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Room for online sex video chat chunggChaeyion_s
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Date: October 12, 2022
This is terrible. Heartbreaking, after a life together. I absolutely agree with the other comments, get your finances separate – now! No matter how it turns out in the future, you need your finances separate. He might change in the future, he might not, either way, at this point in time, he can do so much damage to you by pulling you into debt, leaving you pennyless with little to no options. Go to/call your bank today, not tomorrow. Then, take time for yourself, think, relfect – but only after splitting finances, it is really the most urgent right now
Keep in mind that it's not a reflection of you as a person or a partner, but a reflection of him. He's the insecure asshole that can't handle his partner giving a platonic hug to another man. He's the asshole that immediately drops you and moves on to someone else. He's the one whose relationship with you is so fragile, that he would rather toss the whole thing away and move towards other women because you had the audacity to touch another human being with a penis. He's the jerk here, not you. I'm sorry for all the time you've wasted with this degenerate, but you deserve so much better.
I tend to keep my guard up at first with new things, just because I've been ghosted by men in the past after getting invested so quickly, and know that sometimes men say these romantic big things, but then their actions don't always meet up.
We went out one more time, slept together again, and the next day he texted me what an amazing time we had together. At this point, I started to let myself feel feelings for him and get excited about a potential connection.
Well, here it is right here. You know exactly what to do, you just didn't do it.bYou don't even know this guy and there was no reasonable expectation of exclusivity, but you got swept away anyway.
There’s a far cry from being able to use someone’s phone and having full access. My wife and I share phones often if we need to look something up. But, we don’t go through each others stuff on there. Because we trust each other and appreciate the fact that we’re each entitled to a certain amount of privacy.
So what? You had a fling. So what? That had nothing to do with him or his family.
Girl, why would you leave this out of the post? Let him go, damn. Fix your own issues and keep this relationship and its countless red flags in mind once you start seeing other people so you don't find yourself entertaining this type of shit in the future.
This is probably not what you want to hear, but I was married to someone like this, and tried to make it work for seven long years. In the end, I had to leave because living with someone that possessive of you is incredibly exhausting. By the end, I felt like I was just walking on eggshells 24 seven and I didn’t even feel like my old self anymore. Looking back, I can see all the ways that she tried to divide me from both friends and family along the way. Crazy stuff.
This is probably not what you want to hear, but I was married to someone like this, and tried to make it work for seven long years. In the end, I had to leave because living with someone that possessive of you is incredibly exhausting. By the end, I felt like I was just walking on eggshells 24 seven and I didn’t even feel like my old self anymore. Looking back, I can see all the ways that she tried to divide me from both friends and family along the way. Crazy stuff.
Put it this way: once you point out the flaws, he has to either shut you down or have his viewing experience of, let's be honest, most anime, and a good portion of live! action shows and movies, permanently complicated in a way that might damage the “good dumb fun” appeal of watching them to him. It is definitely possible to ruin a show for someone with valid critiques, I've done it before when my fiance tried to show me Veronica Mars. Thankfully, my fiance is an absolute gem, so she just got really into roasting a show that had been a childhood favorite until twenty minutes earlier, and it was a good time.
But yeah, this is a classic case of White Live Nerdy Dude Reactionary Oversensitivity. (It's not exclusive to white dudes, all kinds of nerds do it, white nerdy dudes were patient 0, and I managed to make the acronym WONDRO, which sounds like some sort of cheesy 70s comic book villain). It's typically caused by intense personal identification with the media you consume, and then triggered by the realization that this media is, to use the dreaded word, “problematic”. Basically, if you've built a portion of your personality around your enjoyment of anime or video games or comics or whatever, and then someone starts saying bad things about the thing you like, it feels like they're saying you're a bad person, because your self-image is tied up in liking this thing.The good news is that loving trash doesn't make you a bad person. It is entirely possible to enjoy a piece of media wholeheartedly while simultaneously recognizing that the weird incestuous vibe with the 12 year old little sister character is kinda fucked up, or that it's kind of a not-good choice to have the main character own literal slaves (although, of course, the slaves in question are invariably cute girls who want to be his slaves, for contrived plot reasons, naturally). Additionally, there's a growing genre of “shitty otaku becomes less shitty over the course of the show” that actually improves if you can enjoy trash while also looking critically at it. (I'd recommend Re:Zero and possibly Mushoku Tensei there), as well as shows like “Life in an Otome Game is Hot For Mobs”, which is all about a guy getting isekai'ed into a video game he hates that his sister made him beat for her, which was very much built for girls and contains an aggressively matriarchal society where his only option seems to be to get married off to a duchess three times his age. It's trashy, sure, but it knows that, and has fun being trashy while also saying shit every now and again.
Just remember, if the royalties largely would go to a sex criminal, the only ethical option is not to pay for it.
I also haven't drank or smoked weed (only 19), but I still believe that neither of you are in the wrong. It seems like he's setting it as a firm boundary.
I am amazed how everyone jumped to conclusions that he is A CHEATER… I have a wife I love dearly, but I also have some female friends I enjoy hanging out from time to time. You could say I have some kind of “emotional cheating” going, but this would be wrong. Because I like talking about thing with these women, my wife do not like such topics(I am huge fan of certain movies, TV series, science and politics things). So why everyone thinks men can't just be friends with other women? Emotional affair sticker is BS in my mind. I would be loosing a lot of good time and would be locked to only talking to other men and never seeing women perspectives which are a lot of the time very much different and interesting to understand.
But what about the knee, is he better now? Can he walk normally?
If he can… then he has no excuse. He basically got comfortable not doing anything around the house because he’s depressed and he figures that you’ll do it for him anyway.
