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Date: October 31, 2022
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Sexy lingerie.
Someone that controlling needs to stay out of your life. Please see if there are any other red flags you missed in your relationship.
Yeaaaaah this is the ACTUAL question
How?
These are not safe people to be with. Violence in language shows you who they all are. He’s not the one and his “friends” are threats to your safety.
Are we talking he had no interest in hearing about your life and problems, or that he has no romantic or sexual interest in you? Or did he just not give a singular shit?
If it was just him not showing any interest in you as a partner or FWB, then sometimes a friend can just be a confidant without being romantic or sexual.
If he didn't give a shit about your life, problems, or you in general… probably better to not have that type of friend or crush.
Are we talking he had no interest in hearing about your life and problems, or that he has no romantic or sexual interest in you? Or did he just not give a singular shit?
If it was just him not showing any interest in you as a partner or FWB, then sometimes a friend can just be a confidant without being romantic or sexual.
If he didn't give a shit about your life, problems, or you in general… probably better to not have that type of friend or crush.
Ditch this dude he won't take the time to get you wet and then won't use lube? He's an AH
You’re making assumptions about me. Not one person I’ve ever met would describe as someone with an ego. How can this be an issue with my mentality and not hers??? I give her everything I have and she gives me the cold shoulder. I open dialogue and she Dosent express her feelings like I said in the previous comment and post. You just want me to be the wrong one in this scenario when I’m not, as she knows I’m not too. I’m looking for advice not a critique on who I am as a person from people that do not know me as a person.
I don't think you understand how men look at porn. You are making connections where there are none.
Hm, I see what you mean. I feel like the specific issues I have with work would be a little better due to not having a forced schedule and stuff like that, and I do want to because of that, but you're absolutely right that I do need to face the fact that it is selfish and hurtful to my partner. I guess I was hoping there'd be a way it wouldn't be, but seems like that was massively wishful thinking on my part.
Me and my partner regularly do round 2 ding ding!!
I'm 54f and he's 33m we've been together 3 years
I saw on Tik Tok two days ago a man say that if you aren't having sex twice in a row, he might not even like you or even be grossed out by you.
That's cobblers this guy on tick tock is talking out of his ring lol
Maybe talk to your cousin. Explain about the videos you have digitised for your Dad and how everyone wanted to see them at Christmas. Say you didn’t want to be disrespectful to them or make them uncomfortable. But that you wanted them to be aware that other family members would like to view the videos. Obviously, if it would make them uncomfortable seeing their pre transition self then you would refrain from showing them at Christmas. You could always make other copies for family members who wanted to see the videos.
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But please, explain to me how a pregnancy is less life changing than a $350 purchase?
No thanks. That sounds like putting in time and energy into someone who doesn't give af.
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Thank you for the advice I am going to bed now So I won't be responding anymore tonight.
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You can afford it by no longer supporting your cheating wife in any way!
This is not a healthy relationship. She has forever been high maintenance and doesn't sound like she ever treated you with respect, which in turn made you lose respect for her. She doesn't want to correct her dentist phobia, she's not going to want to correct the problems she is causing in this relationship.
Save yourself the extra drama and end it now.
You must not like her as much as you say if you aren't willing to wash your bedding once a week (which would benefit you regardless) and instead demand that she change her lifestyle.
Also, if she feels gross in the morning then she's probably taking 2 showers because of your demand (I know that's what I would do if someone made me take a shower at night).
But it also seems that she doesn't like you enough to warrant changing her daily lifestyle either. If either of you thought the other was worth it, you would acquiesce instead of turning to others to give you the ammo needed to bash your partner into doing what you want.
Go find yourself a clean freak if nighttime showering truly is your only dealbreaker.
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Bring a vibrator into the game. If he doesn’t like it, tough. Sex toys are partners, not competition.
I think that your partner doesn’t seem to understand you very well was evident in their proposal and I can see why this is worrying for you.
