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Control Domi 3 min [43 tokens remaining]
Date: October 7, 2022
AmateurPub
AmateurPub
Control Domi 3 min [43 tokens remaining]
I think that this would be great to unpack in therapy because this is not a standard approach to a healthy relationship — maybe it’s time to take a step back, focus on yourself, and stop obsessing over this woman that you have never met.
Mention of sick call was not ignored. I just looked at my phone again. I took their advice and I have an appointment tomorrow.
I did try and do counseling but I couldn't find anything affordable.
Look I'm not trying to be judgy. I appreciate the advice and am trying to figure things out. I understand I married young. That's all I'm ever told. I can't fix that unless I divorce which is not an option or time travel which is impossible.
I can relate to feeling like this so my advice would be to not pursue anything romantic/sexual with this guy. Your body is telling you that you don’t want this and you’ll regret forcing yourself into it. Honestly, sex and relationships are 1000x better when you’re not romantically and sexually attracted to your partner. You don’t need to settle for one or the other. You’re still so young and have more than enough time to wait for someone who excites you in every way.
carrying, birthing and putting your entire body at risk for a child is a lot different to jizzing in a cup and calling it a day
If one is always looking backwards, they will eventually trip over something. Might as well keep your eyes fixed on what’s in front of you.
Husband—-> therapy you——> keep note of this behavior
Like wow, you're such a good person for not calling me names. Even though you blame women for reacting to harassment…if there's a hell, don't be surprised when you end up there.
You just focus on what is best for you as an individual. If you did the best you could for 12 years forgive yourself and move on
Honestly, she sounds way more mature than her ex, despite being significantly younger. Good on her.
This sounds super fishy. I would refuse to go with the sister and potentially consider ending the relationship, because this sounds like she is immature and putting you to test. Before you waste more time in this relationship, better to cut your losses and move on.
You should get a divorce
Yeah I mean you’re not wrong. She has decided this other guy after all, so why can’t they deal with her shit together instead of me.
She can’t stay with that guy because he lives at home with his parents apparently. I’m at university and live! on my own in a studio. But then again, if they’re talking who cares if he lives with his parents surely they’ll meet sooner or later so I’m going to rescind my invitation I think.
You're posting on a public comment section. This isn't shout into the void and not get anything back. And trust me, that wasn't advice.
It’s been only 3 months, cut your losses and move on. He already told you clearly that there is no future with you. To put it bluntly, he’s pretty much just dating you “for fun”.
Is there a question?
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I’m sorry but this isn’t love.
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It would traumatize you.
Yeah ok you need to tell your mom. There's absolutely no reason to suddenly leave without her knowing why. Well, yeah, the reason is to make that crappy husband happy. He went behind your mom's back to talk to you. She needs to know what's going on. If you say your mom can handle herself, then she has a right to know what's going on. Because if you leave, he's gonna spin it so that YOU are the rude one who doesn't care about her mother.
She's going through an extremely difficult time, and you just exploded toxic positivity all over her. No wonder she's upset. As she said, she's grieving, and the only way to get through grief is to feel it. She needs to feel sad right now so she can get through it, and trying to cheer her up or change her mind isn't helpful. She's already weighed up her options and reached the decision that she feels is best for her and you need to respect that.
I think you should apologise. If you want to help her through this, help her by being sad with her, grieving with her. Trying to be upbeat and hopeful isn't what she needs right now.
Seems to me some kind of disconnect in our communication bc I’m not lying.
We had a Verbal agreement that he would sign a post nup if I moved and he breached that agreement. There are likely no legal consequences. I am hurt though bc he broke my trust.
There are formulas that figure out child support and spousal support and I am asking to have that in a post nup. I am asking you I further mediate the rest of our joint property. This would streamline a divorce and not allow either party to drag it out. That is all I am asking for and that is fair.
I have gathered your advice and we don’t have to discuss further. This comment is mainly for others in the sub.
She's a terrible person and you need to get yourself fully independent from her. ASAP.