There’s no fix for this. There’s no talking sense into him. Stories like yours are a dime a dozen on this sub, every day.
You need to break up with him and go no contact, forever. There’s a chance he might wake up from his stupor and begin to make an effort in his life, but don’t ever return to him. He’d just return to his old habits.
This entire situation really sucks and I'm sorry you're dealing with it. As a newer wife myself, it's naked to learn to balance so let me give you my advice. Your husband is your immediate family. Your parents are now extended. That being said, we are all called to uncleave from our parents and cleave to our spouse and the two shall become one. This means that you are legitimately one with your spouse.
Somewhere in the comments, someone mentions how your father is trying to embarrass your husband and make him subservient. They're not wrong. This is a power move by your father — I had similar issues with my mother. She didn't have an issue with my husband, but she was used to us (her and I) making all of the decisions when I was growing up (single mother household) so I had to stand up to her a few times when she would try to be in control and make decisions for my husband and I. Now she knows he needs to be involved if she's second.
It's your job to stand up to your parents for your husband's sake. If you were in a similar situation with his parents, it would be his job. He's your partner. Why would you let your father disrespect him? This is the family you chose. Now defend it.
I’m imaging this situation, but gender roles reversed. Your friend is fucking awful. Also, this wasn’t about you and you should check if your boyfriend is okay.
Nah no best friend would act like that
I've been reading the responses that are actually helpful to me and responding to some of them. The “only reasonable advice” isn't telling me to break up based on one situation in my relationship that nobody knows anything else about.
You come across like a bit of a dick here so you probably do to your gf. Ergo she gonna keep being pissed at you. Not saying either is right or wrong, it's just how you're expressing yourself.
Very interesting! Can I ask you what's a good 1o1 book on childhood trauma and how it subconsciously affects your adult life?
Thank you for this. Right now it sucks to hear but I think it's everything I've needed to hear for a while now. I'm so glad you're doing well now. Your story gives me the confidence and the hope to start doing the right thing for myself here.
It's not fatphobia. It's entitlement in your boyfriend. And he knows it pretty well – why else would he try to guilttrip you with that fatphobia bullshit?
What a sad narrow view of the world
Every time I bring up something she takes as a critique she begins crying and it's a manipulative way to get me to stop talking about whatever's bothering me.
This is right after he talks about how she’s a compulsive liar.
I’ve refused to be intimate with him since this happened and am still waiting for him to get tested and show me the results on paper. I also plan on getting myself tested too ?
Who is going to take care of the baby the two hours it needs to be played with? Or even yet, the two hours + the time right before and after + the time for you to unwind after two hours of exercising your large and unruly dog?
Take it from me: I have a four month old baby and she is the easiest baby in the whole word, she's been sleeping all night since two months, she rarely cries (she learned to yell and wait instead) and she sometimes are content to just watch us do things. Let me be very clear: I have a unicorn baby. And me and my husband are constantly tired as is. In the first two months,despite having tons of help from our parents (my mom even took some night feedings so we could sleep a few hours uninterrupted), Walking Dead extras looked better than us. I would absolutely resent my husband if he took 2/3 hours every day, for mostly anything, and left me alone with the baby, even more so in the first month where I was cut open, stitched side to side and cried of pain every fucking time I peed, for a baby I did 99% of the work to make her and he gets 50% of her (legally, because in reality he gets a lot more as people have a gusto to tell me every day all day. Biology sucks).
Your dog is clearly incompatible to baby right now, you barely can deal with it without a baby, how do you plan on be a good father with it? And while I'm biased, I think it's absurd putting anything or anyone as more of a priority than your own kid, your own baby.
I'm in my 30s and having to date somone that was 22 would be awful I would want no parts of it. Also I was so immature and dumb when I was 20.
I think you have to remember that this is not your kid. Has your partner even asked you to play a motherly role? Has he figured out how him and his ex will coparent? It seems like you are assuming a lot about your role in an only 4 month old relationship.
Your husband is right. Find a hobby at least
Just ask him to marry you. You can get either a “no” or a “yes”, but you'll have an answer.
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Very interesting. The vast majority of comments suggest that the honeymoon period doesn’t last forever. But good for you ?
So is changing after a hockey game.
Seems like a big enough issue to break up over. Pretty big breach of trust.
Instead of saying “Hey GF, what's up with this?”… as you say, he ran to mommy.
I had to reread his age because I thought it was 8… not 28.
The real problem for me is that there's no repentance. He's not sorry. He's mad that you're “ungrateful” that he cried to mommy.
You're not married. Your bills are your bills. They have *ZERO* right to call anyone over anything without asking you first. That's some grade-a bullshit, to put it as diplomatically as I can.
If he apologizes? Does it in a way that lets you know he won't run to mommy again? Maybe you can get some couples counseling.
Otherwise? He can run to mommy when you break up with him.
Her boyfriend works at the same company too, different department. He’s pretty shy and doesn’t come to the group outings, so I’ve never really talked to him. The only thing I really know about him is that when my boyfriend confided in her about me feeling jealous she said that her boyfriend also gets jealous like I do too.
Possibly you'd have to research that. Are you sure she's not a TA? 23 seems young.
All of what you said is possible but if you read the post again OP has written that she was all over him before they got married and as soon as they got married he is having to beg for everything. All of the points you made would have existed before they got married. OP is literally saying it all changed when they got married.
He's being super juvenile and immature. My thoughts are that you're better off without him.
It’s not that odd of a statement to me from a friend. He knows her personality thus can see her being “freaky” it’s not an odd assumption to make. Its the equivalent of you saying she’s flirty it’s just making an assumption about someone’s personality imo. If it did make you uncomfortable though for whatever reason just communicate that with him, but be open to a conversation about his side as well.
