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Date: November 15, 2022
AmateurPub
I can respect that but in my world it makes zero sense to me. I’ve never believed that the two sexed could be platonic friends, still don’t. If it works for you that’s cool. I’ve never even considered it. There is nothing to be gained for a man from it.
Nothing wrong with saying it and feeling it as long as you are aware that you have only seen the tip of the iceberg with this person.
Here is what he needs to say(but only if it's true)
“I don't care if we aren't genetically related. I still raised him which means he is my son.”
And then he takes his ex to court for trying to skip his mandated visitation.
Therapy for him. Therapy for the kids. Maybe some family therapy for all of you. And work quickly to figure out the best way to tell him.keeping it from him long term is way more likely to go wrong (ie him wondering why you lied, what else you lied about, etc) than telling him soon.
I would say as soon as your husband can manage calmly speaking about it so he doesn’t push his turmoil onto his son is when he should. A therapist could help with the method. I’d say something like how much he loves him and why he loves him (ie give him reasons beyond you have my dna) and that he recently found out some tough information that he wished he could not tell him but that it’s something that you don’t want him to find out down the road in a less ideal fashion (you don’t want his mom lashing out in anger and telling him, but obviously don’t say that to him) not that there’s an ideal way to say this. Then tell him, reassure him he’s still his son, that you love him, that you hate this is happening to you both, that you still want him to visit.
It is wishful thinking. That's not how people work. You know this intellectually, even if you are pushing back against it emotionally. Don't do the stupid thing here, you'll regret it if you do.