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Hey, guys!! I’m new here… Show me your love and make me moan [35 tokens remaining]
Date: October 8, 2022
AmateurPub
AmateurPub
Hey, guys!! I’m new here… Show me your love and make me moan [35 tokens remaining]
I’m not blaming anyone, I said that she doesn’t respect my decision, a no is a no. It has nothing to do with our trust, have you ever been to a club ? I don’t want some random man to touch me.
Reading your comments makes it blatantly obvious to me that you aren't 'putting in the work' for her. You're putting in the work with an expectation. You're keeping score and treating it like you deserve more. If you're only doing something 'nice', to get what you want in return, what you're doing isn't nice at all.
You sound resentful and bitter. If you don't want to put in the work, don't. Fake nice isn't attractive, and is a form of manipulation. At the very least you need to learn to negotiate beforehand instead of just expecting. Just because you offered to pay for dinner, doesn't mean she owes you a second date.
Kay
I’m basically stuck between a rock and a very hot place. I’ve never had to ask someone to move out and I’ve never subletted a place, worried to online with a stranger.
You can't light yourself on fire to keep somebody else warm
you’re the problem with this world
I found that relatable
I would Leave… That's just annoying he'll sent bad text about you to multiple people.
If you meet up with these people who he sent the text to.. How would you feel? How would they be thinking about you? It'll suck.
Heat of the moment.. sound like an excuse. He really though of those thing it's the reason why he wrote it.
Well, pretty soon your boyfriend is going to have a new girlfriend and she will be 22 years old
Do you trust your partner to turn down advances from drunken strangers or not?
Have you considered actually introducing them both? Given that you’re married and this is a friend, seeing you both together and knowing her herself might alleviate some of this insecurity.
But, ultimately, my partner’s comfort would come first if they were uncomfortable with me seeing an ex that plays what you describe as this little of a role in your life.
He doesn't view you or your relationship as valuable.
Get rid of him and maintain your dignity. Quick, it's only been 5 months. You can still come back from this.
Because you feel the need to resort to manipulative practices vs talking to him.and setting boundaries. It's extremely clear you don't trust him at all.
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I've noticed that 8 drinks in a night is right around when I start feeling sick, and in my personal experience, pregaming before going out is usually not a long, drawn-out affair and shots aren't something that's done in a well-paced manner. People don't usually take shots because they like the flavor; the drink them because they're a fast and easy way to be more drunk. I guess I can see a world in which someone could have 5 shots before going out and it could be done in a responsible way, but it's definitely not the first thing I'd imagine when someone says that.
Anger is a valid emotion. I’m sorry you struggle with anger
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For a 29 year old you sound more like an anxious teenager. I think this has less to do with love and more to do with immaturity. You have a crush on someone. That someone is married. Move on.
IMO showing up 3 hours late with no notice and while remaining intentionally unreachable is not a minor fault, it's a major sign of disrespect. Would you ever do that to him? If not, why not?
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I mean honestly, you can't stop them but you can decide not to be his friend anymore.
Why are y’all even together??
Not worth it run. She is most definitely already sleeping with other dudes and keeping you on the back burner as plan b in case they don’t want her.
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It's really simple to say to him, this is not something I would ever wear in public, it's much too revealing and I wouldn't be comfortable.
I don't think that it's an accident that he is buying you clothes that don't fit your style at all. He is trying to get you to dress this way for him.
You are NOT compatible.
No need to be mean to her about the weight.
You’re completely different people.
It’s time to move on.
Be nice about it.
Given your comments, it's not really about the showers.
You wrote a LONG comment about all the sacrifices you make for her that clearly have you feeling resentful and unappreciated. That's the real issue, and it's being masked by this minor issue that could easily be solved or compromised on. It's probably easier to focus on the shower thing because it allows you to ignore the fact that there's a much, much larger problem in your relationship.
Getting along and having fun together is great, but a balanced relationship requires more than that. Given you repeatedly state that you “just want this one thing,” you're indicating to me at least that you're not really getting any other needs met. Do you feel this relationship is balanced in terms of what you two do for one another?
This is absolutely cheating.
You should make sure she's single now so she can go fuck herself, oops, I meant him.
