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Date: October 12, 2022
AmateurPub
why would being “extremely attractive” make his family like you more ? lol
Ig I shouldn’t have said never, I wouldn’t be opposed to getting to know someone older but I feel like that isn’t the point here.
There are many ways to betray a person without cheating on them. This is a complete betrayal of trust. It’s not like she’s his girlfriend, this is his wife of 5 years. You talk through decisions like this together, period. For her to find out the way she did is devastating. I’d be leaving without a doubt.
Apparently if you open your marriage then its ok ? just need consent they say
Good luck 🙂
That is cheating big time
Let her find herself. Alone at a rave lmao
Why are you still with him? He's clearly abusing you
Don't let your GF or other people gaslight you.
Trust is earned, it's not given, it's not owed. You trusted her up until you realized she omitted something important that should have been mentioned. It doesn't make you lose trust completely, because you're not clear yet if she lied on purpose to cover something, but it raises questions, legitimate ones.
Her accusing you of not trusting her is a way to deflect the blame and making the issue about your reaction instead of her behavior. If it was an honest omission because it never crossed her mind that his presence was worth mentioning, her reaction should be to realize her mistake and apologize, simply because she's sorry to have made you uncomfortable and hurting you is the last thing she wants.
So there is a good chance the omission was intentional, and that's a big issue, because you can't know for sure why she did it. It could be because she didn't want you to be uncomfortable, or it could be because she had another intent that would be incompatible with your relationship and your boundaries.
Now you can't be easy without figuring out what exactly went on during this trip, and it's her fault. That's why she should apologize and give you what you need to feel reassured that your trust wasn't misplaced.
She has no right to accuse you of not trusting her when she's the one who did something that could make you doubt her motives. She was wrong, it's her burden to recover the situation, it's not yours to swallow it blindly.
Yeah, why would OP bring this up when his wife is on the phone. Bizarre timing.
be careful here OP, i'm sure You mean well, but you should ask yourself: Do you really act in 'Rose's interest, or are You curious?
Suppose You talk to 'Angel', then what? Your husband is not going to like it, and if you have the feeling something is off about her, you can't get rid of her again.
What i would advise you is talk to your husband about when You will talk about it with 'Rose' How old she has to be etc. This is something she will be interested in, and You can either tell her yourselves, or she will come home one day hating You for keeping this from her.
I'm married, and don't wear a ring, when I talk to anyone, guys or girls, I always find a way to bring up my husband .
Depending on the topic, I would be like my husband likes this or that, or my husband did this
You don't have to be I'm sorry I got a husband just because someone talks to you, but there are ways to let them know. Especially if you want them to know.
She is hiding you OP, and she is leading this guy on.
Are you sure you aren't projecting or extrapolating? It seems pretty odd that every single place you work they are “out to get you”. Could it be that you just aren't used to dealing with a wide variety of people and personalities? Are you being overly sensitive?
But it’s not relevant at all to what the OP is going through in the situation she describes. Hearing “women are also capable of being shitheads” doesn’t help her. She’s not using sex as a reward. So how does your comment help her?
It’s me that thinks things need to change. I would rather them online out here with me than be a country away if anything happens to him I wouldn’t be there in time because I’d be on a 8h flight.
Ugly people can be arseholes too
Nope. No and Hell no!! Ring the New Year in with no trash in your life
God damn..I feel terrible when I don’t finish my gf…do you like this guy? I honestly expect any women to cheat just like a man would just for simply not being fulfilled sexually. If you aren’t having good sex(excluding special circumstances) than what are you doing? Just hanging with your best pal? I’m sorry, but is it bad advice to tell him he’s just fucking lazy?
Kate is trash and just looking for a reason to be angry at something.
This might not be helpful, i usually treat these questions like if there is a question maybe don't do it, but i think there is a fundamental difference between doing a generalized blackface vs a specific character. Generalized is more like you projecting your bigotry whereas specific character is more honoring them. For the record I'd think the same way when it comes to an equivalent action such as with another race. I think the best middle ground is to dress up like the character but not do skin tone tho
thank you for commenting, my brother and his wife kept saying it’s gross for me to date my uncles step son and they never saw him as family in the first place but when my secret came out they started calling him our cousin which was weird for me to hear. Never once have we called my uncles new family , our family because they aren’t .
