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Eve, 19 y.o.
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Date: November 1, 2022
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Well how much longer were you thinking of keeping him a secret? 2 years? 10? Forever. I think you need to think realistically of what you want and be honest. If you want them to never know then you have to be honest with your bf. You can’t just keep delaying to your bf it if you really mean to never tell them. If you do mean to tell them then sooner rather than later is best. You say you need “time” but what does that really mean?
Yeah I would totally if he contributed at all to anything.
I actually get where you’re coming from. I think this can be worked out with some compromise and planning.
Before y’all get married just sit down and come up with a plan for how expenses will be divided up. For his parents, your parents (if any expenses), his needs, your needs, and possible kids needs. Make some future forecasts (like what will happen if you/him make more money, if parents need medical attention, paying for kids college). Obviously your predictions won’t be the same as reality but at least get a rough idea of what the percentages will be and what y’all’s current expectations are for major life events.
The best solution would be for you to make some level of sacrifice out of love and respect for the person you want to marry. Bc in the end you guys are a unit and being asked not to give back to his mom (esp because it’s his money) will never make him happy. Hopefully over time this will feel less like sending money into the abyss as they give back and return his generosity with love toward both of you, and they possibly become grandma and grandpa to your future kids.
On your end it’s gonna be important that you’re comfortable with the amount of money that is left for you and your future family’s needs. That matters too. It needs to be an amount of money you can accept.
Gl!!
Do you want your children to struggle with moving out and moving on, or do you want them to struggle with parents who are abusive to each other?
They might hate you either way, but moving out now is likely to lead to better results than having to wait until they’re sixteen.
You have a hot path ahead of you, but you can do it, and you’ll like yourself much better nice you are out.