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Date: October 23, 2022
AmateurPub
Okay, for me it sounds like you have nothing to say in your relationship. She tells you what to drink and who to meet and when to go home?
So how does the sending home works? She ask you to come in another room only you two and then tells you to go home and you do it? And then she gies back alone to her family and tells them you went home early?
Sorry to ask, but in the post it is not mentioned. How old are you?
I think the first thing as realizing they are not your friend. Once you realize that you can say whatever you want because there’s no friendship there.
The fact that our children are all watching porn at the average age if 11 and finding it when expressly not seeking it out should be deeply troubling to all of us. You may know that porn isn’t real, but studies show that young boys overwhelmingly do think that it’s real and end up having warped expectations and preconceived notions about women.
Your brother doing this is likely just him thinking he’s being a cool uncle, but it’s predatory grooming behavior. Why on earth does he think it’s acceptable to share sexual space in any capacity with a 13 year old. Gross.
I’d encourage you and any other parents to look into Raised By Porn on YT about this very real issue.
why is alcohol important to have in emergencies?
I find that very hot to believe
Yes, you are very insecure.
She rejected you years ago and you're still on the verge of passing out (or going on a blind rage?) when you see her flirt with someone else. Are you gonna stop talking to her altogether if she ever gets a boyfriend? Refuse to see her if he accompanies him? If you're only interested in interacting with her when you can keep up the illusion that you still have a chance with her, this isn't really a friendship.
For me, any post-rejection grace period is long gone. She shouldn't have to walk on egg shells around you anymore. Maybe you need to take several steps back so you can properly get over that crush before it completely poison your friendship.
It does not exactly sound promising unfortunately. I think you need to try and have the conversation again around Xmas. I don’t get it if he has this crush on you.
Yeah don’t text people huge speeches before blocking them. Just block them.
It's very hot to tell as i don't know either of you personally to give advice, but if it helps, my close work friends and i often joke about the same sort of stuff.
If i were in your shoes I'd see how work goes over the next couple of days with this friend of yours.
Wym “what should I do?”
Are you even dating? You didn't say.
If you're questioning what you should do because someone who seems to have a great personality is fiscally responsible then you're not ready to be with her.
You must be coming from an American perspective where it's somehow not okay to live in a multi- generational home, saving money and still working even if it is four part time jobs.
I guess it would be better for you if she were 31, living on her own while in debt, living paycheck to paycheck.
Looks like you're looking for a reason to cast her aside cause her personality seems cool and she seems capable, just lives at home and accepts her parents help… Why exactly should she struggle to make you feel secure?
Those kids will not track you down in five years unless they're doing it to tell you off. By not being a father to them nor a partner to their mom you are fucking up their lives and futures. If this is real, you need a good very hot look at yourself because legitimately, you're a bad person and need to feel shame. Gross.
You could.
Sorry did I miss the news that Taylor Swift’s final concert ever is in May 2023?
Read again, the boyfriend was telling her she couldn’t drink lol. Because he’s controlling!
Because OP is choosing to use her instead of what he knows he should do. That is why. She didn’t have sex with him without his consent.
Unfortunately no, I move to the states for college. My dad is the closest but he is in Korea Right now because of work. I was thinking of going with his parents. Usually parents defend their kids, but they are okay. I am sure they will not tolerate this behavior if I tell them. I am waiting for tomorrow for when he goes to work to talk to them.
All of you sound terrible. Like literally no one is redeemable in this story
First, just because you only drink once or twice a month does not mean that you are not an alcoholic. You speak of how you usually act when drink, so I'm assuming getting drunk is usually what happens when you drink alcohol. That IS a sign of alcoholism, even if you are not drinking at all in between regular monthly or bi-monthly occasions where you drink to drunkenness and are being responsible in terms of not driving. Also, 5 shots, alone, is a lot to drink. Adding three mixed drinks to it, not knowing how strong the bartender is making them, is really excessive. If you are routinely drinking that much and getting drunk every time you drink, that is a characteristic of an alcoholic. Finally, drunkenness is largely determined by body mass. So, if you have less body mass than your partner, you should not be matching him drink for drink.