I'd just talk to him and have a good conversation about your thoughts about this matter. Since he's so open about it, why not do the same?
Frankly, if you feel like sex is not something you're willing to have, that is an important detail to mention as well.
It's possible that your thoughts and his are just not aligned and that you both are not compatible for this relationship.
Perhaps he is pursueing certaing things too fast too quickly as well. But at the end of the day his desires do give a perspective of a future he wants. While yours are probably heading off on a different direction.
Unfortunately I dont really see any solution besides someone changing their job.
Can you quit your side job on Sundays? This would give you both 2 days a week to be together
I stressed out that I feel like shit for doing this to her and that she didn't do anything wrong at all.
Are you sure about that? If she saw you being uncomfortable and saw that you couldn't get hard and kept fucking this guy for a while, that's a pretty shitty thing to do no?
Are you fully just embarrassed and emasculated about this or do you resent her as well?
This is exactly it
Software engineers are paid well, but not that well.
Nah. If I like my food spicy, and I'm paying a premium for it, I see no problem in telling the chef to make it a bit more spicy. He can always say no.
As opposed to the World Championships or the Olympics, the Michelin stars are pretty much subjective, i.e. they depend on what some food critics say.
Also, those stars are awarded by none other than a company producing tires hahaha how classy is that?
At first I was considering going full on scorched earth with her, but then i actually realized that i have no feelings towards her at all and the words just wouldn't come out, however much my inner voice was screaming things.
Thanks for the great answer!
Girl, that there is what we call a stalker. He is unhinged to say the least. Police, lawyer, family and friends, in that order. Protect yourself and never be alone with this manic again.
If you're truly not bothered, then don't feel guilty. Find other ways to support the household that aren't about spending money. Maybe even focus on saving money instead. Make your own cleaning products, clip coupons and shop sales, or even take on more chores that you would normally spend money for someone else to do (cooking for example.)
Make sure you're doing your fair share in the household and the relationship. If she's footing the bill on a vacation, maybe you'll be the one responsible for planning the activities or doing research.
Just don't create an issue where there isn't one. You'll end up resentful and jealous or insecure and she'll be annoyed by constantly trying to convince you that she's fine with how things are. Don't let outside pressure ruin your relationship.
I mean the issue here itself is not that bad. It's not like you're underage or something, it's just a year younger than what you actually are. But the fact that you continued to lie for so long is a big concern. He might be wondering what other things you're lying about and he might have trust issues believing anything you say now. If you're capable of lying to him straight faced then you're not really that trustworthy. The only way you can dig yourself out of this self made mess is to come clean immediately. And I really mean immediately like today itself. Don't further lie or try to manipulate him, just say what you said here. That you messed up and it's your fault and you're begging for his forgiveness. It will be alright. Coming clean now rather than getting caught later on will show to him that he can trust you to say the truth after messing up. And as I said before, the issue itself is not that bad. He's not going to leave you for this. Hope this helps. Good luck.
leave it be.
Look my ex sister in law was very jealous of me and my brother’s relationship to the point she tried to say we were sleeping together.
It even got brought up in their divorce/custody agreement.
She couldn’t understand how siblings 9 years apart could be close. Or have anything in common.
He taught me to ride my bike. How to play basketball. How to drive a car. This list goes on. We were latch key kids. And he def is a victim of Parentification, I love him endlessly for everything he’s done for me.
It’s not healthy to be that jealous of someone’s family..
She really should seek therapy individually then couples therapy.
I mean, you say you don't feel bad about wishing death upon him.
He's doing a ton of shitty stuff, obviously, but if you don't feel bad about wanting him to die, then… what do you want to hear? The relationship sounds pretty broken.
8 years is a long time, I know. But I don't hear much hope for fixing things between you. Not when he's refusing counseling, and not showing regret for his part in this.
