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Date: November 14, 2022
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But then he brought his work into his private life by inviting them back to his own place for more drinks, discussing hookups, ect. Which leads me to believe this isn't just that, ya know?
but I also moved quickly because I was still living with my son at my abusive ex’s house.
Sure, but that's all the more reason to NOT rush into living together. Your son needs stability too, and running from one toxic situation in a potential other toxic situation is a huge no-go.
I would still be employed, however he allowed me to quit in order to pursue a passion of mine which is now coming into fruition
You are taking huge risks….
meant we are still good relationship-wise.
You are only a year in, which is nothing in the bigger picture.
No fights or waves in the water after a year.
You make it seem like this is a huge achievement….lots of people who were in abusive relationships tend to put any somewhat decent person on a pedestal
A FWB basically is a friend who you have a sexual relationship with? And you talk about stuff that a normal friend would not talk about.
I forgot to mention that this is his life: sleeps till 1 or 2pm, gets up, goes to work, then goes to his friends house and drinks beer. calls me at 9pm wanting to hangout. HA. he has nothing going for him. NOTHING. mind you, I don't work, my mom gives me money for gas and food just in case. and he knows that, guess who's the one who buys food when he calls me to hangout at his house? yes you're right. my dumb self.
Hi OP. First off, I want to say I'm really sorry you're going through this at all.
Like many others here, my advice is to leave the relationship, but I want to offer some insight. A very close friend of mine is currently going through a divorce with her husband. He was also her first everything. They also have 2 children together. He admitted to an affair while she was pregnant. She forgave him and they tried to work things out. However, he continued to cheat. Just as you said, once again cheater, always a cheater.
Here's the thing. Despite him cheating again and her breaking it off, she would still go back to him for a little while. Things would be good. He would cheat again. They would break-up. Rinse and repeat.
My friend said the same thing as you. She didn't understand why she couldn't just let go. She knew it was never going to be the same. She didn't trust him. And he was never going to stop cheating.
So we sat down to talk about what it is she was wanting from the relationship. She wanted the dream. She wanted the future they had talked about for so many years. She wanted all the good times back. She wanted the carefree happiness. She wanted everything her mind had conjured of a lifetime with this man.
But there's no going back to what was there. There was no recapturing the dream of 70 years together. Kids. Grandkids. And all the memories that went along with it.
So, while everyone here is telling you to dump him. And I totally agree. But it has to be your decision. Brutal honesty with yourself is the only way you will find clarity. Can you really forgive him? Can you really trust that he won't do it again? And most importantly, are you really trying to move forward, or trying to hold on to the past?
I wish you happiness, OP. Just remember, when people show you who they are, believe them.
You’re lucky that she’s still even speaking to you.
Well there isn't much you can really do. Your dad attacked a minor and got his ass beat. If I was Marcus' dad, I would want to press charges. Because you're a minor, you'd still be under your dad's rule unless they somehow push to prove he is a dangerous parent to you.
As someone who was conditioned from a young age, and is only now realised how fucked up my mother's/family's “love” was and the damage it has caused. The work I have to do is immense.
Do it. Explain everything. Show him the letter. Do it for yourself. Clear the negativity from her.
And maybe it will break the hold over him. The lies and manipulation that is getting spread about you by her will be thick and heavy. If he doesn't want to listen, then you have done all you can. Get out and don't look back.
I truly believe that of all people, you should never put your try to physically hurt your partners.
I think that's more or less 9/10 times the wrong thing to do. I would never and will never tolerate my partner getting physical on me for words.
If this is real…his crush just crashed.
I did see a thread on here awhile back with a similar situation where the woman asked curiosly after seeing an article about it “would you ever want to be in an open relationship?” And everyone was like “omg leave her for asking that question. She clearly wants to cheat on you!”
Most guys want to experience this. If a man hasn’t mentioned it he just keeps it hidden most likely. He’s not a bad dude just for asking. He’s just more open and honest than most men will admit. And that’s the truth
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Perfect…then I will tell you what I tell a lot of people.
Time is your Friend. There is absolutely nothing in a relationship that
will be hurt if you are patient and take your Time. A LOT more pain
and confusion comes out of rushing and impulse than ever came out
of an even, measured approach. Best of Luck.
Info: are you asexual as well? I mean if if you are affectionate and sexual then you’re leading her on. If not, then this sounds like a friendship and not a relationship but she doesn’t know. I’m confused.