2 months and you are already posting on Reddit?! Dude.
Get her to take him to a training school. She’ll end up actually bonding with the dog instead of resenting the poor thing
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No. They don't. She has a hormonal imbalance and that affects HER not you. If you wanna bitch about not being able to have a child with a woman who told you from the start that she didn't want one, then you're an idiot and an ah
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You're looking for negative meanings in a totally innocent and nice text. Why are you doing that to yourself and him?
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I am confused why someone would ever say to their current significant other that their ex was “so perfect I almost married him.” Why isn’t this bothering you more?
Find DISTURBING that he will insist on it. He can suggest and if you refuse, this is it! No one has to have sex for others entertainment.
I am not sure sending pictures of her very hot body to some guy while talking about wishing she was with him instead of OP then saying she is hopeful of that is “harmless fun”. OP is very much hurt and almost moved in with this nasty creature which would have worsened the emotional pain for him.
I really wouldn’t wait for fall
I agree with you, but it has been proven that people will fetishize these posts and get off to innocent victims sharing their stories and giving advice. This breaks my heart and also is so so gross.
Did she say she wasn’t interested as a joke? Ask her when you can take her on a date and you’ll soon have an answer to that. People are strange and feelings can’t always be explained, but they should be respected, even if they seem odd.
Then why did you say it was misogyny earlier? Misogyny is dislike or prejudice against women. So the sexual partner thing has nothing to do with it since I’m a girl.
I never said she couldn’t have a job. As a matter of fact, I’m happy she has goals. And we split the house chores based only on who feels like doing it that day.
? My title literally asks for a man's perspective
That’s a good one, trying to be better 🙂
My kiddos are now 15, and 13 and I still remember that fondly. Xoxo
When I started dating my ex wife, before we had sex she sat me down and explained that she had genital herpes. She explained it to me and encouraged me to learn about it. I explained to her that I would have protected sex with her and no oral until such time that I felt fully committed. She accepted that and we eventually got married and had unprotected sex. I never contracted. Despite our not working out (she cheated) I do appreciate the way she handled that. Was very respectful of me. In my opinion, anything short of that is grossly disrespectful and practically criminal.
“Typically”
This is cruel toward your mom and totally unreasonable. This would be a dealbreaker for me.
Well, him being raised by children certainly explains a lot.
Well you’re a woman, not a man.
By leading her on for 2 months? He can be polite and say he doesn't see this working. Being polite doesn't mean you can't reject people.
she's been verbally and emotionally abusive towards me for months and I don't know how much longer I can tolerate it.
Why are you tolerating it at all? What's stopping you from ending this relationship tomorrow?
It's a boundary that is set and it's up to you to respect your partners boundary or to cross it. I'm sure you would feel the same way if he disrespected any of your boundaries.
This will be one of the few times I will probably be this blunt with a post but please don't get back together with her. Not until she gets help whether from therapy or from another source. But that thought process is not one that someone fixes over night. It'll take years to get over that trauma.
Speaking from a similar experience now, if you do get back together it will not end well and they may start to set up ridiculous boundaries. It will be hell for you and for her. You will not be able to even get a drink with friends without constant reassurance and proof. It's exhausting. Very exhausting and dehumanizing.
She needs to heal first before she can trust again and needs to be BF free for a while to start that process. But you can't change someone's mind or thought process who doesn't want to. It will take her years. I only say that because of how easily she was willing to just block/ghost you. That's not something someone who is thinking “correctly,” especially after five years of dating. It does tell us something about herself but without full context none of us will know the true extent of the damage or can honestly say.