I don't agree with the snooping, but I can see why you got suspicious and this time you were correct.
4 years seems like a long time now, but you're young. You have your whole life ahead of you. Break it off, maybe do some counseling, heal up, and go find somebody who isn't a cheater.
You are not entitled to his reply. Just get over it
They said they had gotten retested and was again positive
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This. Something is very unhealthy in your thinking, likely due to some kind of childhood trauma, and it needs to be addressed.
You're both young and he's experiencing FOMO, but he's too chickenshit to break it off with you properly.
I vote that you talk to him about the way he's devaluing you as a person by trying to hedge his romantic bets, and break it off. Go have some fun!
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Wow. So many theories and assumptions.
She's 18 years old. She never got in the habit of putting on a fresh pair every day. She isn't in the habit of showering every day. She's young.
If it doesn't really bother you all that much, let her take care of herself for now. If it does bother you, tell her gently, subtly what it is that bothers you about it. Don't tell her how to online her life.
Lots of boys and men don't shower every day, don't change their underwear every day, wear the same t-shirt multiple days in a row. And most people leave it to “Boys will be boys.”
Sexual chemistry does require some maintenance, doing little things that make your partner feel loved, sexy, and desirable can make a major difference in how they perceive sex, especially if you do these things without expecting sex as a reward. Change doesn’t happen overnight, take it slow and keep your eye on the prize. Best of luck, OP.
That’s a crime-go after her for it.
Your relationship is over, his behavior has made that clear. So end it, and then go after them to make sure they cannot continue to impersonate you. That’s identity theft.
Whatcha buying over there out of curiosity?
Not sure how you can resolve this type of thing, the dynamics might be hot to change considering its your family.
You're at a reasonable age to consider moving out if you're set up for the future. Might be an option worth taking.
why don’t you go research it yourself. it makes sense psychologically and that’s literally what happens. you think abt another person and that’s why you mistakenly call out that persons name
This was very helpful. Wake up call that I needed
Your husband has a strong fetish. Thats normal
You have a strong boundary, thats normal.
He needs to respect that, and you will need to accept what his fetish(s) are.
Thats it. If he cant respect that you dont overly enjoy this, IE it doesnt happen frequently or ever, then thats a problem.
He can enjoy other things in your sex life despite him not getting his fetish fix.
Now if he becomes manipulative or whiney about your boundaries, then again, thats a problem.
Agreed. This is nonsense behavior.
Why are you with someone who’s pushing 40 and puts no effort into you or your relationship? He won’t change, there’s a reason he dates so much younger (not a good one) etc.
God, I hope this is rage bait. You cannot actually be this clueless as to why it was shitty to block your pregnant wife who struggles to communicate verbally.
Oh and you also suck for letting your Mom come and change your wife’s plans for the nursery. You need to become a better husband asap if you want to stay married.
I had a 3 day work conference where I went to another city and stayed at a hotel. A few days before I asked him what he thought about us giving each other a free pass
How to ruin a good thing 101.
It's easy for women to get someone to sleep with them, not so easy for men. But clearly he wants to be monogamous and needs to be with someone who also feels that way. You aren't that person.
Allow?
Except if the child is born with drugs in its system. Not that OP said anything about drugs. I’m just pointing out an instance where they will take a newborn from the mom. Sorry to go off topic a bit.
You didn’t reply to me. The issue is they ignored him when he arrived, got into an argument about him, said she “fucked up” by bringing him, stared at him angrily all dinner, told him to be quiet when he tried having a conversation.. the joke was the least offensive part.
With all that extra info; it sounds so much like an experience I had myself.. though I can say I'm sorta lucky as in my situation at least he worked a job.
You've already held on longer than I could. I spent one year destroying myself trying to repair a relationship and trying to help a guy that just.. was doing absolutely nothing.
It's a hot battle. Picking someone you love or making sure that you yourself are okay. I personally couldn't continue to sit there and rip myself apart for someone who couldn't even put effort in for one single day in literally any type of way.
I'll promise you, if you walk away.. usually before the 2 month mark.. they are begging for you back. Claiming they will change. They don't. I hate to say it but they just miss having someone do everything for them.
