Well it's kinda the point of having a threescore that your partner isn't going to focus on you all of the time. Otherwise what's the point of bringing in a third person?
It's not a cool move on her part. Lent is about fasting or giving up something for the 40 days. Usually it's red meat or meat altogether. I've heard of chocolate, coffee, and video games. It's supposed to be like a cleanse.
But this fasting is for the person themselves. My mother used to give up meat but would still make meat for my dad and the kids. My dad would give up chocolate, but still buy chocolates for my mother.
Your gf is imposing her fasting and, by definition, religion on you. That's not cool.
It's difficult when it comes down to an eating disorder and depression. From my own experience, she might need more help in order to find the balance and become better. If the weight gain is drastic and a hazard for her own health, she need professionals to step in. Myself, I gained a lot because of depression and back pains. I also deal with an eating disorder so it's rough to have that hover over you. Importance is the support along the way.
It's not really your fault that you might not be as attracted to her as you used to, but you should feel shame when you are out together. That can become another weight she will gain over her mental health and you dint want to be the reason. Also you have a choice here. Stay and support, help and try to maybe push your needs aside a little, or think about what you can work with here. What you can handle. As a partner you wanna do your best to be there, but many looks away from their own energy and what you yourself are in control of.
But if I'm reading it right, this was all before you were exclusive, right? Then it's open season for her. If she did it now it would be a different story.
i guess she's scared to live with me. i dont see why its a big deal if we break up when we are living together. and this whole soul mates thing sucks like why does it matter if we aren't? we love each other right now and thats all that should matter right?
My boyfriend (who knows about my history) was walking right beside me when it happened and saw the whole thing – yet he didn't do anything to protect me, defend me or call the guy who did it out on it. Now my boyfriend is around 6'1 or 6'2 and quite muscular, like going to the gym 6 times a week for the past 5 years muscular, so he looks quite intimidating.
Because of the way he looks and because he's told me multiple times that I don't have to be afraid of others because he would protect me, I expected him to stay true to his promises (which he made a lot of) and defend me. But he didn't do anything.
You seem to be implying that “officer Morality” is an insult.
Are you surprised that people are making moral comments on a relationship sub? Oh-kay.
Stooping to personal insults rather than reasoned words in your reply to that commenter only reflects badly on you and it negated any point you had tried to make.
You feel the way you feel for good reason. Your gut is telling you that you aren’t happy in this marriage or with this person. Don’t try to talk yourself into staying in a bad situation. You aren’t happy. You don’t trust him. He’s controlling and dismissive. It’s great that he’s nice sometimes, but so what? Even serial killers have good days. That doesn’t cancel out his bad behavior or change the way you feel about this marriage. Get out. While you’re still young. Don’t waste another precious minute of your life deliberately staying in a situation that makes you so unhappy.
I would not tell him that you are leaving. It is him, his brother AND his mother between you and freedom. They will put obstacles in your way or just forbid it.
Just quietly make a plan and just one day go to work and not come home. You can leave him a note or not, depending on how you feel about it.
What he is doing is very controlling and trying to bend you to his will. Him saying 'we are not leaving until . . .' would have made me directly to the car or home and never let him go shopping with me again – EVER. He lost that right by his demanding his wants over mine.
Sure, there are good things in all relationships, but the bad ALWAYS out weighs the bad.
You guys are already not speaking to each other about relevant things in a relationship. You don't say anything because you are always wrong according to him and have to listen to him micro-manage him. Then you add in him moving his family into your home with out even a conversation with you???? That alone is a marriage breaker. He is controlling you and you need to leave, but do so carefully.
I have probably been through a shit ton more and accomplished more than the average 30 year old
You only feel that you are experienced. In reality, because you have given birth to two kids before you were 19 and are living at home with your parents, you don't really have any true life experience. You have a nice comfy roof over your head, and your parents are right there with you in case things get rough. What you are is a teenager with a safe place to live, who got knocked up twice before you were even 19, and now can't figure out why the child you married has grown into such a man baby.