OP, as someone who’s been in this position with the details slightly changed, you need to break up with her and if she threatens to harm herself, call emergency services and let the professionals handle it. You only get a limited number of years on this earth and there’s not a single person (barring probably your children) that is entitled to make those years miserable in support of their needs.
And at least in my case, seven years later, my ex is thriving and doing way better than they ever did when they were with me, and so am I. Breaking up allowed us both to work past our issues. We were about your age when we were really struggling and we’ve both done a lot of growing up in the years since, but at the time I truly thought I was letting them go for them to die and me to finally be able to on-line, and honestly, I still made the decision to leave even believing that. You need to do the same— choose yourself. Choose your future. You’re the only one who can protect your future self.
I’m 44f, if a 45m told me what to wear at home we wouldn’t be living together very long.
If only you were 34 you would be perfect, if you never change your weight you would be perfect, if only you had more life experience you would be perfect.
None of these are within your control.
To scold you for these things is just another way to keep you under control, to not believe in yourself, to kill your confidence and self work so you will never look elsewhere or at anyone else because you are so imperfect that only he can put up with you.
This is how abusive relationships work. Healthy ones have respect, trust and open communication, they don't involve constantly being reminded you put on weight or that you are not good enough for them.
If that were true then why are they still with you?
Be perfect for yourself, be the person you want to be with people around you that support you and don't constantly tell you that you are not good enough. Don't believe that crap. Let him find someone that is perfect for him instead whilst you enjoy being 23 and go out and have fun instead of worrying about a 34yr old that has grandma looking after him still.
Rip off the bandaid and fast. The longer him.and his daughter stay the harder it will be. Just be honest this isn't working out and give him his 30 days to vacate
Sounds to me like he is creating a cover in case you notice him being too close to other women. As if it's all their fault. Super weird
Has he seen a doctor? My husband was like this after our second was born and I couldn’t/wouldn’t deal so I insisted that he talk to his. He was prescribed a mild anti-depressant and he’s a changed person. He still gets snappy from time to time but it’s what I would consider a normal amount, and he’s also gotten better about balancing kid time vs me time when he’s home with them.
3 months may be past the date it's still allowed – probably why your wife waited this long before admitting it. Also I call bs on her intentions – if she had just wanted to catch up, they could have met in a public place.
Run.
Good advice, thank you.
We are both protestants… We even attend the same church
I try to act confident and this last guy we literally have so much in common. At this point I’m pretty sure he doesn’t care because he’s very hot and can get any girl.
So, he loves everything about you except he wants you to be a different person with different goals and behaviour.
You see how that’s not really compatible? He wants a different person. Find someone else that gets you.
The game ain't over yet.
He didn’t give his Ex the apartment! He gave his daughter the apartment, that is her childhood home. Sorry, sweetheart, but that not your apartment or position to ask for it. If you want a 4 bedroom in the city, you should get a financial plan in place to buy your own.
In 5 years, I’ve had 4 early miscarriages and one failed implantation because of the pcos. The cysts makes it very hot for the egg to attach and stay put. It’s an emotional rollercoaster when this happens. As I’ve gotten older I’ve gotten more cysts. Super fun stuff ?
You can leave, bud. You can! You will be ok. This guy sounds like a real asshole and I'll reiterate what others have said – $450 is NOT just a dance.
Not being complimented in years? Nah. You deserve love, care and respect. You can find it – free yourself! It's waiting for you ?
My comment on it was simply something like:
“And this boys and girls is why we don't get married to people we hardly know when we're barely grown”
And yours marries (see what I did there?) well with the broader:
“Haste makes waste.”
Marry in haste and waste your time, life, money, and sanity when it all comes crashing down.
correct.
No worries! I appreciate the advice!
