confusing, are you saying the wife reached out to you asking you what was going on and now five years later youâre thinking about meeting up with her because you didnât want to send an email? Am I to understand that you went this entire time without responding to the wife or confirming her suspicions about her husbandâs affair??
I think you really need to be more upfront with future partners. he did the right thing. this was never going to work out
Itâs gonna be ok. You have to have an honest open conversation with your wife. Are her needs being met? What can you do to improve sex with her? Maybe introduce the idea of non-monogamy.
Damn. I feel sorry for you.
Gaaross
Ok well good
I was just assuming from most people that post on here.
My apologies.
And then in that case, this is a tough one. Only way I can think about is it not just ask her. Have 1-3 friends go with to watch it. Then you spend time with her and hangout, but you donât have to either lead her on or have the awkward âthis isnât a dateâ talk
She doesnât live with you yet so I think youâre overreacting, especially if thereâs no actual plans for living together. Your consent isnât needed for her to get a dog a this stage of your relationship.
Eh, I agree it's racist, just trying to give some thoughts for the OP to ponder. I think it's possible the “power dynamic” thing is more what the OP's boyfriend meant and just worded it badly. A bit more understandable, especially if he's experienced a lot of racism against him from white people. As I said though, I'd likely end the relationship over it, I want a life partner, not a therapy project.
Iâve seen this story a few months ago ?
He's enabling her. I don't buy that they're entirely platonic. But either way, if he doesn't end their friendship, you need to end your relationship. Personally, I think you should just end it because he doesn't seem to have any respect for you or your boundaries, and it's not okay to stay friends with someone you have a sexual past with, especially when that person is actively trying to ruin your relationship.
Don't.
If you think she's interested and you're not, don't do anything that could give her hope, it's not fair.
Also, you've never had a relationship, why you trying to be a player?
Yeah reddit loves to point the finger but the reality is a large portion of us basement dwellers are cringe as fuck in other ways. If youâre going to give the dad the benefit of the doubt just call him out on it and firmly set a boundary never to do it again. FWIW, giving your son a hickey is a bit different than being a pedo. But sometimes people do weird shit and it just sucks cos itâs super weird not coming from a peer but your provider.
And that
Yeah I donât plan on contacting them ? I really only replied to them once to get my message across, they probably wonât respect my wishes tho and will keep being persistent. Iâve kinda just stopped caring about stuff I canât control. I only posted this to get some insight about my situation
You definitely want him angry enough to respond to the accusations via text message. It's bait and if he's dumb enough, he will respond with more threats. That's the point.
In addition, she should go into hiding and block him on all other fronts, removing bed location information from her phone, while making sure to file a PPO with police.
There aren't magic words that will make reinforcing boundaries suddenly work better. If your boyfriend isn't listening to you telling him, “No, don't do that,” there's no way to dress it up that will make him listen.
It would help you cope better. You canât control what other people do, but you can control how you react to the situation.
Sounds extremely toxic. You are 18, if you know what is good for you, you will move out.
Agreed. There doesnât seem much redeeming about this guy.
Agreed. There doesnât seem much redeeming about this guy.
Lol this is fake as fuck. People wrinkle.
Have you tried talking to her about the way you feel?
Have you tried talking to her about the way you feel?
I suspect you're reading a lot further into this than what people are actually saying. Try inviting some of the people/families over to your house for dinner, or an afternoon BBQ; establish some direct social context with people, so that everyone involved feels more comfortable.
Be grateful for your wife's good fortune. Your situation sounds a lot like mine, but I never resented her for it; we laughed, even when she was being carded at R-rated movies and was in her mid-20's. The apparent age difference you're feeling now will smooth out with time. This is your life partner you're talking about; the degree to which you celebrate and appreciate your wife should far outweigh any external gossip.
On the flip side, is there something you can do for your appearance that would narrow the gap? That was always part of it for my situation; I look older than I am, in large part because I started greying in my early 20's. I was never bothered enough to be concerned about it, wasn't interested in trying to be younger, I'm far more interested in the two of us being ourselves.
Yeah I'm so sorry he's having an affair at the very least and a dad at the most. But you have proof it's in this entire post, but even if you walked in on him fucking her with a positive DNA test in his hand he'd still somehow spin it and gaslight you into thinking it's not “concrete proof” you're wrong. Please at the very least look up narcissistic abuse and I'm not gonna say leave him that's your decision but at least get a “what if I left him plan in place” take ya time if needed or take the plunge but this is no life and certainly not a healthy relationship. You deserve better xxx
If itâs annoying to you then think about how your poor wife feels to be treated like a child
Oh yeah, I am seeing the comments, and itâs something I can believe because again it seems that no age gap is appropriate and if someone looks young then youâre a pedo. But I am really hating how it seems the wife is minimizing it.
“Dont let the train wheels hit you where the good lord split you”
And leave.
I know, I never give a shit about this stuff and right it seems so innocuous, but I have a gut feeling the other way
For one she thought I should have said something at the moment instead of the next morning. And maybe in person instead of text. The accusing ungrateful and passive aggressive aspect I had a hot time understanding. I felt like she was twisting my words as none of that was my intention
Sheâs a serial cheater and you got a wife of a few. DNA test those kids. Terrible man.
Iâm going to tell him tonight. My best friend said I could come and stay with her if I needed. Iâm so thankful for the support, sheâs so glad Iâm finally getting out
I feel like itâs fine if she wants a ring that expensive but that means she needs to wait until thatâs something you can afford. If you want to get engaged sooner, then she needs to be ok with what youâre offering. Thereâs also an avenue of getting a ring now and then upgrading later. Adding a halo of diamonds is another way to make a smaller diamond look a bit bigger. There are definitely ways to compromise in a way without breaking the bank.
But I agree with other redditors that you should have some frank discussions about your opinions on spending among other things. Money is a main stressor for couples so make sure youâre on similar pages before getting married.
I will note that occasionally Iâll go on dates with other people after a first date, but usually by date 3 if Iâm into someone I cut it off sharply with other people. And I certainly wonât be having sex with anyone at that point in the game.
Yeah those were the obvious plot holes. Suppose there is a dude obsessed with her, how would he have known she'd be there? And youre telling me telling your friend “hey i need to fix things with the guy I'm seeing I'll be right back” would have been too much drama?
Im viewing the talk as clousure for myself. Because im gonna throw everything at her. Idk what she expects from it but its not gonna be pretty.
Nothing wrong with crying my friend…let it out.
You need to get legitimate counseling, not facilitated by a religious head.
Kind of. Part of it was that before women could work it was a safety net. So if their fiance got abusive after getting engaged she could break off the engagement, sell the ring and live for a few months solo while getting back on her feet.
Not needed really now a days but I like the idea of it being a way to protect women.
You donât have to make him look like a bad father. He does it all on his own. How long are you gonna put up with this?
You shouldnât have to be scared out of being a parent. Having kids is wonderful, though often exhausting. There is nothing wrong with your wanting kids, and there is nothing wrong with your wife not wanting kids or being unsure. You donât have to be convinced that having kids is terrible in any objective way. Itâs not. Itâs just a joint decision that you and your wife have to consciously make together. I think you want kids more than you have been aware of, and this issue is raising that to the surface. I encourage you not to tamp this feeling down too quickly (âI need to learn why having kids is a bad ideaâ). Instead, allow yourself to discover how you feel, how much you want kids, and if the eventual decision is not to have kids, to mourn the loss of that potential future. Repressing those desires will lead to more problems in future. In addition, if you see yourself in a parental role, could that be partially fulfilled by coaching a team (sports, robotics, scouts) – being a mentor and advocate for a kid in the foster care system as a CASA – getting more involved with your nieces and nephews – etc? Not at all the same thing as having a kid, of course.
Wear a condom.
My advice, in addition to just listening to what he has to say is that you need to ensure that you donât at all try to justify your actions to your son. His friend also takes some blame but you are ultimately you are entirely responsible as the adult you had all the agency and power to make a better choice than the one you did and you did not. Donât say that having him made it hot to have relationships, donât talk about how you and is friend are truly in love and you want his support. Acknowledge that you robbed him of a vital friendship for selfish reasons and forever damaged your relationship with him. Donât you dare get defensive, you made your bed now time to lie in it.
My advice is to not quit a job before you have another lined up and to not live with your parents.
The only part of the wedding I'm looking forward to is the ceremony, the celebration with our friends and family. The certificate doesn't matter to me.
Umm so you just want a wedding?
How are you attracted to this man child?
yeah those are pretty reasonable things for you to want your partner to do (assuming you donât refuse to have genuinely necessary conversations)
Honestly your partner sounds pretty nasty too you, to be honest quite a lot of red flags for emotional/verbal abuse seem to be here, I know hearing the word abuse is big and scary when you already have a history with it but maybe take a look at some things discussing those forms of abuse and see if they resignate with your current situation (also if you have a therapist Iâd highly suggest bringing your partners treatment of you up to them)
I'm gonna be the blunt realist in this scenario and tell you that if you really want kids that bad then its time to start looking for someone whos willing to share that future with you. ASAP. Delaying the decision doesn't do you nor her any good. If kids are important to you than you'll just grow bitter that she's stunting your biological heritage, not to mention that her time to have kids has almost run out. I know its incredibly hot to leave someone you've been with for so long but personally, I find family to be extremely important to having a happy and fulfilling life. I'd tell her this is something I'm not willing to compromise on and if she can't do it then its time to pack the bags. Seems like you make a similar amount so the divorce shouldn't hurt your financials too too much. And no you are NOT AN ASSHOLE for wanting to continue your lineage, I'd argue its every living creatures highest purpose. Sometimes you just have to be cold and calculated and put emotions to the side when making super important life decisions like this.
I'm gonna be the blunt realist in this scenario and tell you that if you really want kids that bad then its time to start looking for someone whos willing to share that future with you. ASAP. Delaying the decision doesn't do you nor her any good. If kids are important to you than you'll just grow bitter that she's stunting your biological heritage, not to mention that her time to have kids has almost run out. I know its incredibly hot to leave someone you've been with for so long but personally, I find family to be extremely important to having a happy and fulfilling life. I'd tell her this is something I'm not willing to compromise on and if she can't do it then its time to pack the bags. Seems like you make a similar amount so the divorce shouldn't hurt your financials too too much. And no you are NOT AN ASSHOLE for wanting to continue your lineage, I'd argue its every living creatures highest purpose. Sometimes you just have to be cold and calculated and put emotions to the side when making super important life decisions like this.
Sorry for your experience, it seems to me that you need a different therapist, one who would guide you through the process and help you save your marriage. Doesn't seem that the current treatment you are receiving is very effective.
Sorry for your experience, it seems to me that you need a different therapist, one who would guide you through the process and help you save your marriage. Doesn't seem that the current treatment you are receiving is very effective.
Lolll you got an upvote for that one. Also I just googled wtf your tag is and Iâm cracking up at that too.
Hopefully sheâll get them thrown off the plane before they even leave the airport ?
I donât know about you but I have boundaries in a relationship. ?ââď¸ If youâre okay with your partner having lust for other people than you, then thatâs your opinion. But for me, it makes me feels uncomfortable and disrespected.
I was seeking advice for how to talk to him about it, so no, I am not just going to disregard it because itâs âcontrolling what he doesâ. Itâs called having respect for me.
Also you mentioned he grew out of the drug and alcohol scene, does that mean he doesnât drink at all now? UFC trip in Vegas sounds like there is a possibility of heavy drinking. As a former alcoholic I knew people would be excluded sometimes from my drinking group because they werenât going to be destroying themselves on the same level.
My dad's favorite description for such a person was “nuttier than squirrel turds”, and I think it applies here.
Irrational, volatile, manipulative, jealous, borderline bipolar? How well could this possibly go, man? Take this as your free pass out of crazy town and don't look back.
I understand how you feel but you donât even live together. Itâs his right to have a gun if he feels the need for it.
I understand how you feel but you donât even live together. Itâs his right to have a gun if he feels the need for it.
I'd also not be surprised if his “friend” kept those photos. Nothing in this sounds professional, appropriate or healthy.
For OP's marriage or friendships. Like I can't imagine this not going sideways or someone ELSE having seen those nudes.
I guess people think heâs neurodivergent because this is exactly the experience of a lot of neurodivergent peopleâŚ
Iâm on the spectrum, I got masking down to a T so I appear pretty neurotypical in most settings. But I struggle a lot with relationships and generally I am not a popular person. Got excluded from a lot of things over the years, had friends indulge in my hobbies without inviting me, have my offers of help constantly turned down, etc. Those who donât know me well enough or love me donât see why this is happening, they all think Iâm great. Which is fantastic, I do love these people. But the majority of people I encounter simply just donât vibe with me since I canât 100% behave the way a neurotypical person would. It sucks, but such is life.
Yeah maybe I mean 1 of my male friends sounds exactly how op described but extroverted and eh has tons of make friends
Is he autistic?
You should be in Jim-free relationship
It's good that your sense of humor has returned. It will help you.
For a lot of pseudo feminists these days IF you have a preference ( and specially if you are a white cis male ) for a race type you are a racist. If you prefer thin girls you are fatphobic. If you prefer fatty girls you are fetishicing them and you're mysoginistic… and so on.
But hey, if a girl prefers a tall muscular and hung male, it's no problem, they are not fetishicing anything. Double standarts these days are astounding.
ID say just go NC , its not worth the drama. If , and only if, she contacts you and apologices properly ( tip: wont happen ) then I'd give that friendship a second chance.
It sounds like you dodged a bullet if she doesnât come back. This is an insane level of jealousy, the kind that gets aggressively controlling if you have female coworkers or cousins.