Seniors did date freshman and it was WEIRD. Why are y’all excusing predatory behavior because “oh they were both in high school, so it’s okay!” One is an adult, the other is a minor. A very young minor. It would be different if she was 17, because they would just have a two year difference. Still, a bit weird, but they’re not FOUR YEARS apart.
Dude I am so sorry. I’ve told me fiancée this and I mean it. If the cops ever get called over a disagreement and I end up in cuffs, the relationship, marriage, whatever is OVER.
No ifs, ands, or buts. Family doesn’t do that shit. Real family doesn’t do that. You sort out your problems internally because that’s how you handle your familiar affairs.
I don’t know you or her – but from my perspective you need to look out for yourself. She could ruin your career dude. No way. It needs to end
So as a woman I understand the need to protect other woman. But as a human, I also recognize the right for someone innocent privacy.
This group isn’t doing anyone favors by allowing woman to post false narratives. They aren’t protecting woman. Well maybe they are in some cases, but the fact they don’t vet the posts they are promoting women potentially attacking a man who could have just turned them down, which also isn’t okay.
You dodge a bullet, but look into legal avenues against this group, because it really doesn’t do what it sets out to do since it doesn’t get the posts. It’s like revenge porn, it could ruin a man’s life due to a date gone bad or not being interested.
I’ve used a pillow for years because pregnancy killed my hips. If my husband got rid of it I’d buy enough to cover the bed so he’d have nowhere to sleep just to prove a point. It’s a fucking pillow. She needs to get over it, but I’m the king run do you really want someone who gets that jealous of a pillow?
Well, typically it doesn't marinate for too long, because I deal with it as soon as it's discovered. I think he usually doesn't really tune in to the fact that I'm cleaning up after him, but this time the discussion happened in front of both him and the kids.
Yikes. Commingling of debt before marriage is not good (as I'm sure you are realizing). You may end up having to either buy him out of your share or have him buy you out of your share. Whatever you do, DO NOT TRUST THAT HE WILL MAKE PAYMENTS, even if he says he will. One missed or late payment, and your credit is doomed.
I really recommend you the book Myth of Normal by Gabor Mate! He’s talking about the cause of inflammatory diseases in women and a lot of success stories of women who got better through self-acceptance journeys and through starting to listen to what the disease is trying to tell the body.
i've literally mentioned that i'm not smoking at the moment and haven't been since this thing started.
You literally did not. You said “We even tried this thing where I just don't smoke” which, who the fuck knows what kind of timeline that's supposed to mean? You also literally said “this started happening 3 weeks ago, and since I smoke, we haven't been intimate that whole time,” which, if you're not currently fucking smoking, is a confusing thing tonsay
I mean, i think you should communicate with her dude. I probably wouldn’t say “hey I’m jealous of your friends” but maybe something like “hey, I love you dearly, and I think I’d like to get to know your friends better since they matter so much to you. Maybe we could have a jackbox night with them (or any other multiplayer game of your choice)”. I don’t think that’d be weird to her at all.
Apologize. Give her space. Get some help. Give up drinking. Especially at anything situation sensitive. Knowing your limits is important.
Put her aside. Where is your personal professionalism? You have your own reputation and job at stake. Fellow employees to decide if you are stable. Time to reflect why you let it go.
This may not be recoverable. You damaged reputation and worse, trust.
I'm also just reading some of your other comments about wanting to keep the fact that you're a virgin a secret. I would absolutely hate to get into a relationship with someone and find out that they'd purposefully kept something like that a secret from me. I find the idea of being someone's 'first' quite hot and would definitely be understanding of a partners boundaries if they told me what those boundaries are, but you're not going to get that understanding if you don't communicate.
There's nothing to be ashamed of in not having had sex at your age (in the grand scheme of things.. you're young!) but being deceptive about it is red flag behaviour.