Your husband doth protest too much…
Thank you for explaining this.
It’s strange when you consider the fact that she’s complimented his physique. It’s difficult for me to tell you that this is trustworthy behavior on his part even if she consented to him taking the photos. It’s very weird.
After 5 years she still doesn’t trust you. It doesn’t sound like she ever will. That’s not a healthy relationship and frankly you should be glad to be done with it.
You just tell her.
Remember she is not your problem.
No matter what you do he is going to be very happy about it. You don't really need to do anything different with foreskin, when he gets erect his head should come out of it anyway.
If it doesn't come out by itself it likely means he hasn't been washing under it, it can also tear during sex if he has never pulled it back before. Gradual stretching is the way to go in that case, it might be a little awkward bringing it up to him but it's probably for the best if that's the case.
I see your point here and I would be honest about it with him – if I decide to try it… But yeah, the last thing I want to do is to hurt him 🙁
If you're not dating and just friends with benefits then you can't treat it like a relationship. You guys need to talk about what you guys expect in this arrangement and if its actually working for you both. In general though people are not glued to their phones so 3 hours is expecting a bit
Do not move in with him. He is a liar and he is gaslighting you in the race of evidence. Hon, you deserve better.
Wow you both sound like you need to unpack the toxic masculinity beliefs you both have and do it separately. Like you are 2 toxic peas in a pod but shouldn't be together.
Emotions are normal, being upset is normal as is showing them. I'm a woman and frankly more likely to defend my kid physically than their stoic Dad (ex because no one wants some emotionless robot). You need to learn and grow as a person as much as she does. You are 21 so please, please unpack before you procreate.
And for anyone who agrees with your mindset…. Anger, frustration, excitement are all emotions that men show hence you guys are just emotional as woman ??♀️. Oh and this is from a woman who hates crying sssooo ?.
That’s what confuses me. He’s literally got shit in his ass and you’re okay having sex with him? And not saying anything about it?? That’s nasty.
Ive had some friends get pretty skinny going through emotional upheaval (divorce, death in the family, etc). Nothing like being complimented on unhealthy amounts of weight loss due to a loved one dying or a really bad breakup.
Chill out… Lord, it's a funny engagement story. Both of you just need to relax imo.
ew lol
Said it in another comment, but Snapchat can absolutely be subpoenaed. You can also contact snap support to retrieve deleted snaps.
soo what do you need him for? It sounds like you are pretty much a one woman show and he is putting in 0 effort.
I think you should first tell him to get seen by a doctor to be evaluated for depression and once that is done, you do with it what you will.
But honestly either way I think some time appart will do you both good. tell him you have been questioning your relationship and you need space alone to think on where you want to go, because as is you can't see this going on for much longer. tell him he also need some time to think on where he sees this going as well because you realize you are both unhappy with the way things are.
What ever you decide I wish you and your little one well.
She’s not trying to justify it. She’s trying to work out how to move forward. She knows she fucked up and she’s trying not to fuck up more.
As you were typing that comment I was telling her to get therapy, lol.
She plans on telling him. I’ve told her to get therapy regardless because she needs help. We’re working out now the best way for her to tell him.
I think the fact he could openly joke like that in front of you means he is very comfortable with you and has nothing to hide from you regarding how/what he jokes with one of his best friends. And this is a good thing in your relationship and means he is sincere to you in this matter.
You should also know that jokes between men can often go very far because men are less sensitive than women. Most men can take any kind of joke while most women feel hurt more easily.
You have done nothing wrong. You are a woman and it is normal to feel hurt. However, you got hurt because you visualized yourself into the joking scenarios two men created on their minds. But I believe your boyfriend and his friend (as a matter of respect) did not visualize you in these scenarios. After all, I think it is a matter of interpretation/perspective towards the joke.
I must emphasize that *if* your boyfriend and/or his friend were indirectly talking about you, then you must leave this guy because he has no respect for you and most likely he has been banging some college girls. But probably he is not because I guess jokes like this are very rare.
I think you should interpret this kind of jokes without ever feeling you are in the scenarios they create. Otherwise you will feel miserable.
Well that's really shitty of her because men have 0 reproduction rights. It's not equality. She kinda gets what she deserves tbh.
That must really suck, but remember that you’re in charge. They can make as much fuss as they want, but they can’t do anything more than that. You do you. Try to tune the noise out as best you can and carry on.
Nonsense.
When I was young I went out less often and to less expensive places. I most certainly didn't decide I could rob my server because I wanted to live! high on the hog and then stiff the waiter or leave a paltry tip.
Also, it is quite obvious that this boyfriend wanted to take her out. This is not about her not paying the tip. I guarantee this boy would have a full blown tantrum at the dinner table if she tried to pay the tip.
You probably could have if you went to those interviews
sounds like u need to permanently end the ties with her. once ur over it will be fine
At this point you might as well ask her to try and get it changed to “your names fuck toy” so at least when you break up it's weird for other dudes too
Ask what your wife is uncomfortable about when speaking with your sister first…is that she’s uncomfortable with the contents of your conversation or is it that you share more with your sister more than your wife? All these should be considered before pushing back in my opinion…you are an adult so you can talk with your sister as often as you like plus are there cultural differences here?
Also, you really don't want to spend years, or decades dealing with this situation? Better to come to the conclusion that this can't work now, than after years of misery.
Because you clearly don't want to hear it. But here you go.
Part of being in a relationship with another person is learning how to pick your battles and to not be stubborn simply because you can.
