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EvaTango, 99 y.o.
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Date: October 23, 2022
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Thank you for taking action and doing the right thing for your family. This must be so nude.. really wishing you the best ❤️
Yep, was thinking the same thing.
Yes, I read she was doing both. Without telling him. That’s why the marriage is shaky, she’s hiding something important. He also in the original post had made to clear to her if she went on the pill he wanted to ditch the condoms.
It’s not “much safer” we’re literally talking about 1% here by doubling up. And even less a chance if they’re doubling up during her fertile times. It may it feel safer but the reality is the only way to completely be safe is not to have sex at all.
So if as a married couple having sex, what is acceptable risk if no sex (and the end of her marriage) is the only foolproof method? How much more risk is involved between 98% and 98.4%? How much risk is there if she’s on the pill and he has sex with her right after her period? She can do what she wants besides hide this but is she being unnecessarily cautious at the possible expense of her marriage. Even adding the pill is a risk, there are legitimate side effects and a cancer risk for some women. Risk vs reward in this case is something that needs to be talked about by both parties in a marriage. The fact that she decided for both of them was wrong.
No place for Ex's of either of you in your relationship. You should both sit down have a conversation about it and BOTH of you cut ties with and block any ex's. Try to start fresh.
I was wondering the same – where’s the ‘why’? I would have hoped that maybe even back in the college days that mom or dad would’ve asked the girls why they don’t visit when OP is home. Have the parents been letting this go and get worse for 15yrs? Do they know and just not told OP? Does OP know and isn’t saying?
But if the entire story is portrayed correctly I’d say OP is doing the right thing, it’s not on him anymore to fix
Illogical in that he cannot fathom that he was in the wrong. That sort of stuff is indictative of personality disorders such as narcissism or sociopath (whatever the current term for that is).
I'm not saying he is full on a sociopath, but he isn't “right”. And don't be Mrs. Save a Bad Boy, that life plan has set back plenty of otherwise great women's lives.
I mean she's used to being on her own and probably lost feelings while you were away, idk what's hot to understand.
Then wrap it up.
As a colonial scumbag I approve this message.
I think you have to decide what outcome you want here and then work towards it. If you want him to go to prison, then call a helpline and report to the police. If you want to him stop and want to work on the marriage, then he needs therapy and quick. Also, you have 2 additional kids that you say were conceived through rape from your husband, you'd have to consider the impact on their childhood if they got wind of this. You have a very tough decision to make here and it's not an easy one. I won't wish this on anyone, but don't take this burden alone and get anyone who can protect you involved. Stay safe.
“especially because she's a single mom and he doesn't want to deal with her baggage”. I'm sorry, but he just told you that this is the only reason why he isn't with her. He doesn't want to be with you, you deserve love and freedom. Please, be done with him.
It's possible that his feelings are hurt when you tell him that you're having these thoughts. A lot of men want to be able to make their lady happy and can unfortunately take it personally if she's not. Perhaps he feels like you're being selfish or like he's not enough to keep you happy. If this is the case, it'd be a good chance to explain to him that you're not consciously creating these thoughts, they just pop up unannounced and scare the hell out of you, which is why you confide in HIM, because you don't WANT to have this thoughts.
Maybe you should you ask him right out, if it upsets him when you mention suicidal thoughts. And ask him if that's why he didn't show much care about it, because he's subconsciously upset.
(Please understand I'm not making excuses for him, nor am I saying that you're selfish or wrong for having suicidal thoughts. In my own experience, people who haven't experienced it themselves, are usually very insensitive to the topic because it makes them uncomfortable.)