Or anywhere his baby will be. Those chemicals stick to stuff and have health effects. I hope you don't go back to it OP. It's detrimental to the health of everyone around you
You sound like a physical intimite person. The didn't really care for that, it appears. So not fitting together in that part is a perfectly reasonable thing for a break-up.
Her reaction to it also seams very childish and rather immature.
Sounds like super incompatible. You want very different things than he does in life. Sounds like you've considered breaking up multiple times already, which generally isn't a good sign.
I'm glad you said it, lol. I almost called him a bum but I didn't because I use that word a lot on this sub, and I decided not to based on that.
But now that I think about it more, it's not that I'm overusing it, it's that a lot of women are dating bums and they come on here asking for advice on how to live peacefully with a bum or if they're the AH for being mad at their partner who is a bum.
I get it. I used to be even more dumb than I still am now, but goddamn. Let's get it together, ladies. Stop fucking bums and Republicans in 2023.
Use the time you spend together to get to know him. Aside from romantic dates and new relationship excitement, figure him out as a person. Are your views aligned when it comes to core values? Is he respectful to you and others in his life? What are his relationships like with his friends and family? All of these things are not apparent in the first 2 weeks of meeting someone, so take your time in getting to know him to find out. Don't let the new relationship excitement blind you to any red flags.
So let me get this straight. You have intimate information about the relationship troubles of an opposite gender “friend” who showed she has no problem hurting and betraying people she “loves”. Your wife is rightfully suspicious of this person and you go: But she is not a bad person, she made a dumb mistake by screwing another guy and lying to her husband all day everyday because she was too cowardly or comfortable to leave him. She had no choice but to do something so incredibly selfish! She is my Fwiend!!
You sir are flirting with an emotional affair. My money is on her “needing her best fwiend” support and then woopsy daisy you guys make a mistake but you are not bad people right?? Right?
As a person who was cheated on sadly I know… people who stick with the cheaters end up as cheaters as well! But it is all okay because her husband was a sick right? Is your wife being enough of a sick already? Do you have your excuse to cheat yet?
It sounds like your boyfriend is using your eating disorder as a springboard from which he can abuse and control you. It's not healthy what he is doing to you- regardless of one person's vices, it's not justification for abuse- unfortunately, many abusers think it is.
I think you should really get serious about leaving him. Things will always “get better” but only temporarily. It shouldn't get this bad to begin with. Not in a healthy relationship.
Please go reread the examples I wrote of what she should have said instead. They’re all pretty much the opposite of what she actually did say. She said a lot of terrible statements, and also OP is responding in a way that makes everything worse. They’re feeding off each other’s negative energy.
Some people don't like the idea of not having their own space, or being able to be by themselves. By the sounds of it, in your idea you two would be spending those 3 (or however many) months together, living together and not separated. Perhaps he isn't all that interested in thar step yet? You're both young, and shouldn't be too concerned by it. If it's such an issue, confront him and ask why he wouldn't want to spend X amount of time with you.
Ok you must realize “hooking up” is not being polyamorous. Unfortunately what your friend is doing is one of the risks of this lifestyle. Not everyone will accept it and they may very well want to share that view with other people. All you can do is set the record straight with other people that you get to know.
Like dawg, you dont marry someone like that, i would just forget about the money doesnt even try to make her pay to prevent the stress, just brake it off
Something is off in this situation. It doesn't smell right.
I suspect your boyfriend doesn't want you to feel comfortable or secure in this relationship. If this is what he's doing, then the reason he continuously talks about his ex to make you feel insecure. He does this because he wants you to feel like you have a rival, and so you have to “win” his affection by proving he should choose you over his ex.
Frankly, the kind of person who does this is not capable of being a good partner without a whole lot of mental and emotional work, usually in therapy. At your age, and at this point in the relationship, it's honestly not worth it.