Oh come on lol.
Yeah sure, there’s a chance he’s racist but there’s also massive differences in the crime rates between Europe and Mexico.
I always wonder why “Whiteheads” don't just let that family name die.
I believe you have found a central incompatibility. He's a legacybro.
Soft-pedalling this will not be a kindness.
Dump the boyfriend. You cheated. And clearly have some unresolved feelings for your friend to work through. You shouldn't be in a relationship unless you're sure. When you cheated, you made a choice.
BTW, cheating is always wrong. You should feel guilty. Spend some time outside of a relationship and think about why things were so natural with your friend.
I know how fucked and toxic this all is and I know my emotions are blinding me to that to a degree. It just feels so crazy to me to completely throw away years of a healthy and happy relationship over a couple drunk fights. I’m not ignorant, I know that he is mistreating me, and I am prepared to break up with him, there’s just a small part of me that insists he is good person and we can somehow fix this.
Homie I hate to say it but you have to consider what happens if you guys just can’t live together while she has a cat.
My dad is really allergic & my mom had a cat when they moved in together. Scout (the cat) was 12 & my dad just thought he’d make do until Scout enjoyed all of his lives. Scout lived 7 more years, & my dad swears it was just to spite him (but never says that to my mom). My dad put up with it & did all he could to cope, never speaking ill of Scout, even though he was miserable (although it does sound like he loved Scout, even though he won’t admit it).
Could you handle that? You sound like you’re even more allergic than my dad is. Are you prepared to stop living together if it’s too much? Is your relationship ready for that? Similarly, is you relationship ready for the strain that separating her from her cat will put on it? Because regardless of how much effort you put into avoiding it, if you make her give up her cat , there will be resentment there. It’s impossible to avoid.
You have to consider these things. Sooner rather than later. If you want to avoid losing your girlfriend, then you guys should talk about these potential outcomes openly—all of them. I don’t have a recommendation on what path to take, but I cannot stress enough how important it is that you guys talk about all of the possibilities. I respect that you’re putting in so much effort to try to make it work, but you cannot avoid talking about what happens if it doesn’t. Avoiding those tough conversations could easily become the death of this relationship.
Damn. She didn’t even give you a reason to check her phone and you just…did it? She’s the greatest woman ever? Shame you’re not treating her like it.
Clearly you and I read “favoring her” differently then, because I read that as her having the easier (“more favorable”) load.
Nice to talk to you.
I loved my cat a lot, I got her as a kitten and had her for eight years. But then I met my now husband who is allergic, and after about two months together, I came to the decision to find a new home for her. Unfortunately none in my family or friend group was able to take her permanently, so I had to find someone else. Now it's been over a year since we parted and I am very happy to just have my husband and our coming baby to focus on.
That being said, I was very calm and able to make this decision because a year earlier I'd lived abroad for a few months when my cat was cared for by a friend. I was very worried about parting from my cat before that because I'd had her for a long time, during especially hard and formative years. But after living abroad I was actually shocked that I didn't miss her all that much. It was very easy to just kind of “forget” about her. So when it came down to choosing to pursue something more serious with my then boyfriend or keep my cat later on, after we'd been reunited, it was a rather simple decision for me.
Therefore I'd agree with the below suggestions to have a trial where your cat can stay with your family and you and your boyfriend can focus on each other for a while. See how much you miss the cat after that, and decide if it'd be worth it for you to have her rehomed with your family.
pets can catch colds, yes
Are you his girlfriend or his mother? Stop falling over someone who doesn't give a shit.
Just because you don’t doesn’t mean everyone else does. I don’t really see people as attractive anymore except my partner. That’s just how it is in my brain. ??♀️
How on earth is it cheating when you weren’t together?? And you say you respect his need for space while your whole post says the opposite. You have been together for 4months and you have already dumped all of your issues on him. He has the mental fortitude to say “hey stop i need a break” and you think that is not okay. And you blame him for your mental health too? Sorry but you sound dangerously close to emotionally abusive
You know what…get the fuck out of there. This dude is nuts and you need your head checked for even considering sticking around.