No, you shouldn't try to engage. You logically don't just want to be his friend, and he's not looking for a relationship. There's nothing to be embarrassed about. Life goes on.
Just saying men don't get I'll if they don't have sex. They can always beat off if they get horney. So, he's BSing you about that at least. And it sounds like he's pressuring you into having sex when you don't want to. Neither of these things are good.
Well, maybe you two are incompatible, at least in this point.
Try to express to him how much this means to you.
I mean, it is his decision to not be vaccinated (a selfish one, but still his decision). But not going with you and your family just because Austria made the vaccine mandatory it’s just plain stubborn and extraordinarily selfish. So yes, if he chooses this it might the hill he dies on.
It's in the comments on the link
All this in two months of dating? Oh my…
Uhhh, I think it was weird that you would demand that she delete some rando. It’s controlling and possessive. She shouldn’t have lied about it though.
Thank you for your reply, can't be easy to talk about, I did have 'what if' thoughts, so I told her how I felt, back in December, we still speak daily despite that, still work together and still make music together, a while ago she had a huge falling out with her roommate, so she rang me, stayed at mine and I slept on the sofa, of all of the people she could have called she rang me, since then we went out just the two of us on a day out in a different city etc, felt like a date but that wasn't the intention, I'm afraid to tell her that I'm hurting because it isn't her fault that I feel shitty, it's just the situation really, there are things that happen that to me feel as if they would only happen between people closer than just friends?
Jeez your friend is spineless and a poor communicator. Every wedding I’ve been a part of has spurred some rearrangement of the core friend-group. There’s some kind of wedding-magic that brings out people’s real colors and priorities. Although it’s painful, I’ve chosen to see it as benevolent magic. If I was you I wouldn’t go out of your way to celebrate the love of someone who treats their friends this way.
I would be willing to bet that the one posting this has to dodge harpoons.
No, by no means just with the info at hand pointing out other possibilities. I've seen to many people just jump to porn bad regardless of the situation. In your case, then yes, there is definitely a problem. I'm sorry we had such a misunderstanding.
I know a woman who reads very graphic “romance novels ” but lost it when she discovered her boyfriend had a playboy. It just floored me that she couldn't see the hypocrisy there. I see that is not the case here!! Good luck.
If your more sexual/have a higher libido maybe see instead of introducing sex toys with each other see about getting one for yourself. But also talk to him about this as he may take offense o4 become jealous of the toy (Ive heard stories on here of partners nuking their marriage/relationship because they let their ego become hurt over a sex toy). As long as you express its just for when you want some but he is too tired so he can relax/not feel pressured.
Also for the wax- guys sometimes dont notice if their partner got a hair cut or hair color change (unless super obvious) so its possible he genuinely didnt notice or pay attention to that aspect of sex.
Wear lingrie whether or not he cares for it, do what makes YOU feel sexy and build your confidence. Confidence is sexy! Also maybe try to be more assertive (if ur comfy with it) during sex if your more submissive and try different positions than just missionary if thats the main position you use. Cowgirl lets you be on top and be more in control.
Who knows, maybe he would find it more sexy if you take more control.
Similar senses of humor, we talk about similar things, similar interests. We haven’t been in a situation where the gap has been called to attention, other than when i saw his age and brought it up.
It has no bearing on his love for you unless you feel it’s symptomatic of the rest of the relationship where you may feel he doesn’t seem to be putting in effort?
If it were me I’d probably laugh and poke fun by mispronouncing his name for a while. The love is ultimately all that matters. Either you’re okay with the actual state of the relationship or you’re not. The name feels like a symbol.
You watch Brokeback Mountain.
people who got the dogs are responsible for their own damn animals. sounds like the family is volunteering to take care of the dog since they are so vocal about it
Perfectly said ☝
You should stop hinting and ask for what you want. Having secret expectations you don’t communicate and then being salty about it is immature.
Plus you’ve only dated 5 mos. I wouldn’t have even expected a gift at all at that point in my relationship.
Tell him over a beer. He'll get a fair bit of enjoyment over her desperation.
Based on your comment and post history I’m getting an inconsistent image on your story.
You said you were 16 less than a year ago. I might not be a rocket surgeon, but my very basic math skills suggest that would not make you 18.