Now, it's possible that I'm wrong. And if I'm wrong, then you're most likely right, and he is not over his ex. And if he's not over his ex, and she really is stalker-calling him all the time, then this is only going to get worse, not better.
So whether you are right or I am right, the best thing you can do is break up and find someone who doesn't have so much baggage
You're too young to be dealing with that level of bullshit; there are plenty of guys your age who are not hung up on their exes and not trying to convince you that you need to compete for their affection. Go find one of those guys, and you'll be a lot happier
I was thinking the same thing. Too many names of clients of the father, locations, you need to edit that stuff out. We don't need that info. Your desire to tell on them is leaking out.
I think we need to have one on my husband's house keys, he always forgets where he left them. We have to play “find the keys” every time he's in a rush to go somewhere ?.
“Oh, ok, then let’s not go. As much as I’d love to see you and pay for your meal, I dont have enough to cover everyone. But if you’re okay with it just being us, I can and will happily pay for you.”
If she agrees but still brings someone else, when you see the other person, tell them “I’m so happy to see you but I didn’t realize you were coming so I’m unable to pay for everyone. But if you’re okay with asking for separate checks and we all just pay for ourselves, I’d absolutely love the extra company.”
You have no imagination if you think stalking is the only purpose. You put them on/in any object you may get separated from and want to be able to find later. That’s it.
That‘s amazing. You‘re wise and lucky for finding and keeping her. I love how she kinda already knew. I feel like this shows how deep your relationship must be and how much she cares about you, taking small hints and stuff. You build yourself a wonderful life and you are surrounded by love and care. Whatever anyone did to you, they could‘nt stop you from being happy and living your best life. That‘s inspiring.
Thank you for your advice. And for sharing this, everybody keeps telling me how the right person will surely be, but reading it from someone with similar struggles puts it into perspective.
I am already seeing a therapist and according to her I‘m doing great, but I know that this is only on a daily basis. Trigger me with the wrong stuff and everything just falls apart.
This is immature, manipulating and controlling behavior. She wants you to chase her. This is not a good sign. She needs professiomal help or this behavior will continue.
There's also a chance that her tastes have changed. I used to love bagels with cream cheese, but then one day I just stopped liking the combo. I still think fondly about going to the bagel shop with my friends, but I don't care to go back these days.
Or for sexual stuff, there are some acts that I enjoyed with previous partners, that I can't imagine doing with my current boyfriend, just based on who he is and how our relationship is. If he tried to be a dom, it would feel inauthentic and I wouldn't want that. Anal can be seen as a submissive act, and if she saw the two of you as respectful equals, then I could see why the prospect of anal with you could be upsetting.
Thank you
Well it's kinda the point of having a threescore that your partner isn't going to focus on you all of the time. Otherwise what's the point of bringing in a third person?
I would leave. Immediately.
It's not a cool move on her part. Lent is about fasting or giving up something for the 40 days. Usually it's red meat or meat altogether. I've heard of chocolate, coffee, and video games. It's supposed to be like a cleanse.
But this fasting is for the person themselves. My mother used to give up meat but would still make meat for my dad and the kids. My dad would give up chocolate, but still buy chocolates for my mother.
Your gf is imposing her fasting and, by definition, religion on you. That's not cool.
It's difficult when it comes down to an eating disorder and depression. From my own experience, she might need more help in order to find the balance and become better. If the weight gain is drastic and a hazard for her own health, she need professionals to step in. Myself, I gained a lot because of depression and back pains. I also deal with an eating disorder so it's rough to have that hover over you. Importance is the support along the way.
It's not really your fault that you might not be as attracted to her as you used to, but you should feel shame when you are out together. That can become another weight she will gain over her mental health and you dint want to be the reason. Also you have a choice here. Stay and support, help and try to maybe push your needs aside a little, or think about what you can work with here. What you can handle. As a partner you wanna do your best to be there, but many looks away from their own energy and what you yourself are in control of.
