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Birth Date: 1999-05-12
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Date: October 31, 2022
I have sort of been on your girlfriend’s side.
when I met my boyfriend, he had a female best friend since 10 years. She was married and with kids but sort of kept messaging my boyfriend all the time. The phone kept pinging when we were together or her call was used to be in waiting when we talked.
I kept it to myself for few months because I did not want to come across as a jealous person but I starting hating how much attention she demanded from him.
I told this to him and he assured me there was nothing to be worried about. She also tied Rakhi to him (sisters tie Rakhi) to brothers. I tried to be sane but I couldn’t get over how much she wanted to be in his life. When I met her the first time, she insisted my boyfriend come to drop her back home as he always did even though I was standing just there! That incident blew my lid off!
I started acting crazy and even creating many scenarios in my head. I used to pick fights every time when he mentioned her or over silly little things. I kept feeling that the 10 year friendship would be too strong for me to be the girlfriend. I genuinely tried including her in our life but couldn’t.
Eventually my boyfriend realised how much pain and shame it was causing me. He told me that I mattered more and he wanted our relationship to be about us and not about her. It took few months but Slowly and steadily he reduced contact with her. It went from nearly 100 texts a day to 2-3 texts a month.
We are 3 years married now and it all seems like an old incident. I still feel guilty of robbing him of a good friend. My husband on the other hand doesn’t feel much about it. He says he is the happiest he has even been and so have I. 🙂
I am telling this story to emphasise that even the sanest of girls can act crazy and jealous when it comes to female best friends, don’t let your family or friends call your girlfriend crazy if you know the back story. Give her the assurance and do what is necessary to keep her happy.
Hope you find someone who can make you happy ?
drives them crazy. If you do that, justcwatch the show happen.
Best fucking advice I've ever heard brother. I needed to read that.
Incorrect. A gold digger is a person seeking to be in a relationship for the express purpose of offering their company and coitus transactinally for financial support from their partner.
The only difference between a gold digger and a sugar baby is sugar babies let you know the situation beforehand.
You're selfish, greedy, and deceptive. Grow up and pay your own way.
You’re gonna be fine. Moving is an anxious process, and I think some of that is spilling over on to your relationships. Moving itself will suck, but honestly your relationship will only get so much easier after y’all get your own places. And I want to reiterate, moving is the absolute worst haha. Good luck, but happier days ahead I’m sure of it.
This. Exactly. I have all my contacts for over a decade. Never deleted. And people I go NV with I make sure to especially keep theirs so if they call I know who it is
No, she's not saying she doesn't want you to do this at all. I just wonder if it's related to the value I give her that I don't want to take her sometimes
Thank you for the suggestion!
It’s time to leave. This is a major breach of trust.
I mean we were best friends before this, even now he is my closest friend. But his views and ideals as a romantic partner are where his nastiness comes through
You sound angry. It’s best you talk to a therapist. They may even have a way to help you in your journey to find him.
They already online in fantasy land, he or she can make up whatever rules it wants to in his or her head and you will be the one who has to deal with it. Run run run run run.
I couldn't agree more strongly!
I don't think this is a fair boundary, and it kind of annoys me that he's trying to police your body. I would be struggling with the relationship as a whole if this is a hill he's willing to die on.
This love story is beautiful and i hope you will keep us updated. I had a similar situation with a gf, ex gf unfortunately she kept a lie for a whole year but i didn't care and still love and cared for her and still do to this day just wanted her to know that i forgive her and was not mad about the lie but was never able to tell her, she probably thinks i hate her and never want to talk to her again but hopefully she knows deep down i do not. It hurts my heart and soul that i was never able to tell her these things and knowing her she probably is as hurt as me infact i know she is because i can feel it, you see we we connected on a divine level which is why her lie and my love and forgiveness is strong for her. iv had to learn to let go and online with the pain that i know will never leave, i try to find peace ever day and I've met someone else but i keep myself very distant from her because I'm conflicted with that i should wait for my love to return as she once waited for me but after so much time i started to doubt she would return and the other reason I'm distant is because I'm afraid to loose another person i connect with and I'm someone who can tell when I can fall in love with another right after meeting them and this new woman i can tell she will be a divine love for me so I'm afraid, i had a very hot 3 years before i accepted that i will probably never see my angel again and i thought with much belief id never meet another angel but i have.
Op you are asking for advice on what to do but we can not do that for you. It is really up to you to decide what to do. I will just say when you really love someone and i mean REALLY love you love them unconditionally no matter what. What she did was not ok that for sure and your feelings are valid but now you need to think about long term, idk if you love this chick or even if you really love her or are in love with her but anyways s not feel like a bad person if you end the realtionship and dont keep the realtionship because you didn't not want to hurt her just do what you feel is what you want for now and long term think about it bro. Deep divine love comes from the soul and you'll love another soul not their physical body. You have a few options before you for this situation and honestly in my opinion if you thought she was the one then i say stay steadfast. It does not seem like your a sexually active person but we all have our desires for the ones we are attracted to, after some time we would like to be closer to them intimately And in your situation things are much different so idk bro maby you can wait or just try some stuff out. Enjoy life and have experience's. Don't ever feel like less of a man because of literally anything, truly being a man roots from doing anything and still feeling manly. If you want blunt advice on what to do i say stay on the realtionship. Just be sure (which I'm sure she's feeling horrible about lying to you) she understands your conflicted and hurt and very confused.
