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Date: October 7, 2022
AmateurPub
Let her know the is a boundary you are setting. It you’re uncomfortable don’t do it.
Key to healthy arguments is listening and validating your partner’s feelings. Unhealthy arguments involve not acknowledging how your actions led to certain feelings and being generally invalidating or dismissive
Don’t tell them they shouldn’t feel the way they do. Hear what they’re saying and empathize— ask yourself “how would I feel given x behavior?” Then, while acknowledging their feelings, explain how you feel and what your intent was. Be careful to not fall into the trap of saying “I didn’t mean for you to feel this way so it’s not my fault.”
I would forget I heard anything and stay out of it. Your parents are collectively a mess but not yours to clean up.
He didn’t accidentally “oops” into your text messages. He is looking for any and every reason to make you in the dog house. And he is doing it on purpose. And he will keep doing it to keep you off balance. Your self confidence will take hit after hit. Your ability to be smart about this relationship will dwindle as you sink further into trying to get back into his good graces.
Just leave now. You will save yourself so much trauma. Trust me on this. I had one like this who did a constant push pull with me. It wrecked me.
1, you are being manipulated,
2, you will regret this when you are older
3, he will probably not meet up with you when they day comes, he will get some sort of emergency that will cancel the plans last minute.
4, He is talking to more girls than you, he is not faithful to his wife so why should he be faithful to someone he hasn't even met? If you think that you have something special and no way could he be typing to more girls than you, then he played you exactly like he wanted to.
I'm not even going to advice you to stop talking to him, I think it will be better for you to try and push this as far as you can, so when it does fall apart it becomes a more impactful life lesson than if you got told to stop now and you did
Others have made the point but I’ll say it anyway.
Your girlfriend is not your priority right now and the relationship is adding stress not taking it away. There is nothing wrong with that, you have to be honest with yourself, you want to be single.
You need to be fair to your partner and break up with her if you will not choose to prioritise time with her without feeling like it’s a chore.
It’s just the situation you have chose to be in, you can’t prioritise your career, schooling and band(s) with the relationship. Something has to give.
You have some decisions to make, good luck!
You need to talk about your budget with your fiance. For example, he needs to decide on an amount that he can give her. As you likely want to fund an emergency fund for a larger family. Address where your concerns are. It's your job to fund his parents. If anything, you might want to give away less money on luxuries to save for any assistance in their old age.
Stop negging on yourself over his habit. I know it’s hot not to but you need to understand, even if you were a porn star yourself, or miss universe, this guy would still be doing this. A guy who does things like this will still do things like this. Also, the girl he is looking at isn’t exactly a unicorn 24/7. Much of what they do for those photos are make up tricks, eyelash extensions, air brushing and such to sell a fantasy.
“almost any couple” is a blanket statement that does not apply.
The general consensus of the replies in the post disagree with that. And OPs post points in the same direction. Why I generalized, and it applies as much or more than the logic line you're arguing. ?♂️
Communication is a key in any relationship. And yeah, people do it as surprises. OP said specifically it crossed the line into pornographic rather than simple boudoir. Again, that's a boundary that she chose to cross to try and “surprise” him with it maybe. And many people make this similar choice, I've had previous relationships where partners have done the same.
Some people aren't bothered when those things happen to their own benefit. As a law of averages, people are. And communication about those boundaries would prevent rolling the dice on a success or failure in a partner's reception.
Then don't date or marry a single mom. Problem solved for you. Now if you don't mind, we were all discussing OP's issue and not your personal feelings about becoming a stepparent.
There’s not more context at all. That’s in the post, I saw that myself. Both parts seem like a massive over reaction and controlling behaviour from OP.
Let her know NOW that you're not interested in her. Reiterate you're married. Probably in a public setting. That you're straight, you can't/won't be with her. And that you're uncomfortable with her advances. This might very well blow up your friends group.