Conflict resolution skills don't work with unreasonable (read: abusive) people like this. I do not think couples counseling is an appropriate suggestion here.
You were too needy with physical contact and not good enough in bed , leave her and do better with next girl
I would definitely break up. If an adult, your bf, does not know how to face relationship problems any other way than running to mama, then don't build a life with him. It will be a pattern where any hiccup will be resolved with mum who will happily interfere. Should you have kids, she will be part of the decisions. Not worth it. Pay off your debt, close that chapter of your life, including him.
Yeah I work with preschoolers who have lice often and this is not acceptable. Not an excuse at all
She was 17, he was 21. That reads like abuse. The sort where the abused has been gaslighted to believe “she wanted it.” She needs to see a therapist. You and her need to see another therapist together and it sounds like you also need your own therapist.
Got parents?
They’re having a huge sale on grass at the home improvement store.
You should buy some.
And touch it.
OP, you gotta walk man. It sounds like she has enough going on taking care of her child that’s sick. Do what’s best for that kid and just go find someone else in the “8 billion people on the planet” or however you put it.
There's nothing to explain, and honestly, based on your post and your comments, you'd just make things worse.
You downplay your responsibility in the comments and post. Fyi in the future, you are responsible for cutting yourself off as well.
It sounds entirely like you don't want to take responsibility for your cheating. Mostly because of that, even if he wanted to work things out with you or listen it would be a huge waste of time.
Take some responsibility. He is not the bad guy here. You and that “friend” are.
It doesn't matter if you never had a thought of cheating. You did. That and it sounds like you really were going to brush it completely under the rug like it was a no harm no foul thing. Which is incredibly shitty.
Gosh this is so, so upsetting.
The reason people date around is because they havent found a good relationship to stay in.
You got it. So dont blow it. Youre not missing out on anything by not having casual sex. Dont be an idiot and ruin something other people wish they had.
No based off your responses.
There are tests that say the weeks.
Your man thinks he’s superior bc he has a penis. He will never see you as an equal, he’ll always see himself as better than you. Is that something you want to spend your life with?
He needs to immediately get a part time job to start replacing that money!!! The AUDACITY of his leeching… wow.
Why are u here? Why did u ask for advice when u clearly don't want it? Do u work? Leave. He's way too old and controlling wnd borderline abusive. Don't throw the best years of your life away on this guy.
He ought to clean up his own backyard before talking about western values. Funny how back in the days, when I IP blocked most of the countries in the eastern part of the world, suddenly all those unsolicited dirty man pics I would report, and men IMing me trying to talk dirty (I had no interest) suddenly stopped. These same men are the type who want a pious woman when they themselves do not uphold that same standard and sneak off at night to harass women. At least western people are more out in the open and not sneaky about it and know how to take no for an answer when you ask them to stop trying to cyber sex with you.
The way they simultaneously wanted to marry rich and kept you from making good connections is ridiculous on their part. Hope you find contentment with your situation and find a way to let go of them.
This here is the exact reason you should never date co-workers. Because when it ends (as most relationships do) things get really emotionally tricky and awkward. Also, you should never ever ever ever ever ever EVER ever EVER get back together with someone you have broken up with. You might think his behavior during that relationship was due to those particular circumstances, but if you get back together with him, you will see that he is STILL emotionally unavailable, and you will see why his ex wife left him.
Let this guy go. Please search elsewhere OP, for both of your guys' sake.
That’s hilarious.
“Can I please just have some privacy to fart in peace?”
“No. I love you too much.”
From several decades of marketing telling women that their wedding day is all about them. Not their family, not their new husband, not a celebration of love and commitment. It's about her being the center of attention. Not all women fall for this, of course, but it's pretty pervasive, and is what has made weddings such an absurdly profitable industry.
Tell him I wish u were a lot bigger down there and had more skills. Get even! Come on u can do it!
I literally have the ashes of four separate people (in mini urns next to their pictures, except my dad who’s ashes are in a full size urn) in my house along with my cat’s ashes with her collar. It’s really not that weird.