This seems a bit extreme. I get it is terrible what I almost did, but I’m clearly looking to improve because I am here to look for pointers on how to do better going forward. I hesitated before he left. So I’m not saying I would have 100% gone through with it, I knew it was a relationship on the line. We are all human and most of us face temptation in one way or another. You are mostly right in what you’re saying, I feel, but I think you’re bringing the fire a bit too much. Blaming me alone for “destroying people’s lives” when I’m clearly looking to improve and learn seems an overstep
You sound ignorant 🙂
If you really think he'll let you move back in in a couple days then he is planning to have someone else over.
Otherwise I agree he is just dumping you.
“I'm not comfortable listening to you speak badly about your ex. You need to save venting your feelings about him to your friends or your therapist. I can't listen to you speak this way about someone I'm fond of. I won't listen to anyone speak badly about you either.”
Then if she starts up, hang up or walk away. Every time. She will learn. She'll fight it, but she'll eventually learn. You need to get your boyfriend on board with this as well.
He sounds like he has the potential to be toxic….constantly talking about and comparing himself to your ex is a red flag, and not allowing you to dispose of a condom because he “doesn’t trust you with his dna” is psycho
It might be a good idea to keep yourself busy. Go out with friends, find something that interests you to get involved in. Maybe if you are more active you would have less time to obsess about this girl.
You blocked her for good reason. Don't talk yourself into making a mistake.
You could investigate it the other way around: find out where the hidden sex spots ot drugs spots in your city are. See if they correspond with your hb's marked locations. Maybe they can be found live or you could ask someone (cop, neighborhood watch, criminal, secret gay person) if they know the spots.
Also it's time to get an std test and start using condoms.
I spent $50 on a card, some candy, and flowers. I got a card and a couple of kit kats lol. Thought that counts
Stop wondering what's going on with her “right now.” She left you. To hell with “open to getting together again,” how long are you supposed to wait? Move on. Find another girlfriend, or at least date other people.
I would break up with someone who refused to wear condoms if I couldn't take birth control and didn't want kids.
There are no side effects from a condom ffs
It’s not your business.
You shouldn't be moving in together unless you're married or at least engaged with a firm wedding date in the next six months. Saving rent money is not a good reason.
Yeah, he got you on the hook is what changed. He didn’t take your question seriously (why? Late 30s and family somehow didn’t occur to him?) but now that you are committed he’s telling you what’s kind of wife he expects you to be. The kind that takes direction from him, and whose career is a 7 months later afterthought for him. Not a good look.
Lol brother if a man said something to me like this in my own house that I own with my husband…that man would not be sleeping on my couch and he would not be my friend anymore. That is so wildly inappropriate. Amy is a grown woman, she knew what she was doing.
You need a lawyer in your area not random Reddit people. Get as much money as you can though
If I had one rule in life is ‘ never trust people that want to change the way you are dressed ‘.
One of the very few reasonable and nuanced takes here. I thought I was going crazy here, 99% of the feedbacks here seem to be drastical regarding OP’s responsability in the whole thing.
Lot of people can hide their true nature very well. Everybody was drunk. There were a hundred ways for it to go bad without being entirely OP’s fault. It could have just even been one bad luck with being anybody’s fault in particular. But nope. She is 100% to blame and that’s it.
Wow I was about to be on OPs side till I saw how invested the lie was
I can’t believe you met her there a few times and still think it’s the initial lie she’s upset about
She probably can’t get over the scope of the lie because you are not taking responsibility and apologizing for the full deception
The better the liar you are/ the more committed you are to maintain the lie (meeting her at a fake address) I can see why she thinks this isn’t the only big lie
It’s always easy to feel like you’ve made a mistake after a split. Especially once loneliness kicks in. Was she too much of a distraction during exams? Did she give you space? If you still love her and she was a supportive girlfriend rather than someone who disrespected your boundaries, maybe talk to her about your feelings.
It looks like a date but isn’t one because he doesn’t want a committed relationship to you. He wants sex so is trying to build a facade of intimacy to make you more open to sex.