Hey dude thanks for the response, and I figured that this kind of feeling would be normal but it still wanted to ask, as it feels heart crushing. I'll take your advice and try to arrange a trip on my earliest opportunity
She's probably still doing it
I mean it‘s more 50/50. When he plays video games he‘s together with his friends. But he also finds time for me. I think it‘s unhealthy and it would be better for him to meet his friends in real life but they prefer meeting over chat.
Look. I'm going to be blunt. Get mad. This doesn't mean go raging at her, it means use your anger to fuel you. It's over. Delete all her contact info. If she has anything at your place, gather it up and drop it off in front of her door. Ghost her.
Then proceed to work on yourself. Mind, body, soul, professionally. Stay away from other women for awhile. You're 27? Make a goal. Take 3 years, until you're 30, and build yourself up. Get a good financial base, either a better job, or advance were you're working at. Work out. Try to advance your education. Start learning a second (or third, as the case may be). Start a new hobby. Get a dog or cat.
But focus on you, and you alone.
But DON'T sequester yourself away. Go out with friends and family. Socialize.
But work on you.
Honestly the dynamic in this relationship doesn’t sound great. I personally don’t want to be in a relationship where they set all the rules because you have to grovel to be his person.
He has trust issues. Is he willing to work on them with you, or is it his way or the highway? Are there other ways that this shows? Can he have female friends but you can’t have male friends?
I think there isn’t enough information in your post.
Your place is with someone who will treat you respectfully, not with this useless POS. Tell him to get his own damn sandwich and then throw the whole man out.
Honestly the dynamic in this relationship doesn’t sound great. I personally don’t want to be in a relationship where they set all the rules because you have to grovel to be his person.
He has trust issues. Is he willing to work on them with you, or is it his way or the highway? Are there other ways that this shows? Can he have female friends but you can’t have male friends?
I think there isn’t enough information in your post.
Nah, that is whack.
She's not ready for a real relationship with you if she's going to make her past trauma your responsibility without taking accountability of her own. She should be working to get through it and develop healthy communication skills, not picking fights with you trying to pull you down to her level.
Definitely take those days to think about stuff, my dude. See if you find it easier to breathe without feeling the need to defend yourself.
I have to say after your first post I really sided with your fiance but after all the things you typed here… No… They should have taken care of you, they should have prioritised you, gone to your games. It's not fair to ask them to stop what they are doing usually, but if they neglect their own child just to get railed that's so far from okay or healthy or “just making [them] happy” or whatever
Who knows, ask him not us…he’ll know why
You'll find someone who will appreciate the drama free life you offer. Don't change who you are to appease silly people who think love is arguing.
Take this fake story and go somewhere else. He would never text back just to rub salt and forever break bonds and say never will you see a grandchild. Listen dumbass. When it’s bad enough you do that you NEVER let that person know about a grandchild. a ghost is what the story would say. No, his parents, your parents, fake college. Bye ? and it’s worth the down votes for that lil gem.
You can't abstain for 6 weeks +/-? Did you really need porn to masturbate? Is imagination not a thing?
She told you at the beginning, she considered porn cheating. Just because you don't, doesn't invalidate her feelings on it. In her mind, you CHEATED.
No, aint doing a favor to nobody. Might as well break up and take a trip by yourself somewhere else were. Believe me, it wont revive things between you fellers, or do you any favors, its better for the both of you to handle these kind of situations on the spot.
Tbh, the elbow chafing is the least of my worries here. What stood out to me was the “she gets annoyed when I ask her stuff and feels im accusing her” any liar gets annoyed when confronted OP. If you guys have had trust issues before because of her lying and she’s truly regretful she would have no issues putting your worries to rest, yet she’s the opposite? Are you seeing what Im seeing? This is not healthy op. You are on reddit asking us how to ask YOUR SO about a possible lie because you cant ask her directly without being defensive and causing an issue in your relationship. Again, this isn’t healthy op. Take off the rose colored glasses and start looking at things objectively. This aint it man! Best of luck!
It's better to walk away.
The thing is, OP, he is not interested in understanding his actions are not okay. So far, his shitty actions (and then the love-bombing) works for him. Works on you.
You know one of the reasons older guys date much younger girls? Because women his age know better and won't put up with his bullshit. These kind of guys prey on the inexperience of 18 year olds. Very young women don't know any better, don't recognize the manipulation, the abuse, the keeping you off-balance.
You are growing up and at 25 you are finally seeing him for what he is.
Please leave. Be on your own for a while. Date a guy (or a few guys) and figure out who you are and what you want. And LEARN from this experience.
If you invested it, then I would think they don't have any control over what happens to the money. That means you have the power here. Maybe not the best idea, but just give them the 50% that you promised and point out that without you they would only have x money saved up. Your phrasing was that they loaned it to you rather than let you manage their investments. That's why I'd think you actually have control. If they loaned it to you without terms of agreement aside from the 50% deal then I don't think they could really argue for more in a legal sense. When talking, focus on how much more they have now than before.
On a separate note, what you've done sounds like incredibly aggressive investing. You said you have all their savings. I've done a lot of my own research on retirement investing, and I would say that this is kind of reckless, you need to start moving the retirement funds into something more stable so that if there is another crash in the next 10 years your parents aren't screwed. Equities that could increase up to 8x could also fail. Usually you want to be more conservative at your parents age through age 62-65
You can change your mind anytime you want to ,i would suggest seperate for a while to see where your head is at ,hey atleaat she stopped so there is that but she did cheat and you get to decide to stay or leave reconcilation is a gift ,if you dont want to reconcile then you can stop anytime
It sounds like she gives it away for free, why waste 100$?