You need 1 hour of in person conversation between the two of you. i can write so much more but I've used my battery For the day.
Good luck brother.
That’s just bullshit lol
I don’t think you meant to be TA. She needs some serious therapy and likely has zero idea about anything sexual whatsoever. I’m also concerned she may have been abused in some way because she’s trying very naked to not associate something like that as being sexual. Someone else may have told her her it was called it “itching” in order to avoid her telling anyone/her knowing what was really happening
It is understandable to want to lean on the person who helped you through a traumatic situation, especially since they already know about the trauma so you don't have to relive it by explaining what happened to fresh ears.
If you are not worried about replies, it might be a good idea to journal your thoughts rather than contact someone else. Then perhaps you could speak with a therapist or friend about what you wrote sporadically. This way you can have a daily unload without it interrupting others but still get a chance to have another person listen and talk about the trauma.
Perfect summary.
Absolutely
true bestie thank u
?? Its not bs. have no idea if I’m blowing shit out of proportion or just letting myself be in denial. Idk what to do
Why don’t you call when you know you’re low on food? When you know you only have a couple of days worth then you should call.
Most likely yes
thanks for the advice! yeah, i know i do. i had therapy for some time but it was giving me a lot of anxiety just to think about going to sessions. i think it was because i never truly connected with my therapist so i felt like i had to perform. it never really felt like just talking
People are focusing on whether being “furry” is an identity, a kink, a hobby, whatever, and I think are missing the main point here. If someone has something that's important to them and that they're sensitive about, having a friend laugh at them when they reveal is going to be genuinely hurtful. It really doesn't matter what being a furry is to this person except that it's important to them.
Like, OP, look at the comments in this thread. Half of them are laughing at your friend and the other half are saying “good riddance” because he's perceived as weird. People are actively making fun of him, by laughing at him. He might have overreacted, but I can pretty clearly see why given that the reaction of society is… to laugh at him. And this is where, being gay, I can really empathize with this and see why he made the comparison because having something about yourself you have to hide because you're afraid of being made fun of or socially rejected is a pretty similar feeling. It's not like I go around telling random people I'm gay for no reason, but it was a lot different when I felt like I couldn't because I'd be socially rejected.
Being gay is not like being a furry in most ways, but it is alike in that you can be socially rejected for it. If he's trying to make that comparison, he's spot on. If you want to frame an apology, frame it that you're sorry for laughing at him at something that matters to him and that you thought it was a joke, which is why you laughed.
I hope Lauren makes the choice of dumping OP thus taking away that particular decision-making away from him, since his indecisiveness of having his cake & eating it too is why he has this whole mess in the 1st place. He had both choice AND opportunity to cut his ex out but choose to basically to 1)a boldface liar 22)at least emotional cheater & 3) instigator with his ex & his family towards Lauren – So yeah, dumping him is in Lauren's best interests looking at big picture and realizing all of her problems with ex & family stems from him & his actions thus dumping him technically resolves all of that.
It's possible that this is the case but I think it's also very common for people who have been violated like that to be in shock and not react in an expected way. Stuff like this tends to be way more complicated than we assume it to be and people can handle situations very differently dependent on the person.
We have no other information about her as a person, some people grow up in environments where behaviour like this is so normalised that they react weirdly to people who recognise it's not normal behaviour.
My mom firmly believes that when a stranger grabs your ass or feels you up that it's a compliment and women who get offended by it are just victimising themselves because that was the attitude she grew up with.
If this reaction aligns with her personality and behaviour in similar situations or conversations, then it's cause for concern, but if she's normally a sweep it under the rug and avoid confrontation person then maybe a conversation about it might be a better approach
I feel for her. But maybe she don't have strong feeling s like that for me. Sorry it's new to me. Iv never delta with this.
I know, you repeat the same things on seemingly every relationship related post I view.
No. Chores should be shared equally.
You are now parents. It's time to act like one. This 'friend' has shown that she has no shame. She wanted to hurt you even if it hurted her 'best' friend and potentially ruined your relationship and your family. Now is the time to cut toxic and unreliable people out of your lives. Tell your gf that you can't trust this 'friend' and you don't want your son to trust him because she will use him as a pawn to her own advantage. You need to surround yourself with people that you know will help your son when he is too scared to call either of you.
