My husband cheated on me while I was pregnant, and he knocked up the other woman. Our baby is currently six months old. I don't know the due date for the other one, but I'm pretty sure it's soon. When I found out, I hadn't given birth yet, and I was going to leave him, but I was scared and couldn't do it. I talked to a lawyer, and it sounded expensive, and I might be separated from my newborn for huge chunks of time even in the first month of her life. All of that scared me, and I backed down.
He begged me to forgive him, and I agreed to, even though I didn't want to, because I was afraid to be a divorced mom. He cut contact with the other woman, and he lets me check his phone every night. He never leaves the house without me except for work. He slept in the nursery at first, but he moved back into our room a few weeks ago. He's been trying to cuddle with me and such every night, and I would push him away. It'd been such a long time since I had any intimacy, so last night when he tried to cuddle me I responded.
I felt a strong need for physical contact, and he got really excited. He started doing all my favorite things he used to do. It made me upset, because I wondered if he did them with her. I asked him that during, and he started crying and asked if I would ever forgive him. I guess since I decided to stay married to him, I do have to forgive him eventually. I can't punish him for the rest of our lives.
I just don't know how to do it. I still feel so betrayed. I feel like he abandoned me when I needed him. I was making dinner for our son while standing on swollen ankles, and he was having sex with someone else. I have to let go of this anger, but I don't know how. I'm more determined than ever not to divorce, because caring for the baby and our son has been very hot even with two people. I can't do this on my own.
How do I let go of this anger? Will I ever be able to enjoy sex again without thinking of her? Once this baby is born, he's going to have to start paying child support to her, and I know that will reignite my anger. How do I start preparing myself now?
TL;DR My husband cheated on me. I asked about sex with her while he was having sex with me, and he started crying. I don't know how to fix this.
submitted by /u/ThrowRAUnfaith
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