It doesn’t matter if he’s gay, straight, bi, trans, whatever. He has cheated on you, and has no interest of stopping. Leave him for being a cheater, you don’t need the details. No. This is not “fixable”.
Find a new boyfriend
You are willing to find her excuses, because you want it to work.
She wants to keep you close, that's it. Let me tell you something essential in relationships. Don't listen to what they say, pay attention to what they do.
She's not interested. Show her that you have pride and dignity. Tell her you get the message and wish her good luck.
When someone is interested, you know it. It's clear.
TERRIBLE advice. This is AWFUL advice. “If you're unhappy in your relationship just think about what it would be like to be in a worse one”. Good lord. Since when is being single the same as being in a torture camp?
Then why ask for advice? Lmao
i think we both want to rebuild it.
Is she the one who decided you should have access to each other’s emails? If so, sounds to me like she’s projecting pre-existing trust issues onto you. She was likely already looking for a reason to distrust and leave you. My husband and I don’t snoop or need access to each other’s phones, but I will say that any time he gets a random porn bot or girl messaging him on social media, he immediately shows me and we laugh about it together and move on. If you two were secure and trusted each other, an email from a random girl wouldn’t be cause for a breakup.
She probably needs to work through some stuff in therapy before she’s ready to have that kind of relationship. If I were you, I wouldn’t take this personally. She’s just not ready or able to trust at this point in her life. Until she is, she’s going to manifest problems like this no matter who she’s with. Wish her well, and move on. That’s all you can really do. You’re both young and have a lot of growing to do.
but she asked me to drop the subject before she got mad.
Lol.
Aren’t we all a bit messed up tho. For the most part she’s good, she’s had some real traumatic relationships and is very insecure. I just wish there was a way of getting her to see that this behaviour is just not ok
I recommend people professionally all the time if they're qualified or right for the gig.
Liking or disliking someone doesn't really change that and shouldn't.
Being mature enough to see beyond your own nose is a GOOD thing, not a bad one.
There's not necessarily anything nefarious here
I just didn't want them to be on the streets and usually asked if they had a friend or relative I could take them to. I feel like that is better than them being out alone in a big city at least
Lots of red flags in this one comment alone.
I think right now it all mostly revolves around her finishing school, but I'm not really sure what I want out of this relationship yet. I could see myself marrying her but I'm unsure if it's what I want
Exactly. The fact that he just has this overwhelmingly strong reaction that's just a no without any explanation is a sign that either he genuinely hates her or he has another health issue that is going to get uncovered along the way. Maybe an STI.
Except it's not mysterious? She has deeply internalized anxiety around her weight and the dress wasn't sized right. The mystery is why clothing manufacturers play games with sizing
You should break up. There you go. Saved you reading like 90% of the comments.
The best way to handle it is to explain that work related information is only relevant to you and your client and it would be entirely inappropriate for you to share it – but the baffling thing is that there's no way he doesn't already know that, and he's still trying to get this information? Why?
You need to find out whether he is still in love with you and just wants a lot of extra pussy on the side or if he doesn’t love you anymore.
If he is still in love then maybe he will stop but if he isn’t in love then the situation needs to be approached
Nope. That's where you're wrong. She came gere for validation and Support. She's aggressive in every comment that's not giving her full unconditional support. And says she's not immature but then SPEAKS IN ALL CAPS TO DISAGREE WITH PEOPLE xD What a complete child. Someone suggested above that the genesis of this argument definetly didn't start with this accident, she goes on to say to “stick to this information” or smt like that. She's not here for advice. She's here for validation cause she's having doubts about her childish reaction
That's not why he was resenting her though. He started resenting her because she “made him” look after his own kids twice a week.
That's not why he was resenting her though. He started resenting her because she “made him” look after his own kids twice a week.
It kinda does when OP and her girlfriend are both women…
I'm talking about real life. Men that will express fucked up views on women and relationships are over represented on reddit. Yes generally speaking men are attracted to youthful looking women but women who get work done don't look youthful they just look like women who've gotten work done.
Women who get work done wouldn't get it done nearly as much if they were doing it solely for the attraction of their partner or other men. They do it because its what they see in celebrities, other women, pop culture; they are conditioned to feel insecure and need cosmetic procedures to feel confident.
Congratulations. Y'all are acting fairly mature about it for your ages. That said…
Giving time and space to be alone should accomplish just that. You both should take some time to focus on yourselves….alone. You're not going to accomplish that when trying to be friends. Your description of how you want it sounds like what a healthy relationship should be. How can you be there for each other if you need to work on yourselves? Get yourself straightened out and let her do the same. If you both are able to pick things up in the future, then great. But do you want a forced friendship if it means she can't work on herself?
Both of you take the space you need. If your love was as real as you think it was, it should be no problem picking things back up later. Your relationship or friendship won't work if one or both of you have unresolved issues.
You should get a divorce anyway because your wife deserves better
Thank you very much ?truly!!
This isn't the same at all.
OP didn't sleep with his sister. That's nowhere near the level of betrayal. OP slept with a dude two years before she met her boyfriend and because, and I shit you not, they're distant friends he thinks there's a problem.
Boyfriend needs to handle his shit and not put it on his girlfriend. OP did nothing wrong and yet she's being punished for it. He uses it in fights, he's passive aggressive about it outside of fights.
That isn't fair and it certainly isn't right. Sounds like OP's boyfriend needs to go away.
Leave. This isn't him saying that he knows you are the rest of his life but doesn't want marriage. This is him stringing you along for 6 years only to tell you that some perfectly normal personality traits could still be a deal breaker. If he doesn't know after 6 years you have your answer and deserve better.