At minimum it shows you both need to learn how to communicate clearly and effectively with each other. If despite your best efforts to clearly explain your needs and wishes they refuse to meet them- don’t rush into marriage.
My first fiancé was a really bad listener. I felt like he didn’t care what J actually wanted he was goin to give me what he thought I should want. I wasn’t assertive enough but in the end I lost respect for him, so it wasn’t going to work out anyway. My next relationship I was determined to be clear and assertive and not tolerate being pushed into pretending to be who they wanted me to be. That worked really well. We just celebrated our 33rd anniversary and are still happy together. I’m not autistic, but turns out he is. Me being willing to be blunt all these years was probably really helpful for him (and us).
Your boyfriend doesn't want to marry you. He's willing to go through with it, if you pay for it; because he doesn't want to lose the life you've provided him. If you are set on going through with this, get a prenuptial agreement and keep your finances separate, including any properties you purchase in the future.
Reddit tends to be very black and white when it comes to cheating, it's the worst thing in the world and OP deserves downvotes for support the cheater, in reality, she's just trying to have a relationship with both of her parents because she's the innocent party here.
My thought also
Ummm…. Say goodbye to new bf, I chose a trip with my ex over our blossoming relationship? Come on, really?!?!
Thankfully, you answered what would have been my first question. He's not just your ex; he's your good friend. That's incredibly important context.
I think you just need to be completely honest with your boyfriend. Is he even aware of your friendship? I don't think he'd be unreasonable to have thoughts about the situation, but ultimately, if your ex is nothing more than a platonic friend, then your boyfriend needs to trust you. If it's a deal breaker for him, then it's a deal breaker for him, and it is what it is.
I would, however, come up with a better story than what you're telling us. He's coming for “tattoos?” He can get tattoos anywhere. Don't even bring that up, because it's logically a silly reason to try to support the situation. “Hey, we planned a trip a while back. We're just friends. It's completely platonic and it'll be three of us. I just want to be up front with you. Thoughts?”
100%, you are fucked homie
Because after 3 hours he appeared to be sober?
Well I mean option A you dont talk to him and see if it improves (it wont) or B you talk to him about it. Relationships only can work if both partners can express what they need, are honest, understanding and willing meet in the middle when possible. Hope it goes well
There's no substitute for defining the relationship. Feel however hurt about it as you do, but acknowledge that she did nothing wrong, and that this is your cross to bear.
Either you let the past be the past or break up and feel like an idiot over it once you get some perspective.
Why would you still care for a man you just called toxic.
Something that isn't talked about often is that when you have experienced being in a toxic relationship, your first healthy one will often feel boring to you.
When you're in a toxic relationship, you're constantly on edge, waiting for the next screaming match, the next bit of drama, and that feeling of stepping through a minefield can be interpreted by your brain as “excitement”.
A good, healthy relationship will be almost predictable in a way. You know what to expect from your partner – if something goes wrong, you sit down and talk about it lile adults. You're not constantly living ln the edge, waiting for something to go wrong, and that's where the “bored” feeling comes from.
Of course it must have hurt to see that OP, and yoyr feelings are totally valid. Just remember that this is all part of your boyfriend's healing process as he moves on. It may seem “boring” to him now…but eventually he will get used to it, and he will realize that he cherishes the stability of your relationship.
I think you should talk to him about it, if it's really bothering you. Try to bring it up in a way that's not accusatory and makes it clear that you're not blaming him.
Agree. With respect, if someone wishes to become a professional sex worker by providing fetish content, they are entitled to do it, and their partners are entitled to not be with a professional sex worker. I can respect other people’s choices, but I would not be proud of a spouse who does those things, which means deal breaker for me. It sounds like the OP needs to find a compatible partner who doesn’t mind their participation in the sex trade.
Exactly, he may react violently. All of his behaviors are red flags of a controlling partner.
Friend would drop you like a naked potato if your gf had been tempted.
Next time you guys have sex, put on a strap on just prior.
How long ago was the relationship?
Transparently I have to actively work at remembering my dating and single times. It seems pretty common as a guy to not remember those details.