Wrong sub, but NTA lol.
This is something you never joke about. She said what she said and was completely serious until she saw her words had consequences. She can't un-ring that bell. You'll never trust her again.
Take notes about this threat on something that records the date (i.e. notepad or a rod document) and break up with her. If you live in a 1-party consent jurisdiction, consider recording the breakup conversation and specifically mention the threat in the process to get her to implicate herself in the lie. This way you have evidence of it in case she follows through on the threat as retaliation for the breakup.
I'm sorry you're going through this dude. Good luck.
For real
Hmmm not sure Xanax makes you black out⌠were you drinking? (Only asking because the interaction might make react differently). He may have been given the Xanax by a parent or friend with a Rx, not legal but definitely happens⌠especially with Xanax.
For the sexual assault, were you sore, inside and outside your vagina? Sex is fun and wonderful and you often feel it the next day. When I have bled, it was pretty intense. Losing your virginity didnât hurt everyone but for me it definitely hurt.
However⌠even if nothing happened and the pills are from his friend⌠your instinct took you straight to assault. I would honestly listen to yourself. You donât seem to trust him in the very least⌠that alone should be reason to leave.
Lol iâve never done a boudoir shoot but it could be cool, I just donât personally have enough confidence in my particular body after childbirth and cancer. I know that if i did, I wouldnât have to ask for permission though.
Cheers! We can both be wrong in our personal assumptions.
Idk why you think my take is based in my own insecurity, Iâm not sure what me not being confident to do a boudoir shoot for myself but openly supporting the women that DO
?ââď¸ Same reason you made a broadstroke assumption about my potential insecurities and need for therapy. Baseless assumptions from a knee jerk reaction to something I read on Reddit. Lol. âď¸ We aren't always the kindest to each other to get our points across, are we? My bad for my end of it.
who knows man. Itâs reddit. I donât care what you think, and you donât care what I think, and weâve both given our opinions here. You good? Cause Iâm good.
Lol, amen to that. Have a great day!
Honestly, I think your script is way TOO little: “My friends found your profile on Tinder. I'm getting STD/STI tested and I told your mother you should, too. GTFO, you are blocked”
Then BLOCK HIM.
Honestly, I think your script is way TOO little: “My friends found your profile on Tinder. I'm getting STD/STI tested and I told your mother you should, too. GTFO, you are blocked”
Then BLOCK HIM.
Stfu
Stfu
Youâre right OP should never let his wife out of his sight, maybe never leave the house, because she has no agency and will fall victim to every predator lurking around the corner
She cheated on you for a free shot. If you continue with this farce of a relationship you deserve what you get.
Justified? Maybe, maybe not. Human? Understandable? Yeah, I think so.
Maybe not the comment, but the leaving in the moment. Sometimes we need to process and we need space to do so
Yes this is my worry. Right now he doesnât apologize for smaller things but I worry about the future – what happens when there are bigger issues we need to work out? Since he canât apologize for tiny things it makes me sick with worry to think about big issues.
Sounds like itâs time to break up.
Dedication to a relationship isnât stagnation or not addressing his issues.
You also have goals that are contrary to his. He would also benefit by going home.
Seems like a clear decision. Just an emotionally difficult one
I just watched my girlfriend go through this, basically she wasted 22 years on her cheating husband. She is now 40 and would be an amazing mom but I doubt sheâll get the chance. Also so much easier to find a great guy at 30 versus 40. At 40 all the great guys she meets are divorced with kids so they have barely anytime to date.
You can chock it up to what you want but it is now your SO's responsibility to prevent things on your behalf.
Same social event happens in the future, he steps up and says I can't come without you. Simply put, he doesn't allow a scenario to happen.
If he's not actively trying to improve upon his flaws, be prepared for this to be your life. He's comfortable being flawed.
???
The only part of the OP story that keeps running around in my mind is that while yes calling someone something, is not really acceptable in this case or most cases, I have to wonder given their history together, if they talked a lot about kids and OP's reaction was based off of expectations that sounded like they were set (but we all know that stuff can change).
Adding alcohol to the mix is almost always going to go the wrong way in these cases imo. I can't tell you how many times I see what looks like great posts on this sub, that ends up being something alcohol fueled which generally pits me more against one party.
Sheâs not a manipulator for changing her mind, she told you the second she was comfortable how she felt and you lashed out on her. If you make her feel bad for not wanting to have kids you are the manipulator. People change their mind all the time, she was comfortable just being with you, and wanted to explore the world with you. Now, probably not so much.
INFO : how long have you been waiting to compare her to her mother? Seemed pretty easy for you to do that.
??
Iâm finding this all hot to believe cuz insta wouldnât tolerate this
The dog belongs to both of you. You'll have to have a discussion about who the dog lives with and whether the ex has visitation (not kidding — I've seen this).
You have perfectly fine reasons for wanting to break up, but this doesn't affect the dog.
The dog belongs to both of you. You'll have to have a discussion about who the dog lives with and whether the ex has visitation (not kidding — I've seen this).
You have perfectly fine reasons for wanting to break up, but this doesn't affect the dog.
Give him some time to decompress but definitely talk with him about this once heâs calmed down. While it wasnât okay for him to lose his temper and yell, it doesnât sound like he was yelling at you, it sounds like heâs had a minor mental breakdown. If thatâs the case he needs your support now more than ever.
It's his problem. He is insecure and is acting irrationally because of it. He needs to know that.
He thinks that men are not to be trusted because you will never learn their intentions. He swears he will never talk to his female friends because out of respect for me. He threatened to talk to his female friends again because I want to talk to my male friends. His main thoughts are that itâs disrespectful to speak to male friends because Iâm in a relationship, he doesnât have any female friends so neither should me, and he doesnât trust men.
So let me get this straight. He trusts women but not men. He doesn't trust men because you never know their true intentions. So the reason he can't have girl friends is because of HIM. He doesn't trust HIMSELF to not cheat on you. He is projecting his own issues onto you. HE would cheat so he is accusing you of doing the same.
You cannot stay with this man if he does not relent. He is isolating you. You deserve to have friends – it is human and normal and it is very lonely to not!
You can't put up with this any more. Put your foot down. Either he lets you have friends or you're done. That's that!
Girl everything you just listed were red flags and not remotely normal.
It's not normal to sever contact with all men because you're dating. That is fucking insane.
Going through your phone without permission and without your knowledge is a gross violation of privacy, which you ARE STILL ENTITLED TO IN A RELATIONSHIP. HIS BEHAVIOR IS INSANE.
He can't even communicate like an adult when he's upset.
This is not a man. This is an emotionally unstable child pretending to be a man.
Oh PLEASE tell me you arenât that dense?
It's cool that your 25 year old boyfriend found a new mom to take care of him.
He is 22.
It sounds like you donât really know this guy at all. Youâve only been together a year, some of that being a LDR. You donât know his family or friends and he actively hides you from everyone he knows. Who is he talking on his phone to that heâs obviously trying to keep you from seeing? There is no good reason for this level of secrecy.
I agree with quietly looking into him. Heâs definitely hiding something.
I donât think itâs horrible advice, but for this situation, bc itâs a bigger issue, I donât think itâs the right call.
So you groomed your sons friend and want sympathy?
but I already had 3 back ups and 2 of my friends had their own copy in a zip file.
Allllllright, this is where I had trouble believing this. No one makes 3 separate backups and in addition gives 2 extra copies to friends. Quintuple backups?
She's only known this person for a couple weeks, and myself about 16 months. So I don't think that is a productive interpretation, but I'd be curious to know your reasoning.
Yes! Gonna do some hiking and get some sunshine. That always makes me feel so much better and gives clarity.
Second Life is an old game that dates back to the 80s, I think. The game has a lot of weird shit in it.
Her hanging out with her friend while his girlfriend is performing sex acts with another guy isnât cool. If she doesnât have a problem with it then you need to have a conversation and explain it to her. And if she doesnât see the problem with it, you need to decide if itâs a dealbreaker. If it is, then end the relationship.
Was it a valid reason for getting fired? Was she being petty? We definitely need more details to make a call.
Tf. If you are so private you don't even want to tell your workplace you're married, you should not be in a relationship with anyone.
It's one thing not to tell work you're in a relationship, but anyone can look up a marriage certificate. It's not in any way private. And it's shady AF.
I think you aren't fully understanding the extent of my neglect. She could have sent them to me. And I wouldn't have opened them for a month
Maybe he's got a small dick…
Lol, like he wonât know who it is.
And this one!
Ma'am, you're a member of a subreddit called Cougars and Cubs, it sounds like you definitely don't regret what you did.
Graduations are boooooring.
This is crazy to hear about such a situation and the family being like that when it is. Med school graduation. That is literally such a journey to reach.
If you let this guy continue on – he will kill the dog. Once he does that- then are you going to excuse it away? I promise you this – if you fail to act- this is going to catch up to you. Karma is a bitch- your priority is the daughterâs safety, your safety and the dogâs safety. Damn – if you are so worried – pretend to leave fence open and get dog to rescue. This a- hole must leave the residence sometime. You said it yourself- he would never hurt you , then save that dog.
I saw a video of “what people do while waiting for the microwave to heat their food. The men basically stare at the microwave, while the women start clearing stuff away or wiping the counter or whatever.
Don't do anything FOR him. Don't wash the dishes when he forgets, let it pile up. Don't put his dirty clothes in the laundry hamper.
Girl if you don't fucking go to your own graduation this whole subreddit will be fucking mad at you. I understand that it's a shitty decision but at the same time the answer is clear as day: Go to your graduation which you probably worked fucking hot for. You are living for you not for your family, be proud of yourself and get your ass to the graduation!
Also, it doesn't matter if no one of your family shows up or if some people there might pity you, I guarantee most people won't care and your friends will be happy to see you, you deserve that!
Good fucking job on becoming a doctor and have fun on your graduation đ
Go as a guest, have an amazing time, then back burner your friend.
Thatâs probably the note leaverâs goal, ha!
I know not everyone is the same, but my fiancĂŠ is also a super private person at work. He had been working there 4-5 months before people realized we had a dog kind of private. They always knew I existed, but outside my name and that Iâm a student, he didnât talk about us much. But you know what he did the morning after we got engaged? Walked into work and proudly announced it to everyone.
Iâm not saying heâs automatically guilty, but itâs definitely weird and sketchy. You need to find out whatâs going on.
Too late, the baby he knocked her up with when she was 17 is already witnessing her mother's tacit approval of violence against those more vulnerable than you.
As far as I know of her, sheâs nothing into drugs or ever alcohol for that matter.
It seems this was more of an in the moment at a bday party thing. Then panicked realizing that I may be mad like her friends bf. So then did this weird elaborate lieâŚ.
Im confused how my stance was ambivalent?
Dont confront her sit back and observe see what she does. Is there more red flags, try to get her phone. Look at convos woth her best friends cheaters forget to delete these even if they delete the convo with the ap
Confront him whenbhe is dating, sit with them and ask the girl how long they have k own each other and whether he told her he got a gf.
Then, no matter what he says, dont believe him. Make him pack his things and leave your house tonight, and then block him everywhere.
Make sure your family knows. Screenshot every details of their conversation in case he says you are crazy.
And also the late twenties are a pretty pivotal time for getting your long term established. Being ready for marriage at 29 and not at 26 is not unreasonable.
It's not YOU ditching her child.
SHE ditched him when she took your money without one single intend to pay it back.
I agree that sheâs lying by omission and thatâs not ok either. Itâs difficult to tell whether itâs my business or not though and whether she owes me any information about her past. You canât confidently say that I deserve to know everything.
Leave this poor woman alone.
This is a fast way to lose your friends
Why would she come back?
He wouldnât know itâs me
This is a great point, though most homemakers wouldn't really want to return to the workforce.
Things will only get worse if they have kids but it's a transactional relationship so it may not happen.
You arenât dating this girl. Sorry man
You are being used for free food. Iâd put money on that she has another more full-time boyfriend
Why do you think you deserve to be treated like this?
Yet very true
It doesn't matter what she did in past relationships over 5 years ago. You were not a part of her life. Move on.
That you both want different things which makes you incompatible. You both deserve to find someone who wants the same things you do. So, it's better to end things so you both be happy.
Then block her so she can't argue with you or try to manipulate you with tears or threats. Don't open the door if she shows up at your house. Don't talk to her at work unless you absolutely have to.
I will edit my post for more clarity! My apologies!
Porn is like any vice. Be it alcohol, drugs or gambling itâs fine in moderation. But when it controls your life it becomes a problem
She has to be cheating or something dude. Cause ainât no, Iâve been with my gf for the same amount of time and im at her place all the time. Sometimes we hangout and donât even talk just vibe
He cheated on you with his fiance, and you're asking if you're the AH?! Man, I don't know how you can be so docile and self sacrificing. I wouldn't be on anything resembling speaking terms with this dirty toilet rag.
I agree with this observation.
I'm going to suggest pursuing a hobby or simple craft. Something that can be rewarding.
Sounds like your roommates rather than husband and wife if he never wants to spend any time with you.
She is not 19 – she is 42. When you are 42 you have build up a lot of internal rules (and that goes for you as well) which can be difficult to change. When you find yourself crashing against them – learn from them and maybe take a talk about them. You are in a young relationship- it takes time to understand each other.
If you look at the problems âI do not eat toastâ, âI do not eat early in the morningâ These are all things you need to discuss. Like – âhow do you like your breakfast? What are your favourite breakfast foods? When do you like to have breakfast in general? If I want to make breakfast for you – do you prefer I ask beforehand?â This will make you understand her better.
