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Date: October 8, 2022
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Interesting. Remembering that I'm a neanderthal, it would be very difficult to “sexually” not treat my partner counter to what my eyes show me. Does that make any sense?
Beyond that, also if you've gone your whole life seeing things pretty binary on the gender front, and then your SO tells you they are neither of those. OK, if not those then what? I'm not either of those. That's very hot to understand. Especially when the eye test says one or the other (hot or otherwise). Definitely a tough situation.
You're expecting a lot from a relationship of 6 months
I don’t know. But I guess you’re going to have to work out why you end up doing this to each other. Maybe get some couples counselling to help unpick what is going on between you because it doesn’t sound too healthy.
Maybe you’re afraid of him rejecting you or you’re insecure about certain things so you go on the attack when he calls out your faults? Then it’s an escalating battle. (I’m just giving examples, not trying to say it’s your fault.) But you need to be able to communicate better because otherwise you’re just going to keep pushing each other’s buttons .
You feel she's out of your league and you try to compete, that will only end in misery. The best you can do is enjoy your time, don't try to over- compensate don't be clingy. If you go into 'enjoy-the-ride-mode' you get relaxed, more confident and kinda indifferent, now you're totally freaked out, in fear of loosing her, not being enough etc, that will turn just toxic or she will loose interest or her respect for you.
she scheduled a 21st bday on sunday at 10am.
everyone would be hung over and not show up. they wouldn't have shown up to their own family breakfast is there was one. this is just bad planning.
“We’ve already had this conversation twice now. Do I bring it up again? Do I ask for a break?”
No and No
You can't get mad at your girlfriend for sleeping with a guy before you two were in a relationship. If you wanted to be exclusive, you should have brought up that conversation sooner.
If you keep reverting back to this issue, she's going to get tired of apologizing and leave. You can't change someone's past. You can only decide if you are okay with it or not.
I followed it up with “It doesn’t matter” and it got a bit awkward because there were other friends on the table with us. After our conversation about the topic, she then apologized and said “if fangirling is threatening to you and it’s uncomfortable, then i’ll stop sharing”. I didn’t want to sound controlling but that was obviously not fangirling.
Of course we’re not exclusive, it’s why I tell her she’s free to do as she likes – we’re both single but personally (again meaning she can do as she likes) I’d turn anyone else down as of now for her sake – I’d see getting with someone else before coming back to my bed as a red flag as of now. She sent me a photo of a receipt at 3am and it was £111, so it’s assuming but I don’t understand why she’d have that if it was him so spent it – in regards to the food, she uses Snapchat a lot and sent a pic of the food and wine he was getting in, in more a stand and eat/drink at the bar kind of place. A bit silly if it was her £111 but again, each to their own. I say it leads to nothing but although it doesn’t lead to anything it’s constantly attempted.
These are however just replies to some of your points but I do understand the points and they’re the kind of things I was here to get. So thanks
well now you know and you can move on
She’s either your dad’s or your mother’s mother. Which one and what do they have to say? They should manage this disinvite. It’s not all on you.
Lmao. “Put a target on her back.”
No, her Mom did that. If she's scared of being a Trumpanzee, maybe she should reconsider her devotion. ?
Spoiler alert- he’s not going to change.
You are right on the money when you call yourself a perfectionist. The thing is, that extreme an insistence on things being “right” causes yourself, and others around you, undue stress.
If you believe this might be true, you can start working against your perfectionistic tendencies.
For instance, you might intentionally leave dirty dishes in the sink for a few hours. Just to work on your own perfectionism.
You can adopt this motto: “1. Don't sweat the small stuff. 2. It's all small stuff.”
I want to refocus on the incident you narrated. Your wife was DRAGGED 10 feet by her dog. Yes, the dog needs to be better trained, but your wife was DRAGGED. Your first concern should have been was she hurt?
And you were embarrassed by the dog's misbehavior, but did it occur to you that upbraiding your wife in public might embarrass her?
I think you should apologize to your wife about what happened. Tell her you appreciate her more relaxed approach to life and her happy spirit, and ask if she can help you be less of a perfectionist.
What magical reason do you have for thinking that?