You and your family care for your sister since she was born and from your post, it sounds like you have been doing that wonderfully. I'm certain that if she could, your sister will be thanking you all the time. Although family is family, it takes a lot to give a person the amount of care I'm sure you have.
You are a wonderful brother, don't forget that no matter the struggles.
You are not doing anything wrong. Don't listen to anybody who says otherwise.
waaaaah ?
Omg me and the wife sleep in seperate rooms because our 5 month old wakes up multiple times a night and I have an alarm set for 5 AM.
I would feel like shit if my alarm woke the baby up every morning while my wife was trying to get some sleep. I don't even like sneaking in the bedroom for clothing in the morning while they are asleep so I do it all before I go to bed.
Yeah with that age gap she groomed him
UpdateMe!
Go read all the comments from the last post. Serially get a therapist.
What was the email?
First you answered your own question about why he is hiding you. Second, it's highly unlikely that he will be able to convince them otherwise about accepting you. It has nothing to do with proving love, you have no idea just how stringent and unwavering staunch conservative fundamentals of any religion can be. In all likelihood, the best you can expect is tolerance of you only IF you convert to Islam, which is a terrible idea just to get a man.
Otherwise, if he is ever serious about marrying you, it will be against his family wishes, and you both will likely wind up estranged. He knows all this.
So maybe a better idea is, instead of demanding he introduce then in order to prove his love to you (which he already knows will invite a huge shitstorm, threats of disownment, etc unless he gets rid of you), ask him if he sees a future with you. Dies he have marriage on his mind and if so, what is his plan on handling his families outcries.
I’d also question ‘tried to buy vitamins’
The Tinder is all him
As soon as I'm not by his side, all I imagine is just him looking at girls jerking off.
You got things you need to work through. Yes, you're allowed to have a 'no porn' policy for your partner and yes your partner is allowed to say no to that and no that doesn't make either of you bad people or mean there's anything wrong with either of you. But it's really not typical to start imagining that your partner is rubbing one off to other people the very moment you're not by his side
truthfully, not bullshit, I write both perspectives cause I want a non biased answer
Get out and like yesterday. He is trying to take away your independence and freedom. Call a battered woman’s agency for assistance in getting out asap and going to a place of safety and anonymity. Read the writing on the wall. It sounds like he’s progressively trying to isolate and own you. Not good, not safe, not healthy.
Tell him your concerns and leave it at that. He’ll likely brush you off but it is what it is. Leave it alone after that.
he being an dick from what i heard. he is blackmailing you. if he didn’t like the decorations then he should go said something. you do not own him sex. it not withholding effort. you just feel creep out and if he don’t like that then he can deal with it
You’ve said that you won’t move on or forget about him. So then why are you here, allegedly asking for advice? What do you want a bunch of strangers to tell you when you’re not listening anyway? What’s your purpose for coming here?
She is very immature for 27 years old. She is literally pouting over a game for like 2 days. She is attention seeking and wanting you to console her, beg for forgiveness, and admit you were wrong. She is being petty and annoying. Don't give in to that childish behavior. Tell her “It's a shame you are willing to miss your birthday dinner over a game. Let me know when you are ready to talk about this like adults.”
BUT here's the thing. Why was her reaction that strong to just a game? What did you actually say or do? Is there more to the story here?
I think some context about why she’s traveling, who’s she with, etc., would be helpful. Work trip with just him? Others?
Your request wasn’t clear. But plenty of people were asking for examples of it happening in general, so I’ll leave the link as a reference.
Your updates do not make this better.
Anyone who says they have a mild addiction or borderline addiction has a major problem.
You are dating the jerk off guy. He jerks off every single day and complains about your desire for sex 1-3x per week??? How does he hold those two conflicting views in his head??? And he’s deff jerking off every day, maybe multiple times a day. You ONLY catch him enough to annoy you. He is just trying to barely keep his addiction under your annoyance level so you won’t leave him. That’s it. He’s annoyed because he’s tried so nude to hide how often he masterbates to you and you still get annoyed by the couple times you catch him. He wants you to “get over it”. Because you only see a fraction of what’s happening which should be super get-over-it-able when what he’s actually doing is 3x that.