But if I'm reading it right, this was all before you were exclusive, right? Then it's open season for her. If she did it now it would be a different story.
Thats weird. People have needs, even if you're married you wanna watch porn. Dont want to be rude, but get over it, it screams insecurity.
i guess she's scared to live with me. i dont see why its a big deal if we break up when we are living together. and this whole soul mates thing sucks like why does it matter if we aren't? we love each other right now and thats all that should matter right?
Did you not read the post??
My boyfriend (who knows about my history) was walking right beside me when it happened and saw the whole thing – yet he didn't do anything to protect me, defend me or call the guy who did it out on it. Now my boyfriend is around 6'1 or 6'2 and quite muscular, like going to the gym 6 times a week for the past 5 years muscular, so he looks quite intimidating.
Because of the way he looks and because he's told me multiple times that I don't have to be afraid of others because he would protect me, I expected him to stay true to his promises (which he made a lot of) and defend me. But he didn't do anything.
You seem to be implying that “officer Morality” is an insult.
Are you surprised that people are making moral comments on a relationship sub? Oh-kay.
Stooping to personal insults rather than reasoned words in your reply to that commenter only reflects badly on you and it negated any point you had tried to make.
You feel the way you feel for good reason. Your gut is telling you that you aren’t happy in this marriage or with this person. Don’t try to talk yourself into staying in a bad situation. You aren’t happy. You don’t trust him. He’s controlling and dismissive. It’s great that he’s nice sometimes, but so what? Even serial killers have good days. That doesn’t cancel out his bad behavior or change the way you feel about this marriage. Get out. While you’re still young. Don’t waste another precious minute of your life deliberately staying in a situation that makes you so unhappy.
Bite the bullet and talk to her. Don't ask her for money.
See a debt counselor to work out how to pay it off
I would not tell him that you are leaving. It is him, his brother AND his mother between you and freedom. They will put obstacles in your way or just forbid it.
Just quietly make a plan and just one day go to work and not come home. You can leave him a note or not, depending on how you feel about it.
What he is doing is very controlling and trying to bend you to his will. Him saying 'we are not leaving until . . .' would have made me directly to the car or home and never let him go shopping with me again – EVER. He lost that right by his demanding his wants over mine.
Sure, there are good things in all relationships, but the bad ALWAYS out weighs the bad.
You guys are already not speaking to each other about relevant things in a relationship. You don't say anything because you are always wrong according to him and have to listen to him micro-manage him. Then you add in him moving his family into your home with out even a conversation with you???? That alone is a marriage breaker. He is controlling you and you need to leave, but do so carefully.
I have probably been through a shit ton more and accomplished more than the average 30 year old
You only feel that you are experienced. In reality, because you have given birth to two kids before you were 19 and are living at home with your parents, you don't really have any true life experience. You have a nice comfy roof over your head, and your parents are right there with you in case things get rough. What you are is a teenager with a safe place to live, who got knocked up twice before you were even 19, and now can't figure out why the child you married has grown into such a man baby.
I'd tell her to run it if she likes but the relationship is done.
Scorned? She got HIT. Your point is valid but please don’t call battered women “scorned”.
You had a lot of 19 year olds in your high school?
Seniors did date freshman and it was WEIRD. Why are y’all excusing predatory behavior because “oh they were both in high school, so it’s okay!” One is an adult, the other is a minor. A very young minor. It would be different if she was 17, because they would just have a two year difference. Still, a bit weird, but they’re not FOUR YEARS apart.
You may want to re-read that comment as I didn't call your math skills shitty. On the other hand, your reading comprehension could use some work. ?
Dude I am so sorry. I’ve told me fiancée this and I mean it. If the cops ever get called over a disagreement and I end up in cuffs, the relationship, marriage, whatever is OVER.
No ifs, ands, or buts. Family doesn’t do that shit. Real family doesn’t do that. You sort out your problems internally because that’s how you handle your familiar affairs.