What happened with your soup – is understandable – she is feeling unwell and maybe not very hungry. The fact that you want her to thank her – is showing you are not used to this marriage. You accept things like this because you realise she is sick and you as a good husband want to be good to her. The fact that you spent two hours preparing the soup shows this as well. When you are sick – you want something now. You are not in the mood for gourmet food.
I suggest you start having dates where you focus on communication and improving your relationship – otherwise you will soon feel to hurt to continue your relationship.
I always said the secret to a good relationship is separate residences. i should have listened to myself. đ
We've never gone all the way. The few times we started to get somewhere she stopped it, even though she wanted to keep going. We've spent 100's of hours together and she would not even cuddle with me outside of the few times we went too far.
She feels genuinely terrible about the few times and sees a therapist because it causes her so much distress. She ended things with me b/c she couldn't see a way for us to continue being friends without it turning into something more.
Iâve answered your question. Now youâre just being annoying. Not a good look for someone in their 30âs.
And I think youâre deluding yourself about this guy.
Best of luck.
Don't forgive him. Neither the rape nor the choking is forgiveable.
However you do NOT have to feel obliged to immediately report him to anyone. It's traumatic telling people about this sort of thing, and you do not have to. You can tell who you like when you want. You can tell your friends when they're saying why did you guys break up? But you don't have to.
The other option is that you two just aren't as close as you thought you were. Either way, it's fine to be upset by this, but it's important to think about taking a step back and reevaluating this friendship.
You are 100% right. This guy is a serious POS. Waste of human flesh.
Thatâs what I think. Three weeks after sex seems a little early for me to know youâre pregnantâŚ
This girl set everything up and either wasnât pregnant but lied to keep him, then faked a miscarriage, or she was pregnant, but by someone else.
Still, why was he at a party without his girlfriend? Getting black out drunk? Where was she?
Either way, I feel bad for his ex.
Asking someone to immediately respond to texts while theyâre studying for an extremely important exam otherwise they get the sadsies is really overbearing and clingy AF.
He needs to get a grip. And if he canât, then you gotta let him go.
It's pretty shitty that you joined a bunch of people your bf knows that you don't know in making fun of him openly. Really shitty, actually.
You betrayed him in doing that. Your rival rapper is also bizarre, you now have no leverage on the point of his being deceitful because you're just as deceitful. And contemptuous, in addition, which is a relationship killer. That's a mistake you should try not to repeat.
Aside from that, I think you should go for it with his sister. He'll get over it or he won't.
Having a cluttered/messy house just makes me feel so anxious and frustrated, Iâve tried going on strike before & telling myself that I should stop letting him get away with it. But after days of things just piling up, I canât sit by and let my home be a wreck. He just doesnât care. He says he isnât as bothered by mess as I am, so why should my standards apply to him?
Iâve really been considering leaving him recently, which makes me so sad because I really love him and wanted things to work out this time. We have other issues on top of this (him not having a full-time job being the main one). When we started dating, his apartment was always spotless. I guess that was just for show, because as soon as he got comfortable with me it all flew out the window.
You should leave.. As harsh as it sounds, you need to take care of yourself first and staying in this relationship with someone who used SA as a bargaining chip isn't good.
I'd say go.. You don't have control over the stepbrother and regardless it won't ever be your fault. This isn't an uncommon manipulation technique either.
This is what I was thinking. Was she even pregnant?
I mean to be completely honest with you he's a wonderful man, I recently had surgery in February and he took me there and stayed with me in the hospital my family never came to check up on me or anything. He didn't love bomb me though I've been in relationships where I've been loved bombed so I try to see the signs. His parents absolutely love me and make sure he treats me right but they are also really unstable in their own relationship.
I completely love him even right now while I'm in recovery from surgery he has stuck by my side and made sure I had everything I've needed. It's not like I want “15 minutes of fame” it's more like I want him to show off what's his and his only y'know? I'm a ride or die type of person and he's never had that before so maybe it's that? He's never had any serious relationships either that have lasted more than a few months which is a red flag for me.
If you were my child youâd be number 1 and sheâd been never around my children at all. Why? Because I know my children amazingly well and if they speak to me about an issue then I know itâs true. Iâve raised them this way. They know I have their back and now, as adults they have mine.
Forget her.
Speak to your parents about it but if you do not feel you can, do you have somebody that can speak to? Somebody you trust?
No one is going to read this
No she said it was too early for doctors appointments. The miscarriage happened when she was visiting her friend and when I got there she was already back home at her friends house from the hospital.
In the majority of these cases unfortunately itâs that she has a had some sort of sexual encounter. And is now deflecting the blame to you on the basis that youâll be too busy defending yourself to realise the alternative.
This reads like a robot trying to simulate human drama.
You say no and dump him.
Just in the interest of accuracy and since youâre giving very sound, reasoned advice some of which borders on legal:
If he is indeed based in the UK, a woman cannot legal rape a man in this country. Legally in the UK, the term ârapeâ specifically has to involve the penetration of another with a penis.
The punishment for what this woman could be charged for, before everyone jumps on this being an injustice, is able to be just as high as rape. But itâs important if youâre giving someone sound legal advice to not say anything misleading.
So to tell this guy he has been raped, if he is indeed UK based, is simply not the case, and once he seeks proper legal advice heâll learn that very quickly anyway. Itâs just that the crime that has occurred is legally not going to be defined as rape.
God no, I just mean that I can't act sexually myself because I think he will start laughing or I will. Like we are more like family than sexual passionate partners. Since we live with his mom we started having sex super low key ofc so she never hears and it became less and less spontaneous and fun. I'm not disgusted at all, I'm actually horny, but my brain is like :cmon you can't act all sexy right now, this is ridiculous
âŚ.And he can get cheated on again.
Revisionist.
Also, leave that place.
This one is broken. Dump him. Find a new one.
This one is broken. Dump him. Find a new one.
Note: pronouns change because we go by whatever pronouns – genderqueer
Yeah, I quit drinking a long time ago on it. It does completely change you you are. In the better for the person who stops but if youâre used to having alcohol is part of the relationship, it may really drastically change the dynamic. You could just support him and see what happens after period of time. See if you find another way to connect or if he just becomes boring to you. Because when you drink you think youâre more interesting than you are I did think I was more interesting. And when I quit, and I went out with my friends and drank, I realized how it really looked. But there are other things people are interested in then just alcohol, and I would try to connect with those levels.
There is no advice to be given. That is something you have to hash out with your girlfriend. As long as you aren't married I'd say that your legal standing in the childs name is slim. Also since you are not married it is very likely that it is way more practical for your girlfriend as the kids mother to have the child have her name. She is likely to be the one who gets the kid to doctors appointments, brings and gets her to (pre-)school and so on.
Best advice is: Marry her and have one name for your whole new family – either hers or yours or a hyphenation.
Dump him. Youâve tried talking and actions have consequences. He chose being gross over you. Simple as that.
Yes that's true
Oh I know they are a good investment, and don't get me wrong I do like opening a few booster packs once in a while, but just how he spent 30k in about a 2 week span is absolutely mind boggling to me. We have separate accounts since we aren't married or anything like that so I wasn't concerned about him touching any of my money. But what bothers me is that we both have been putting aside money to get a bigger home within the next few years and he goes and does this is what really bothered me. If he came to me and was like hey I want to buy like 5k of PokĂŠmon cards off ebay I'd be like ok sure do whatever you want as crazy ridiculous expensive as that might be but atleast I'd know what it was going to etc.
I'm a pole dance teacher and I see this behavior literally all of the time. Unsupportive SO's, actively negging SO's, abusive SO's, just plain sexist SO's. Being a woman and taking up a physical activity will really bring out your partner's views on women doing things they enjoy that doesn't involve the SO.
It can go one of two ways: either you stay with the guy and stop doing the thing you love and be bitter and miserable, or you leave the unsupportive guy and enjoy yourself and eventually find someone who is supportive of you. Bizarrely, one time I knew a teacher whose husband was fine with her poling but really started negging on her when she took up bodybuilding contests – he actively tried to sabotage her meal plans and progress… they're divorced now, unsurprisingly. It sounds like your SO is this category – he does some light negging on the regular, but really gets upset when he is expected to be supportive, or at least appear that way, or when your sport impacts him in even the slightest way.
It's up to you. If it were me I would sit his unsupportive ass down and give him a thorough come to Jesus about whether or not he wants to go down this road. I expect my partner to support me in doing the things that make me happy and I'm more than supportive of him in doing the things that make him happy.
Talk to your mother.
Your GF reminds me of the abusive girlfriend from the song Self-Esteem by the Offspring.
Get your crap together and dump her ass.
Personally I think this is fine, as long as he a. gives you similar compliments on the regular and/or b. showing signs that he would prefer to be with her (such as complimenting her more than occasionally, flirting with her, frequent direct compliments to her, etc).
He's allowed to recognize that other women are beautiful, and he's allowed to be attracted to them. He's NOT supposed to rub that fact in your face, or do anything to make you feel like he would prefer them over you.
If you feel insecure because you think she's prettier than you, that's fine, but remember that's YOU, not him. He's dating you, not her. He made his choice, and it wasn't her. So don't turn your insecurity into a conflict with him, unless it's truly objectively called for (see a/b above).
your brother decided to run his mouth and learned a lesson. He deserved to get his shit knocked about. Your brother owes you and your boyfriend a sincere apology.
Good. Now remember this your whole life. Someone shit talks to you BRANDIE, punch him/her/them/whatever. You father shit talks to you, punch him or any other person who does.
Naah, this is how someone becomes more racist.Good going. Now just waiting when her brother hits him back. No need to be a real man when hitting, he start the chain with violence. Clearly does not have a mouth to run or patience to speak of. Will pump and dump her for sure.
If this is something that will have a major impact, and it sounds like it is, it's probably worth talking about sooner rather than later.
It's actually not funny that you are practically raising and pampering a grown man who doesn't put effort into his relationships. He's probably the one laughing while you do everything for him.
Even though he left the Mormons, he grew up bring told that he, as a man, was favored by his god over ALL women. He was repeatedly told he had god-given superiority over women, and women who questioned his opinions were always wrong.
He still believes that nonsense. He has not understood yet that he's been lied to his whole life. He probably doesn't know how to be a rational, non-selfish person.
You cannot fix him. It doesn't matter if the label “narcissist” is accurate.
He is completely unsuitable as a partner. Even if he runs back to the Mormons, he probably still wouldn't be a good candidate for a loving, mutually-respectful relationship.
Be glad he is your ex. Be glad you didn't waste any more time with him.
Don't you think he got awfully defensive about it? Who does that if they have nothing to hide? Someone with asthma and allergies certainly wouldn't purposely humiliate their supposed loved one over a little question.
I am sure you have learned that there is nothing you can do to make someone feel less insecure. Insecurity like you describe has nothing to do with you or your actions and everything to do with how he feels about himself. That is why if you did absolutely everything he told you to do and always reacted exactly like he wanted you to, it would not be enough. Because it has absolutely nothing to do with you. It had nothing to do with his girlfriend before you or the girlfriend he has after you. It is all about how he feels about himself.
Since it sounds like he is willing to go to therapy and try and heal, then maybe you guys have a chance. But not if you give in to his demands. You need to set parameters or ground rules. Things you do that you both realize are innocent, like side hugging a friend, but he still has a problem with? The answer isnât that you stop doing it. It is that he figures out a way he can get over it. And you stop looking for ways to point out the discrepancies in behavior. If you ask where he met a friend and he says âHootersâ donât point out to him he would have a problem if the tables were turned. That just draws attention to the issue., if you do something comparable and he gets upset – tell him you did nothing wrong and if he needs to leave and go get himself calmed down you will see him when he is over it and there will be no further discussion about it. Assuming you arenât doing anything he is right to be upset about, give him the space he needs to adjust his thinking but donât go along with him being irrational.
Leave him. Problem solved. Continually complaining about it in the internet will not change his behavior.
He's a security guard who blows his check on crypto.
Best revenge is too live happily ever after ,and completely forget him!
Communication is important. You could always
He doesn't sound like a good boyfriend or even a good human being. Why bother?
Yep. Itâs been done before
She's into you. Call it a crush or whatever. She wants to engage in sexual contact with you. Make sure you speak to her girlfriend and ask if this is with her consent if you are wanting to try it out. If you don't, tell your friend that you appreciate her interest but want it to stop. If she stops, great. If not, cut her out of your life.
/r/UnexpectedHogwarts.
Why in the world would that creep you out? He's her uncle.
Oh, she's hitting on him, but the ball is in his court, not yours. It's up to him to let her know he's taken. If he doesn't know he's being hit on, you can tell him, which also lets him know you know. Then it's all on him.
My partner and I have been together for 9 years, living together for 7. I used to feel like you. We went to couples counselling, he made commitments to do certain things, and this is equally important but harder than I thought, I stopped doing the things.
I wanted him to do his own laundry but got annoyed when it piled up or didnât get folded, or worse, got forgotten in the washer. So I would do it. Stopping was harder than I thought. There were definitely mornings we fought because he flipped out over having no clean socks. It took a few weeks but now he actually is responsible for his laundry.
Banking was another thing. I would pay his cell phone bill and make sure his truck insurance was always paid. Well I stopped doing that too! His cell phone got cut off once (which was super annoying) but only once and now I donât worry about it.
Weâre still working on other things but weâre making progress. This is a solveable problem if you both love each other. Agree on some standards and work together to achieve them! Good luck!