The only question you need to ask is if you want to on-line like this forever. Because the disappointment will continue. Your update makes me so sad, and I don’t know how any human being could be okay with their self confidence knowing they’ll never be enough to please their partner without them thinking about someone else. I get fantasies. I get kinks. But a fantasy is something you dream about or only happens a couple times in your lifetime. A kink is a favorite flavor of unique ice cream but your still 100% able to enjoy chocolate.
He will never think of you when he comes 🙁 That’s devastating. Add on top of it that he’s the jerk off guy with ABSOLUTELY a porn addiction and I just don’t know why anyone would want to sign up for that forever. This is not a normal guy, this is a gross guy. Normal men are better.
That’s just disrespectful. You set a boundary and she played around it . The video is a pleasant memory for her so even if it is gone from the phone she will keep a copy on the cloud or other sources. In a way .. She essentially chose him. With that said I have a question you love her but are you even a priority to her?
OP wants to stay in her pajamas on a Sunday night in the home in which she pays for. She leaves the house plenty on other times and her GF should work around her schedule. It's a completely unreasonable request.
She’s taking medications to help with anxiety. She’s going to therapy to work on her mental health. I think she feels hopeless and that mindset needs to change. How you can change a mindset I am not sure, but that would be a good starting point.
Unfortunately had this happen between my ex’s friends and my new girlfriend. One in particular was stalking both our social media on alt accounts and trying to stir up drama. They’d dig up something one of us posted several months after the breakup about being in a relationship and post about it on their semi-popular main Twitter trying to paint us as cheaters despite the prior relationship ending well before this one started, which led to harassment.
While I ended on decent terms with my ex and left people mostly unblocked, I had to end up blocking pretty much everyone mutual and my ex afterwards. I don’t blame my ex and more her friend who’s sole purpose in life seems to be spreading misery, despite being one of those “I hate drama” people. Had to move for work anyways so literally left the state and blocked everyone there besides direct family to make it stop.
There is very few scenarios where it makes sense to stay, however in most cases there is a way, it might not be easy but what in life truly is.
Does he support you in some shape or form given you on-line together ? It’s nude to have two jobs, do school and still do housework. Do you need a second job ? If you are pushing 70hours a week for two jobs, and chores while he does his 40 hours at a job and nothing else, then that is tough and unequal.
There’s something to be said for giving a person enough rope to hang themselves metaphorically. If your goal is to be the one in control of the situation the send him this:
“Hey , A friend forwarded these screenshots from Tinder of your current profile. Can you explain why you’re still active on Tinder? I thought we had agreed to be exclusive as of ”
Depending on how he responds you go from there.
Also PSA: Everyone should get tested for STDs regularly, (it’s an option when you go in for a PAP in a monogamous long-term relationship, and in a casual relationship every 6 months was the rule of thumb in my day.)
Ask him to bring your stuff to work and just keep away from him otherwise. If you need to interact with him keep it pro, like you're strangers otherwise.
Either he found something you've forgotten about or he's a weirdo that gets upset over the slightest comment, either way the relationship is over.
how did you two go about introducing your cats and moving in?
Clearly you lashed out, and you need to own that an apologize for it.
That said, children/no children are one of those fundamental differences where either you’re in alignment or need to end the relationship. What you absolutely don’t do is compromise.
Sounds to me like your relationship is over even before you compared her to her mother.
She has no excuse to not only put herself in these situations but then stay in them imo. Just because it’s “online” or in a “game” these are real people shes listening too. Sure she’s not engaging in this type of behavior (that you know of) but being in those situations as a person in a relationship when boundaries were made clear is very bizarre. Maybe she genuinely doesn’t think it’s weird because it’s not “real life”. It’d be a deal breaker for me. Hope you make the right choice for you.