I don’t know you or her – but from my perspective you need to look out for yourself. She could ruin your career dude. No way. It needs to end
So as a woman I understand the need to protect other woman. But as a human, I also recognize the right for someone innocent privacy.
This group isn’t doing anyone favors by allowing woman to post false narratives. They aren’t protecting woman. Well maybe they are in some cases, but the fact they don’t vet the posts they are promoting women potentially attacking a man who could have just turned them down, which also isn’t okay.
You dodge a bullet, but look into legal avenues against this group, because it really doesn’t do what it sets out to do since it doesn’t get the posts. It’s like revenge porn, it could ruin a man’s life due to a date gone bad or not being interested.
I’ve used a pillow for years because pregnancy killed my hips. If my husband got rid of it I’d buy enough to cover the bed so he’d have nowhere to sleep just to prove a point. It’s a fucking pillow. She needs to get over it, but I’m the king run do you really want someone who gets that jealous of a pillow?
Dude, you’re not fooling anyone in here. Stop trying to sugarcoat bullshit.
You’re so brave for this ?
Well, typically it doesn't marinate for too long, because I deal with it as soon as it's discovered. I think he usually doesn't really tune in to the fact that I'm cleaning up after him, but this time the discussion happened in front of both him and the kids.
Best of luck to you. ?
Yikes. Commingling of debt before marriage is not good (as I'm sure you are realizing). You may end up having to either buy him out of your share or have him buy you out of your share. Whatever you do, DO NOT TRUST THAT HE WILL MAKE PAYMENTS, even if he says he will. One missed or late payment, and your credit is doomed.
I really recommend you the book Myth of Normal by Gabor Mate! He’s talking about the cause of inflammatory diseases in women and a lot of success stories of women who got better through self-acceptance journeys and through starting to listen to what the disease is trying to tell the body.
i've literally mentioned that i'm not smoking at the moment and haven't been since this thing started.
You literally did not. You said “We even tried this thing where I just don't smoke” which, who the fuck knows what kind of timeline that's supposed to mean? You also literally said “this started happening 3 weeks ago, and since I smoke, we haven't been intimate that whole time,” which, if you're not currently fucking smoking, is a confusing thing tonsay
I mean, i think you should communicate with her dude. I probably wouldn’t say “hey I’m jealous of your friends” but maybe something like “hey, I love you dearly, and I think I’d like to get to know your friends better since they matter so much to you. Maybe we could have a jackbox night with them (or any other multiplayer game of your choice)”. I don’t think that’d be weird to her at all.
Apologize. Give her space. Get some help. Give up drinking. Especially at anything situation sensitive. Knowing your limits is important.
Put her aside. Where is your personal professionalism? You have your own reputation and job at stake. Fellow employees to decide if you are stable. Time to reflect why you let it go.
This may not be recoverable. You damaged reputation and worse, trust.
That's what I thought.
Yes. No excuse to cheat ever. If you truly love your partner, you will not cheat on them. That is truth
Should worry?
Think this is bad now? Wait until the baby gets here.
A lot of people who are depressed have jobs and work full time. Do not let that become the excuse he uses and you buy.
Tell your family the truth
You fix it by him getting a job and carrying his weight.
I'm also just reading some of your other comments about wanting to keep the fact that you're a virgin a secret. I would absolutely hate to get into a relationship with someone and find out that they'd purposefully kept something like that a secret from me. I find the idea of being someone's 'first' quite hot and would definitely be understanding of a partners boundaries if they told me what those boundaries are, but you're not going to get that understanding if you don't communicate.
There's nothing to be ashamed of in not having had sex at your age (in the grand scheme of things.. you're young!) but being deceptive about it is red flag behaviour.
I do love that answer. ♥️
Or anywhere his baby will be. Those chemicals stick to stuff and have health effects. I hope you don't go back to it OP. It's detrimental to the health of everyone around you
Wanted to leave a sweet note in his journal, right.