If he wanted to, he would. He made it clear he doesn’t want it to be a date. He is not interested. And healthy relationship are never confusing. Only ones with manipulation towards a personal, hidden goal. The hidden stuff is what makes it confusing. He thinks you would reject him if he said he doesn’t want to commit but wants sex, so he is trying to go about getting laid in a smoother way.
Women are also life. And abortion is controlling if a woman gives birth. It's supposed to be a birth control.
Alright alright, when you see an attractive guy walking by do you think the same about yourself and your boyfriend vice verse? If you don’t then I’m sure your boyfriend doesn’t either aha.
Genuinely though if u want to stop these thoughts of when people walk by get used to not thinking about it and focus on ur breathing. Say I notice this jealously in me as you take a deep breathe in and as you breathe out say this. I am letting go.
Trust me helps 🙂 with any thoughts for that matter (I use it for anger helps me keep it under control easily with this breathing)
i hear what you are saying. and i tried before to move on until i saw their picture. but it hurts so much that i never got closure and never knew the real reason.. maybe i would hear something that hurt but at least i wouldnt feel so stupid for not knowing if his feelings were real at any point or made a fool of myself giving so much love to him ?
i hear what you are saying. and i tried before to move on until i saw their picture. but it hurts so much that i never got closure and never knew the real reason.. maybe i would hear something that hurt but at least i wouldnt feel so stupid for not knowing if his feelings were real at any point or made a fool of myself giving so much love to him ?
You don’t need a man child in your life. It’s way paste time to kick him to the curb.
I am old enough to be your grandfather and if you were my granddaughter, this is what I would tell her. Take care of yourself.
It's not a bad thing to comment that your partner is beautiful usually. But your fiancee is a tremendously horrible person. The fact that you are still with someone so terrible combined with your comments about her looks makes it sound like you don't give a shit about how fkn awful she is because she's hot.
You don't help people resolve their issues, you help them help themselves.
You can't change other people, but you can help your partner come to terms with their issues.
Who let this be a lesson to you and to your own ego, that you need to support your partner. If they don't want to and they vehemently tell you they don't want to, maybe you should take that as a sign not to push.
You don’t have the right to decide what is worth him cutting contact over. The fact that you thought you knew better and could “fix” the situation is extremely disrespectful to him.
Never, EVER, pull something like this again. You need to learn to respect the boundaries other people have set. Until you do, you will not be capable of being a good partner.
Learn from this. No is a complete sentence, and you never, under any circumstances, have the right to ignore it.
Yeah she doesn’t owe you that. You need more friends.
Yeah, the previous posts were bad.
Do you have any good opioids? wink wink
Do you have any good opioids? wink wink
My gawd….if GPS was THAT glitchy…wouldn’t this be all over the net??!!??
Remember why you check this in the first place!
You said that it has the same tracking steps to a normal work day, what if she was going over those days as well? Did the band really show she wasn’t there or are you just going off of work day steps?
I say, not your business. You stay neutral for now.
Your own words necessitate they you may need some therapy. He didn’t tell you about his GF because he’s your boss not your friend and it wasn’t your business.
You want him because he doesn’t want you plus you just left someone abusive so you are reacting positively to his kind nature which is likely making it an infatuation nothing more.
Tinder hookup with some random guy while being your first time having sex, I highly don't recommend it. A lot of people are going to say some shit about “you have to do what's best for you” or something of the sort but given you lack of sexual history and your dating history, I really don't recommend hooking up with stranger from Tinder. There are so many ways it could go wrong and very few ways it could go right.
Are your planning on telling him that it's going to be your first time? Because that is a lot of pressure on guy and he should know what he's getting himself into. You losing anything by waiting for someone who actually cares about you. That person doesn't have to be a partner just someone that is not a complete stranger and actually care.
This might be a long shot but I would try and tell her that her behaviour is so odd that she should get a brain scan to check for possible tumours. They can seriously change peoples personalities. Obviously you’d have to word it well and stress that it’s not a dig at her but rather a concern for her health
That was no cheating and she shut that guy down.
