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GEMYER-ACER-HOT Public Chat Channel
Date: October 22, 2022
AmateurPub
AmateurPub
GEMYER-ACER-HOT Public Chat Channel
So if that’s the case why wouldn’t you be honest with them before the background check and ask for their consent? If they say no, you’re not compatible anyway right? You’re lying to them, then trying to justify it. You could say, “we’ve been dating for X amount of time, I’d like to get more serious with you. I want to have a background check done on you so I’m not blindsided by something in the future, are you ok with that?” Again, a background check isn’t normal, but you’re entitled to feel how you do about them. You are NOT entitled to violate someone’s privacy, and doing these without consent is a violation.
Maybe say something along the lines of “Hey, when I was on your phone earlier I saw what your brother said and it really hurt me. I know he's young but I don't think him saying something like that is appropriate at all. ” and see where its goes. Surely if his parents found out they'd be disgusted? Good luck!
Yes? He was painting out like they were in a serious relationship, bringing her home and asking if she wanted to live! there one day.
If you're in a casual dating situation, sure, a heads up is enough courtesy. If you're acting like you want to build a life with someone, you absolutely need to inform them when you're making serious decisions that could be relationship-ending. It's selfish to think “well I don't want you to break up with me before I'm ready so I'm going to keep information from you that might cause that to happen.”
It was the exact opposite of improperly explaining things – they literally told us that his symptoms had nothing to do with his surgery, epilepsy, or brain at all. They all fucking lied.
you need therapy, not dick. get over yourself
She said she was very interested in the lifestyle and yes she was attracted to him too. As to can she be manipulated again, I dont really have an answer to that.
His gf is the jealous one who needs to knock it off. No adult should have full access to someone else’s phone. It’s a ridiculous precedent that is so damn controlling.
IMO, you and your friends have made the only reasonable choice by limiting what you text him. If you now know that everything you send him could be seen by someone else, why keep sending him personal info?
Can't wait to read about the boyfriend's side on r/greentext soon, all the other bota gonna roast his ass ?
Also yeah you should breakup. Your boyfriend deserves someone better, and you need someone…. non-autistic..
You had a boundary/goal (perhaps soft) of when you wanted to be married. You had a serious discussion of that goal and he told you he has “issues” with you – has he ever tried or taken steps to solve these? (I suspect not). Now would be the time to enforce your boundary, which means you either breakup or give him a really hot timeline (which probably won't work). Whatever you decide to do, don't be in this same position in another 2 years.
He made all the moves and as you say it, you didn't say yes to any of it. The guy made the first moves, got no encouragement so moved on. Playing hot to get a little is fine, and may have the other chase harder initially. But giving no encouragement just gives the vibe of 'being hardwork'.
Sounds like you are a backup plan for her tbh.
I'm sorry, but the plot twist made me laugh out loud. Poor thing
Yes. If she knew about the graduation date before, I see the issue but it's like she's being punished because of a simple coincidence. Yes, attending college or high school graduatioms is a punishment, especially if her bf likely won't get over it based on them posting to this sub xD
How would you possibly know every single man's thoughts? You are incredibly delusional and just coping
I wait until I'm finished bathing. Most people hold their pee if they can't get to a bathroom right away when they're out in public, so I'm pretty sure holding your pee in the shower for a few minutes isn't going to damage your kidneys.
I’ve had FWB situations. Usually the FWB situations though we establish boundaries. One boundary is that we don’t sleep with each other friends while we were actively seeing each other. Have I had an old FWB sleep with one of my friends? Yes. Did it make things weird? Yes. Did it end anything? No. We made a joke of it being Eskimo sisters. But we were also not actively seeing each other any more. I would feel super uncomfortable if one of my friends slept with my active FWB. That isn’t cool for either side to do. I would find a new friend group because neither one of them respected the boundaries. However, most situations with FWB don’t involve cuddling or movie activities. It’s usually just bam bam and thank you man. You probably didn’t mean to develop some feelings. But it happened and it’s messed up that your friend most likely knew this. I would separate for a while. You are 100% ok with doing that. And you can explain to your friend how uncomfortable it is to see both of them at this point of time anymore. And recover. Go on dates more actively. Find a new FWB who you can voice boundaries.
