I [M24] have never had a relationship, so I have no clue myself, but I grew up in a household where my parents argued more or less every day, and my mum went to bed crying multiple times a week, and sometimes they would sleep separately.
They argued about everything; extended family problems, my dad being too tight with money, my mum being too critical, not loving each other, and so on. Before my dad passed away, I always asked him why they argue so much and their response was always “it’s normal for couples to argue”. I asked my mum and she said the exact same thing too.
My brother [M26] and his wife [F25] have been married for nearly 2.5 years and they argue every single day, and his wife cries because of their arguments quite literally every single day.
They argue mostly about my brother being too tight with money, brother being selfish and uncaring of her feelings, and the wife causing arguments over nothing, the wife insulting him and calling him slurs, and so on. Their arguments last hours and days. They call each other things like “stupid bitch, ugly cow, fucking idiot” and so on while they’re in the middle of their arguments too. Sometimes they get really loud and start shouting.
That said, they also of course have their good times, they seem to have fun together, and enjoy each other’s company.
When I ask them why they argue so much they BOTH tell me “it’s normal for couples to have arguments, you’re delusional if you think it’s not like that”. They also call me overly sensitive for thinking they’re strange to be insulting each other with such vulgarity (I’m not prude by any means, but trying to hurt your partner verbally seems crazy to me).
I am perfectly aware it’s normal to argue, however, to me, it doesn’t seem healthy or enjoyable to argue THAT OFTEN. Crying every single day and arguing over tiny things cannot be normal, surely?
If it’s normal, then perhaps not “healthy”?
submitted by /u/sammyglumdrops
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