I'm with you, I can't even kiss my husband when he stinks when he gets home. He gets a quick peck and that's that. I have a super sensitive sense of smell, so my family is used to me noticing though. Hubs has morning soaps and night time soaps, or I get a migraine.
I try to be nice about it, but after reminding my teenager to shower and change his pjs (it's been in the high 30s C/low 100s F the past few days), today I walked into the house after the morning out and said “THE WHOLE HOUSE SMELLS LIKE PITS” he went and took a shower immediately.
Basic hygiene is a very low bar.
You've told him what you need, he won't do it, so leave.
I do find it incredibly petty, though. Why would you want insincere comments that you are forcing someone to give you?
He’s not paying you to go to school. He’s supporting you through school. Do you guys live! together? If so, and if he thinks of your relationship as something long-term, this is really normal.
If you guys get married, I come becomes collective and there may be times when one or the other of you is making more, or one of you is in school, or on parental leave, or sick, or what have you. If you would support him in a difficult time in the future, then this is just the beginning of you guys becoming a team.
Study up, go team.
My understanding of French estate law (limited) is that children cannot be written out of a will. If things go awry and you’re the result of infidelity, I don’t know about the consequences. Je suis désolé
Nah I’d say leave it alone, he deserves to be with someone that actually knows what they want and isn’t so wishy washy like you
Yep. Your parents wouldn’t like it and it’s specifically showing up in big red flags on their doorstop. One last text saying that you’re done. Block him. Tell your parents that you were seeing a guy, no detail even needed and now he won’t leave you alone. Don’t let him surprise them. Let them help you figure out the next step.
I'd call the cops and also show them the bruise, why continue to protect a thief and an abuser, the cops will at least remove his sorry ass from your home.
Yeap it works for making friends but i does not work if you are looking for a date. Plus I have been graduated already.
You're not alone brother, it's a serious question.
My wife and I had been anti kids for a while, we eventually moved to fence sitters and now we're are pro kid with an understanding that if it doesn't happen we'll be perfectly happy knowing how we can live! our life to the fullest because we explored a life without kids 🙂
How about where you go from here is realize that what you want is an extremely outdated and sexist bs and you’re putting your pride over your family. The fact that you’re willing to destroy your family over this is pathetic and maybe you should because they deserve better. What a little boy.
yeah so was my grandmother, which is why i asked. my mom grew uncomfortable over time while witnessing the dynamic between me and her.
i think she’s heavily pregnant and her body is instinctually trying to protect her kids from what it and her nervous system perceives as threats. i personally would be okay with reducing 1-on-1 contact between my kid & my mother until she gives birth but that’s just me. I would also have a long and serious conversation about the future of your collective relationship with your mother once she’s given birth and things have calmed down a bit because this seems to be a huge problem to her, rational or not
I’m 35. Your friend is right.
The grooming of young men is a very real concern — many people when they think of “grooming” only think of girls and women, but this issue still affects young men, especially in queer spaces.
There’s no good reason for a 19 year old to be dating anyone anywhere near the age of 40.
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We’ve been together 2 years. 2 months ago, My partner invited me to a banquet. I told him I would need to think about it and check my schedule. When I got back to him I told him I could go and he told me there weren’t any tickets left so I couldn’t go. The banquet was for his best friends mom who was being honored as woman of the year in her town.
I didn’t think much of it. He came home after the banquet and everything seemed fine. Weeks go on and we are doing really well our relationship seems awesome and even the best it’s ever been.
Weeks after the banquet he went to work on a day I was off. He had left his Apple Watch on his dresser to charge. I was putting away laundry and decided I would go through it. I’ve never gone through his watch before. I know this was wrong.
He was texting another girl about how much he wants to fuck her. As I scrolled down I found where they were talking about meeting up after the banquet, purchasing condoms and all the things they wanted to do to each other. I also saw a text with his friends where he took a selfie with me and sent it to them. One of his friends said, “what do you even see in her”. His response: “boobs”. It was an extremely unflattering picture of me but I think I’m really attractive.