Why did you do that??
Is my pot pen good?
This is not normal for someone who has moved on and he is not starting a life with you. His other family is the priority, you are what we call the New Supply. A man who dates someone before separating from the old one picks a new person to use as back up in case the old supply really moves on. She probably caught him lying and kicked him out. He is behaving like he is trying to earn his way back into his old relationship but he already baby trapped you just in case
It’s the jumping to conclusions that bothers me. Like you said, he made assumptions and at this point, we just started dating. I don’t think that was his place.
Thank you, as of right now i have called a wellness check on her to make sure she is alright. i appreciate the support
See my edit. I want to go to couples counseling. Sorry for the confusion.
17 is not a minor in many, many places
I was devastated going to my abortion appointment with BPAS (England), but I knew it was the right decision at the time. It was a tough pill to swallow but I wasnt financially, emotionally or physically ready to have a child let alone raise one. I cried before and after the appointment, I thought about it a lot and wondered if my decision was the right one for me. Deep down despite the guilt and sadness I knew it was.
In my case the abortion never happened as my ex never showed up to take me and when I had recovered emotionally enough to seek help on my own I was too far along. I love my child more than anyone in the world but it was too soon and I was not ready for it. I have adjusted and am doing well but I find myself often worrying about my ability to raise my baby well. Its difficult because I know I dont have the money to raise them the way I want to, I dont have a career yet, i dropped out of uni because I was pregnant. I feel guilty that I brought a life into this world knowing it wasnt the right time. My circumstances are very weird but I it has taught me that you need to make the right decision for you and for the potential life you could bring into this world. Even if you want it are you ready for it? You need to think carefully and you have a bit of time.
I honestly would go to the appointment. You can always not follow up if it doesnt feel right or if you are having serious reservations. Talk to your partner and have a heart to heart about the topic. I wish you the best
You either believe her or you don't; that's the crossroad you are at. And it's pretty clear from her actions which you should choose. God speed ?
Ignore these people OP. Reddit is full of unattractive women who could never last with a man that held them accountable.
Dump this one. There’s better out there.
Is this a troll? You are about 12 steps of a 12 step program away from ‘a brand that reminds me of my childhood’. I have Disney obsessed friends, that’s fine. Love it, own it. They know and admit to being Disney cult. It’s a thing, and you will eventually find your cult match. There are a solid number of men out there. This current ex is not the one.
Run! That's one big baby trap on two legs.
So disrespectful to simply overstep your expressed wish not to have children right now.
Deliberately turning a used condom one said to flush (knot them closed and pull on the knot next time around! Gets harder to get at the content) …
… inside out and trying to get pregnant with it reveals a high level of criminal energy within that girl.
And very likely the thought, that baby trapping a man provides economical safety or the stability of a relationship/ a marriage.
She also may think, that “you may in time come around to wanting kids” once she gets pregnant.
On the other hand: you are not that much better.
Why did you snoop her phone? That's disrespectful also.
Thank you, straight and to the point advice, no questions asked. I already feel a bit better and more motivated. Sometimes less is more. Thanks again.
Tf. If you are so private you don't even want to tell your workplace you're married, you should not be in a relationship with anyone.
It's one thing not to tell work you're in a relationship, but anyone can look up a marriage certificate. It's not in any way private. And it's shady AF.
You missed his soccer games and his birthday dinner to fuck his friend. You said he didn’t have many friends to begin with so the first one he brings home you fuck. Then instead of trying to fix your relationship by ending it with his friend you marry him and the way you talk you weren’t together for more then a year. If I were your son I’d never speak to you again. This is vile as fuck of all the people to fuck you fuck his friend then marry the friend. I hope he fucking chews you out.
OP I'm glad ur leaving i say this alot bt never let a cheater use ur kids against u or as a reason for u to forgive them.
My mother dealt with this shit from my dad.. and it was sad seeing her cry.. and be unhappy. She finally left and what i learned was it's better to love yourself and leave someone that has zero respect for u.
