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control domi 5 min [126 tokens remaining]
Date: November 24, 2022
AmateurPub
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control domi 5 min [126 tokens remaining]
Isn't it a surprise party, though? The bride doesn't know, and unless I read something wrong, OP had the idea to throw a party while she was in town, and that's the extent of it. Given that she's (probably) not a bridesmaid, that leaves the other bridesmaids in an awkward spot I would think. As in, it's their job to do something like this, so they don't quite know how to respond or handle this situation.
He’s been weird lately so yea
Neither my husband or I were in debt at the time of our marriage and didn’t want to be. We had a courthouse wedding and spent probably 3k on a backyard party with a tent and catering and booze. I think if you both WANT a large event that compromising on the amount is reasonable. All of marriage is compromise and unfortunately compromise usually means nobody is happy. I think it’s probably safe to look at this situation as a good example of how conflict will go from here on. Maybe some pre-marriage counseling wouldn’t hurt?
I’ll say this. Definitely go to court for custody, your ex is not handling her emotions properly, but you have to look at it this way. You just divorced a few months ago, and you’re already dating someone new and calling them the love of your life? That’s really fast.
Did you meet this new woman you’re dating before you got the divorce or even mentioned it?
Did you ever ask her to pitch in more, go back to work, tell her your sexual and emotional needs, and fry going to couples therapy?
The fact that you say you were never truly happy makes her feel used, because you led her on for years, especially if you weren’t communicating any of this, which it sounds like you weren’t.
Are you paying any alimony and child support?
It is his task alone to rebuild trust. He broke it, he repairs it. This is how a mature adult accepts responsibility. If you don't like it, communicate that and let him make his choice. But also be sure to enact the consequences you see fit. Really if you had this emotional affair would you disregard his concerns? Probably not. Always ask yourself what you would do and whether it aligns with your morals and communicate those. If your morals diverge that much and he can't see your point, then honey he is taking you for granted and that should never be the case in a loving relationship.
never again in a relationship where sex is an issue of any sort
have had enought of mismatch libidos
She needs to go be with the father of her child
Has your BF met this guy? If your BF said “hey, I met this cool girl at work and I want to go hang out with her at the beach tonight.” Would you be totally cool with it? What if you met her and she’s incredibly beautiful, with a perfect personality? Would you really still not care? What if they become friends and text/talk daily and hang out once a week? I’m not saying this will happen, I’m not saying either of your positions are right/wrong. But if my gf was going to hang out 1/1 with a dude she works with it’d be a red flag for me. If he’s really that cool I’d assume that she’d want him to come out and hang out with me and her and friends and stuff, not 1 on 1.
Look at this dude’s post history. He’s a creep.
Right on target. This comment should be higher. Exactly what did happen? Especially since the grooms mother was there to see it.
It’s not a big deal.
Who said it was?
Fuck him off and get your own place and a new boyfriend that isn't a bum/trailer trash.
It's funny because I'm actually German, a neuroscientist, my English is nearly accent free but my Werner Herzog imitation is pretty close.
First relatinship didn't want me to move with her because I was still finishing school at the time. She was raised to be very capitalistic and didn't want a no-job boyfriend (even one in school).
Second relatinship just plain didn't want me around her or something. I have no idea. I gave her an exit interview (she's a nerd too so she was cool with it), and every indication showed she still had deep feelings for me, but…?
If HE was your choice, after 6 years of knowing each other, you would want to be with him, just as he wants to be with you… but you really don't, not really. How do we know this? Because you are saying “but… I don't feel…not the right time for me” and WOW that damning and horrible: “Nothing wrong with him” description – you just said HE is NOT the one for you. He is like a comfortable old shoe, not exciting, no passion, nothing wrong – but not the right one to marry.
I want you to think about this carefully – you say you want to marry him, then add a 'BUT' to your sentence. I think you have totally misunderstood marriage.
Marriage is a partnership. It is a partnership where when 'you are going through a lot your partner should be the one you turn to, the partner who is your rock, who lifts you up when you need it, just as you have their back and are their strength when life's storms hit.
So I ask you again. Think and answer honestly: do want to marry him? Yes? So how many years do you want to wait? 2? 10? When the time feels right… in 50 years?
You need to be honest, tell him you said “yes” because he expected it, but it's a “no” from you. You don't want to marry him after 6 years, you aren't sure when you would marry him. If he says he will wait forever, he's an idiot and deserves you messing him around until you meet the guy you really end up marrying. If he says he wants to break up, you break up and both move on.
Wrong. Most sex workers who are there to do a job, make money, and pay their bills. In no way does their job mean they are promiscuous in their personal lives.
The assumption that they are is just plain ignorance. Kinda like racism.
Agreed
He’s a bad person so he cannot be a good father. You can’t just choose one place to be ‘good’ and think that’s enough for a kid.
He redownloaded Grindr because he was “too horny and needed to remind himself how gross people are.” And texted his friend that he was having thoughts of cheating. I already know the hot truth that he is more than willing to cheat on me over sex. I don’t know how to talk to him and tell him how I’m feeling.