That guy however used her personal info to reach out to her to set something up… That's kinda creepy since had to use the info on her gym membership and that's creepy.
He doesn't want you back hr just wants to see if you'll take him back.
Does anyone think this could have been an accident or is my husband just a pig?
It's both.
He did send it to your sister by accident but it wasn't meant for you either. The fact he felt that he had to clarify to your sister that it was meant for you kind of suggests that.
I'm sorry.
Well..never have a foursome or threesome again I guess…
Sometimes as you get older you will reminist about your past mistakes..if there are no other red flags from your husband and your marriage is relatively happy..then treat it as past mistakes and try not to think about it too much.
I prefer to talk on the phone and get to know someone prior to meeting so it's not a waste of my time. Also you can tell a lot about a person over the phone….weeds out the crazy people.
Sounds like she jumped at a chance to end this relationship, albeit preemptively. You should definitely take the interview, and the job should they offer it.
Sounds like she jumped at a chance to end this relationship, albeit preemptively. You should definitely take the interview, and the job should they offer it.
Anyone else just picture a dude walking up his friend like Abed from Community and making a proposition?
You may not feel like a creep but you did a creepy thing. I would just leave her alone since that's what she wants.
Throughout this whole thing you haven't expressed that you wanted to date her, just that you wanted to be friends and also have sex. Imagine you go out with a completely platonic friend, you're hanging out, having a great time and then he turns to you and says “sometimes I think about fucking you. Wanna do that?”
Your concern in this is “I'm worried I won't have a chance with other girls” which is also creepy and gross.
There's no empathizing with your friend for making her uncomfortable. There's no expression that you wanted to date her. Just that you wanted to start fucking her.
The advice I can legitimately give is to try to empathize with what you've done. Stop making it about yourself and think about your friend. The fact that you haven't expressed about how she must be feeling seems to say that you weren't ever really her friend – just biding your time to try to fuck her. Stop focusing on your wants and think about the consequences of your words and actions.
You need some hot introspection and legitimate change before this can be fixed. It can help to talk to a trusted feminist adviser (male or female). Or a therapist. Your empathy needs work especially where it comes to women.
You got that backwards. The barista gets paid to be there. Should you hit on them? No. But you also shouldn't yell and all the other things people do. They are paid to deal with it. A customer just wants their coffee and the barista is NOT paid to hand out their number all day.
They had sex and probably still are
Do you have any pictures of you or the two of you up in his place? I had a boyfriend years ago that had several pictures of me/us in his room, fridge etc. One day I came over and my picture in his room was gone. It was my first sign he was cheating. Might put a picture up and see how long it stays!
Please talk to a doctor about the weight loss. The good news is that you're not underweight, yet. But a dramatic loss like this — more than 3 lbs a week! — puts you at risk for health problems.
You're jumping to the conclusion that the weight loss is purely “stress”, but what if it's an indicator of a serious health issue? The longer you leave it undiagnosed, the worse it could get.
Virginity can be defined in many ways. I think it’s when you penetrate a women and that foreplay doesn’t count.
You need to step back and see exactly what you are getting out of this relationship. IMO not much while she gets money, school and all her bills paid. PLUS you give her family money. It sounds like she is using you. I fear that when school is over she will go back to her family and leave you high and dry. She brushes of your concerns and acts like a toddler to get you to stop talking about it. That’s a classic move by someone who is using you. Stop giving her money. Where do her parents think she is getting the money? They might know about you but not in a good way for you.
So, I agree with your general sentiment but i disagree about making an ultimatum. Instead, I recommend setting a boundary (which is deciding how you will react to a communicated boundary, not about controlling someone else's behavior, which is what he's trying to do with you).
