H (husband) and I are new parents of a 3 month old, and ever since my child was born my husband has expressed his disappointment and resentment over something that happened during the birth. I don't know what to do anymore so I'm coming to reddit for advice. Alt account for privacy.
H and I had planned a vaginal birth with an epidural, which was what happened. We had also planned that my husband would catch the baby as it came and then cut the umbilical cord. This did not happen.
When the baby started crowning, my labour had gone on for 18 hours and I was so tired and so scared. My husband was sitting on the bed with me, with his arm wrapped around me and holding my hand. I had my head rested against his shoulder/chest. So when the doctor said he would need to quickly put on scrubs and move to the foot of the bed to catch the baby, he told me to move forward a little so that he could move.
I was so scared the moment he said he was going to move. Looking back I don't know what came over me, I just know that I was terrified of my husband leaving me and I wanted him to stay where he was and hold me. So I grabbed him and begged him to stay where he was and not move to catch the baby.
He listened, and I thought everything was fine. He stayed where he was until I had delivered the placenta and only then did I let him move.
The moment we got back from the hospital, my husband told me how I had ruined the birth for him and didn't allow him an experience he had always dreamed of. He said he doesn't know how he's supposed to bond with our baby when he wasn't able to hold her first and now feels disconnected. He's barely been involved in caring for the baby and says it's because he doesn't know how to get over the fact that I didnt allow him to catch her.
I feel so guilty, and I truly don't know what came over me that I stopped him from doing it. But I obviously can't turn back time and no amount of apologies seem to matter. I just don't know where to go from here and I'm hoping you guys can provide some advice.
How do I make my husband understand that I didnt purposefully ruin the birth for him?
submitted by /u/ThrowRA3327
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