Do not teach your children this. It is vile and disgusting.
Body parts smell like body parts.
Dump him
Is your husband an idiot? Because he sounds like an idiot. Tell him to.plunge his own shit, and you really need to address him about how he completely disrespected you. He doesn't get to scream at you, when he's the disgusting, lazy one.
Get him an outhouse.
This is your sign that you two are nowhere near ready to be married or have kids.
The only advice I have for you two is that once enough time passes, you both need to communicate more.
Your wanting to meet his parents does not really outweigh what sounds like he had very good reasons to not introduce you. You forced him to do something he didn't want
You should feel terrible. That's good. Now stop making it about yourself. Once he gets enough time and wants to talk, apologize profusely and start talking about what he should've told you. That you realized in order for BOTH of you to be more serious, you need to work on communication.
He should've told you “hey babe my parents are racist and abusive so no, I don't really want to do that. ”
If you knew this and still pressured him. Red flag on your part.
And his father chose to push him. OP’s partner didn’t punch the lad, just got in his face. Would let your parents make racial remarks about your SO and just stand there and do nothing?
Don't beg a groomer to take you back, least of all some hot/cold clown.
She should work harder to make up the difference. Call her lazy and tell her to work harder haha.
She should work harder to make up the difference. Call her lazy and tell her to work harder haha.
She should work harder to make up the difference. Call her lazy and tell her to work harder haha.
But she brought her phone with her? Not so smart.
I don't know what's going on here, but it would be stupid to purposely leave the watch and take the phone.
If she is cheating, she's going to have to leave both at the office from now on.
Lol I've only ever dated other punk dudes since I was 14, I'm 28 now and dating a normal ass dude who's a few years younger than me and while I love him to death I'm sooo nervous about meeting his family .. ive got dreads down to my ass and a half sleeve of the grim reaper, pentagon on my chest (thanks 18 y.o me lol) and many more tattoos, hopefully his family isn't judgmental ?
I'd say splurge on some really good sex toys to satisfy yourself over sleeping with someone else.
This 3rd person would also have to be on board with all of this. Or you'd be having a lot of one night stands.. Which can be dangerous..
Not ending anything over a bunch. Just had to be an explanation for why a couple in their mid 20’s is having sex once a month.
Well, that's rich. You're supporting him, and he thinks you don't do enough for him?
Kick him out. Break up and tell him to go back to his folk's place. You will probably feel 160 pounds lighter when you aren't carrying his ass.
You should have a talk with your boyfriend saying, while it’s his body and he can do whatever he wants, you do not personally want your name tattoo’d on him because that does ass a lot of pressure to a relationship once that happens.
You guys are 20 and 18, you have so much to figure out in life, and name tattoos in general are really tacky.
Lmaoo
I get it and explained this part in another comment but it is so irrelevant anyway. Thanks xx
Your BF is exceedingly immature, and his expectations are totally unrealistic. Especially since you're living together.
I hope you will take a moment to stop and realize that one of the reasons people have partnerships and move in together is because they believe they have found someone they can truly be comfortable with and can be themselves. This guy is, literally, demanding that you NOT be comfortable with him or in your own home and make up some weird shit to role-playing or something.
Tell him to get real or get out. Seriously. Who wants to live! that way?
yeah he works from home. meaning he has time to load the dishwasher. he has time to throw a load of laundry in in between zoom meetings. clearly he has time for fishing and visiting his friends/family in the middle of the day.
Most adults understand that not everybody has that luxury, and that sacrifices sometimes have to be made. My husband was away for 3 months 1000 miles away. Should we have gotten divorced? Sounds more like the wife isn’t mature enough for a marriage so they probably should get divorced so they are both happy.
What’s up with your wife? Theses nothing mean about what was said. ?♀️
I asked her in person so that wouldn't work, but I appreciate the thought. I'm going to leave her alone but if she does reach out to me I'll keep your apology in mind.
yeah this is definitely grounds for divorce. I'm sorry you had to deal with this for so long
sometimes i laugh at my bf whos from the south (us) for saying things differently but i never tell him hes wrong or make him feel stupid.
I don’t run around kissing my 30 something girlfriends on the mouth. It’s a very childish attitude and she’s married so she needs to grow up and be a woman and stop being a little child.
I think you will feel more strongly about this when he has gone nowhere financially and you start to get going. While it feels superficial people decide to break up for these kinds of reasons all the time.
Depending on where you are, that is possibly sexual assault, so find out if you can press charges.
As for how you are feeling, therapy, you need to talk about it with someone who can help you process it, and work through it.
As for saving your marriage. Not going to lie, chances are that it’s over for good.
YOU ARE YOUNG!! Enjoy it and open yourself up.
He is abusing you physically, verbally, and emotionally. Why he is doing this is not important. He is hurting you and he is hurting your baby, who is already feeling the effects of the stress and fear in your body. You must get away from him.
Seems kinda weird but her explanation adds up.
Mate, youve literally described a family of brutes.
“Dont kill him Johnny, just break his arm while I hold the other 2”
I feel like Kierra also has her own struggles with social isolation but it’s either just not in her nature to care, or that’s how she copes. It has to be exhausting to be a 30 year old woman and treated like a 15 year old girl at every turn. I can imagine at work she feels it. She feels it when they go out to bars, when she keeps having to show her ID again and again. They’ve made OP the monster, yes, but they’ve taken away all of her agency. She can’t make herself look older so…she just marches on. She’s happy with her family and herself, she knows who she is.
