You aren’t a villain, you’re just in a super shitty situation.
Suggestion:
Tell your dad you’re happy for him and his soon-to-be fiancé. That you want to respect his relationship and any to give him privacy. As much as you love him, you understand he will need alone time with him new bride.
Tell him how super super grateful you are to have such a loving, supportive dad. And that your bond means the world to you (this seems absolutely true based on your post).
Have several apartment options with and without roommates on hand to show him. Talk to him about moving out and how your finances might work.
Ask him what he thinks. Make it about him and his fiancé. Play kind and considerate.
As shitty as it is, complaining and whining will only make things worse. You’re best hope for dealing with this crap is to separate yourself mentally from all the emotions and pretend like you’re playing a role in a movie.
Look, I know people on Reddit are always quick to say “end this relationship”, but honestly, end this relationship. Throw the whole man away. He wants you to change your body in an unnecessary way that might impact your health, and he’s making you feel bad about something you’re already insecure about? Yikes. Big effing yikes. You’re only 23, you can do SO much better.
I'm a 40F who is somewhat similar to your husband as it relates to football. I watch every game I can (hooray NFL Sunday Ticket!), I make a spreadsheet every season that keeps track of every single game across the league (final scores included!), and when I'm watching a game that my preferred team is playing, I am quite vocal. I don't physically react (hitting, punching, slamming, banging – none of that at all), but I do scream things like, “Gogogogogogo! TOUCHDOWN!” and “Where's the flag?!?!!?” and the like. But after that game is over – even if my team loses – I'm back to being a normal human being. Because, in all honesty, it's just a game and the outcome of any sporting event does not have any effect on my life. And, more importantly, my spouse does not online in fear of me despite my reactions to the game.
If you are literally having a visceral fear, physical distress, or emotional distress over the amount of pouting, yelling, slamming, hitting, banging, or other temper tantrum behaviors that your fiance is exhibiting, and he still behaves the same way, then he doesn't care enough about you or your comfort. If my spouse did anything other than laugh at my “expressive cheering” during games, I'd immediately tone it down. Hell, I tone it down when one of our cats is laying in my lap so I don't emotionally scar them.
He needs to get a grip on his emotions over a sporting event that has no real, practical effect on his life. His lack of concern over your ability to feel safe while he's throwing tantrums is a massive red flag in my mind.
It was not discussed again. I think lack of communication was a problem. Me not meeting her expectations was another problem. When we married I cleared her debts, we moved into a house I had bought. I bought her 3 cars. I got the silent treatment for taking too long to pick the first car. More silent treatment for not buying a people carrier quickly enough for the second car and finally then for buying a VW Touran when she really wanted a VW Sharan for the third car. For most families buying a car is a big and joint decision. For her, having me go and buy a car was like going out for milk.
But they aren't and wouldn't be Catholic just because they got married in a Catholic church.
You aren’t a villain, you’re just in a super shitty situation.
Suggestion:
Tell your dad you’re happy for him and his soon-to-be fiancé. That you want to respect his relationship and any to give him privacy. As much as you love him, you understand he will need alone time with him new bride.
Tell him how super super grateful you are to have such a loving, supportive dad. And that your bond means the world to you (this seems absolutely true based on your post).
Have several apartment options with and without roommates on hand to show him. Talk to him about moving out and how your finances might work.
Ask him what he thinks. Make it about him and his fiancé. Play kind and considerate.
As shitty as it is, complaining and whining will only make things worse. You’re best hope for dealing with this crap is to separate yourself mentally from all the emotions and pretend like you’re playing a role in a movie.
Look, I know people on Reddit are always quick to say “end this relationship”, but honestly, end this relationship. Throw the whole man away. He wants you to change your body in an unnecessary way that might impact your health, and he’s making you feel bad about something you’re already insecure about? Yikes. Big effing yikes. You’re only 23, you can do SO much better.
Yes. You were raped.
I'm a 40F who is somewhat similar to your husband as it relates to football. I watch every game I can (hooray NFL Sunday Ticket!), I make a spreadsheet every season that keeps track of every single game across the league (final scores included!), and when I'm watching a game that my preferred team is playing, I am quite vocal. I don't physically react (hitting, punching, slamming, banging – none of that at all), but I do scream things like, “Gogogogogogo! TOUCHDOWN!” and “Where's the flag?!?!!?” and the like. But after that game is over – even if my team loses – I'm back to being a normal human being. Because, in all honesty, it's just a game and the outcome of any sporting event does not have any effect on my life. And, more importantly, my spouse does not online in fear of me despite my reactions to the game.
If you are literally having a visceral fear, physical distress, or emotional distress over the amount of pouting, yelling, slamming, hitting, banging, or other temper tantrum behaviors that your fiance is exhibiting, and he still behaves the same way, then he doesn't care enough about you or your comfort. If my spouse did anything other than laugh at my “expressive cheering” during games, I'd immediately tone it down. Hell, I tone it down when one of our cats is laying in my lap so I don't emotionally scar them.
He needs to get a grip on his emotions over a sporting event that has no real, practical effect on his life. His lack of concern over your ability to feel safe while he's throwing tantrums is a massive red flag in my mind.
So he’s an alcoholic (probably) so he needs to get that sorted, and you need to decide if that’s something you want to be involved with.
It's time to move on. Learn to love yourself.
This is rape, and you need to report them.
Im from Turkish culture
Sounds like your GF is in a throuple and you are the side piece. Not a healthy relationship where your boundaries are continuously violated.
It was not discussed again. I think lack of communication was a problem. Me not meeting her expectations was another problem. When we married I cleared her debts, we moved into a house I had bought. I bought her 3 cars. I got the silent treatment for taking too long to pick the first car. More silent treatment for not buying a people carrier quickly enough for the second car and finally then for buying a VW Touran when she really wanted a VW Sharan for the third car. For most families buying a car is a big and joint decision. For her, having me go and buy a car was like going out for milk.
Just updated… I realized I left out some key details.
Some people aren't that grossed out easily or think about the germs.
You're reading way too much into it.
Just say very coolly and casually that you expect her to pay you back for their drinks. And then don't back down.
I think it's reasonable for her to help herself to a drink on you while you chatted with your friend, but not to pick up the whole tab!