Anyway, tell him no and ask him if he is willing to break up or cheat over this. Watch his reaction.
I’ve thought the same ??
You sound like a physical intimite person. The didn't really care for that, it appears. So not fitting together in that part is a perfectly reasonable thing for a break-up.
Her reaction to it also seams very childish and rather immature.
Sounds like super incompatible. You want very different things than he does in life. Sounds like you've considered breaking up multiple times already, which generally isn't a good sign.
I'm glad you said it, lol. I almost called him a bum but I didn't because I use that word a lot on this sub, and I decided not to based on that.
But now that I think about it more, it's not that I'm overusing it, it's that a lot of women are dating bums and they come on here asking for advice on how to live peacefully with a bum or if they're the AH for being mad at their partner who is a bum.
I get it. I used to be even more dumb than I still am now, but goddamn. Let's get it together, ladies. Stop fucking bums and Republicans in 2023.
Maybe you should just start doing a better job cleaning down there? W boyfriend.
Use the time you spend together to get to know him. Aside from romantic dates and new relationship excitement, figure him out as a person. Are your views aligned when it comes to core values? Is he respectful to you and others in his life? What are his relationships like with his friends and family? All of these things are not apparent in the first 2 weeks of meeting someone, so take your time in getting to know him to find out. Don't let the new relationship excitement blind you to any red flags.
Then I don't think it's fair for your wife to expect you to cut her off. She made a mistake, she's not some monster.
So let me get this straight. You have intimate information about the relationship troubles of an opposite gender “friend” who showed she has no problem hurting and betraying people she “loves”. Your wife is rightfully suspicious of this person and you go: But she is not a bad person, she made a dumb mistake by screwing another guy and lying to her husband all day everyday because she was too cowardly or comfortable to leave him. She had no choice but to do something so incredibly selfish! She is my Fwiend!!
You sir are flirting with an emotional affair. My money is on her “needing her best fwiend” support and then woopsy daisy you guys make a mistake but you are not bad people right?? Right?
As a person who was cheated on sadly I know… people who stick with the cheaters end up as cheaters as well! But it is all okay because her husband was a sick right? Is your wife being enough of a sick already? Do you have your excuse to cheat yet?
It sounds like your boyfriend is using your eating disorder as a springboard from which he can abuse and control you. It's not healthy what he is doing to you- regardless of one person's vices, it's not justification for abuse- unfortunately, many abusers think it is.
I think you should really get serious about leaving him. Things will always “get better” but only temporarily. It shouldn't get this bad to begin with. Not in a healthy relationship.
Please go reread the examples I wrote of what she should have said instead. They’re all pretty much the opposite of what she actually did say. She said a lot of terrible statements, and also OP is responding in a way that makes everything worse. They’re feeding off each other’s negative energy.
We would be able to see all of these red flags from the moon!!
Also….3-4 weeks after a big fight, she's suddenly pregnant….sounds extremely suspicious.
Yeah OP was pretty vague about what the coworkers were actually saying about him.
Some people don't like the idea of not having their own space, or being able to be by themselves. By the sounds of it, in your idea you two would be spending those 3 (or however many) months together, living together and not separated. Perhaps he isn't all that interested in thar step yet? You're both young, and shouldn't be too concerned by it. If it's such an issue, confront him and ask why he wouldn't want to spend X amount of time with you.
Because she was better than you. Get over it narcissist.
Ok you must realize “hooking up” is not being polyamorous. Unfortunately what your friend is doing is one of the risks of this lifestyle. Not everyone will accept it and they may very well want to share that view with other people. All you can do is set the record straight with other people that you get to know.
A dog is a big responsibility.
Does she want to walk a dog daily? Is she constantly waking now?
Are you getting a low anxiety, low maintenance breed?
You getting dog training? To ensure it’s well behaved and you both train it the same? You going together to be on the same page?
Lots to responsibilities and costs to discuss.
