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pants off [Multi Goal]
Date: October 30, 2022
AmateurPub
AmateurPub
pants off [Multi Goal]
Call the police or get family/friends to get you and go to your local police station. Get out and get safe, do not stay with him.
I don’t think it’s fair to expect me to spend even more and visit without proving some form of loyalty in return
You really are an idiot.
The “form of loyalty” here is the invitation itself. You even said that seeing her family home is obviously a “step up” in a way.
But that's really beside the point. You drew a completely arbitrary line without informing her. That's problematic from the get-go. From her perspective, you've been this generous gentleman. Now all of a sudden, you're demanding something from her. Something pretty weird as well.
Not only that, but you staked a lot on it. So you drew this completely arbitrary line in the sand, and made it mean a whole lot. If she doesn't do this, apparently she's not *loyal*? C'mon.
And what's more, you're not even being honest with yourself about what's happening. Clearly, you've been building resentment. It came to a head. That's what happened here. You got to your limit of giving without getting.
But the fact of the matter is that she’s no ready. And so why should I make the effort
I don't know, it's not like making an effort wasn't successful already with her, huh?
Look, if you just slowly got to the realization that you are WAY more into her than she is into you, and you're not OK with that – that's one thing. Totally understandable. But that doesn't have anything to do with the train ticket.
I’m trying to protect myself from giving my all to someone who wouldn’t give the same back.
Someone who is freely giving / actually generous does not worry about “protect[ing] myself”.
What you'll eventually find is that the protection game is just that: a game. Look around at all the vetting games women play in the name of protecting themselves. Ironically, one of them is ensuring the man pays for everything. When everyone plays the protection game, everyone loses.
Why should I pay for an expensive journey when someone wouldn’t show empathy to what I’ve just spent?
Presumably because you can afford it and you want to see her.
Why should I visit someone who wouldn’t visit me?
Wouldn't? You sure about that? An invitation to come see her doesn't she refuses to see you. This is your resentment talking.
Why is it not a better solution to recognise that I’ve spent a lot and come visit me instead so the financials are a bit more balanced.
You could ask her exactly that instead of simply demanding something from her.
It’s demanding validation and recognition of the effort I’ve put in so far to wooing her.
Her recognition of it was her slowly getting further into a relationship with you. If that's not enough for you, feel free to say so. But stop pretending your resentment is something more principled.
I really don’t understand how that is a game.
Because clearly you are immature. I am not the only one in the comments telling you this. You are the one who asked for advice. You have a majority of folks telling you the problem here is actually you. Maybe you should actually heed the advice you've sought.
This is the most disgusting, victim-blaming, poor self-reflecting post I’ve seen on this sub in a long time.
There’s something especially horrible about a person who cheats and then fails to take responsibility for it afterwards. You’re actually just flat out not a good person.
That is all.
Mate, what on earth were you apologising for? Having consensual sex with other people before you even met her? That's ludicrous.
And for her to enact a Greek tragedy over it like that…. its sweet that you care about her enough to want to comfort her, but this is your sign to run. She has issues that she needs to deal with herself, you're not so enmeshed that you need to make it your problem.
Play this out further – what are YOUR values? Are you ok with all of the other fundamentalist views she is going to bring with her? Do you have gay friends she is going to condemn? Any single parents or divorcees in your social circle that she's not going to want to associate with? If she is this far down the rabbit hole on this issue, she's going to be hardline on all of them. And I don't get the sense that you are equally bigoted and intolerant.
My youngest sister did this to me as well. I was helping her out of a shitty situation. Helped her get a job, paid for her public transport travel, and gave her a spare card to pay for that. I was not worried because, well, she is my sister and I didn't think after all I had done to help her do that she would do such a thing. Wrong. She used it to pay for drinks on a night out (which was clearly more than one at a time) and taxis.
Long story short, she is my sister and she still got kicked out and asked to pay it back. This person is not related to you and should bloody well know better. I'd be done.