I hate cheaters! Like to my core because of how i saw it broke my mom. And i grew ur knowing never to accept anything less than love and respect in a relationship and to not deal with someone disrespecting ur relationship like that.
U wont ever! Ever do ur kids a favor by staying with a woman that manipulates and lies and breaks ur trust. Ur gona be a horribly sad dad and ur kids are gonna pick up on it. And if u stay with her also on the cheating! We see shit! We observe!
Take ur kids and get out. She can be a mother hopefully a better one than she is a wife. Bt u don't need to stay with her for that!
If anything would happen and that taken away from dear bro, we all know that totally mutual love (/s) would be shattered in an instance.
If he truly loved her he would accommodate such a big fucking event for OP. But the thing about destination weddings is the fact that there needs to be an understanding that even less people will show because it's out of state/in a different place than if they just held one more closer in the state. If they don't go to OPs graduation and on top of it be angry at her for not going, honestly they kinda kicked themselves in the shins.
He's a grown ass man who doesn't know his own limits. 1000% he's lying that this is a first time it's happened, it's just a first time with you. It starts with choking and it gets worse from there. Run don't walk away.
Go file a police report, and if he complains tell him he's being dramatic.
Your reply to me makes it clear your primary concern isn't about her safety (though that may be a secondary concern). You're concerned she's going to cheat on you or something like that; the use of respect here seals the deal for me.
Trust is a key component in a relationship. You have to trust her. I am not telling you that you have no right to feel the way you do; all feelings are valid. Feeling that way doesn't make you controlling. You just have to be careful; these thoughts can lead you down a path where you do controlling things.
These things will start out with something small and escalate. They wouldn't be done with malicious intent, but rather things you feel you need to do to feel better about a situation she's in or things you see are for her safety. Self awareness is key to not to fall into controlling behavior.
You can treat her like a goddess and still try to do controlling things.
What exactly are you concerned about? SA? Because I don’t think that’s happening here. People are drawn to babies. I would have your husband tell her that she needs to ask before coming over. Changing nappies.. she probably thought she was helping. Dropping by? Never okay and my kid is 21. Rude. I think she’s harmless. But. It’s your child. Your kid. Your rules.
Yeah, she's previously told me she's willing to block people if I asked her to, but I don't really like asking people to block others for mw since I doubt I myself would ever do that so it doesn't feel right to ask for something I wouldn't do myself
Nah, maybe you are just to blind to see it, this doesn't sound like a 10% of the time, it sounds like it happens a lot and seriously ignoring your son? That can cause trauma to your son you know, is that what you want?
As long as as you have savings and income coming in monthly, who cares if he leaves?
You are 100% correct true. THAT part I can't solve. Shallow people are shallow. But, if that's the person you WANT to stay married to, there's the price. Your mileage may vary.
You are 100% correct true. THAT part I can't solve. Shallow people are shallow. But, if that's the person you WANT to stay married to, there's the price. Your mileage may vary.
Go for it and have fun uce.
He was being intentionally deceptive
That doesn't seem very likely.
More likely is that you are suffering from paranoia. People don't generally keep up a pattern of harassment like that.
You don't provide much information, regardless. Consider therapy.
Not necessarily. OP seems your GF is going to label any activity that distracts you from giving her your undivided attention as cheating. The real question is how much attention does she need? Is she a bottomless pit of need? Because there’s 165 hours left in a week after your 3 hours of FIFA.
UpdateMe!
I did break and enter I came to his house and walked in (He leaves his door open). But still that's a crime because it's not my property.
I did break and enter I came to his house and walked in (He leaves his door open). But still that's a crime because it's not my property.
I did break and enter I came to his house and walked in (He leaves his door open). But still that's a crime because it's not my property.
Marriage is so negligible that sure, we see this as important as having a child together, which we've also talked about doing in the distant future.
Why do you think that everyone who tells you he goes clubbing on the weekend is lying to you? What possible motive do multiple sources have to lie to you?
Why don’t you just ask whoever it is who sees him there to take a pic?