i fully understand that i'm lucky she wants to resolve things and try again. Most people like you said would have definitely moved on my day. I understand my ultimatum may make her choose stacy and i'm fine with that. It's better than living with this constant anxiety about my relationship. I'm definitely ashamed about going through her phone and if anything it didn't help. It just made things worse on my end.
If i'm being honest i'm finding it really very hot to be empathetic about their potential platonic friendship and maybe it's something i'll care more about once she'd had considerable space from Stacy.
I totally get that after a break things aren't as strong but we've both expressed a desire to rebuild trust and work on things. I'm willing to trust her again but i can't have stacy in the picture while rebuilding that trust. It's impossible and i'm not willing to compromise on this fact. It's just really hurtful that it seems to be a decision she can't easily make
If all it took to be with someone forever is that they are a good person I would have married my first girlfriend. My first girlfriend obviously thinks her wife is much more her speed.
Ok I’m trying to be funny but the truth is relationships need more than kindness and good intentions. Unfortunately they need more than love.
You’re fear of being left is causing you to be honest with your gf and share your story from your perspective. This will give the potential for her to bear it from someone else, find out you lied to her by omission, which will make it harder to convince her that you’re not guilty of this SA. Then she will leave you.
You see how letting the fear control your actions actually causes the very thing you’re afraid of?
Get ahead of it. Sit her down. Be vulnerable. Be honest. Tell her your story. Including what happens with the last girl and your legit fear and anxiety of it happening again with her.
Then either 2 things happen:
She believes you, learns you are willing to be honest and have uncomfortable conversations with her, which will mean when she hears it from someone else she can set them straight on what happened or ignore them since she trusts you or;
You find out that she is a person that does not trust you and you being open and honest with her means she leaves, which actually means she was clearly the wrong person for you and saves you from inevitable future heart break.
It really sucks this happened to you. And especially that it’s something you’re still dealing with. But hiding it and lying is rarely the way to get away from something. Just like how you best it before and proved your innocence, you just gotta meet this one head on.
Women are not to blame for shitty men. OP obviously thought they had a connection. The bf is apparently a lying snake but I don't imagine that information was on his tinder bio so “pick better” isn't all that helpful. She's said she doesn't intend to forgive him but wanting answers is human nature.
I bet it wasn't a coincidence. You should tell your wife before she finds out through someone else, because she will eventually.
I’m sorry but I can’t help but notice y’all’s age gap. Have you been together 5 years in total or married for 5 years?
Since commuting costs clearly aren’t a household expense, why is this even a conversation.
i fully understand that i'm lucky she wants to resolve things and try again. Most people like you said would have definitely moved on my day. I understand my ultimatum may make her choose stacy and i'm fine with that. It's better than living with this constant anxiety about my relationship. I'm definitely ashamed about going through her phone and if anything it didn't help. It just made things worse on my end.
If i'm being honest i'm finding it really very hot to be empathetic about their potential platonic friendship and maybe it's something i'll care more about once she'd had considerable space from Stacy.
I totally get that after a break things aren't as strong but we've both expressed a desire to rebuild trust and work on things. I'm willing to trust her again but i can't have stacy in the picture while rebuilding that trust. It's impossible and i'm not willing to compromise on this fact. It's just really hurtful that it seems to be a decision she can't easily make
If all it took to be with someone forever is that they are a good person I would have married my first girlfriend. My first girlfriend obviously thinks her wife is much more her speed.
Ok I’m trying to be funny but the truth is relationships need more than kindness and good intentions. Unfortunately they need more than love.
You’re fear of being left is causing you to be honest with your gf and share your story from your perspective. This will give the potential for her to bear it from someone else, find out you lied to her by omission, which will make it harder to convince her that you’re not guilty of this SA. Then she will leave you.
You see how letting the fear control your actions actually causes the very thing you’re afraid of?
Get ahead of it. Sit her down. Be vulnerable. Be honest. Tell her your story. Including what happens with the last girl and your legit fear and anxiety of it happening again with her.
Then either 2 things happen:
She believes you, learns you are willing to be honest and have uncomfortable conversations with her, which will mean when she hears it from someone else she can set them straight on what happened or ignore them since she trusts you or;
You find out that she is a person that does not trust you and you being open and honest with her means she leaves, which actually means she was clearly the wrong person for you and saves you from inevitable future heart break.
It really sucks this happened to you. And especially that it’s something you’re still dealing with. But hiding it and lying is rarely the way to get away from something. Just like how you best it before and proved your innocence, you just gotta meet this one head on.
Remind me in two years to come back for the divorce update
Surely she is not actually an adult.
You definitely need to sit down and talk about this
Women are not to blame for shitty men. OP obviously thought they had a connection. The bf is apparently a lying snake but I don't imagine that information was on his tinder bio so “pick better” isn't all that helpful. She's said she doesn't intend to forgive him but wanting answers is human nature.
Facts.
Didn’t you see his last place?
Hoarding isn’t something hidden.
How would you not know? Especially if you have OCD?
You should not be trying to have a kid with her
You are not wrong for going to visit your family
You should not buy a house with this person