So here is the thing, most of the people here (me included, want you to say something. But before you say, make sure you both are aware of as many of the consequences as possible. For example:
As someone has already said, there are some serious power dynamic issues to take into consideration for your husband and the business. It opens it up for so many legal issues where a partner is having a sexual relationship with their employee. Serious disaster and your husband really needs to talk to his partner for it to stop. If AP decides to sue, she has more standing. In other words, your husband needs to get legal advice ASAP! He may have to distance himself from his partner if things hit the fan. He also needs to ask himself if he wants to have a business partner who would be willing to put his business on the line with such a risky move as to have an affair with an employee. It's really reckless.
The wife may not appreciate or want to know. There are some women who not only don't want to know but also may make you the villain. You aren't but be prepared that this may be a potential reaction.
This will definitely affect the relationship between you, the wife and business partner. The business partner may resent you and lash out. Again, not your fault but you need to be aware of this potential reaction and decide what to do as a married couple should this happen.
They may be in a open marriage.
As for how to tell her. If you are close and good friends, go to somewhere neutral like a coffee shop tell her over pastries and coffee, present her the evidence. If she gets angry or hostile, leave her there.
If you aren't, make a fake email address/social media profile or number and send her the info. I dont think she will appreciate you telling her face to face if you arent close but that's my opinion.
Either way, you are a good friend. I would appreciate you doing this for me if my husband was cheating. All the best
While I agree that it’s what the ages are and not the gap that’s the issue, old age isn’t guaranteed for any of us. My parents were the same age, just 6 months apart, and now my dad’s dead and my mom will hopefully live for 2+ more decades.
In contrast, I could drop dead tomorrow, and my partner (who’s 13 years older than me) could keep going for decades.
To OP’s question, I met my partner when I was 30. It wouldn’t have worked if we met 10 years or even 5 years sooner. It wouldn’t have worked if he was specifically targeting younger women or had a pattern of dating much younger women. Instead, we met out in the world through a shared interest and really clicked. I’d never wanted an age gap relationship, but in getting to know him, I didn’t want his age to be the only reason to shut things down.
Look, there are some really good guys out there, and as a word of advice, the guys with game are the guys that play it. If you meet some guy and he doesn't flirt with you, chances are he thinks you are stunning, but doesn't want to seem creepy. Just don't have the whole tinder shopping list of must be 6ft, make 6 fig, be funny, yadda yadda ya. You know what I mean. And a lot of the guys girls normally don't give a chance have great personalities because they have to work at being a good human in order to get the attention of women who want the shopping list. Plus, most guys who fit the whole shopping list have a whole black Friday at Walmart long line of girls trying to get with him, so they really aren't the for you anyways. Look, just try not to mess around with f-boys if you want a long relationship. Looking back this post is pretty negative, but it's also pretty truthful. Anyways, good luck, and I really hope that someone gives you better advice then me
There are some very innocent fantasies e.g. cop and prisoner.
But this type of fantasy I would not be happy with entertaining at all. I would always be feeling urgh that I’m not everything to her. Personally dealbreaker but your choice
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You're both pretty young, and you've gotten some good advice already, so here's mine: Communicate! Don't try to guess or make the other guess what you think or feel. Say what you mean, and mean what you say.
Relationships are built on several foundations, communication is a really important one.
As far as… what to do? That's a really broad topic tbh. If you have similar hobbies and interests, participate in them together. Find ways to bond!
As far as texting vs in person, I will say it's possible to have great chemistry over text and little in person, and vice versa. Good conversation flows pretty naturally and easily. If it's a struggle, or one-sided… it's no good. But something as simple as knowing each other better takes practice and time and… communication :]
Confidence is attractive, but it's also okay to admit when you're nervous or unsure of what to do!
When I got divorced there is a “cooling off period” and you are legally separated at that point, but I don’t remember having to account for being physically separated. I don’t think where you live effects the legal separation, at least in CO.