So for example, you could say something like “I feel like you're trying to control me. This is a hobby like anything else for me. I've explained to you why I enjoy it and why its important to me. I've made changes and taken precautions so you would be more comfortable. Im not doing anything wrong. I have no intention of doing anything wrong. At this point, I am done arguing about it and its up to you to manage your insecurities regarding this issue.”
I'd have this talk during a calm time. If he tries to argue, say something like “Im not happy that you feel that way. If you can think of something I can do to help reassure you, beside restricting this altogether, Im willing to discuss it. Otherwise, I've told you that im done arguing about this.” If he continues, then you decide to stay or leave.
Yeah that’s unfortunately what I’m thinking. One of my friends went through this in college and it was heartbreaking. She felt so betrayed bc she had been used as a phase
You dont need to read anything other then this answer. Your BF is a PoS, you should move on.
I think 1 is a possibility. She has self esteem problems, I think. I won’t go into too much detail but her romantic relationships tend to crash and burn and she blames herself
Quit your jobs. Sell everything. Pool the money and buy an RV and go roadtriping until you can't anymore.
RemindMe! 1 year
/s.
Quit your jobs. Sell everything. Pool the money and buy an RV and go roadtriping until you can't anymore.
RemindMe! 1 year
/s.
This is terrible advice
You don't know how long she hasn't wanted kids. She may have just realized it that week….
May I request you to explain
May I request you to explain
I certainly would. If he would do this in front of your parents and your not married then what do you think it will be like after you are married and living together. That’s a shit move on his part on top of not reading the room on the topic. Or worse he read the room but still continued. Two things disrespectful to you and your parents. I think you have you an asshole there
You shouldn't have done it in the first place
You have already proven you know Jack shit about what you are talking about and now you are trying to say I’m lying about my age. How stupid are you?
You have already proven you know Jack shit about what you are talking about and now you are trying to say I’m lying about my age. How stupid are you?
Why is that very hot for you?! Literally YOU are the one playing games. She was direct in asking if you’d communicate with her more. You did the opposite – didn’t communicate for a week and are angry with HER for not reaching out to YOU?! You told her “good luck out there” when in fact you sir are the one needing luck.
It’s bc I’m an introvert lol. I never really had friends just work/school acquaintances. But ur right I think the best thing I can do is make space between us and take time for myself
please dont confront him, just report him to the police immediately, do not give him a heads up at all or anything, quietly and quickly get out and go to the police without him knowing, maybe while he's at work, and allow them to take over
your husband is not who you thought he was, he was hiding his true self and im so sorry you have to go through this, but do not let him know or confront him, he will more than likely destroy or try to hide it all, and he'll be let go– theres no telling if he will get sick of just the pictures, and try to actually harm children, but he needs to be stopped before that could ever be a possibility
please, please stay safe and leave
Yep, in this story, he obviously manipulated OP into entertaining a fetish of his. Not such a great friend.
First of all, I want to state that I fully agree with the other commentari that taking your partners feelings and fears into consideration is a pretty baseline aspect of marriage. If you haven’t yet been in a situation yet where you are scared for his safety then you’re lucky. Have you heard the saying about how having a kid is like having your heart outside of your body? I’m not going to pretend a spouse is that same level but it’s in that direction and I think you need to treat his worry with a lot more understanding. What he is asking is not unrealistic or asking you to give up who you are. if who you are, is someone who helps those in need then help those in need. It’s not YOUR orphanage. This specific facility doesn’t need to be tied to your identity. And it is in a other country meaning that if something does go wrong, his (and the United States’) ability to navigate the system to help you or find you or get you safe is very limited.
