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Hemi, 19 y.o.
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Date: November 17, 2022
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His friends who’re married come rarely but those who’re unmarried come daily and one even stays the night. My husband has a small house next to our place where all of his friends come. He gives the justification ‘at least i’m still home and not outside.’
I’ve spoken to my in laws about it. My MIL brushes it off cause my FIL used to work tirelessly and he would come home weeks later so she thinks its okay but what she doesnt get is that uncle went because of work, not because of his friends. My FIL is very understanding but sometimes he tells me that I should be thankful that hes going to his friends and not involved in drugs. I told him that my husband sneaks in hash ciggs to which he was angry at my husband but that didnt change him either.
And you’re so right about the woman to be around family and take care of the child. I just recently started to work, it was all fine until my baby’s nanny left for her holidays so I had to skip work to take care of OUR son. He wouldnt bother taking care of our son but he would take care of his chickens and meet his friends daily.
Definitely sounds like he's interested.
Some of your girlfriend's struggles are very common, others slightly less common. But clearly she needs to be in therapy. You are an MD not a Psy.D. But even if you were a psychologist it would be unethical for you to treat your own romantic partner. So stop trying to get her to “open up” to you. You're the wrong recipient for this. She needs to spend time with someone who actually knows how to counsel a client through childhood emotional trauma. Unfortunately that isn't you.
You completely ignored the most important part of their comment, which was that you’ve made your boundary crystal clear and he is showing you that not only does he not respect it, he’s trying to coerce you into breaking it. He’s literally trying to force himself on you, it’s a deal breaker, regardless of your thoughts on sex outside of marriage. Why did you ignore that part?
The way I see it a break is just a way to cheat without facing cheating consequences.
Sounds like a compatibility issue.
Because trying to get her to change is you making YOUR insecurities HER problem.
Your insecurities are the real issue here. She likes you. You like her. You like her body (in person, which is what matters most). So everything is great. Nope. You are insecure and are surrounded by shallow friends whose opinions you respect more than your own. You are afraid of those friends’ judgement. So afraid, that you are trying to talk yourself into attempting to convince her to be different for you. You are ready to make your problem her problem.
AND you want to add to the mind fuck by explaining that it’s really for her that you are asking for these changes. Because of something something healthy lifestyle.
But say she says, okay, I’ll do it for you. Say she tries everything she can, but can’t keep the weight off. Are you ashamed of her? Yup! Does she get to be with someone who loves her more than his insecurities? Nope! Say she does lose her weight, but then goes through a stressful time after a family member dies and her weight creeps up. Are you fully supportive, or are you “reminding her to be healthy” (which she knows means that even though she is suffering loss, she can’t expect support unless she is a size whatever).
If she stays with you under these conditions You. Will. Make. Her. Eating. Issues. Worse.
All because you don’t want to deal with your own insecurities.