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Also thank you for your input! I'm just really looking for an outside view until I can get into my therapist again.
Massively incompatible sexually.
What a strange thing to be concerned about. If you eventually get married then you will see each other most everyday. Just hang out with her when you want to.
I cant say i have had a relationship anywhere near that long but i speak from experience when i do say i know how it is to leave after you have been betrayed by someone you love so much.So you need to do whats right by you and staying is the worst option
Yes! PRE-NUP!!
Some people laugh when they're uncomfortable. Nervous laughter is pretty common
I’m pretty sure we all know the answer to this.
A few questions to ask yourself (not to answer here):
Does she like bling?
Does she like modern or antique?
Is she usually doll up or stay more casual?
Is she active to the point where larger jewelry may pose a problem?
What’s your budget?
Also – I have a good amount of friends and I’m not sure I would ever be able to pick their ring tastes or they mine. Careful with putting this on a friend.
Also, maybe go in with a ring of your choosing and IF the store accepts returns, then go full in proposal, with the offering of her exchanging the ring if she doesn’t like it. It’s okay to go in 110% thoughtful and it still not hit the mark.
So he doesn’t want you with me so he can appear single or not feel guilty about the crap he does.
Yes i believe he's not. He always supports me and never forces me on anything
It's not the 10th drink that gets you, it's the first. She probably doesn't believe she can fall back down the alcohol hole.
There are still exceptions, including those I listed, and also if you can find and identify the biological father, you can in some situations (or states) apply for restitution of child support from the absentee father.
It doesn't mean you're in any way guaranteed to have it heard or accepted, but you can still try.
Well, a lot of people would find it challenging to accept this sort of thing. But that doesn't mean you cannot find someone who will approve it, there are people out there who would understand your side of it.
I feel like your reletionship is going to be incompatible. You're going to be forced to chose one or the other, or live your own life with strict boundaries that makes your GF comfortable.
I get it. You grew up in theatre. High-school and college is where we make most of our friends. And the theatre environment is dominantly women. So, its no surprise that you accumulated a lot friends who are women.
I think you'll be much happier finding someone where you can have best of both worlds… not made to feel guilty by hanging with your friends, and have a stable reletionship.
Have you considered interjecting your GF into your inner circle? She might be more comfortable with it if she befriended some of them.
Go without him.
Question – when you say you moved into a new home, is this one you have bought, or rent/lease?
If rent/lease, then move all your stuff into storage, go on holiday, and when you get back, find yourself a new life – new job, new home, now partner.
If bought, then tell him that you will use the time apart to decide on the relationship.
Your bf needs to send her a dm and explain that he doesn't appreciate her sending Pics of herself and as your friend it's completely inappropriate. If she doesn't stop after that then step in.
Why wouldn't your dad spank your butt then? Because you're a boy and he'd see it as gay to touch another man's ass, right? That's because he sees it as a sexual gesture, and he wouldn't do a sexual gesture to another man.
I assumed that since they stated 25M first that they were the 25M and their partner was 27F? I thought this was standard on every post, or am I missing something? Even if OP is 27F this is still crappy and a manipulative and abusive tactic
You and the other commenter sound like scorned women ?
You, IMO are making your GF feel this way. Your actions and eyes and body movements when your EX is around can be very telling. You also don't seem to care how this makes your GF feel and are getting upset with her and blaming her for being insecure and/or jealous. You are also saying that she has no reason to feel this way and you are dismissing her and disrespecting her. You also are not willing to compromise your life and friends and your EX for the sake of your GF. There isn't anything you can do except cut contact with your EX and you can't and won't do that. No future GF will put up with this from you, which is why I said you are to blame. Break up and set her free
Usually I would say myob but him reaching out really changes things. I suggest you give a non answer. One that makes it known that you can’t exonerate her but comes short of saying she confided in you.
Maybe, that commenter would have to be the one to clarify their intent tho. But I don’t think it’s unusual to not be in the mood when you’re hurt or angry. It’s only transactional when you withhold as a form of punishment specifically to manipulate the other person. I don’t think that’s the case here, and also didn’t get that from their overall comment.
if you don't have the courage to start the conversation write it down. When you like how you worded it all sit down with your mom and give her the piece of paper.