However separately, I do want to emphasize something that most commentators here are missing. You are a 30 MINUTE DRIVE from Tijuana and most of that drive is within the US. You going to volunteer for a day is not a ridiculous thing. I’m driving farther than that this morning to go pick up a cute patio table that’s only in stock in the World Market across town. Everybody is acting like you are flying hours away to simply volunteer for a single day and projecting that you are virtue signaling with some white savior complex and missing the point that this is basically you popping down sporadically to somewhere that’s practically local to help out and coming home by dinner. I’m from Tucson and so I’m very used to how normal it is for people to just go on a day trip over the border and so I would take all the comments that are up in arms over how insane it is that you’re doing this in the first place with a massive grain of salt because they are picturing a very different trip logistically than is the reality.
*Ur
I'm sorry to hear that you are going through this. It's understandable to feel hurt and betrayed when discovering that your partner has been consuming porn, especially if it goes against your personal values or makes you feel inadequate in some way.
However, it's important to remember that watching porn is a common behavior for many people and doesn't necessarily mean that your boyfriend doesn't find you attractive or doesn't enjoy your sex life together. People can have a variety of reasons for consuming porn, and it's not always related to dissatisfaction with their current partner.
That being said, it's also important for partners to communicate openly and honestly about their sexual desires and boundaries. If you feel uncomfortable with your boyfriend's porn consumption, it's important to express that to him and have an open and honest conversation about it. It's also important to address any trust issues that may have arisen from previous incidents, such as him having Tinder on his phone.
Ultimately, it's up to you to decide what you are comfortable with in a relationship and whether or not you can trust your partner. It may be helpful to seek out counseling or therapy to work through these issues together.
So, you're telling me you would be ok having sex with a guy who just walks into your home unannounced? You wouldn't think that person was a stalker?
I get that… and I do hold my hands up and I did apologize… but to break up over it..?!?!? Like… I dunno. I would’ve understood taking a break or getting mad… but not this…
Like we all do annoying shit from time to time. This was the first and only time we had an argument of any kind… so I dunno. I feel she overreacted with the break up.
We get it guys, the “you spelled ex bf wrong” joke is tired. One of you already made it
but OP, you really did spell ex bf wrong ok bye
Why can’t you “flat-out explain” your life to him? He feels like he doesn’t know you because you’re deliberately opaque about your past. Unless you have no relationship with your family, the fact that he hasn’t met them three years in is odd.
I agree that neither you nor he needs to know the specifics about each other sex lives (ie: Bambi & I did it on a swing in the park. Lola loved it from behind.), it is reasonable & informative to know about each other’s romantic history (ie: I had 3 major relationships. I never made time for dating. I’m divorced bc she cheated.) I’m not sure the salacious details matter as much as the thumbnail sketch b/c the overall picture of your dating life helps your partner understand you.
Your bf’s questions about your previous sexual antics will end when you tell him you had one supremely unsatisfying sexual experience before you met him.
Three years in, I’m not sure why you’re not open with him.
Yeah I’ve made really fucking clear that i genuinely just want what’s best for him and if it’s that what makes him happy I support it. Still leaves me blindsided with looking for new apartments. He can do whatever tf he wants but if he cared even a little bit he would keep in the loop
I check some of the boxes. Recently my mother was diagnosed with Cancer and I on-line in another continent. It saddens me she don't know her grandchild yet.
Having a newborn is heavy without sleep and then going back to work, so this also could be another box ticked.
I think I need some help indeed and this was the intention of this post. I am not seeking validation or looking to blame anyone. I am aware it is wrong, and it hurts even myself after the fact when I remember what I am doing and to whom (the mother of my child).
She's been very clear about how she feels about your female friendships.
Some people prefer those friendships be had in a group setting and not with people you might be dangerously close to (exes or former crushes, for example). Some people don't care about any of that as long as you don't cheat. And others are fine with open relationships. The key is communication. Your gf has communicated, for the most part. If you prefer different boundaries in your relationship, you should be in a different relationship.
And you probably shouldn't be with anyone you think is manipulative anyway.
Well then you have to get a job or not on-line together. If you’re so close anyway—three doors down—it’s not like you aren’t seeing each other all the time quite easily. And you’re not the one paying rent.