Additionally, you were making posts talking about liking a 16yo while an alleged 18yo.
If you can perhaps clarify your math here, that would be appreciated.
She sounds all about her.
If you don’t look forward to seeing her then that’s not a good sign.
Of course you are fine afterwards. You are busy. It’s not the right reason.
You should want to see her. Thats your gut telling you.
I don’t think it says her parents love him now does it? Unless that’s in a comment.
You’re right and I apologise for that. I was frustrated on your behalf. I just want you to want better for yourself and to leave. Sending you hugs instead of harsh words.
And explain to me why that gives you the right to be nasty to him?
Nothing ever gives you license to be maliciously rude to someone. Period. If someone throws abuse at you (not saying that's what this is) it doesn't give you license to abuse back. You pick up and find a constructive way forward. That is the responsibily of both partners if you want to have a healthy relationship.
You had a right to feel embarrassed and annoyed. But you don't have a right to punish him. He's a grown ass man who fell asleep in a poor place. Not a child that you need to spank for not listening to you.
Are you trying to “win” the pedantic technical points of the argument, or are you trying to make her feel heard and supported? Because when you “win” in this manner, you often “lose” something much bigger, like trust and respect.
Ask her what you can do differently instead of arguing back. You could start by reassuring her that you don’t want her to feel that way, ( if this is true) .
You guys need to get on the same team of wanting to build a life together that is happy and enjoyable for both of you. It’s easier to get there if you both agree to listen to what each other really wants or needs, rather than putting energy into arguing each point. Maybe then, if you can a discussion on a less combative manner, you can discuss your hopes and expectations of the relationship in a way that feels more supportive and free from judgement. ( also be prepared that some tweaking of expectations and compromises are likely to have to be made). The idea is not that either party is FORCED to comply with the others wishes, but that you can respectfully come to an agreement together that suits you both. You want to look for win-win outcomes, and encourage an environment where it feels safe to share concerns, without the threat of a conflict.
Tbh this sub has officially gave me fear of marriage
Mmm ok so you chose to fall into the depression trap of choosing not to do things for yourself and started resenting somebody, which ABSOLUTELY has an effect on how you treat them, and started actively being a part of your marriage only after she had already checked out. It’s over man. She was already unfaithful, and resentful partners aren’t attractive. You now have to do the difficult work of really working through your depression, which means doing things you don’t want to do and that don’t necessarily feel good until it gets better. But it must be done. Do not wallow in this or pursue her further – she’s a cheater. Maybe focus on your children and finding a hobby for yourself.
Why weren’t you ready to fight before it was already over? Think about that one for your next relationship.
Shes a shit person. Dont trade your dignity for a little comfort.
You’re right I agree…it reminds me of Miley Cyrus’ lyrics in her song “flowers “ …i just don’t know who I am anymore. Thank you ?
oh my bad. i was just trying to say that even if i was single, i would date an 18 year old fresh out of high school or even try and approach one. that’s the point i’m trying to get across to boyfriend but he doesn’t seem to understand that i’m not going to cheat nor do i want to cheat nor do i have bad intentions. he thinks i’m up to no goo
This sounds like the beginning of a forensic file episode.
Ultimately, she chose based on what others were telling her over what she says she felt. Thats bs. She had feelings of some sort being validated by her coworkers and proceeded to act on them. Sad situation, but you're dodging a bullet.
I think you mean your ex- give him the tag, say you’re breaking up with him, walk away and block him on everything
When he attempts to speak to you about anything other than your child and separation, don't engage in the conversation. Ignore it. If he continues to persist, direct him to your lawyer and tell him that any and all communication needs to be through your lawyer. This was the best advice I ever received. I didn't need a lawyer, I would just ignore every aspect of the conversation that had nothing to do with our kids and separating things (cell phone bill, car insurance, him withdrawing from our lease, etc). I haven't heard from him since June, when he failed to show up for our son's high school graduation.
Your poor husband…
Sometimes, through no direct fault of our own, things start to slip out of our fingers.
There are certainly cases where people are able to overcome challenges like this, especially when they've been together as long as you have, but the point about their desire to move out is a fairly bad sign.