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I don't think that just feeling weird about her is enough of a reason to push him to end the friendship. It would be understandable if boundaries were being broken and it was clear that one of them wanted more than a friendship, but nothing like that has happened and he has set boundaries with her whenever you asked. Pushing him to end the friendship when neither of them have done anything wrong is probably going to damage your relationship with him.
It would probably be beneficial to look deeper into your feelings and try to figure out why you're feeling this way and see if there's a way to lessen or resolve it.
If you are at home more, you also walk more on the floor so you should contribute to the renovation fund.
Also need to take in account the money she normally would invest into a pension (not sure what that’s called in other countries, but the thing you build up for retirement)
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Involuntary commitment would be the way to go. I worry for you and your parents
It’s a troll. Probably one of the oldest ones on Reddit.
Idk if she realises that but it's definitely comparable.
That's what you think….but lots of people will disagree with you.
That is a bit odd for sure…the optimist in me presumes he had a gf in the past who was roofied and that he is still in the habit of being re-assuring.
So, she as a teenage child, cheated on her teenage child boyfriend. They broke up. She learned from her mistake. She was honest with you about it and deeply moved by the experience. I am not seeing any red flags here friend.
You are far too creepy to be dating any woman. Work on your issues and grow up a bit before you, reading this made my skin crawl.
Just please don't propose/get married only to have sex with her.
Sweet! If you guys ever do get further down the road on this, THEN you can go back and ask him. : )
How is your relationship or you strong if it is eight months and you’re already living with somebody and can be kicked out immediately, making you houseless? Nah.
Agreed. But as previously stated, if you have a history of not being transparent or misleading, it’s may not be JUST because you did it this time. It might be because she asked you to put in more effort to communicating clearly and being transparent repeatedly over 5 years, and you keep choosing to ignore her need for explicit honesty.
Nah still gross. Plus I ain’t sayin she’s a gold digga
I know getting married won’t fix anything, if anything it will make it worse. I was terrified when I realized that he was going to propose because I knew this. In this case I know the right choice but separating would mean another setback in my life so I want to be absolutely sure before I make any decisions
Please do pre-marital counseling. She’s abusing you.
Your real problem is that you are a magnet for needy women.
You have a wife who “couldn't” find a job over the course of a year and stopped “to focus on her mental health” — not because she was the primary caregiver for a child or was working on something big, but just… because.
That wasn't enough. You then picked up an extra trauma-girl. Her only characteristics that you have told us about are that she plays video games and has trauma.
Now, trauma-wife is mad at trauma-girl because the former no longer gets to be the only traumatic in the house. You should have known that you can't have two magnets with the same polarity in close proximity to each other without producing a reaction.
First, help Lily get a job and rent a room somewhere so that she can take care of herself, at least financially.
Second, make your hobby into a career. Quit your tech job, retrain, and go become a social worker.
He has it easy. Cheap rent, meals, Laundry.
For me in your shoes, it would be an issue
You should take a sharp look at your husband's actions, and ask yourself why he would put so much pressure on you to risk your savings by giving it to someone who will in all likelihood, never pay it back.
Why would your husband do such a foolish thing? You've worked naked to get some financial security for your own children. That money is for your kids' future.
Did your husband brag to his father about the money, misrepresenting it as jointly owned? Does FIL know the money is only accessible by you? Is FIL leaning on your husband to “exercise his rights as a husband” to force you to give it to him, or some other manipulation that makes your husband feel weak?
You should not give an inch on this. Don't give your FIL a penny.
“How do I get back from this” oh honey ?
I imagine she's pretty and charming, but that won't hold you up for a lifetime.
RUN block delete number. She definitely slept with the guy she is known to lye you will never be able to trust her. She doesn’t care about you at all if she is getting jealous with other guys!!! Bro run
Also document everything
You are both wrong. Keep your fists to yourself if you don't want to get hit.
I can handle feedback. I handled well on a different sub where there was more mature people . I’m just correcting your false assumptions and y’all hate it
He’s stopped reassuring me as much because he says that it’s tiring that no matter what he says, it doesn’t change how I feel or how often I get upset with him, which I understand. I feel bad because switching up my meds has been really naked on both of us, so he definitely has some frustration there. I can’t tell if I’m just being dramatic or it’s because of my struggle with mental health. I’m also fairly inexperienced when it comes to relationships, so it’s nude to know what a relationship is “supposed” to look like. A lot of the time I express I don’t like something, it seems like he thinks my expectations are unrealistic. His therapist thinks so too, so I’m not really sure. It may just be me being young and inexperienced and him being more experienced and realistic. I just feel like I can’t trust my own head because of my past and my struggle with mental health.