That doesn’t mean that OP can’t feel upset about the situation. That doesn’t mean that he shouldn’t go to therapy (and he should, absolutely) but what I think OP needs to realize is that he doesn’t want to be friends with these people anyway, and he’s backed his way into the defensive (which is totally understandable) and now all of his interactions with others come off as defensive. Which just fuels the gossip because people are idiots, and instead of thinking “oh we traumatized this poor guy” they’re thinking “well if everything is kosher, why is he being so defensive about everything.”
There are people in that town that will like OP for him and be friends with him and get over how Kierra looks. But he’s gotta work through this hurt first, because these comments aren’t going to be limited to this town.
Nah man, just laugh when people call you a pedophile, that'll make you feel better when an entire town is ostracizing you
/s
We wasn’t boyfriend and girlfriend but we had a connection that at that point you shouldn’t be showing any interest in anyone else.
we were together but not “exclusively dating” becuase that term is just something that lets people get away with doing scandalous things. She ended up getting pregnant by her ex and aborting the baby.
i had sex with a girl and she told me cut all ties because she felt I was catching feelings for her
ive caught her talking to her ex on multiple occasions and she knew how it made me feel.
while she went to work i went through her journal and thats how i found out about the abortion.
Out of anger i did throw things from her journal in her face
All of this is wrong. Neither of you can have your cake and eat it too. You can't have the benefits of a monogamous relationship without sacrificing casual sex with strangers. Especially without a conversation. All of these boundaries that you laid out to each other feels like they were all in your heads, and just got mad at each other when your uncommunicated boundaries were violated. Both of you are toxic and need a lot of growing up. Both of you are lying, cheating, narcisistic, abusive people that should not be dating anyone until you get your shit together.
He could very well be a bragger without even realizing or intending to come off that way. People don't like overachievers especially when said overachievers do so with seemingly little to no effort.
If he is far above the level of the average guy everything that he does can feel like a brag to them or at the very least a reminder that they are inferior to him. He might not mean it like that, but that is how the people around him will see it.
Like they say it can be very lonely at the top.
My advice would be that he needs to find a group of friends closer to his level and see whether he experiences the same things.
It’s amazing how insecure people are on here. I guess Reddit is all 20 year olds now.
I can't take a 18 old saying “back on the day” seriously. Sorry.
He clarified above, it wasn't just strip, it was full legs apart and hands down below.
A photo saying “OK a little side boob looks great” or even asking if they're comfortable with topless is one thing, but this forna secret boudoir shoot for her husband from a friend seems very off
Her circumstances are clearly different to yours, can't she see that it was a lot easier for her to come out to her parents than it's going to be for you
Don't be pushed into coming out, do it in your own time, she needs to see not everyone is lucky enough to have parents that feel the same as hers
“Hey Susan I heard your husband got a second job on the side. What is he doing?”
“He’s laying pipe.”
“Your husband is doing construction?”
“Not Exactly.”
So she doesn’t get a week to process her own feelings? As long as she hasn’t been lying to him for months or years, she did nothing wrong.
Just went to a club in Scottsdale last weekend and a shot was $37. She’s just being economical!
He’s not the only asshole here. Keeping quiet about not wanting kids hoping that you can trap your partner before they realise is more shitty.
You go to the graduation.
Weddings have dates chosen, graduations (mostly) are the same time every year, so they could have chosen a date that wasn’t around graduation time, but didn’t.
And tell your family that anyone who doesn’t attend your graduation, will be cut from your life.
Cause you know as soon as they want you (medical diagnosis, money, to brag about) they will come crawling back.
You fix it by leaving him. No one has any right to use any part of your body without your consent.
The problem is that he’s not able to come or stay naked during real sex
As a man who's dealt with this issue because of past traumas, there are lots of options for this problem… None of which involve shaming your partner or their genitals. It probably has nothing to do with the tightness of your vagina, and vaginas naturally lengthen and loosen as you become aroused.
If you experience that issue with future, better partners who don't violate your consent, you can use toys, warming lube, pills, dirty talk, different positions, start involving hands and mouths. Lots of options that don't involve you doing things you don't want to do.
Sex is complicated and doesn't always work just like in videos, and it's good you want to please your partner, but please don't stay with someone who doesn't respect you.
With more context, I understand your situation more, so thank you and sorry for assuming!
I definitely think an open convo would be the best decision to make. Just a reminder: your boundaries are worth standing up for, you’re not asking for much and it’s not a toxic expectation. Please don’t ever feel as if you’re over reacting with things like this, I understand why you’d feel upset.
Good luck with this all and I hope it turns out well 🙂
Has she expressed any discomfort? If so, maybe the reason she doesn’t want to go longer than that is because of that discomfort. An hour is a really long time! I’d suggest talking to her and seeing if perhaps she is also unsatisfied, and see if you can meet in the middle.
If long sessions are uncomfy physically, can you try taking breaks and doing oral, or using a lot of lube?
If she isn’t getting turned on enough to want sex for that long, what are some ways both of you could work towards properly arousing her?
If you struggle with death grip and thats why it takes so long to finish, can you take steps on your end to fix that?
If none of the above helps, and she still doesn’t want sex more than once a week: would she be okay with still being sexual without penetration (like hand stuff, or oral, or even just being present and dirty talking while you both get yourselves off) more often on non-sex days?
Compromise is possible. You just both have to realize that you both have a responsibility to compromise, communicate, and prioritize each other.
Did she say she was 3 weeks along or she found out 3 weeks after sex? 3 weeks after sex is long enough to miss a period and take a test. If she said “the test says I’m 3 weeks pregnant” she lied because pregnancy tests don’t tell you how far along you are. She was probably never pregnant.
idk honestly. i think we're in the middle of talking and dating?