Most importantly who do you want to dance with? Or maybe do a half and half and include both, but only if you want to. You are not obligated to dance with anyone. Regardless it will a short few minutes of your hubby and MiL dancing and then it will be over. Donât stress this much over something that is only a few minutes out of your entire life
It's like Mom was trying to replace OP's Dad with her Stepdad. OP your Mom is a cunt. She cheated on your Dad, divorced him, married her AP, and deliberately moved you away from your Dad so you couldn't spend much time with him. That's beyond wrong.
Now, she once again is pushing your Dad out. She and your Stepdad can fuck right off. He doesn't deserve a Father/daughter dance. He helped destroy a family. He's not your Dad. Don't destroy your relationship with your Dad because your Mom chose to cheat and married her AP.
I honestly wouldn't give two shits what my bf's opinions are, I'd still do whatever the eff I wanted, he is NOT your boss/master etc.
Listen, the two mean the same thing. Youâre just dancing around it with that question.
Absolutely NOT!
Youâre in your home relaxing, and itâs completely reasonable to want and expect a certain level of privacy within your space and time. Not everything needs to be published or shared with people you wouldnât otherwise allow or invite in to share in that moment, and that doesnât mean youâre insecure- it means you have healthy boundaries. He didnât respect those boundaries, and then he tried to guilt trip you into conceding, and that is textbook manipulation. I think itâs really obvious from an outside perspective that heâs projecting his insecurity onto you⌠it sounds to me like heâs trying to keep up with the Joneses, and itâs messed up. Your responsibility as a partner isnât to make him look like âthe manâ to all his little friends. If they were truly his friends, he wouldnât be trying to compete, nor would he try to use you to boost his own image against your wishes.
Re use it.
Re use it.
I'm getting a crazy amount of downvotes here and having a hot time understanding why.
Is he 100% required to work at a place where he's miserable no matter what? He doesn't have any kids, so literally no one is getting hurt or going without.
He wouldn't have freaked out like that if he was being treated well. So why are people saying he should have just sucked it up?
He is 100% in the prime demographic for successful suicide.
Is his only value here the paycheck he brings in?
I'm not saying he didn't screw up, but for any of you that are childless and getting treated like shit at work maybeeeeeee there's another company out there…. Like 10 million of em…
Being immature is laughing at fart jokes. What this guy did screams mental issues.
Who gives a Fuckâ give me the number Iâll call herâ
Probably not random
Probably not random
YeahâŚyour husband is not a person you can rely on to be sane, or look out for your well-being.
He literally just destroyed his life because being an arrogant scary asshole was more important and âfunny.â
Please make smart decisions here, OP. Good luck
I think it's base on personal views on this point whether it's gross or not. It's funny to say that just because you love/care someone, you have to accept all of him/her/them.
Lol I love itâs ânot any size dealâ to describe a non issue, Iâm stealing it ?
Sigh. Don't stay with men who don't respect your boundaries.
Nah man, that was half of it, but it was more like “don't be a dick to me at the wedding, which I feel like I have to ask because you've historically been a major dick to me”.
The same message could be phrased way better if OP was actually interested in smoothing things out.
I'd invoice for the cleaning at 50%.
Itâs not that hot just let your fiancĂŠ go so you can try to purse his friends and when the whole group either blows up or you get outed and be left all alone you would realize and ask yourself maybe next time when I start to develop a crush on my BF best friend I would want to put some distance and get rid of these feelings before I ever decide to get close but hey not every can have a heart these days
You can certainly try talking more. Though, this seems like something that wouldnât be consistently resolved with a single conversation. Iâd suggest therapy. But the likely outcome is that you should break up as I donât think you are compatible.
Iâve been in a relationship with someone like that. Youâll be miserable and full of resentment.
Leave it at that. The ball is in his court. He can either be a real man and talk to you one on one, or he can continue to be the manipulative, smarmy PoS that he was in the past.
Either way it doesnât sound like anyone is going to miss him.
You have entirely different life goals and it doesnât seem like theyâre compatible right now. Only you can decide if conforming to her preferences (or an unknown compromise option) is more important than keeping her.
However, my boyfriend insists that I'm being ridiculous and that it's weird if I don't meet her.
Haha, no. He's being ridiculous for insisting you meet her and it's weird that he wants you to.
So, this friend group (that his ex is a part of) didn't even know you existed until recently and neither did this ex. By their insistence that he tells her about you, even they are finding this odd. How in the world could you be okay with him having a relationship with her when he never even told her about you? What could possibly have been his motives behind that decision?
The fact that, by all appearances, he at least began to have an emotional affair with this person before he left the previous relationship, that he gets so bothered about seeing her and that he has one feeling or another over her new partner at the time and then all this just screams to me that he's still not quite over her.
True, but how you express yourself does.
If you want to have a nice bday that meets your expectations, you better communicate your expectations and make sure he knows your bday is important to you. Setting it up as a test will backfire. You canât be mad about someone not reading your mind.
He asked you for ideas for gifts. Give him some. And tell him what you want to do.
I didnât read your post history, only this one. But you seem to be setting him up to fail.
she is being irrational, maybe 1% of people could honestly be described as a 10/10, 8/10 is pretty damn good
Sadly it does…while there is certainly still feelings there is a lot more trepidation in his words
Question: were you actually diagnosed or do you âjustâ have genetic markers? Because having markers doesnât always mean youâll end up sick with the disease. In some cases yes, but not in all. I did a genetic panel last year due to some things running in my family and the genetic counselor was pretty clear that even with a market itâs not 100%.
AnywayâŚ.I donât think anyone can really know what itâs like to be a caregiver until theyâve done it. I can imagine itâs hot for her to make a decision with no experience and parents telling her to bail.
I dunno. I think Iâd ask her about concerns she might have and what strategies could be in place to mitigate. Like maybe you donât have kids. And maybe you have to hire a caregiver.
I think you two need more time together to discuss not this separation.
Your fiance is trashy and selfish. I'm sorry for both your losses. I hope you find the strength to kick this person out of your life soon so that you can make space for someone who isn't…trash.
Try and move as much as you can when no one is home. I'm sorry you're going through this OP, but they are not your responsibility especially with how they're treating you. If they want to rely on your income, they can treat you as your own person.
I will speak from my perspective as someone with an incurable disease that, mercifully, is being effectively treated with medicine, but, if not, has very severe lifelong effects or fatality. I am also in a relationship that experiences this kind of one-way struggle (in your case, she has to accept the pain of losing you and the friction with her family).
My opinion is the likely thing you will experience and you both continue to learn and grow is occasionally volatility in her commitment because she is reacting to incidental challenges with that instinct to run. She will likely ultimately overcome that instinct as she did in your description but not without the temporary pain and fear that hurts a relationship. The best way to work this is to have long heartfelt discussions about that inevitably and to come up with the ways you both want to handle those moments jointly and individually so that youâre not both improvising or operating on adrenaline. Maybe find counselors that can be retained or a network of friends who understand etc. the key here is that youâre both rational and stable. You can trust each other to develop these contingencies so you have the support network you need rather than just letting things take shape in real time. Through these discussions you can also gauge how much conviction you both truly have to being committed despite the worst case outcomes you can explore.
Best of luck, this can be done. And hold out hope that by 2040, there are breakthrough cures for lots of contemporary diseases.
How old are the kids
Yeah weâve just started dating but we did know each-other for around three months before that, heâs been around for a while, I only told them when we became exclusive though. I keep my business to myself and thatâs why I havenât shared much about him with them, they only know the basic stuff, name, age, what he does for a living. And I only share cause they ask
Tell your parents first off that he is abusing you and you are breaking up with him. If they love you they will understand. Text him, donât talk to him face to face and say. âWe are breaking up. Do not contact me again or I will be going to the police for harassment.â (This is important to have in case you ever need to go to the police) then block him. If he shows up, do not engage with him. Tell your parents to tell him to leave or you will call the cops.
The most dangerous time for an abuse victim is when they leave the abuser. Iâm not saying he WILL do anything but it does and can happen so itâs better to be safe than sorry.
Another woman who deserves better, but believes that this dude is enough
My ex sister in law did this. She was married to my brother in law and they had two kids. Two young kids, 1 & 3 years old. Well her husband didnât force her to stay, just let her go & eventually she went on to have relations with other men while he was raising their two children on his own. He eventually divorced her and took full custody of their children and remarried. Now heâs happy with someone else. She had another kid with another man who passed away. So sheâs alone raising the new kid she had with the second guy. Her older kids still live with their father in a stable household. They see their mom a few times a year when they are on break from school. It sucks for them. They have their motherâs family to support them but they want their mom. Even after living in a stable household, they still miss her but she lives far and refuses to move close.
Lots of people excusing it with OP “enslaving” her too young or even on mental health, lol.
Yeah I think its less about having that feeling and more about voicing it to another person. The second part is hugely disrespectful.
my new bitch has a fatter ass than my old bitch
Except that's not even how rhyming works? Bitch doesn't rhyme with bitch. So he's not even good at rapping, plus he's being rude and objectifying you and his ex “bitches”, then when you come with incredibly valid concerns his response is anger and redirection (you not being “supportive”). That's not okay at all. He's being gross and needs a huge reality check.
Thatâs a pretty dumb reason to judge someone so harshly. Sounds like theyâre just looking for any reason to hate you. Do you really want them to be your in laws? And do you really want to be in a long term relationship with someone so quick to give you the silent treatment or redirect anger at you over something not your fault? I know a year relationship seems like a long time when youâre 22 but it really isnât. I think youâre experiencing some sunk cost fallacy with this relationship.
You groomed and abused your teenage son's friends and lost your son over it. Max better watch out – the minute his daughter turns 14 he won't be able to rest because you'll be To Catch A Predator-ing your way through her high school.
Exactly! Like, youâve decided to settle with a person, youâve produced offspring, you own a home together, your lives are merged. JUST GET MARRIED WITH A PRENUP!!!
Good for him.
That's probably the reason why your family is not crazy about him. You are not a psychiatrist or an anger management professional, you can't rehab him, only convince him to seek therapy.
You're terrible.. Just an awful response to someone.
You've effectively marginalized an entire group of people who exist and who have a right to respect and trust.
OP is not your friends dad.
Writing in a journal is not hiding. But, you know what, it's clear that you are very young. Be rage filled. Bye.
Go wit ya gut mate
See how he feels about giving you oral sex on command. He gets nothing in return. He just hast to get you off because you feel like it and itâs a favor.
Holy shit
I will always be here to support her. Even if she doesn't change anything, I'll still be here.
Hey just when she calls because the other guy drops her as well donât pick up the call put her on the block list and enjoy life my friend, you finally get to do that
The most logical reason is that she is the one with a change down there, don't know how this didn't cross her or your mind…
Some of them were a little aggressive which made me a little uncomfortable, but I get it for the most part. Reddit and Twitter are common places to vent.
The stuff that bugged me the most were his sexual comments or sexual posts that he liked. There was a picture on Twitter of a girl with an extremely revealing bikini and a pizza next to her and it was captioned something stupid like âare you hungry?â He said âthe pizza can waitâ
Unless you forced yourself on him, which Iâm pretty sure you didnât, he had 100% choice in the matter. These kind of dudes always want you to make the first move so they can use that to deflect criticism of their actions, but he could and should have turned you down.
You're gut is right. So are the majority of these comments. Do yourself a favour and ditch the old man
??
Why don't you have separate plates?
Iâd follow up around 1 if he doesnât reply. Then Iâd carry on with your life
The title you gave this post is literally a kinkshame and that's why we all clicked
Oof thatâs a real swift kick in the nuts metaphorically but hurts just as much. Thereâs not much you can say or do right now. Give him space and let him come to you. For some this can actually be a dealbreaker so be prepared for that.
What a useless response
That's the perk of being in an Open Relationship, next time choose your relationships better.
People who reject you for being who you are, looks and everything, have no place in your life or in your head. Good luck with therapy !
Take this hot learned lesson from a 43 year who stayed in an emotionally abusive relationship for 13 years. I kept telling myself the same thing you are. He's not that bad. Maybe I'm too sensitive. He can be so nice.
No relationship is 100% bad all of the time. When it's great it's amazing but when it's not you're on eggshells and tiptoeing around trying to not set him off. This isn't normal. This is how abusive relationships work, this is how they keep you on the hook.
There are better men out there. That won't curse at you and pout over not being invited to a family event. Ones that won't have you twisting and changing yourself to their ever changing goalposts of how they think you should behave.
I want you to sit down, away from him and put all your emotions aside and look at the entirety of your relationship objectively. If a friend was telling you how her boyfriend treated her in the way that yours does, what would your initial reaction be.
“But I love him so much”, “but you don't understand”. Love, I know you love him. I absolutely understand. But love on its own isn't enough to sustain a relationship. Relationships are not supposed to be like this and that's hard to see when you're in the midst of something like this. You aren't going to change him and you are going to be miserable if you stay.
the poor man loves you and is ashamed of trying new things with you. i dont wanna be that guy but youre giving it way too much importance, maybe this is a excuse of a not fulfilling marriage before?
Yes and yes
Stay single until the kids are grown if you are not going to put up boundaries around your ex verbally abusing the people in your life.
Thank you for taking the time to comment. I donât want this to come across as me defending myself or him, Iâm not trying to defend the situation at all. I just hope that adding some more perspective will help me stop making excuses if thatâs in fact what Iâm doing.
Over the past year heâs said he needs things to be different multiple times and Iâve promised that they would be. I failed to make those changes in myself (good chances guided by my therapist around being less anxious and more confident) until very recently I had a big breakthrough. Heâs seen me promise things and fail repeatedly. Does that not give him the right to be distrustful?