Or you can slam an unwanted and unplanned dog into the mix and watch it blow up your relationship.
Let it go. Let him go.
Agree
That's perfect
You said he’s busy- stress can reduce libido. When he does have sex, is there a time of day he likes better? What usually gets him in the mood?
Like dawg, you dont marry someone like that, i would just forget about the money doesnt even try to make her pay to prevent the stress, just brake it off
She lied to you and the father. She's angry and will do whatever to get her way.
You sure you want that for a GF?
Something is off in this situation. It doesn't smell right.
I suspect your boyfriend doesn't want you to feel comfortable or secure in this relationship. If this is what he's doing, then the reason he continuously talks about his ex to make you feel insecure. He does this because he wants you to feel like you have a rival, and so you have to “win” his affection by proving he should choose you over his ex.
Frankly, the kind of person who does this is not capable of being a good partner without a whole lot of mental and emotional work, usually in therapy. At your age, and at this point in the relationship, it's honestly not worth it.
Now, it's possible that I'm wrong. And if I'm wrong, then you're most likely right, and he is not over his ex. And if he's not over his ex, and she really is stalker-calling him all the time, then this is only going to get worse, not better.
So whether you are right or I am right, the best thing you can do is break up and find someone who doesn't have so much baggage
You're too young to be dealing with that level of bullshit; there are plenty of guys your age who are not hung up on their exes and not trying to convince you that you need to compete for their affection. Go find one of those guys, and you'll be a lot happier
I was thinking the same thing. Too many names of clients of the father, locations, you need to edit that stuff out. We don't need that info. Your desire to tell on them is leaking out.
This isn't the way to do it though!
Normal is the middle statistic. Not necessarily a judgment.
I think we need to have one on my husband's house keys, he always forgets where he left them. We have to play “find the keys” every time he's in a rush to go somewhere ?.
Yes but why? Past trauma from exes? Have you lied to her before about something important?
“Oh, ok, then let’s not go. As much as I’d love to see you and pay for your meal, I dont have enough to cover everyone. But if you’re okay with it just being us, I can and will happily pay for you.”
If she agrees but still brings someone else, when you see the other person, tell them “I’m so happy to see you but I didn’t realize you were coming so I’m unable to pay for everyone. But if you’re okay with asking for separate checks and we all just pay for ourselves, I’d absolutely love the extra company.”
You have no imagination if you think stalking is the only purpose. You put them on/in any object you may get separated from and want to be able to find later. That’s it.
“My marriage was having problems” – the answer is in another mans pants
You can’t kidnap your own child. Do you want this man raising your child? I would wager he’s awful in other ways too
That‘s amazing. You‘re wise and lucky for finding and keeping her. I love how she kinda already knew. I feel like this shows how deep your relationship must be and how much she cares about you, taking small hints and stuff. You build yourself a wonderful life and you are surrounded by love and care. Whatever anyone did to you, they could‘nt stop you from being happy and living your best life. That‘s inspiring.
Thank you for your advice. And for sharing this, everybody keeps telling me how the right person will surely be, but reading it from someone with similar struggles puts it into perspective.
I am already seeing a therapist and according to her I‘m doing great, but I know that this is only on a daily basis. Trigger me with the wrong stuff and everything just falls apart.
This is immature, manipulating and controlling behavior. She wants you to chase her. This is not a good sign. She needs professiomal help or this behavior will continue.
There's also a chance that her tastes have changed. I used to love bagels with cream cheese, but then one day I just stopped liking the combo. I still think fondly about going to the bagel shop with my friends, but I don't care to go back these days.
Or for sexual stuff, there are some acts that I enjoyed with previous partners, that I can't imagine doing with my current boyfriend, just based on who he is and how our relationship is. If he tried to be a dom, it would feel inauthentic and I wouldn't want that. Anal can be seen as a submissive act, and if she saw the two of you as respectful equals, then I could see why the prospect of anal with you could be upsetting.