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Model from: fr
Languages: fr
Birth Date: 1973-01-17
Body Type: bodyTypeAverage
Ethnicity: ethnicityWhite
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Date: October 9, 2022
I'm sorry to hear about our shared experience with abuse ❤️ luckily I do have my own apartment, where I online alone, but I was scared to be on my own in the aftermath of this because I don't trust myself to protect myself right now. Once I feel less desolate and more secure that I can avoid alcohol even when nobody else is around to be accountable to, I'm planning to go back there. I just don't have anyone else here other than my boyfriend and parents (not through their faults, I'm very withdrawn by nature so I don't make friends easily).
It's long past time to go no contact with Mary (both you and your wife), low contact with the family members that enable the behavior or defend it, and seek both individual therapy for your wife and couples therapy so that you both can communicate with each other. On the surface it's easier said than done for some aspects of your life but OP — this isn't going to change. They aren't going to change.
I'm less saying that you perhaps need therapy, but your wife is traumatized by the golden child dynamic and while it's a really painful and unfortunate thing, she has to learn how to work past it. That said, her behavior is borderline abusive (in fact, I'd argue it is abusive) to you because you have no recourse to try and work with her in this.
You should always be wary of any major changes in problem areas in your relationship that don't occur until AFTER you break up. Especially if those changes have only manifested in him SAYING he's going to do things differently, but no actions yet. You've discussed this with him many times in the past, he was inflexible. Then you left, and suddenly he has changed his mind. The only thing that's changed between then and now is you're gone.
The absolute best case scenario here is that he has changed his mind but he didn't seriously consider the things you were telling him that were very important to you until you left him; basically nothing short of a breakup was going to get him to really consider your point of view. That's your BEST case option, and it's still not great. It means that any major relationship issues you two have going forward might require the same action from you before he'll take them seriously. What happens when you're married and it takes a divorce to get him to say “oh, ok, I guess you're serious, now I guess I'll consider the thing you kept begging me to think about.”
The more likely option is that he hasn't changed his mind about a thing, he just doesn't want to be single. He was very comfortable in your relationship as it was, he made that abundantly clear. So he wants a return to the status quo where you periodically ask him about the future and he makes vague noncommittal noises and does nothing differently, and the best way to get back to that situation is by telling you whatever you want to hear.
Either way I would think long and hot about how sincere you think this change of heart is, and also how permanent you think it is. He may think he means what he's saying right now, but once you're back together and he's comfortable again how confident are you that he'll stay this engaged with the idea of planning a future and not just immediately start coming up with excuses to stall again?
The past is a foreign land that we can never visit again.
Leave it in the past and just concentrate on the here and now and the future. If she wants to tell you then let her, but make it clear that it's neither necessary nor required.
It's the past afterall.
OP, you said he did the therapy session right outside the room you were napping. So is it possible that he WANTED you to hear the session, so he could GUILT you into keeping the pregnancy?
He knew you were there. Had to know you could wake up at any time, especially talking right outside the door. Just too coincidental to me.
While you appreciate you taking his feelings into consideration, he may be a good guy or he can bale on you at a moments’ notice. What you have to decide is what YOU want your life to be right here, right now.
After an abnormal pap this year I let them know I haven't had my HPV shot and they wrote me a prescription right then and there (I'm 33). The only downside is that it is no longer free (I'm in Canada, idk if this is different elsewhere).