Doesn't that get exhausting though? Most people don't have so little respect for their partners that they make them verify everything they say with sources. You know who does do that? Essay graders and scientific journal publishers. Nobody else lol.
You aren't crazy but this is exactly what he wants – to wear you down until you get frustrated ans exhausted and just agree with him that he's right about everything. That's not mentally healthy for you
So like where is your limit? You gotta figure that out because it doesn't seem like he respects you enough to even recognize that YOU having a problem means a problem exists in the relationship. You gotta decide if you're willing to put up with this dismissive behavior for the rest of your life. This is a dramatic take on my part but like if you had kids would you want them to see you being treated this way?
Hey you. If you thought other people had an easier time approaching strangers at a bar or club, let me assure you it aint so. You are definitely in the majority. It is one of the scariest moments to any man, and with a change in culture, women are facing the same challenge. Rejection can hurt and it hurts more if you make yourself more vulnerable.
You describe insecurities. Oh dear. A female friend of mine once described me as hypermasculine. Oh wow, what a compliment! I definitely fall into the caucasian viking phenotype. What a massive ego boost, right? But what if my hair is too long and she likes clean shaven gentle types? I do sports to stay fit, I cut my hair. Now I look like a bouncer. Do I come off as a brutish jerk now? I like librarian type with strong opinions. Would they ever date someone like me?
You are not alone in this. As you rightly said: It's a self esteem issue. But learning to deal with rejection is something that wil be worth it. We don't want fear to determine the nature of our relationships.
If you are friends and he is mature enough, it should not be an issue even if the feelings aren't mutual. Maybe it'll be cringe. So what? You are 20. Stumbling is part of learning to walk. Yes it's scary. And it can hurt. But not as bad as you think, what torments us more than rejection, ultimately, are our fears and insecurities. Keeping it secret, secretely hoping for resolution is what will hurt the most. I did that. Big ouch. Ever since I am very honest and it has served me well.
There is, however, a deeper issue at work here I think. In your OP you said a guy asked you out three times and you still couldn't believe he liked you. I can relate to this so much – The inability to imagine others could ever like you. Until resolved, this will overshadow your relationships. (And if I may go out on a limb here, the inability to imagine someone liking you might translate into the inability to believe someone could love you?) Regardless of my conjecture and how this situation between you two will plas out, you'll need to address this. You will find that it'll take a huge burden from your shoulders and your relationships will benefit.
You got this. ?
He’s rude when he’s upset. Says it’s his cadence when I debate him on it
Couldn’t agree more
OP, this may very well be the real man he is. something has snapped and prevented him from hiding it now. Spacecadetcase advice is to the point and on target. staying with him will kill you
Literally you could not if you're in the US. People talk about “signing away parental rights” like people do it all the time, but that can only happen if the child is going to be adopted by someone else (so if you and your BF broke up, you carried the pregnancy to term, he got married to someone else, and she agreed to adopt). If you have this baby, you will be on the hook at minimum financially for 18 years, even if you never see the kid.
Your boyfriend is sad, and that's OK. But like many people have said, bringing a child into the world to make someone else happy is a terrible, terrible idea. In the end, you'd be the one to carry it for nearly 10 months, to deal with the health risks and complications that come with pregnancy and postpartum life. It's ultimately your call, and he seems to be supportive.
She may be having gallbladder issues. I suffered for years with the same problem until I had to have my gallbladder removed. I was constantly taking anti-gas pills for my problem during the day but at night lookout. When laying down you relax and out it comes, and you are not aware you are even doing it. Just have a sit down with her and be honest she should talk to her doctor.
Ask the guy if he knows that she literally refers to him as a backup. Tell the guy he needs to have more pride in himself than to accept that kind of thing.
You have clearly never been in a group setting where two men are about to fight. It is very normal for the guts on both sides to watch and then break them apart once their is a clear winner.