Thanks
How is an ultimatum different to communicating a deal breaker. If she wants kids and it’s more important than being with her husband for the rest of her life, which is relatively common for most people who want kids, how is it any less abusive than to be honest about it? “I want a child. Either you do or you don’t. But tell me so I can get in with my life.”
I hope things get better for you.
And here's my ass working full time with custody of my niece. Damn.
You can’t say you grab dinner with your ex and haven’t told your new boyfriend in the same line and not see an issue there.
Nah, that’s beyond crazy making. If he says your cheated (and to be clear, I’m assuming you didn’t) I couldn’t be with someone that made that accusation. I’ve been with my husband over thirty years and I would be gone. My integrity is unimpeachable, I expect my partner to know that, in the same way I know that of him.
House and car you mention……yeah pretty sure it's another agenda or your side than about the wife. You're just curious how it ended to see if you can get it.
Is the sex good? When it happens, are you completely satisfied?
If they were married, yes. If they were in a long-term relationship, yes.
A relationship of a year or less? No, I don’t agree with you that they should balance finances based on income. Rather the finances should be based on use of the shared resources.
And what that supposed to mean?
That was yet another of your “incidents” amd you were already bitching amd moaning about her lack of interest regarding … distance between two colleges?
Seriously? “Mah beliefs were shaken”. And then crying in the comments that she's not thinking about you together. All this while expecting what exactly from her? Moving closer to your college? Or what? Was this drama for drama fake crying?
Bruh.
Are you in drama class?
It's only a big deal, if you make it a big deal.
Smarten up. You know what you are doing. Stop being a wimpy push over.
I understand what your saying. My daughter deserves the best and so do I. Thank you
get implanta if having a flat chest bothers you so much. your genetics are not your friends fault or issue.
Thing is, I know damn well if the roles were reversed she'd be livid. She tries to see my phone screen and always asks “who's that?” every time I get a text.
I don’t think he’ll pay me back and I wouldn’t want any money either. I just thought this is what should happen when you’re in a relationship – helping each other out when you’re in the shit. In return, I just want to be respected and loved. We got into an argument just then and he’s been downplaying what I’ve been doing: “you’re only paying $200 a month for groceries?” It’s not just $200 and that’s besides the point.
I have a feeling I might have to be dealing with this again in the future.
Yeh or dogging spot
Firstly you need to apologize for making him uncomfortable. Secondly, talk to him! Let him know that he can confide in you. I was thinking he might be gay and in denial, but after you said he jerked away and looked horrified I’m now starting to think he was SA.
What a piece of shit. Leave him. You’ll be much happier in the end. Try not to be vocal to your kid about the reasons why, remain respectful in how you talk about him (even though he doesn’t deserve it) for the sake of your relationship with her long-term.
I think OP knows she could have been more sensitive in the communication & handling of this situation. We can do more good for both people if we focus on what she can do now to help him feel valued and supported and move the discussion forward in a productive and duly compassionate way.
This post and your comments are really odd.
I won't tell my daughters father exactly where I live because he was abusive and had broken into my house before.
Either he is up to something shady or doesn't trust you. Sounds like there is more to this story than you are letting on.
You poofs really think plain old interaction is harassment. Silly
She would in fact not be right to do that. Any respectable photo shoot is gonna have you sign consentforms – it's for their protection, not yours
“…way back in the day” my dude just wait until you get older
It is easy because you have to look out for YOU Once you decide that you love and respect yourself MORE than someone that took your heart and took a dump on it, it will look easy!
If you let him off the hook this pattern will repeat because the relationship & marriage was based off a lie/cheating. Look at the replies from people that have been in your situation.
“Freind” is a grade A creep, wife has bad critical thinking. Recently gotten into photography means “Not a professional photographer”. We all have amateur photog friends like this and if yours are like mine, they are all slightly lecherous . There seems to be no lack of beautiful people wanting free portfolio shots and they eat that stuff up. That guy has those forever now. It’s done. Fucking Creepy… The guy probably gets a kick out of it too. The next best thing to sleeping with your wife…
I would be pissed, wtf
Right? I didn’t understand when I read their replies. Acting high and mighty and superior but dawg, you’re on r/relationship_advice just like the rest of us. Get off your high horse and adjust your expectations. ?
Yeah, that’s some creepy shit. Clearly, therapy did not help him, which is a giant red flag.
Generally, but not always, children who molest other children have themselves been molested. They have become over sexualized and angry and act out. Children who sexually offend, are protected from their abuser, and get therapy don’t usually go on to be adult offenders.
It’s trickier when offenders are teens. Some have been molested and will respond well to treatment. Some are just budding predators and this is the beginning of it. One of the biggest indicators is the age gap between the offender and victim. The bigger the age gap and the younger the victim, the more likely it is that this will be a life long pattern for the offender.
Unfortunately, you have to err on the side of caution with this stuff. At a minimum this is worth couples counseling. You need to have some very difficult conversations with him about why he was walking around naked in front of kids, why he asked if you molested a kid, and what he learned in therapy.