The writing may be on the wall and you may have to prepare for it to end. The important thing to do right now is to realize that no one is entirely defined by their relationship with another person. As an almost 30 year-old M who has been single since 27, I can say that you will certainly survive, even though it doesn't feel like it right now.
From an outsider's perspective, and with only a fraction of the context to go off, I'd say that you have a 30% chance of you two staying together, perhaps less if they're still finding “what they were missing” from their work friend.
Don't panic, take a deep breath, and take comfort from the fact that everything will eventually be okay.
How are the other aspects of your relationship? I understand that sex is a very important part of a relationship, but it's only one. Maybe it's more than just not having sex? Does her lack of interest make you feel undesirable? Does her lack of action towards a solution make you feel like your needs don't matter? There are many potential layers to this issue, and the only one who can make any decisions about your relationship is you.
If you haven't already, try having a conversation with her about how much this is effecting you. Actually, if you have, try it again. Present it in a way in which it doesn't come off as accusatory or judgemental. Try to present it from the angle that you're concerned about her well-being and your relationship. Maybe if you're calm, open, and honest, she will be also. That way you might find out her side and her deeper feelings about this issue. After all, this isn't about the sex, per se, but about the overall health of your relationship.
I had a feeling that might be the case. I enjoy the gym and walking on my own but I think I should expand my social circle and hobbies. I don't have a big group of friends though either
You read that wrong. You wanted to read that I’m trying to make someone have sex that doesn’t want to because you like drama. Through my observation in our relationship I’ve noticed that we don’t have sex as often as we did in the beginning and am beginning to realize that we have different sex drives. Would have been nice to know early on that things were going to change but here we are.
A life lesson not to delay next time.
At least you know early enough to end it. Some people wait even longer for this discussion to break it off.
Eventually you will find that right fit. Keep at it.
I never lied to him, i won’t do that
I avoid bringing people problems that have no solutions. Just say you only see her as a friend and leave it alone.
She wants to spend “alone time” “with people.”
“Alone time.” “With people.”
So it isn’t actually alone time at all. And it isn’t actually silence she wants. She wants to spend time with people that you’re not allowed to be anywhere near. Wonder why she could want that.
Are you cute? Do you think Harry would be into you? You should try to take a class at the gym with him and see if there are any sparks
At least this troll here made me laugh today.
He didn’t want his wife to know, whether he meant it for the sister or someone else. Regardless, he’s a sneaky liar, the photo was not meant for his wife.
Dump her. She’s a liar. No trust no relationship.
Dude, its over. Do not fucking agree to something that is going to make you feel this way. You have to put yourself first sometimes instead of just thinking of her. She wanted ti have sex with a girl behind your back, thats called cheating. I wouldn’t be with a girl who tried doing that to me. Its all fucked man, just don’t go through with it and keep yourself happy, and that means not being with her anymore.
Maybe the people you are around aren’t great either
He also becomes upset if I grab his phone, grabbing it out of my hands right away and calling it annoying.
This is not about man and women, this is low vers. high sex drive. He sounds like a great person, and the two of you just weren't compatible. Maybe try looking for asexual men… They are kind of hot to find, because many just think they are not able to habe a relationship and therefore don't go on OLD platforms…. But be upfront about this, it is a deal breaker for many.
People do this all the time.
My mom even ignored the warnings my dad’s exes gave her. Kinda wish she hadn’t ?
This will not be the only time he will want you to get “permission” from him or your father; he will use this as a way to manipulate and control you. He seems to view women as property, or at least lesser than men since he thinks he needs permission from your ESTRANGED father.
My dad and I have a strained relationship after I went NC for 5 years because of what he did and how he treated me; I’m not going to be inviting him to my wedding if I have one because the other guests wouldn’t be comfortable with it. The fact that he wants your father to be there in spite of YOUR discomfort shows he puts even your fathers feelings before yours, because he’s a man.
This is a deeply misogynistic understanding of the world and something your boyfriend needs to work on if he wants to be an equal partner to you and not your second father.
Just relax and try to enjoy yourself – he wouldn't have agreed to the date if he wasn't a bit interested.
Stop dropping hints and start just telling him.