Okay confront him. Then what? What’s your goal?
Btw what do you mean by stick around for the ride?
OP please please give yourself permission to potentially to leave this relationship “unhealthily” that is don't put yourself in a dangerous situation because you feel you need to give him a chance or don't want to be seen as a bad guy.
tbh this is a very scary moment for you but in many ways this is a potential life-saver. It's hot to believe that this man is safe as you said no honesty and the reported excuses are very low accountability.
My guess is that confronting this could be quite dangerous for you literally, but also potentially could spark a lot of manipulation.
You are giving off some serious trust issue vibes. If a hair accessory is your only indication something could possibly be amiss, you are way too in your own head on this.
literally just when he’s not working, when he’s working these thoughts don’t even cross my mind
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
My relationship is already so stressful. My boyfriend has severe bpd, bipolar, and depression. He is not in therapy and unmedicated. The way he has been treating me has put a strain on our relationship. He said he will get into therapy to change and get better. Yesterday we broke up after I had to leave because he told me to kill myself, said if i leave him i’m not safe anymore, called me a plethora of names bc I said i wanted to go to my parents house for the day to get away from our fighting. Took a pregnancy test a few hours later and what do you know, i’m pregnant. I’m only 21. i’m scared. I know he says he will change. I know he said he’s gonna get better. I just don’t want to raise my kid in a toxic environment. Money is also an issue. A month ago he found out he has a one year old daughter and is being forced to pay child support and he wants visitation. How are we supposed to raise 2 children, pay for car payments, rent, utilities, food, baby items.. etc. He told me if i were to end the pregnancy i’m also ending the relationship. It’s unfair for me to have this ultimatum on me. I wanted to try and work on our relationship but i’m scared that having a kid is going to make our lives so much harder. I need advice. i’m scared. I don’t want to feel trapped in an unhappy relationship if he doesn’t change, but i also don’t know if I can have an abortion.
Don't do it. Just like you shouldn't insert yourself into other people's marriages/bedrooms- don't insert yourself into someone else's finances, especially not 6 figure financial obligations. No one NEEDS a 6 figure engagement ring, the whole point of an engagement ring is that the person proposing has thought about it, planned for it, and saved accordingly.
If the engagement doesn't work out- now you're the lender who will get the ring back at a seriously depreciated value, and you will eat those costs. Maybe you could sue in court, but you'd have to have such an iron clad contract- and you'd probably need to engage a lawyer just to write that contract…
This comment doesn’t make much sense. If marriage adds stress to a relationship, you shouldn’t be getting married.
“If it isn’t broke then don’t fix it” – so are you saying only broken relationships should go through marriage to fix it?
Those are 2 conflicting things
I'm finding it weird that friend asked and wife just said yeah! Sounds good! But the problem is the ask? This really doesn't seem like a boundary that needs to be discussed.
I cannot speak to how to remove her (since she is on the lease and I'm not familiar with laws on it) but you might want to contact your landlord and discuss revising the lease and how you may need to move out and be off the lease if there's no way to get your ex out. Explain the situation.
You can also consult lawyers on this issue in your area cause it probably varies country to country, or state to state. Those are the 2 people I would talk to first.
If your paying for everything, the landlord will prob want you to stay and not leave behind a shitty tenant. So they might have more insight on it and how to evict.
That's all I got. Not my subject of expertise but that's what I would do if I were in your place.
If you were married to this man and just had a baby with him, would you want to know that he had a side chick for several months while you were pregnant?
Usually the person who made a mistake is the one that asks for a 2nd chance. OP you mentioned you were in a better place before this just block her and move on. The girl obviously doesn't feel the same way since you're getting ghosted again. For your mental health just completely block her out.
He thinks he's in a romantic relationship and he may have been but he's not any more. I honestly don't know why you haven't told him already.
Fundamentally the issue here seems to be that your bf still has feelings for the ex, and he is not willing to prioritize you over here even after she betrayed his trust and showed that she wanted something he could not give her.
As a result, you are not only going to be in a poly relationship with him and her, but you will be in some kind of weird extended poly relationship with him, her, and whoever else she decides she is going to screw around with. At some point in that, even if your self-respect and respect for the boyfriend do not cause problems, there is a huge likelihood that sexually transmitted infections will do. Communal living and/or communal sex is all well and good, as long as it is a contained group and there are either no STIs in the group, or all in the group are of the opinion that “sharing is caring”. But basically, you will end up with whatever his partners, and partners' partners, have.
As for the issue of becoming a third wheel, yes that will definitely happen. She screwed him over, while you have presumably been much nicer and more relationship-focussed. Yet he still wants to be with her, even after she crapped on him so badly. So the most you will EVER be is sort-of on the same level as her in the relationship.
My advice is to walk away from the whole sh!tshow and form a relationship with someone who has enough respect for you and enough self-respect that they are willing and able to put people who treat them like crap in their rear view mirror, rather than pining for the one who treats them that way.
Go to HR and present all of the evidence. He is trying to “blackmail” you (how?), pressuring you, and next he is going to start talking shit about you.
It's not a contest. Sometimes life works out that way.