Again I donât mean to be defensive, I know it could come across that way Iâm just really trying to understand
Thank you for taking the time to comment. I donât want this to come across as me defending myself or him, Iâm not trying to defend the situation at all. I just hope that adding some more perspective will help me stop making excuses if thatâs in fact what Iâm doing.
Over the past year heâs said he needs things to be different multiple times and Iâve promised that they would be. I failed to make those changes in myself (good chances guided by my therapist around being less anxious and more confident) until very recently I had a big breakthrough. Heâs seen me promise things and fail repeatedly. Does that not give him the right to be distrustful?
Again I donât mean to be defensive, I know it could come across that way Iâm just really trying to understand
He finds it humorous because youâre making it seem like your BF is jealous and has forbidden you from discussing your relationship with this guy. Youâre playing right into it.
Thank you! I was getting ready to back in December, but she popped back up. I thought things might be different, but I fell for it yet again.
You never get away with anything. Sometime, now or 20 years from now, it will come out. Imagine the pain of learning the truth after you've had kids, bought a house, etc. Put yourself in his shoes. What if he had done that to you?
OP, you need to sit in the uncomfortable position you're in. Stop trying to pass “some” responsibility off on him.
My dad always said “It's a shit sandwich and everyone gets a bite”. Along those lines, the next best quote I heard was “if you have to eat shit, don't nibble”.
If you love him, tell him. Be clear, dont blame him. Own it, and see where it goes from there. But he gets to decide what happens next. A relationship is a partnership. He's not your pet, you're not his.
Dump this man. He's trying to isolate you and control everything in your life. You are being abused.
You are losing nothing with this man.
You should be celebrating that he is gone. He is a child not man, really he is disgusting.
I'm not saying it's fair or you should continue. I'm saying you were naive thinking you were going to marry and immediately be their dad and be treated/loved like a dad. They are also teenagers. Being a parent is a huge sacrifice. Many people would NOT marry someone with kids who is also 10 years younger, makes minimum wage, and barely gets any support from biodad. She had a kid at 18 and another are 20/21. You married when she was 26 and you were 35. Of course you were going to be the main person financially.
Where are you reading that she âdesperatelyâ wants a child with an ex she had a week long fling with and then stopped talking to? Because she wants to keep the child she ended up pregnant with, and has decided she doesnât want to put herself through an abortion? Get a grip lol It makes no sense to sit here and tell somebody they need to get an abortion in this situation just because thatâs what you would do.
He did not cheat though. I would not date a 19 year old, but I do not regret our relationship in the slightest bit. It had a good run and it taught me so many things that I'm grateful for. And yes, I'm capable of being a single parent.
You're be far better off breaking up and letting him deal with this as it's going to always interfere in your relationship with him. You haven't invested enough in this relationship yet to make it very difficult to break up.
This reply mage me laugh ?
You mean like you just did? You said it was better than giving birth. You got an abortion so how would you know which was better?
Cut and run. Your girlfriend is not finished with her ex. Sounds like your her backup plan to be honest.
Yeah I was thinking that might have been a possibility too.
How do you cope? You break up with him. Heâs emotionally cheated if he hasnât slept with her yet. Drop this loser.
Itâs not cheating in any way. You separated and live separately. Youâre not almost separated you are fully separated. I do hope you both work things out but for now you need to get out of your head that she is âcheatingâ with or with out quotation marks
please message me if you wanna chat once youâve read it.
p.s. iâve been married for 10 years to a man that proclaimed i was his âdream girl,â that iâve known since I was 8. he was my best friend all through school, then we ran into each other and got together 8 years later, married, had 2 kids. he cheated 3 years ago, and ever since I havenât been able to stop researching WHY [a majority of] MEN ARE SO STUPID AND INCAPABLE.
Because she has twin babies you walnut?
Maybe cause she felt rejected by you. And she stopped the kiss and told him she liked you, not him. The bottom line is you don't like her like that so why all the questioning? He does like her like that so why are you mad? Neither one betrayed you. You told your friend he had the clear remember?
No. You are taxed on that money, for one thing.
I do like the idea of spending it on something you'd both enjoy if you don't need the money for other things.
Just to give you some perspective, the whole âomg Iâm shocked I need a therapist thingâ followed by âI swear I was drunk and donât remember any of thisâ is kind of his only choice if he doesnât want to look TERRIBLE and lose you. He was probably shocked to be called out on it, as this kind of thing isnât about sex as much as power, and you just took his power away. Good for you for confronting him, and I hope he never does it again.
My advice would be to take a break for the time being so you can think more clearly. It is NOT your job to emotionally support a rapist or even alleged rapist. Donât stick around to find out what happened or tempt him to lie about it, because if you swallow his lies thatâs going to teach him that the lies work and hey, maybe what he did wasnât so bad after all? It was bad. It doesnât matter if heâs nice to you, Ted Bundy was real nice to his girlfriends too. The more distance you can give yourself between him and you right now the better
Its not about i cant party anymore, my gf is so angry, lazy and grumpy i cant do 1 thing good anymore, i Just needed to type this out somewhere
Being poly is a deal-breaker for monogamous people. Deal with it.
Donât wait for him to follow through on his threats. Please take your car and important documents and find somewhere safe to stay that he doesnât know about. Please donât become another statistic!
The best way to do that is no contact. He's trying to wrangle back into your life. He misses his emotional punching bag
Maybe listen to her, she's renewing her mortgage and getting a loan with her husband and asking you to back off…
I would have had your GF tell her as a proof that she is serious about making things right. If the other GF doesnât get back to you, have her talk to her.
Do the girl a favour and leave. She deserves to be with someone who wants a future with her, not just get used for a quick rebound. Until you get over your ex and sort your own shallow shit out, you have no right dragging people into a relationship that you aren't even committed to.
Exactly she's spending like a teenager , not a mother of a 2 year old
Im bisexual, and i Watch lesbian porn, and I manage to watch it 2-3x a week without ever stumbling on the âteenâ tag. I donât like plastic surgery and I have no issue navigating porn without jumping into the âbarely 18â tag.
But if your mental gymnastics allow you to sleep at night then hey get your workout in.
Or her husband is stalking a young mother, whoâs terrified this guy has access to her home and keeps showing up but is practically a child herself and doesnât know how to stand up to him.
The answers you get here aren't addressing your concerns at all. 50% of all porn being young adult looking actresses, doesn't mean your partner is safe for your children. Trust your gut.
You both desperately need therapy, individual first, couples after that.
You're black and white thinking is not doing either of you any favors right now.
Why did you then if nothing actually happened?
Thank you for that post.
One of the few here admitting that there could be a different reason behind her behaviour than just being an egoist covert racist ah.
I don think you need to ask people on Reddit what you need to do if you find your man lying to you and hiding a second phone. Either go to therapy after he admits his bs or move tf on girl, your too young to waste your energy on people who think having a second life is acceptable(having a second phone is obviously hiding something whether I exaggerate the situation, heâs obviously in a state of mind where secrets are okay)
Yes, I was planning on apologizing to my uncle in law cuz we were at his house. We both suggested that cuz we do struggle on finding that middle ground.
You should disclose it because he deserves the opportunity to have protected sex with someone who knows they have a potentially fatal STI. It might not be fatal to him, but it could absolutely be fatal to any future partners.
If you're aware that you have an active STI and don't tell your partner, then it's akin to assault. You are knowingly causing someone else harm (again, it might not be him you are harming, but any of his future sexual partners).
The fact that it can kill women, and absolutely does, means you're being far too blasĂŠ about it.
Bye bye
You are not alone in this situation, may be you could find a group with people with the same issue and they could help you live with it. At the end of the day, you are not over your ex, and he is your ex for a reason. That issue alone is not fair on your boyfriend ( by the way, may be he had the std but didn't know about it). Break up for both your sake.
It will be harder to find a new relationship, but better be alone and try to be happy than staying and being miserable. Please don't go back to your ex. You need to move forward not backward.
Relationships is not just about loving a person and wanting to be with them, they;re also about getting what you and them want in life.
You live once, if you want kids, you should do what you need to do to get what you want in life.
Your current GF does not want kids, which is her right.
As much as you love one another, you have to decide if you really want those kids, because she doesn't.
And bonus tip, if you chose to stay with her, and a few years down the track she will most likely have a change of heart, but this 9 out of 10 times is false, you will end up having a child and she will regret it, suffer from depression afterwards, you two will no longer have sex and most likely break up anyway.
It was even worse than saying it would be solo – he said he WANTED it to be solo, meaning he didn't just hide the fact but actually took steps to ensure it would just be the two of them. If OP had been like “great news! I can go with you now!” then BF would have cancelled, changed plans, found a reason why OP couldn't possibly go, etc.
Thanks
You've been paying for luxuries and you haven't even dated her for a year. You keep going like this and she will suddenly lose her job and you will have to pay for her to live.
Bow out.
and yet yours doesn't seem to be one of them. a 30 and a 35 year old dating is not the same as an 18 and 23 year old dating
You're jumping to conclusions. All you know is that this one guy doesn't do it for you. That doesn't mean all guys without drama won't. Try another one.
Ask yourself if she were going through it if you feel like you would want or deserve to know? I would say yes. Tell her.
And your odds of survival are pretty damn good, even better with a good woman beside you. So make sure she is one. Let her know
A flesh light? How would I do that without a penis? Lol
Yeah bro you have to tread lightly here because all girls are insecure about their weight. You keep insinuating she needs to lose is only going to make things worse.
Itâs not much you can do here because you canât make her hit the gym if she doesnât want to. So either accept her for how she is or break up with her.
OP Iâm so sorry you have such an awful partner. Yes, you need to divorce him. He is selfish. He has shown that he doesnât care about your happiness or about the best interests of your child. Life will be much easier when you only have to take care of yourself and your baby, instead of constantly sacrificing for someone who will never do the same for you. Best of luck with the divorce.
I feel as if thatâs what I should do itâs just hot because we have known each other for so long
Jumping in to throw in this:
Your crappy family clearly feels helpless in this situation. To try and regain some control over this they're lashing out at the one who introduced him into their lives. This is undoubtedly an easier thing to put the energy into, rather than helping your sister and the grandkids out of an abusive and potentially lethal situation.
Curious about what other favoritism they have going on with your sister to be honest.
I think a lot of this discourse comes from that. Iâm only 30, so I grew up dating like.. meeting people through friends or at the bar or at work or something. With friends of friends or colleagues itâs very easy, they probably already know I have a kid. With someone I met at a bar or a concert, youâre getting to know each other from the ground up. Like.. whatâs your last name, type of shit lol live dating sort of changes the format there.
Have him buy the house and you pay him so reasonable rent.
Thanks for that context. Iâm happy to hear that. So the reality is that youâre infatuated with her and putting her up on a pedestal while wearing rose colored glasses. In general, no judgement here. Everyone gets excited in these similar situations.
But you need to realize sheâs not perfect. Iâm not saying sheâs not amazing or as great as youâve learned that she is, but youâre currently looking at her as the model of perfection and are worrying that you arenât good enough. You need to let that go.
No oneâs holding a gun to her head to be with you. Itâs not even just one date; itâs multiple dates and itâs still going. As such, you need to be confident in yourself. While youâre here worrying that sheâs too good for you? Sheâs thinking the same.
The issue becomes not that youâre âtoo kindâ or âtoo romantic;â those are great attributes. The problem is that many people (and I assume you) see being overbearing as being kind and romantic. Itâs not.
Youâre also asking for constant reassurance. Thatâs a problem and you need to stop. Itâs honestly absurd that youâre doing this this early. Itâs never good, but itâs really really bad considering youâre at the two week point. Just accept that sheâs into you. Her actions will show you if sheâs not.
Don't try to change people. The conditional love, that's not the basis of any good relationship. If you've fallen out of love with her, just call it quits.
It may hurt her at first, but then she can maybe date someone who loves her for all of who she is at any size. I think she deserves that.
This man is REVOLTING.
I have a strong nose and a weak stomach. Iâd have put him out by now.
You need a new SNOWBOARD?!? When your mouth smells like ASS?! And YOU have the gall to be offended?!?!
You gotta go. Hell no.
Bad smelling ppl bring out the worst in me. Itâs a horrible weakness of mine that i constantly have to stifle. I get mean & judgmental & spiteful. Whew.
You need to put your foot down. He. Is. REVOLTING.
Saw your edit. A joke?! Get him out of your life please. Block him.
Oh my gods.
You are so gross – sexually and emotionally. Who wants a emotionally abusive pedophile for a father? If I were here I wouldnât speak to you even if you were dying and it were your last wish.
Do you know how she feels about the LGBT community in general? If not I'd start with that.
Maybe speak to who does the cooking, and childcaring and housekeeping in the home? Does she work? Do you pull your weight in the relationship? Why aren't you answering those questions ?
No, as long as you two are happy everything is good. The people that are trying to make you feel weird about it doesn't really sound like your friends if I am gonna by honest. Don't let others ruin your happiness đ
I can appreciate parents wanting to protect their children. But I donât want anybodyâs kids. I would appreciate being informed asap as to whether Iâm wasting my time on someone who has them. So Iâm guessing it would be incumbent on me to tell the person up front that I donât want kids since I canât count on my date to be honest about it.
Yes thanks so much that's very helpful.
Yes she has asked why I'd rather spend time with everyone else but her and and no, I haven't worked up the courage to say this to her exactly but I have said something along the lines of ” so and so have similar personalities so we just gel”
You really want to marry this dude, huh?
No problem. That sounds great and I wish nothing but the best for you. I also hope you girlfriend can get to a better place and grow more mental strong as a person.
Yeah. Sounds like he will end up ignored crying g in the corner too. She wants the bigger D with the better style more than she cares about her BF.
