TL;DR My wife spent $25,000 on a scam. She is now depressed about it being a scam. How can I comfort her but still condemn her actions?
(M33)My wife (F27) of 8 years fell victim to a scam. In which she sent roughly $25,000 to a scammer, who promised to transfer 10 million to her so that should could help people in Africa. So it was well intended but did not seek my counsel initially. After she sent $6,000 she then approached me and I pointed out the red flags in the story. She prayed about it and felt that God told her it was the right thing to do. This became a point of contention in our marriage for the past 3 months. She opened and maxed out two credit cards to keep it from me. She never lied to me about it when I asked but certainly avoided telling me the whole truth. This bled into our normal lives as well. She use to call and text me about her days and things she has questions about. She’s withdrawn with me except for the day to day items needed to keep the family running. I feel similar to having been cheated on, just more of a financial affair.
I obviously have trust issues when it comes to money with her. I have opened separate accounts and taken her name off of my credit cards. There isn’t anything left of our savings, including our emergency savings. I have cut my spending back tremendously. I used to each out twice a week and bring food from home the other 3 days. I now only bring food from home. I haven’t bought a new video game in the last 3 months. This has impacted my life and limited what I can do.
I understand that she is who I married and have no interest in divorce. I accept this hardship that she brought upon us. I just want to move beyond this and grow back together.
This brings me to the point that I am writing for advice about. She told the scammer she isn’t sending anymore money. They are still in communication but the scam is starting to fall apart. My wife is becoming more and more depressed as it does. She says this gave her a lot of purpose in her life. I want to comfort her and do whatever I can to bring her out of her depression. I know that time will be my best friend but I know that I can do things to help. But I am still angry at her for spending our entire savings and racking up credit card debt. How can I comfort her without condoning her actions?
submitted by /u/ticoxbox1
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