At opposite ends of the spectrum – Terzo ($$$) has some of the best northern Italian cuisine I've ever eaten. Try their tasting menu and share. Try Matts ($) for one of the original Jucy Lucys but know they are cash only and don't burn your mouth on the cheese inside the burger. The Union – Rooftop ($$) has good food and a great roof if it's warm. Finally, I'd take a chance on the Wood and Paddle ($$). I've had great dinners under its former name and nothing has changed inside. I suspect the food is still great. Bon Appétit!
“They said they were fine with it and said this offered them a fresh perspective”
Super important info there. I think you where both being jerks, you for interrupting him repeatedly and him for saying shut up.
BUT, it sounds like A and U wanted outside input. You and your mom where uncomfortable, and that's ok, but instead of striking up your own conversation, or asking them to have their discussion elsewhere, you tried to police them, interrupted them and their conversion.
If A and U did not want to talk about it at all, I would see this whole situation differently, but it sounds like they really did want the input. Maybe it wasn't the time or place, but that's why I would have just asked them to take the conversation to another room, or taken my own conversation with my mom elsewhere.
This needs to be higher. It's unbelievable to me the amount of people in these comments that are advocating for her to be a single mom.
There's literal factual evidence that proves why it's so important for two parents to raise the child.
The baby has no choice in this nonsense.
Set that man fee to find someone who actually wants to be with him. He’l be hurt at first no matter what. But in the long run you will both be better off. I’m guessing once he thinks about it he’ll be able to see you haven’t really been there for a while now.
Because I’m desperate for validation and feedback
I don’t understand what he did wrong other than have a personality disorder
Okay, thank you. He's said before that I was just raised to hoard money (my family likes to save). So I wasn't really sure if it is “normal” to ask for money and give money to friends and boyfriend's and such.
Sometimes when me and my spouse argue over simple things it’s because I’m dealing with something else and sometimes take my frustration out on him.
Maybe there could be something else going on. I would talk to her and make sure she’s okay because that was very an unnecessary argument
Exactly! Especially with something this intense and after no prior ramping up session. Like, maybe start with a “hey can I blindfold you with this soft cloth?”. Nope, first ask is straight to the fully bound, gagged, and TAPED eyes.
And then the “aftercare” is being ignored on the couch with zero context, gentle contact, or dialog. No emotional or physical support.
OP, this sounds traumatizing. Again, you were not treated as a friend here, but a thing to be toyed with and your health was in danger. Please be cautious!
Can we get an update? Wanting to know you’re OK, and how your family has reacted to help support and keep you safe from this abusive guy.
Oy.
Well on one hand liking things on ig is not exactly the worst case scenario but also: yikes.
This is tough especially if you love the man. It does appear that he is able to control himself to a degree. Or maybe IG doesn't have as good a handle on CSAM as I think? If you saw content that is definitely illegal then you should turn him in. If it's gross/creepy but legal, we're in more of a grey area.
It's hot to know how far he's willing to take this impulse. If you weren't married I'd say nope out of there. I wonder if you can get him to go to therapy, and if you can push him to try to put this out of his mind. If he's not at least trying get better, then you may need to think about whether or not you want to be around if this goes to a darker place.
I'm sorry you have to deal with this.
Why in gods name to you have a friend like this? Is there ANYTHING you get out of a relationship like this?
He asked her out knowing she looks the way she does. Her weight hasn’t changed. Why would you ask someone out you aren’t attracted to? He needs to grow up and stop his death grip problem.
You should check her ofher post (comment history)…? Yikes!!
Good job cutting him out. I'd be wary of large age gaps if I were you, from now on. Too often they end like this.
We’ve been together for 3 years, she knew I was smaller but she never saw me like that, although whilst being with her I have put more weight on! We both have! But she has never seen me a small person by any means.
I tried speaking to her today and she just brushed me off saying she wasn’t being mean and was smiling like it was a joke, like it wasn’t that big of deal? I think the age gap definitely shows her immaturity sometimes, it really annoys me to be honest
I told her it was being mean and that she was coming across as if she believed I won’t be successful even if I tried and she just completely ignored my point
To be honest she’s like this in a lot of aspects of the relationship and other issues. It sounds bad but she’s all I’ve got really and I think that’s why I’ve kept trying to make things work because she’s obviously there for me all the time, we do have good times, I love her a lot but its getting to the point where no amount of arguing or talking about things fixes anything.
Due to my weight, social difficulties, mental health I’ve isolated myself the last couple of years and I don’t think that she helps that – as she’s the same. I’d say she’s worse in a way where she won’t try, she won’t go out, she’d rather just stay in and make herself feel worse, where as I keep trying new things, trying to find things that will help me or improve myself. It’s like anything I tell her that’s a positive move she kinda just puts a negative spin on it that it won’t work or that I won’t keep it up ?
You don't have to explain all of this to him. He heard you the first time. He just doesn't like the answer so he's trying to wear you down. He's banking on being able to break you and make you do what he wants because you're so much younger than he is. This man doesn't respect you in the slightest and that will not change.
Coerced consent is not consent. He's effectively telling you “someone else assaulted you in the past, so I should be allowed to do so as well.”
Trust your instincts – break up and stay away. You're scared of him. You should never be afraid of your partner.
Even if it's great now you relationship has a shelf life. Situations like yours don't last for one reason or another. And sure she's old enough to make her own decisions but she's also your enough where a lot of those decisions are fucking stupid. And no, she's not mature for her age. They never are, your judgement is just clouded/you are in the honeymoon phase, the easiest a relationship ever is.
Has he actually said, I don’t believe in gay marriage? Has he told you he doesn’t think trans people should have rights?
JFC, you took your own child in. ☹️