Same! Or maybe just my ovaries working like they did in my 20s. Fuck perimenopause
If thatâs the case, all the more reason to âmake a fussâ about it. What the fuck? Mom acts like a bitch as a guest in your home and will have some kind of tantrum if you call her out on it? Then fuck her, let her throw her tantrum on the way out the door.
None of what you just said is true, and it all contradicts itself
“I don't want to traumatise this child, it would be way better if they just lived out their childhood in a series of foster trailers”
Sexual texts, probably not. As for talking shit that would depend on what was said, an ex made a disparaging comment directed at me about an auto immune disorder I suffer from, and I haven't spoken to her since, but in a different relationship I forgave a partner for cheating and we only split a couple of years later because she wanted to move to a different country and I didn't. Different things affect me in different ways. If something is a deal breaker for you, then it's a deal breaker. We all have different boundaries.
Yes. And learned that he has ongoing financial obligations because it involved immigration – that of which he could have withdrawn recently but didnt think it through enough.
Okay I see a lot of people talking about fwb but..no one is going to talk about her best friend..? (Maybe I didnât scroll far enough) This is definitely something that you not only need to talk to your fwb about but also your best friend op and find out what is going on. If there is something happening then Iâd definitely lose her as a friend. Me personally, I wouldnât be able to try to do something with a guy who has been with with or is currently with any of my friends, serious or not. And you also need to set more boundaries with people going further in. Especially if youâre going to have sex with them. If itâs something your fwb isnât interested in doing then end things with him bc itâs clear that youâre catching feelings and things might not end well. Keep us updated if you can and good luck
You know what they say about assuming things…
Danger all over the place with that word.
Look, your body, your choice, I understand your reasoning. However. If you are phrasing it to her the same way you are here, I can see how what your wife is hearing is that you are keeping your options open because you donât think this is going to work out. The vasectomy represents different things to you both. For her itâs security and commitment, to you itâs closing all doors without knowing whatâs behind door number one.
What you both need to figure out, preferably with the help of a relationship counsellor, is how to convince your wife that you dint in fact have one foot out the door and you are focussed on a,ing this work. If sheâs brining it up this often, sheâs not feeling secure in your commitment to this relationship. You both need to build trust.
Do the approach and be upfront
Are your parents deaf if itâs that loud?
Harsh but valid. Her career technically “started” before we met, she just never clarified that fact until recently since we were both very young at the time and she was scared I'd hate her for it. I acknowledge the fact that she is getting a lot of leeway regarding her past in this relationship.
What's the point of remaining in this toxic relationship?
I don't think you really truly understand the extent your addiction hurt her. Are you in some form of programme to help you stay clean? Deteriorating mental health is not great for anyone, let alone an addict trying to be on top of their addictions. Your priorities are all wrong here. The absolute best thing you can do for your children is to invest in yourself right now. Find a way to move out and really prioritise your mental health now. Good luck.
Shut tf up. . . . As a woman that wants autonomy over her own body and the right to make my own reproductive decisions, I wouldn't fathom trying to force a vasectomy on someone I'm trying to reconcile with for a month after being separated for 2 years. I wouldn't try to force it on my husband if we were married with no issues. Ultimately my reproductive capacity is MY responsibility if I don't want any more kids. His decision is his to make, and it seems they're at an impass and incompatible.
It could be that your honeymoon period of the relationship has now ended and she's now comfortable with the relationship not to try too hard to keep you as it where. It could be medical, it could be that your sex lives are incompatible or that she's stressed etc. There are so many factors with this but communication is the key. If she won't talk to you about it maybe she's scared of your reaction? No one on here knows what you two are actually like with each other. Maybe you could go to couple's counselling if you both want it to work? Maybe she'll open up there? I would suggest try everything before finishing with her if you love her
Girl Iâve watched your post history and you are NOT doing really well with your husband or his family.
Take your child and leave.
Please also keep in mind that he's in flagrant violation of half your age + 7, and there is actually truth to that.
I have a good friend who is 23 and I love her to death. I have a great deal of respect for her as a person, and she's very accomplished in her career — she's already worked herself into a position where people older than her are answering to her. But thats a different sphere of life than personal relationships, especially when it's attained by accomplishment/merit. I definitely have maternal/protective feelings for her, and she comes for me for that type of advice when it comes to men. I just don't believe that men my age don't look at her and also think “child” to some degree. I question anyone who has that feeling triggered, experiences sexual attraction, and wants to act on it. I'd guess emotional stunting, but that doesn't suddenly make it totally cool.
Um… Tell him to do these things more often. If you are missing something its not for lack of trying on his part, its from lack of knowing, I know you said you told him once before and alluded to it, but I'm certain he didn't know it is as important to you as it is. Tell him again, make sure he knows you really mean it. It should be no surprise that you men sometimes need to be told more than once
itâs not necessarily the porn im concerned with because porn is porn and i know he doesnât watch it, but itâs really just the fact that he possibly archived those while we were still together which means he knew about the notes but instead of full on deleting them, he decided to put them somewhere where he could possibly look at them laterâŚidk im a huge overthinker so it really does stress me out that i have to even think about the possibilities of why he still has themâŚwhat should i do if he gets mad that i deleted the notes?
I don't even think it's having their back – you need to have their front in situations like this.
Your family can talk all the shit they want about you for interpersonal conflict – you're related, they can't get rid of you. When it comes to your spouse, they should present somewhere between a boy scout and the second coming of Jesus to your family. You handle the dirty work with them, let him/her keep their own image clean. They should give you the same treatment with their own family.
When your partner has a problem it is your own problem too. I am not going to keep discussing the hypocrisy of the situation. If a woman talks about her problems then it is also the mans problems but if it is a man and it is about sex then it is a him problem again. The hypocrisy here is to the roof today!!!
Dude, you need to visit a doctor for that. That's not normal.
You are right about the rescuer flaw, I am compelled to help others & try to get them a smile. YeahâŚIâve offered my help a least a half a dozen times but in the end he doesnât want it
You are right about the rescuer flaw, I am compelled to help others & try to get them a smile. YeahâŚIâve offered my help a least a half a dozen times but in the end he doesnât want it
Right? I bet the same people saying âthis is just how men are/I know what men are likeâ will also get mad at you for generalizing men. Like thereâs plenty of people out there who are friends with their ex
Also that comment totally implies women are idiots who regularly get tricked into cheating ?
Thatâs an empty threat. Heâs using your insecurity in his favor. Itâs your money, your decision. And do not have a child with that man until he gets a job.
my ex reached out to call me after a mutual friend had committed suicide and we chatted on and off for awhile while he was in crisis. He thanked me for being a person he could rely on to get things off his chest, and I said I was really happy for him when he got married. We stayed in contact usually to exchange some memes and recommendations over the years. If I had to cut him off to make my current partner (who I have been with for almost 2 decades) feel better…I'd tell my partner to get the fuck over themselves. If you don't trust me after this long, you don't deserve me.
4 months probably
Iâm listening.
Oh honey. You deserve so much worse than you've gotten yet.
Oh honey. You deserve so much worse than you've gotten yet.
Okay, maybe I'm not like you then and you just can't help me.
Because this is not just a normal thing for me. I don't normally look at people in my day to day as sexual objects, I just don't think like that. I don't know how to explain it any other way.
And this is not just me finding some people attractive, this is me having concrete, persistent and returning fantasies about them. I don't control that, i can't suppress that.
And I can't not talk to her about this because, if I don't I will start to hate myself for not being honest again and a will literally kill myself, as I have tried before. Because I can't just stuff things down and let them fester like you people. I will literally die from that.
both of us, but i guess more so him bc i send him my half of rent/utilities and he pays it
That's the thing though.
When trying to repair a relationship where cheating is involved. There is no practical solution besides breaking up.
You're walking into the lions den on this one.
If you're going to rebuild trust in a busted relationship, the solution is going to be unique to you and your boyfriend. Something none of us can tell you what to do.
Gain the confidence and start working this out with your boyfriend, as that is the only realistic way though this.
I would raise it in your next couples counselling session. The therapist will help you navigate and gauge your husband's reaction
Be honest, compassionate, but clear. “Hey, GF. We need to talk. We've grown close in these last six months, and I know you are having some strong feelings. I care about you, and that's why it's hot for me to say, but it's also important that I do. I need to be on my own for a while. You haven't done anything wrong, you've been a great girlfriend, and you are a wonderful person. This truly isn't about you, I'm not ending this to date someone else. I just need to be on my own right now, and therefore I'm ending our relationship. I wanted to tell you once I came to this realization, because I respect you and care about you. You deserve to be with someone who wants to give you what you deserve, and that just isn't me.”
Hormones going wild still doesnât mean you have to take every crap she sends your way. Also doesnât mean you have to tell her while the hormones still run wild. This will take 4-5 months and wear of. Probably. Still doesnât mean you have to take that shit. But be gentle about it. Probably she didnât mean half of it. However if she did Iâm sorry for you.
Not sure what you expected him to say. Sounds like you were being negative and generalizing the situation. Of you speak negatively a lot I can understand the response. Move to another random job is not really going to solve your issue. I would take some time to focus on what it is you would like to do if you could Iâm e into any industry and work for there. Maybe once you have more concrete direction he can better support the goal
This sounds like a communication issue then. I think you should at least try and have a good long honest conversation about how youâve been feeling and ask for how she has been feeling before you just say âletâs call this off.â
You stayed long enough to become vetted in the familyâs kitchen club!
Okay so letâs say your family has a secret, doesnât matter what the secret is, would you share it with exes? Would you share the secret that is supposed to stay kept BETWEEN family with strangers? Friends? Colleagues? Current significant others that are not yet family? No, thatâs the point of a family secret. It stays with the family and family only.
If you had a secret with your best friend and you start sharing it with others itâs no longer a secret and if your best friend trusted you with that secret then you have done two things, one betrayed your best friend, two you have absolutely disrespected your best friend by going against their wishes.
Porn is kinda normal.
Porn addiction is not.
You might want to google “death grip” too.
Well⌠your insecurities and your moms are things you both would need to recognize and work on.
This is something that your mother and father would need to talk about – setting boundaries and talking about insecurities and things. I wouldnât try to start that conversation for them. Let it happen for them in the way that is supposed to happen.
I can understand that you feel uncomfortable since you have had/heard of men leaving older women for younger, but I do think that is a far leap from this.
Thank you, i think i needed a reality check from someone other than my friends
You are so right, my partner even said the same thing. My rational brain knows we have worked through it very well and now we are in a good place, alongside knowing the issue was some external factors rather than how we actually feel about each other. But the irrational side of me thinks it is ruined because we argued and spoke of breaking up. Even though his own parents have been through a million times worse and still are together 20 years later
I hope you do realizing that attempting to divert it back to me is really telling.
Just keep those projections coming.
Some people are okay with exes, some aren't. The bigger issue is the problematic communication she is showing you.
I bet if she'd come to you telling you it made her feel insecure knowing you still kept in contact with an ex, you would have done everything to make her feel better. You're already being transparent, you never talk to this ex anyway, you likely would have just unfollowed her, problem solved.
But instead, your fiancĂŠe wasn't upfront with her feelings, she's refusing to communicate with you, and she's being passive aggressive. That's not conducive to a good marriage. That's something you need to work on in the dating phase. I would talk to her about the communication issue. Once that's resolved, discuss where you both stand on exes. Make sure there's a compromise you're both happy with and that applies equally to both of you. If she's not good with that, that's a problem.
It's reddit
these people here are hypersensitive and are HORRIBLE at relationships and relationship advice.
I'm a 43 year old man. I've lived through this many times, and am now in a position where I'm helping a 21 year old gender fluid kid navigate it all.
You dont have to listen to me.
But you have to not listen to the idiots who called you a rapist – you never even made the first move – it's absolutely ridiculous to call you that
Addiction is a big word to be throwing around. Does he choose to watch porn instead of doing other things? Does he skip work or school in order to watch porn? Would he choose watching porn over having sex with you? If he just watches a lot of porn, it's not necessarily an addiction.
The main problem might be he is confusing porn for real life sex. Porn is over exaggerated sex. It's not real. Have you asked him why he's not cumming? Is he still enjoying himself? Honestly, if he's enjoying himself, and is okay with not finishing himself, is it really an issue?
If he's having trouble because he wants you to be more like the women in porn, then it could be a deal breaker. Are you truly willing to for go sex for however much longer you'll be with him? You both need to sit down and have a talk about your sex life. What is he not getting? Can he abstain from masturbating for a short while before having sex with you? Does he feel pressure as well to climax? There's quite a bit to unpack.
It is not a riddle so answer clearly because you need to understand.
Strange that he can recognize toxicity in other people's relationships
Ughhhhhhhhh you guys are RIGHT
Ok I am a little confused. You said â4 month relationshipâ, meaning exclusive and committed. Have you not had the conversation with him or made sure youâre on the same page? If not then youâre dating, and yes he is free to sext people.
All I'm going to say is that my experience showed me that there is “lack of libido” (true with anyone) and “lack of desire” (true with one person in particular).
Honestly, if it's like this at 20… and you suffer from it, I wouldn't stay in this relationship, but it depends on you.
Could he be shooting up between his toes then?
It's the infamous Vagina Spammer. Report and ignore.
Have you done a DNA test to see if you are related to your mom?
He didn't care about how horrible you felt during this time. Think about that. If you stay, this won't be the last time he blatantly disregards your well-being to gain power/control/whatever the hell else he's after.
According to OP's comments she hasn't admitted it. Her father has even said he'd work on it if she was honest and she hasn't admitted it.
