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ChristosCammy&Hardy, 24 y.o.
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Date: January 8, 2023
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OP, ignore this nonsense. Some people will rationalize anything and then attack the victim. Leave them in their own world.
When they met to declare their feelings for one another, do you for one second believe there was no physical contact? No hugs or kisses. No release of the tension that had been growing all this time. Not a chance. You have no idea how much went on before they finally, “came to their senses.” The life you believe you had is a lie.
Separation is a good idea, but your reasons for doing so are off. This is should be about you, not her. You need space for clarity and to heal. To get the real story. Therapy (IC or couples) will be aided by perspective.
You're getting some horrible advice in this sub. Cheaters follow a predictable path, and your wife's case is pretty standard. First you get the trickle-truth. Next you can expect to learn how her cheating is somehow your fault. Check out r/survivinginfidelity to learn what to expect next, and what steps you should take to protect yourself and mental health.
Well, but her circumstances have still changed dramatically, which likely means she is now feeling like she needs other friends. She is also presumably pretty busy, sorting out her new life, making new friends and getting on top of her new circumstances. I’m not trying to justify her actions, but in my experiences it is honestly pretty normal. You likely didn’t do anything wrong, she’s just in a different phase of her life.
I guess what surprises me most is, that you keep trying and trying, despite your ex friend’s clear lack of interest.
What about saying you’re using credit card points and were able to combine them with a sick deal on Groupon or something, so the rooms aren’t costing you anything?
So why are you with him? He likes to manipulate you, you like to make him feel stupid. Y’all are in now way suitable to be married to each other. This is a toxic mess.
If your daughter is upset, you can tell her that she never walked the dog and let it live in piss and filth, so how deep really is that love? That might sound harsh and say it differently, but it is the truth; you don't love something and let it be treated that way
I would say this depends on the age of the kid. If they're, like, 16, sure. But any younger than 13 or so, I'd be very cautious about framing this as “We're getting rid of the family pet because you, a literal child who has clearly not had responsible pet ownership modeled for you, didn't love it enough to take care of it.”
If you don't feel like your step-sister can be reasoned with, have you considered to just avoid spending time with her alone, e.g. at family gatherings, and ignore her attempts to rile you up?
If she only acts this way when you're alone together, just don't put yourself in that situation. You mention family gatherings as the main venue for this behaviour, so how about you just try to make sure you're never alone during those?
If you feel like you can't avoid being alone with her even at family gatherings, just reply as neutrally as possible to her remarks without showing any emotion and go about your day as if it didn't affect you.
For example:
Step-sister: “I'm going to kill your ferret.”
You: “Ok, go ahead and do that, but then I would have to report you to the police for animal cruelty, so that would be stupid. Have you ever thought about getting a pet?”
or
Step-sister: “Your cooking is like a science experiment.”
You: “Yeah, I'm still learning. Thanks for your feedback. I recently found a recipe for x y z and thought that sounded kind of nice, but I don't like cilantro so I'm still thinking about how to tweak it to my liking. Can you wash this pot, please?”
It means just because she’s not committed to one thing doesn’t mean she has to try them all.
Taking to deadbedrooms the problem of “we don't have sex every week” sounds like something that will have hilarious results.
This is the comment I came here for, thank you ?
This is bloody brilliant!
Thanks. yeah my brain is telling me so- its just personally i am rather a person with mot many friends to be honest- not to say i dknt have great friends- the 3 i have moved away- but theyre the best and all old me to run- i guess mayne the loneliness makes me hang on to something that is obviously bad
Well, finances are always a big issue for any couples. “Winging it” doesn't really fly when rent needs to be paid on time 😀 Definitely needs to have a job lined up and/or savings as well. Does her degree help with that? Does her degree help keeping a job with her health issues. The main thing you don't want is someone who can't pull one's own weight. They are also the hardest to get rid of when things go south. Maybe she can move into your city to some other apartment and you try dating for 6-12 months before you two move in together? So she wouldn't be straight moving in to your place? Yes, financially much more expensive thing to do but maybe that gives you extra security?
Yes exactly! My god, finally someone who doesn't go through life like the fucking queen of hearts from Alice in Wonderland… “Youuuuuu told ME you were 1-2 years older than what you actually are!!! Offfff with your head!” Haha it's just so narrow-minded.
If 20 was “ok” then why not 19? If you live by those rules, how close do you take it to the birthdate? Given that the person is of legal age, if you meet the person of your dreams, but he/she is one day shy of meeting your age requirement, do you reject them? If you make an exception then that begs the question are your rules even rules if you're willing to break them? On the contrary, if the answer is rejection then you're walking away from something that could be amazing based on a measurement of time that derived from the ancient Egyptians lol…would you say, “get back to me in 24 hrs.” ?? What about a month? A year? Would you walk away from chance for the simple fact that someone has been on this earth for ONE LESS revolution around the sun than what you've deemed necessary?
Also, six months is enough time to judge someone's overall character. Op enjoyed spending time with her, enough to go on a vacation, enough to stick around for half a year(that's HALF a revolution for the Earth ? ?). For those who are so concerned with numbers and time, you'd think 6 months would be a lot to them considering being 6 months shy of a specific age can make or break someone lol. But now magically, “6 months isn't enough time” to judge someone's character & maturity level ?…come on now.
It's interesting how much of society forgets the many instances of men & women throughout history lying about something they had no control over bc they knew they'd be condemned otherwise. During WW2, there were ppl who lied about their age just so they could have the CHANCE to serve. During various times in history, women have lied by disguising themselves as men just so they might have the chance of participating in what would otherwise be off limits to them.
There are plenty of examples of individuals lying about their age, race, religion, height, weight, etc…and yes, some of those individuals lie compulsively. It usually doesn't take long to see through their bs. At the same time, there are those who lie about age, race, etc for one simple reason: bc IF they tell the truth, whoever is on the other end, whether it be society or a recruiting officer or a potential partner, will cast them aside immediately without even allowing them the chance to prove themselves.
TLDR: Don't cast someone aside for lying about a part of themselves they can't control, not without first inquiring about their reason.