It doesn’t sound like he’s looking for a large apology, as he’s said he wants to move on. It sounds more like OP is feeling guilty about the interaction and ruminating on it.
We text throughout the day and talk normally. I don’t feel this way all the time when he’s away, it just hits me at times.
Strikes me this relationship would be tiring even if she did happen to have sex more. Feels to me you focus on the sex almost as consolation while avoiding the real problem is that you find her so emotionally draining in general.
I literally work in hospital system and I can tell you now, I know ZERO OBGYNs who work 36 hours a week and make 410k. Literally zero. That’s insane. This whole post is insane.
I literally work in hospital system and I can tell you now, I know ZERO OBGYNs who work 36 hours a week and make 410k. Literally zero. That’s insane. This whole post is insane.
It’s not her who is against seeking help, it’s her family. They are completely isolating her from everything and everybody, speaking to her like she is a child. I am sure they think they are helping but I don’t know how to tell them they are making it worse.
If she was a decent friend, she would’ve talked to you first and confirmed whether you would be willing to have your pictures taken before not extending the offer. You don’t just assume someone doesn’t want to be involved with something, especially if that person is your “best friend” and you’ve discussed being in each others weddings before. I would reevaluate this friendship as it may not be as deep as you think it is. I honestly probably wouldn’t even go to the wedding.
Being logic driven doesn't make you emotionless… That's a non-sequitur.
r/flr empowered women everywhere are realizing that they want to take charge of their own desires
And she should talk to her father and mention what SIL said, it's his money, it must feel dreadful having people scheming over your money while you are still alive…I also second the prenup
I’ve been the girlfriend before and it kind of helped meeting the “triggered” friend because then I wasn’t just some stranger trying to take their best friend away. It was my therapist’s suggestion because I was pretty uncomfortable at the idea but it worked out and we got along fairly well and had quite a bit in common.
Your welcome to try.
Well if it isn’t the pot call the kettle with this guy. Projection big time.
He’s stalking her live, lying to you, and yet is all shocked you are wanting the truth by trying to string together inconsistencies that are consistent.
Op? This guy is doing more than flirting with her.
He’s actively giving his number to her… a guy doesn’t do that unless it’s for business or pleasure.
And clearly it’s not for business reasons if he’s having to LIE about being around her.
Well if it isn’t the pot call the kettle with this guy. Projection big time.
He’s stalking her live, lying to you, and yet is all shocked you are wanting the truth by trying to string together inconsistencies that are consistent.
Op? This guy is doing more than flirting with her.
He’s actively giving his number to her… a guy doesn’t do that unless it’s for business or pleasure.
And clearly it’s not for business reasons if he’s having to LIE about being around her.
Jfc dump this loser. My husband told his parents about me before we even became an official couple. Stop settling for someone who hides you away. You should be with someone who is proud to show you off! You're too young for this bullshit. Move on!
Yeah lol when I read that part about shattering his view of you I was like hell yeah it would, it’d also shatter your relationship lol
Thank you I’ll try talking to her again.
Tell him you’ll delete them for him then he won’t have to look at them.
Wait for the excuses. Then dump his lying ass.
No. If you asked and she didn’t answer, forget her.
Don’t you mean stop fucking the boyfriend?
OP, dump him. You can do so much better.
If you know, you see it with your own eyes, in your heart and head you know he's cheating, continuously, why do you need him to admit it?
If he admits it, he could potentially end up with repercussions if there is a divorce. It doesn't seem like you're going to leave him but he still probably doesn't want to risk it.
You're 26. Go find happiness and someone who wants you by their side. You attached your star to a 30 y/o loser. Let it go.
Well, you ignored all of the massive red flags because he was “nice” and now you are facing the consequences of your own actions.
If you stay with him, you will be taking care of him forever. Is that what you want?
She sounds like she’s exhausting. Are you ready to fight about racism every week for the rest of your life?
Yeah nobody cares about that, it’s just stuff. What we’re all VERY concerned about is the young woman you’re abusing. —— The absolute best thing you could ever do is to stay tf away from her, and all women.