It seems extremely strange to me to be still denying it when admitting it would be more likely to get her what she wanted. I can't help but think that there's something else, which is more likely to be an assault, but could also be something rare like an accidental baby switch at the hospital. OP should get a maternity test with their mother too.
I think its healthy to have friends of both sexes. Since we've moved to a new city, she has to start again.
What are you to do? You break him. This was beyond cruel, and if you forgive him of this, heâs going to do it again and again and again.
OP, please reread your post. Come on just get it over with – (Sound familiar?) He is Not kind, He is Not gentle.
He is manipulative and controlling. He is FEEDING your insecurities and fears. But he is only doing it for youâŚ. YIKES!
OP, please rethink this relationship and consider yourself.
BEST OF IT ALL, OP.
Agape ?
Your boyfriend lied to you in the beginning, hoping he'd be able to impose his beliefs once you were invested in the relationship. If your relationship continues, he will continue to increase his demands until you convert and your future children are raised in his religion. Is this something you want? Deception and stealth is not a way to enter any faith.
It means stop contacting her. It means you broke up and she doesnât want to see or talk to you. Maybe sheâll want to again, maybe she wonât, but if you keep seeking her out after sheâs told you she needs space, sheâll definitely wonât.
How much clearer does she need to be than âweâre broken up and I need spaceâ?
Ok, then. Unless thereâs some excellent reason for her to know what this person told you (something beyond your wifeâs curiosity), then no, you shouldnât tell your wife something that you promised you wouldnât share.
Dude how many times are you gonna let her dick you around before you get your head out of your ass?? She has made it clear she doesn't care about you and that you can't trust her. Either leave or stop complaining. At this point you're doing it to yourself. You know she's a cheater. MOVE ON! Why don't you care about yourself? Why are you putting her needs above your own? This isn't love and you deserve better!
you shouldnât have forgiven either of them tbh. letâs be clear you can never leave your girlfriend alone with anyone never mind your so called best friend because heâs capable of sneaking off and having unprotected sex with them!
I appreciate this perspective. Thank you!
Sounds like you can relax and enjoy spending time with them while he lives there.
If mom won't let you help, she might over time. You could occasionally bring take out over if you know they like a certain food or restaurant and if the boyfriend thinks it's a good idea? Or something like that if that's what's making you feel awkward.
If she was really interested you wouldn't have to work that hot for her attention. You were somebody to pay attention to her when she needed it. It hurts but move on bro.
Itâs called manipulation.And he is garbage.
He knows you will self-defense yourself and then plays the victim.
You can either end it or wait until things are out of control.
If you wind up getting an STI from this woman, you will only have yourself to blame. She's obviously dishonest and has proven again that she can't be trusted. End it, walk away and don't contact her again.
Itâs not stable if sheâs got a whole other relationship on the side. Period.
First thing's first: you can't have an “inflated” value of intimacy. It's not a commodity, it doesn't have a nominal value. You can value it higher or lower than someone else, but that's just how you experience and value intimacy. Everybody has their own opinion and feelings.
Now, on the main problem: there's desperation here. You're searching for the “out”, the way to put the genie back in the bottle. But once polyamory is on the table, there's no backtracking that conversation. It's forever going to be in the back of your mind.
You're clearly at war with yourself over this. On one hand, you insist you want the relationship to work. On the other, you're already thinking about finding a partner you're more sexually compatible with. What happens if you do find someone who does it better for you? You value intimacy highly, and if someone else is going to give you better intimacy, wouldn't you rather be with that person?
I think you two have run your course. If you want to find different partners, do it honestly. Don't create a “punishment” scenario of her having to wait for you, so she knows the feeling. Just let this go gently, stay friends, and move on
Him: “Hey, you have seen my message and not replied yet.” You: “Well, if that doesn't tell you enough or you cannot read between the lines, then whatever you want from this will not work.”
It's not polite and might be out if your comfort zone, but it should do the trick
My dude Iâm not trying to make you feel bad Iâm being honest, Iâm sorry you canât see that. Good luck.
Never submit to anyone. Youâre an adult, you should be equal with your partner. A decent man wonât try to put you beneath him.
Why are you being friends with someone you clearly don't want to be just friends with? If she's emotionally unavailable and you're not willing to emotionally accept that, you need to respectfully walk away. Continuing to push/prod is only going to cause issues for you two.
I think you need to add some distance between you two. If she inquires why you're being distant, be honest and tell her you're not sure if you're willing to just be friends right now.
The birth was more important than a wedding because of the risk of health to both your wife and future child. You prioritised wrong. A wedding is an important event but seeing your child is healthy and well should of been the priority under the circumstances. I can appreciate Amandaâs hurt over the years but it isnât as if your wife could determine the birth day to align with the wedding. It was out of her control so wasnât malicious. Should of been there for her.
I forgot to add that at one point last year I started doing this and this is what led to the current state. Before I would stress and then clean every few weeks of this cycle so I did at one point say âfuck itâ and just that I wouldnât clean unless it was a partnered effort.
I hear you on the social constructs part and that I can reject them. Realistically there is a consequence for everything and although I can ârejectâ these constructs, there are still consequences and sentiments of an unresolved problem that I will have to navigate. I donât foresee myself being able to navigate these in a way thatâs doesnât already tax my mental health (preventing potential judgment from his family as the âwoman of the houseâ vs managing existing judgement from his family for not cleaning).
Thanks for the callout on the cleaning materials. I am a huge Ajax fan (it is what my family used growing up) and bleach helps me feel like things are truly clean. But I now know that for my health and wellness I should explore some less corrosive options for extended periods. So far I learned that vinegar and baking soda might be a good alternative and that hydrogen peroxide helps contain dust and mold spores so Iâm feeling more prepared in that area. I read this article about how keeping a mini âcleaning kitâ in every room helps keep things tidy because the tools to clean are more accessible so Iâm going to put some budget aside to make some cute little cleaning kits. At least this will make me happier to clean with good resources.
I know heâs not just fucking around on his laptop and that his studies are intensive but I also know he struggles with prioritization and time management skills. His family sheltered him a lot and handled a lot for him so I know that although I might be an âearly bloomerâ with handling this stuff myself (hell, I had parents that every morning when I got ready for school K-12 they told me âfailure is not an optionâ like a family motto. Helicopter parents vs Tiger parents haha ?
You should drink some less of that feminazi kool-aid. Not every person in this world hates the opposite sex like you do.
Yeah, I can see why. I think I'll leave it short and not open to more conversation. Thanks for the insight đ
Infertility causes depression and anxiety at the same level as cancer patients. As someone who went through it, it is can become as far from âfunâ as you can possibly get.
I had a notification that someone commented but it isn't showing up for me.
Respectfully, I'm not suggesting at all that OP should coerce their partner into having sex. My comment “he needs to grow up” and listen to you came from OP stating that if she even mentions it the conversation gets shut down immediately.
It is absolutely okay to be sexually incompatible; if it is a dealbreaker that should at least be discussed.
Those throwaway usernames are auto-generated by reddit. I'm not saying this post is real, not saying it's fake, just saying that the similarities of the usernames isn't unusual.
The ick I would get if my husband did this.
He doesnât respect you, and heâs selfish. This sounds like emotional abuse and a clumsily obvious attempt at manipulation. I suggest you try another separation, and donât come back⌠but these are your decisions to make.
This also isnât the only guy that did this, thereâs several⌠also that guy was aware that he was his own biological daughterâs gynecologist and he kept doing it on purpose
Iâve heard of people being surrogates for their siblings. Theoretically they could use the GFâs egg but implant it in the sister to carry. But it sounds like they just assumed you would both be on board which is insane. Itâs a huge ask. The result is literally a human life with his DNA.
No dementia. My grandmother just says stuff without a filter or thinking it through properly. This is how she has been my entire life. I can't change her.
Be careful what you wish for….it might just come true. You're not a safe person for him. You said change or I'm leaving. So now he's scared to screw up around you. What have you done to work on yourself? He might just burn out too. I suggest couples counseling and be open to taking some of the blame.
Im just going to piggyback on this for awareness.
OP, if you go to the AsOneAfterInfidelity sub, itâs a circlejerk of people telling you to stay. You will only get that single perspective as the mods will remove any comments telling you to leave, even if your cheating spouse is physically abusing you.
Heâs very affectionate and loving towards me and he just lacks empathy for other people but he has it for me
If he has been truly diagnosed with ASPD, you're not the exception that proves the rule: he either 1) manages his symptoms and behaviors better around you than he does other people or 2) you're easier for him to lie to or manipulate and get away with it.
That he's gloating to your mother during an argument that she can't break you up is not a good or healthy thing. That he's trying to isolate you from your mother is not a good thing.
You should really reevaluate this relationship
I'm going to ask her out. My question is somewhat general as to how do you tell a girl that you love her for the first time?
Ask him if heâd allow you to attend an appointment with HIS dr.
Pregnant currently and if my husband said anything of the sort to me I'd be out of the door.
You are literally carrying his kid and his main concern is putting you down? Insulting what your body looks like during pregnancy? Stressing u tf out?
He is more concerned about how quickly u can have the baby… so u can heal enough to go through plastic surgery so he can have a trophy bangmaid where he can tailor her body to his liking?
Because that's ur only purpose? To be able to satisfy him?
This is the man you are raising children with?
God those kids are gonna learn such great moral codes from their daddy. Ffs.
I'm really sorry to say this, but I suspect your husband is having an affair or at the very least he has his eye on another woman. I have noticed this pattern in my family and friends as well as in my clients (I'm a divorce lawyer). When there is a third party involved, the husband/wife will start harping on about looks, ageing etc. I hope you have other people in your life who can support you
Sometimes when me and my spouse argue over simple things itâs because Iâm dealing with something else and sometimes take my frustration out on him.
Maybe there could be something else going on. I would talk to her and make sure sheâs okay because that was very an unnecessary argument
Not enough, if you still can't stop yourself from demanding to invade your BF's privacy!
Not enough, if you still can't stop yourself from demanding to invade your BF's privacy!
It's my first serious relationship and our first big fight, so honestly I don't feel like I know anything.
Was he sick? Drunk? I mean, if he just got sick though humiliating it happens. In fact he may be so humiliated that he will never contact you again, so problem solved and you will have a story you can tell to shock people.
If he makes contact with you and it was sickness or drunkenness then do you like him enough to get over it, assuming it never happens again?
Don't be ridiculous.
Jeez. Iâm keeping a good thought for her.
You're still in the dating phase, so both guys are trying to get to know you. Date both. You don't have any obligations towards them right now. If you decide that one is worth keeping, tell the other one that it isn't going to work out and end things
If you feel guilty about “leading both guys on,” then I would say date dude B. 3 dates in 7 months isn't a lot, imo.
Ten years of a good/happy life being put at risk for one night of pleasure. I know how hot it can be to say no. Especially since it's a fantasy. You will probably always wonder what it could have been. But It's better to leave you wondering what it could have been, rather than a broken friendship, or worse, a divorce.
If I were you, I'd tell your lover you want her and only her. And rock her world on your birthday.
Heâs not your friend, heâs made it clear that he only wants to hook up with you. Heâs willing to string along another girl and use her against you. Now heâs made the âfriendshipâ conditional in his favour. You should just drop this douche and move on with your life.
After 3 years together you really need to trust him more.
If you're plan is to start over, then start fresh. There is no sense in starting a new relationship the wrong way as it's only going to bring you guilt and problems down the road.
Walking about to kill time is not cheating
If the husband is giving the the friend the cold shoulder because of the wife's cheating, exactly what could your role possibly be here? Stay out of it.
Yep I am gonna. It's just everything feels like a lie. I guess it's gonna take a little time to adjust to it.
Yâall just arenât compatible. Bob cannot be forced to share his feelings, bob cannot be forced to step up and become emotionally mature enough to have a healthy mature relationship. There is no mending this, itâs been years.
Another side note. I know there is a huge age gap. That isnât the issue at all. Iâm not naive . He has let me make most of the decisions and moves . He has really helped me learn things and was probably the best first boyfriend I could ask for because he is so sweet and gentle with me. He is not manipulative in anyway . âşď¸
i absolutely knew someone here would blindly defend the woman lol. holy assumptions like goddamn
Thereâs a line. Looking just in general? Pretty awful invasion of privacy.
Looking when you have reasonable reason to believe they are doing something bad? Understandable.
Of course thereâs a lot of grey area in the middle, as to what is reasonable suspicion and what is just paranoia or controlling behavior.
Been there, done that. And regretted that too.
Deeply regret. He cheated on me within months of the crying for me to stay for our relationship I
Now I know that it is possible to find another partner, but not another job opportunity like the one I gave up.
Yeaâ itâs called r/sex we all do itâ
I am not making myself the victim lol. I always take accountability for my actions, I just chose not to apologize like I do every time we argue, about his outrageous reactions. I continue to encourage him to see a therapist, because it helps me.
What are you asking for advice on?
Edit; I told him if he is unwilling to compromise Iâm leaving. So he left and now itâs over.
Best edit I've seen all day. This man is not pushing no baby out of his nunu so you absolutely have a right in the naming process.
I told my kids dad when I was pregnant that our son absolutely not having his last name, im doing all the hot work here and any how we break up, my kid is stuck with his last name forever and I would have to hear his last name throughout his school life, potential issues at the airport etc… No compromise on the last name, we chose his first name together and the middle name I let him pick as I demanded the last name to be mine…. We did actually break up and im so glad my child has my last name.
If you ever feel tempted to go back, come back here. Weâll set you straight! Lol
You do not want the life he wants you to have. No matter what the culture or religion, Fundamentalism is not good for women and children. You deserve better! Your hypothetical future children deserve better!
