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Date: October 6, 2022
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AmateurPub
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Usually when people say dumb shit like that they are either overcompensating for something they are lacking, cheating and using your “lack of focus” as a dumb excuse, or both. He’s using that to manipulate you imo. There’s probably a bunch of guys in your dm as we speak. You have options. Get with someone who accepts you. You don’t have to live! up to his standards .
And? How do you know what helped or what hurt people in the mother's relationship here? The problem isn't you thinking “right should be applauded, wrong should be brought to justice”, although what “brought to justice” means, and how punishment plays into that is hardly clear cut. Seems to me that punishment is usually just a desire to enact a revenge fantasy, but I'm assuming you've convinced yourself it's far more meaningful than that.
The issue is you assuming you know enough about the situation to judge what right and wrong is, and that's the bit that makes your inexperience with life glaringly obvious.
What if the father was abusive toward the mother, and she had no escape other than the affair partner? Does that change your feeling at all, or no? What if the father had had numerous affairs himself, and this was the mother's only indiscretion after years of putting up with the father straying? What if the father was gay and the marriage was one of convenience only and sexless, so the mother looked elsewhere?
Point I'm trying to make is, you have literally no information on this situation, and yet you're so confident in your right to judge from on high what the appropriate punishment is. You can call yourself leftist all you want, but this kind of judgemental and rigid stance fits far better into a religious conservative ethos than anything else.
How???
What you're doing wrong? Perhaps claiming infertility could be a tactic, but sticking to that with a person you eventually commit to would be extending dishonesty way too far into a relationship of that caliber. I think you must continue to be honest in your interactions and update your screening process according to what your experiences have been.
Yes we moved in together way too quickly I admit
I asked her to see the messages and she said I was acting controlling. I confronted her and she denies everything.
I would check to see if it registered steps. I wear one and it measures if it get up and get coffee. Nobody just sits for eight hours.
What do you mean by 'blaming an abstraction'?
Don't blame the distance. It's an abstraction. It's neither right nor wrong. It has no moral sense. Blame her, for wavering. Similarly, don't blame the relationship. Blame her, for her inconstancy. To be clear, I'm not saying she needs to be punished, or anything like that. The point is that, ultimately, it's about the conduct and character of you and her, the two human beings in this.
I made the possible mistake of telling her I worried about this
Indeed, telling her about this was not helpful. What happened was pretty much what might have been expected.
Maybe I'll try that.
Swap out the “corporate party” for “study hall” and yep pretty much
You need to report this to police ASAP. If it is found out just by IP tracing they could come after you as well. You need to protect yourself as well as protecting these children. Hire an attorney and call the police NOW.