I sent him photos I had taken of the watch and messages. He told me he would explain when he got home and it was no big deal. When he got home he told me he used to sleep with her and that’s just their humor. They haven’t slept together in years and it’s an inside joke between him. Obviously I don’t believe him. I asked him what I’m doing wrong and he said that everything is great and he loves me and wants to marry me and she’s just a friend.
The next day I ask about it again and he gets mad and said he’s innocent and I’m being crazy and making stuff up. I either need to forgive him or he’s leaving. We get into a huge fight and he wants to leave but I tell him he doesn’t get to mess up and tell me to forgive him or else. He started crying and saying I was keeping him hostage and he wants to leave. I let him leave and he calls me and tells me he feared for his life. For what it’s worth I never yelled and was sitting down the whole time. Just really didn’t think his ultimatum was fair.
He calls again later that night and said while he’s scared of me he wants to talk it out. The next day he swears he’s never done anything with her while with me and that he loves me and wants to be with me. We make up. Everything for the next week between us is pretty good. We work out together and have tons of sex.
Last night, we went on a date. In his search history on the Tesla screen a hotel in her town pops up. I’m furious and crying/screaming. He says he still didn’t cheat but went to dinner with her and her boyfriend. He said he won’t live! in the past and if I don’t forgive him he’s gone.
We have counseling next week, so I’ll obviously ask then, but how do I trust this guy again? Every time he deviates from the norm or hides his phone I think he’s cheating.
Update:
I sent him this text. I get everyone is saying to let him leave…I don’t think he will be down for any of this and will give up. Krissy is his best friends girlfriend and he cheats on her. Danielle is the girl he was texting
So I know it’s not a good time for this but I’m going to do it here so we don’t fight when you get home because we are both over that. Also there never seems to be a good time to discuss anything so here we go.
I don’t trust you. It sucks because I love you and don’t want to lose you but I need to have respect for myself. I can’t eat and can’t sleep. My stomach is in knots.
If you stayed my conditions would be that you let me look through your phone everyday, you make our relationship official on social media and you let me track your location. No trips where there are other couples there. If it’s a guys trip, cool but you have to FaceTime me everyday to prove it. If krissy is there it’s not a guys trip and so I get to go. Also I want you to call Danielle’s husband on speaker phone with me there and tell him about the texts.
I’m guessing you’re not down and to be honest it sounds miserable. But the onus of building back trust is on you. It’s okay that I’m mad and hurt.
I don’t want to see you tonight so if you need to come home to get clothes/ whatever please let me know. And if you move out please let me know dates/times so I can not be here
Yes! This is also important to take into consideration! Get hubby checked by all meams, but also get checked out yourself!
Tell him to get a fucking a job and stop whining then. I mean… wtf??? Grow the hell up, he's feeling emasculated because of his OWN choice to sit around and fuck around all day- this isn't YOUR problem.
I’ve known a lot of great people in law enforcement. I’ve known a few who still are way less than good. One was elected sheriff of the county a couple of years back. He messed with his wife for many years, fun things like pulling some strings and having her pulled out of school (she was a teacher) in front of her class by cops to have her committed for a physiological evaluation, even his children did not support him for sheriff.
He has already proven to be way less than honorable, even though it’s the right thing to do, don’t do it yet. Keep an ear open for when he gets a divorce and then reach out to her. If this was 25 years ago I’d say do it. Things in this country have fallen apart so bad I’m worried for your safety.
While her and her baby’s lives are important, yours is more
Getting jewelry from family members is the most normal, mundane and common event. I have rings from uncles, aunts and grandparents.
The fact that it bothers you means that you don't have a loving family and get your knowledge about how the world works from porn. Both are incredibly sad. You can't do anything about family but dude, stop with the porn. You really are telling on yourself with this ridiculous hang up. It's pathetic.
who cares? he's your ex, I think you should quit sexting him
Depends on the working relationship I guess. I respect that they aren't going to stay forever , and I'll keep them if they don't leave. I don't like to make emotional business decisions , people come and go.
I can imagine many other employers would be tempted to take the “fuck you then” route.