I feel I need to ask for clarification, were they girls that appeared on the younger side but were of legal age, or were they actually underage girls?
Y'all believe anything. ? Okay, okay, if you keep being gullible as fuck and using Reddit, you will get bitches!
You may want to go back to your OP and add that detail. The way you have it written now, a person can logically assume that you were involved with a man who was engaged, which according to you was not the case, the man was your bf, who took up with and married another woman.
You donât love him. Leave him. He deserves to be w someone who loves him. You deserve to find someone you love. Itâs whatâs best for you both.
So, she's milking you dry. Properly called, the symptom is called hypersexuality.
Yeah, good old boys your age wouldn't get it why is that a problem.
Cheating is to go and seek romance and/or sex with other partners without the informed consent of your current one, which you aren't giving.
It is possible for this to be a symptom to something else:
bipolar disorder persistent genital arousal disorder endorphin addiction, expressed as sexual addiction
Possible, but less likely:
dementia rabies KlĂźver-Bucy syndrome
â
Honestly, tell her that you miss having a girlfriend, not a milking machine. That she needs to calm down and that you will help her seek professional help.
He was 17 and I was almost 14 so I may have and he have turned 18 after we started dating but yeah so technically it was legit for a while? don't even ask me lol, but he never had any bad intents.
Block him. He's not someone you should spend any more time on. You met in an unconventional way. Trust your gut, this guy is not for you.
my love language is acts of service!
The feeling of grief is probably not going away any time soon. Though obviously whatever the result is, that could change. But you should prepare yourself for either scenario, and especially the worst case. Hobbies are a common answer. What do you enjoy doing? Do some of that. But Iâd also suggest things like physical activity. Talk to friends, family, anyone but the source of your current hurt. Life moves on. You had a life before her, youâll have one with or without her. The only person who can get back in touch with you, is you!
She works for 30k without using her degree needs a masters to get 80-120k even if she makes 120k the debt wont go away anytime soon. Her degree is in science so not a medical or law degree she just choose poorly. Paid insane amounts for a useless degree. She has no longterm financial goals as op mentioned. This is not someone who planed out their future. She burried her head and pretends all is fine.
You really just accept it, tbh. He didn't treat you right in the first place and you are the one that broke up with him so it's not like you were waiting for him to change his mind. You said yourself that he was abusive/manipulative. Those crocodile tears and love bombing words were just to get you back under control. He didn't mean it.
Cut contact entirely.
I get that you're enjoying the praise. But guilt? You told her the truth and she turned her life upside down. That's absolute insanity.
So she can fight for you all day, but if you decide to pursue this, you're setting yourself up for an absolute nightmare.
Wow. You know, why is having and supporting someone through a mental health illness so difficult to him? Really? His need to travel is more important than seeing you through this! Cus you're gonna get better!!!! Take it from me. I suffer from severe anxiety. Since I was forming memories as a 3 year old, I've remembered worrying. Psychotherapy and mental wellness is also an expansion of the mind. Something got you anxious and when you get thru this, and you will figure out how to live with this, I did, he wants to not wait for that?
I just think this person is giving you a tell. I am 41F. I suffer from severe mental illness and I don't have anyone around me who thinks this is such a bad thing that they couldn't be around me anymore. Even my ex husband didn't leave me over it. We had a hard time but it wasn't the marriage ending part. Because mental illness is not a bad thing. He thinks it's so bad he would leave? Then he should go! Cus there's nothing wrong w you akin to death or cancer or sadness.
Continue to put yourself first and ask yourself what you want for a meaningful happy life because mental illness has not stopped me. My psychologist calls me incredibly driven and I've accomplished a lot and still going. Nothing is bad or wrong.
I have some markings of a delusional disorder and severe OCD anxiety but I do psychotherapy 2 x week and keep awesome supportive people around me. Life is fine. Who needs this guy I find it offensive he thinks mental illness is bad and something terrible enough to leave someone. That's weird.
He didnât even let you use his sink? If heâs a rando forget about him, if you know him tangentially, or heâs part of your extended friendship circles then use your superpower as a woman: we talk to each other. Let others know so that they wonât risk getting in the same situation.
It sounds like your issues are beyond what you both need in bed to get aroused. Itâs time for an honest talk about where the relationship is and if itâs time to say goodbye or thereâs something else that is cause the less than ideal sex life.
Finally, watching porn could be equivalent to using a vibrator in the sense both of them can become fetishized. While most women wonât orgasm from penetration alone, it doesnât mean a vibrator is the only thing that can get them to orgasm (fingering, cunnilingus, etc are options).
If a person CANNOT cum without a particular thing, be it porn, a toy or an specific action, it is a problem that has to be dealt with a sex therapist. If your bf really canât do without the video stimulation, his issue is worse than it seems and beyond a small argument.
I feel like it's ultimatum time. Give boyfriend a choice — (1) follow your preference, and uninvited the cousin, explaining that he never should have been invited OR (2) cousin (or bf can reimburse you for 100% of the trip, and you will plan a future vacation with someone who is a more reliable travel companion.
I personally would not be able to go on a trip like this with a bf and his cousin. I would feel so disrespected it would be impossible to have fun. I would 100% break up with someone over this.
We get 8 hours together maximum a week
Staying together all those years he was ready to break up was the mistake. Stop thinking you just have to try a little harder to turn this shit show with an asshole into a good relationship. Accept that you're going to be a single adult and then you're going to date another person, maybe several more people, and have higher standards in the future.
How about white tourists watch their actions instead bc this shit is ridiculous.
Woah I woke up to this ⌠not ignoring anyone but wow. First of all, thank you everyone for their comments. Iâm taking each one of them in.. whether or not there is context which Iâll give a bit below .. itâs still good for me to process and Iâm learning. So thank you, but some of ya all maybe take a chill pill.
I donât do this for social media ⌠I barely even touch my social media. I do this for learnings. I live in San Diego and Iâve always been âafraidâ to venture out. Being that itâs 30 min away it was my first start to do something outside of my zones. I was very sheltered.
Iâm a caretaker. Iâve gone more than one day in the past before. I like to go on these âone day trips â too because yes while many of you stated itâs good for other â one dayâ volunteers. Itâs a good start for them to see beyond what they normally see. Come back & help more. And yes we donate. Food. School supplies. Clothing. Etc. Iâm not going to get in it anymore than that and prove anything.
The whole post was to point out the differences between my view of âsafetyâ and his. And my view of not needing to ask âpermission â or âconsulting â and his. Iâve been in emotionally abusive and controlling relationships in past. And I may be, just triggered and overreacting ( as is he as he reads the news everyday .. ).
Iâll always trying to learn and get better. I recognize Iâm not always ârightâ but I do have good intentions.
Kudos to you for being empathetic and caring about your partner. That's the main thing that's lacking in my partner. Empathy has never been her strong suit, but ever since her diagnosis, the only people she feels any sort of empathy for are our kids (and that's very much through the lens of how it makes her feel) and herself.
She also has empathy for dogs and elderly people, which is probably the only reason I don't label her a sociopath. She has absolutely no empathy for me, and in fact one of her favorite things to do is to interrupt or disrupt anything that might be for myself or for my enjoyment.
Anyway, I'm glad to hear you're able to work on things for the betterment of yourself and your partner. I've been going to therapy to better understand what inside of me attracted me to her in the first place and how I settled on her, when I've had so many comparatively healthy relationships in the past before she came along.
You are 21. When are you going to stop living with your parents?
They can only drag you in, if you are around.
giving thanx to all mothers in your life
where does this idea come from? I've only ever celebrated my own mother on Mother's day. One mother is plenty.
Bro canât even stand up for himself, idk what yâall expecting
The art room strikes again
My partner knows if she bringing another solo woman on a trip, that means 3some, because by the end Iâll have seduced her.
Iâd love to hear further about your experience in Alaska if you wanna chat sometime!! But that sounds amazing & is exactly why I canât wait to leave the lower 48 already lol. I keep to myself, had to mature quickly as a kid & realized soon enough how much people suck & if you just observe you often find out enough about a person to see if theyâre worth your time or not. Iâm 22 and donât have any real friends or family & Iâm obsessed with snow & have been independent for as long as I can remember. Plus the aurora lights?? Sign me up.
So the problem here is not that you need to explain the situation to him. The situation is clear. Everyone knows what the situation is.
The problem is your dad has completely unrealistic expectations. Frankly, you are being wonderful. Your dad should be very happy how accepting you are and quit being ridiculous.
Her recovery from eating disorders is far, far more important than you mentioning anything about her weight to her. I say that as someone with eating disorders.
If her eating disorders are restrictive in nature, you also need to factor in that some of us use the gym as part of our eating disorders. Her past consistency could be something a little more than you realise.
If youâre not attracted to her and this relationship isnât right for you, my advice would be to end it. Eating disorders are hideous beasts and I wouldnât ever risk triggering someoneâs.
Yeah but if it was like âwe slept together twice three years ago and then have been friends for so long we sometimes forget we didâ thatâs not that big a deal
She probably didnât want to cause a scene. She was still honest and told you about it. The fact that you donât trust that dude with her number means you donât trust your girlfriend. It wasnât a cheating action and she said she would block his number. End of story, move on. If it still bothers you, then you have controlling and trust issues.
Yes, however, it's better to have the “do you want children” conversation much earlier than 5 months in the future. If you don't want kids at all, then this was an inevitable outcome considering she does, and you two could have known not to pursue things about 5 months ago.
He's not over her. It's very obvious. He literally just admitted he had to settle for someone else (you) because he couldn't forgive her. Why are you putting up with this?
Yes you did the right thing. Too often people bend over to make others happy while sacrificing their own happiness and you were only with her for a few months. Itâs okay to have different values and move on.
If you donât want it you owe him nothing. Him disrespecting you and doing it anyways is a problem. Idc if you said youâve been together 10 years. If you donât want it, it doesnât happen. Period. Go through his photos and get rid of them. God forbid he posts them on one of those porn sites. Or tell him to take them on YOUR PHONE. So at the end of the day you have your privacy. If yâall break up, youâll thank me.
I think OP will likely need to move out to get mom's behavior to change, but I'm 23 and it's most definitely not a boomer thing. I had an insanely controlling parent who had primary custody of me the whole way through high school and tried to be just as controlling through my first two years of college even though I no longer lived at home. The only way I got out of that control was by moving out and telling my dad that if he didn't at least pretend to respect my choices, then I wouldn't have anything to do with him anymore.
Moving out at 19 sucks and is expensive, difficult, stressful, etc. But, as you said, there's no reason for someone's mom to be that controlling just because they live with them. Which means this most likely isn't a problem OP can just talk to her mom about and get her to change her behavior. Frankly, I hope I'm wrong about that, but I really don't think I am, which leaves two real options for OP: move out or put up with it until she's in a good position to move out later.
He works 6 more hours a week but sheâs also a full time student
So just start thinking about it? Do you think your son is going to be this age again? Do you think you'll be able to capture those moments again?
She's asking you to do a very simple thing. Just do it. She's not communicating in a good way, but it kind of sounds like this isn't the first time this has been brought up.
Just take some fucking pictures of your wife and son.
His ex is always gonna be there cause sheâs dependent on him. He can cut her off but wonât because of her situation. You already bought it up & now heâs just being sketchy. Let her have him
If you have to check a usage report to see if the vacuuming has been done, it probably doesnât need doing.
That is also weird controlling behaviour.
Ask him to show you where he got that information. Also any details about the baptist churches and when they were founded. Maybe he will discover the 1600 year gap in his thinking.
Anyone who says their relationship is amazing butâŚ.You can almost guarantee is full of red flags ?
If you have never really wanted to spend time with your wife, then please divorce her before you start sleeping around with your female best friend. Because your emotionally cheating with your female best friend now. Maybe instead of putting all of your emotional effort into your inappropriate friendship you could try putting more effort into your marriage. Iâm sure your wife and children would appreciate that.
You need to either divorce your wife or go NC with your Affair Partner.
Did you not look at the meta data? I'm sure that would be telling.
So youâre demanding a woman to be on hormonal birth control or IUD when you could just get a vasectomy (you donât want kids, right) or just not do the thing that leads to pregnancy.
No. This is YOUR day, and you want the man who has been there for you your entire life.
The man that didnât run away from you.
The man that didnât give up custody of you.
The man that didnât break you.
The man who filled everyday with so much love and affection.
The man who slept on the floor when you were scared at night.
The man who yelled the loudest at your games.
The man who built you a play house.
The man who was proud to be your dad.
Roger canât just come in and get to walk you down the aisle after he abandoned you, and just because your grandma is such a big part of your life doesnât mean she gets ANY say in who walks you down the aisle.
It will be difficult, but youâre an adult and you need to stand up for your dad the way he stood up for you throughout your life.
Wishing you a blessing�
Easy. You say, “Im breaking up with you. My father has been dead since March first, and that's why I asked for space. I have been grieving. Why on earth would you EVER think it was ok to try and lie to my face in such a baseless, manipulative way?”
But before that, let all your mutual friends and the family who have met her know what's going on because someone who's willing to lie like that is ABSOLUTELY willing to try and sabotage all your other relationships.
Leave her alone.
She is not your therapist and itâs completely unfair of you to keep dumping your suicidal thoughts on her.
Sheâs only 20 and not a trained therapist or emergency responder.
Please get the help you so obviously need, and do t date until a professional tells you that youâre in a place to be able to do so without being destructive.
I get that, but I guess I'm wondering if I should:
A) Flat out ask him to stop texting
B) Ignore his texts/block his number